by Ruby McQueen
“Yep, so I was standing there pissed wondering if I should ignore it or ring him and ask what the fuck dude? Then before I could do anything, Ezra was all up in my face and I thought he was going to kiss my hand again, so I tucked them behind my back like no way buddy, not this time, and POW! He kisses me! Can you believe that guy?” I make light of the kiss, but there it is, the dilemma. She re-emerges from the stall and goes to the sinks, flicking on the water to wash her hands.
“Kiss you like a full-on kiss on the lips?” She is sizing me up a little through the reflection of the mirror.
“Yup, all up in my shit.”
“And was he a good kisser?”
“I have to say yes. In fact, more than good. I gotta pee, hold on.” I go into the toilet and she continues to talk to me from the sink.
“Whiff test?”
“Giddy up.”
“Wow, look out Derek!” She says sounding amused.
“What? Why look out?” I find her lack of shared frustration puzzling.
“Well, if he doesn’t get his shit together and make the hard moves on you, that guy is hotter than fuck, just saying maybe you should just go for it.” I’m sort of stunned, I thought we were rooting for Derek.
“Ummmm, hello?” I don’t want to state the obvious.
“What? Well, where is your Derek? That other guy is here, he’s hot, and he wants to fuck you, why not see what he’s like under the hood? I know you like him, but that’ll be Derek’s loss for being too stupid to chase you! Nothing wrong with a little friendly competition, I mean he isn’t your boyfriend or anything.” I finish up my business and head to the sinks, washing my hands then running them through my long trusses, scrunching the ends to give a little more volume and bounce. I casually go to talk about that last statement of Aly-B’s, but on the inside, I just counted to ten in an effort to calm my mega flip-out I just had inside my brain.
Her words roll around in my mind but are countered by some things Derek has said to me. I think of all the moments that made me melt and cringe ‘You look like you belong in my bed’, ‘You were worth the wait’, ‘You have no idea what you do to me’, ‘I’ve never wanted anyone more’, and my personal favourite ‘You are just a thousand ways to be sexy’... At the time I fought back a flood of panic and my ensuing lack of comfort at being so vulnerable, and now that I crave to be those things to him, my heart dies a little thinking that he may have been playing me. Where is my Derek? Was he even mine? He didn’t have to go that far to win me over. That is an epic amount of overkill for twelve months and I was so stupid for believing any of it!
“Soooo, you think I should see both of them, take them both for a test drive?”
“No, I’m saying Derek isn’t here when clearly he should be! If he likes you, he’s not showing it, is he? I don’t care how cool a guy is, when they want you, they show it! Then you wouldn’t be acting so mental about it all.” She rolls her eyes at me a little like I’ve been a total pain to her, but I know it’s her humour. But I have never, ever had to guess where I stand with a guy. Never. This is why I’m so confused. He can come on hard at times, but the rest of the time he’s quiet and I’m coming to all my own conclusions because the silence lends a voice to my demons.
I sigh loudly as I reach into the little black purse I have slung over my shoulder and grab some lip gloss to reapply.
“I dunno, I’m so confused, Aly. When I’m with him he says all the right things and he just... wins me over.” I shrug my shoulders as I admit it. “And it’s the twelve month lead up, you know? And honestly, he is hot and really doesn’t need to do twelve months’ worth of pre-work to get into my panties, right?” She let out a chuckle.
“Agh! Such a floozy...I might get you a lame ass shirt made up that says Derek’s goodies.”
“No, Derek’s wet dream.” I think, fuck it, I’ll just jump on this game. She is all excited and trying to think of the next one now.
“Ha! I am Derek’s vagina!”
“No-no, I am Derek’s lube-mobile.”
“That’s a good one... Ummmm, how bout I am Derek’s back door bitch?”
“Nooooooooo, ain’t nobody his back-door bitch!” I laugh through a disgusted facial expression before adding. “If that’s the case better make it say I am Derek’s broken sphincter! Pooping donuts forever!” I laugh hard imagining that.
“Too far! Ugh, you’re so gross!”
“Too much?”
“Definitely too much.” I throw my head back and laugh. She is so good at cheering me and my mood has instantly improved.
“I dunno, it’s just such a bag of mixed signals with him, maybe you’re right.”
“Maybe it was the thrill of the chase, all I can say is he’s not here now! I would take Jackie Chan out there, handcuff him to your bed posts and do dirty-dirty things to him! And if Derek doesn’t like it, then he needs to show up!” I laugh a little at the Jackie Chan reference as I smack my lips together lightly and pop my lip gloss back into my purse.
I’m not really one to see two guys at once, I don’t like the complication of it and worst-case scenario for me is they are both interested in having a relationship with me and then what? I have to be an arsehole to one of them. Not really my style. But something in Aly-B’s line of thinking sparks an idea. I should at least see what Ezra is like in the bedroom. If he’s a dud-bang all the giddy up cologne in the world won’t make me interested. But it’s a double-edged sword, what if he’s amazing? Perhaps he might be my cure for Derek, besides, are we really a good fit? Oh Derek... My Derek. He is becoming a mirage on the horizon to me. And I feel the guilt swirl in the pit of my stomach. But she is right, he’s not really chasing after me, now is he? Maybe it is his loss? Besides, he has no clue about my crazy messed up family or background whereas Mr Flinging-himself-all-over-me is apparently super interested in getting to know what lurks in all the deep dark recesses of my closet. Hell with it, I’m in!
I stop and look at Aly-B.
“You know what? You’re totally right! Whatever Derek is, he’s not really chasing after me, so I’m gonna do it.” I’ve never felt more clarity about anything. I was a fool to think I meant anything to Derek! It’s time to cut that hope loose.
“Do it? As in ‘do’ Jackie Chan?” She stops fusing over herself with all attention on me.
“Yep! Fuck it! I’m not actually with Derek, so I’ll just tell him its sex and we will see where it goes, but no strings attached.”
Aly-B pulls a face of surprise merged with a cheesy grin. I can’t help but reflect back to her, she is usually way less excitable, but I’m guessing the booze has her a little looser.
“Fuuuuck yeeeah! That’s what I’m talkin’ about! I want details too, don’t leave me hanging this time, butt-muncher. If you love me, hook me up with some fucking details.”
“Totally! I’m good for it.”
“What are you going to say to him then?” She wants to know the plan, but I think at this point nothing verbal needs to be said. Mr Master-of-body-language should be able to read things with just a look.
“Fuck all. I’m just going to give him some fuck me eyes.”
“Very come hither, I like it!”
“Well, I’m off like a Jewish foreskin, Lush, I’ve got an Ezra to ravish.” I say with a vixen wink over my shoulder at her as I turn to exit the door of the restrooms with her trailing hot on my heels.
“Text me tomorrow, Baby Cakes.”
“I sure will, unless I’m still going at it.” I flash her a wicked smile all pleased with myself and she chuckles in amusement no doubt relieved that my sooky-la-lars is gone-skies.
I make my way towards the stairs between the bar and the dance floor. I don’t worry about saying goodbyes, I know Aly-B will tell the others about my efforts and we will catch up later.
I can still feel the effects of the alcohol running through me and I cool my newfound enthusiasm as I realise my legs are a little more unstable than my current pace can handle.
I let the scene play out in my mind, seeing Ezra, making that initial eye contact with him, that sizzling current of energy that connects us. The look on his face, those intense brown eyes framed so perfectly by his black eyebrows that slant straight out beneath that fringe that makes him look model hot. I think about those lips and the way they felt brushing against mine, his heavy breathing, just the thought of him that way has my pulse racing and my core tightening in anticipation. It’s a relief not to feel like I have to fight those feelings.
I grip the handrail as I make my descent. Here we go!
Each step feels like time has slowed down, or that my body has sped up around a stagnating reality. The anticipation is coursing through me, I feel as though I’m on the prowl for him for a brief moment, although he is the hunter. I think he will be stunned by my sudden change of heart.
As I reach the bottom of the stairs, I look up towards the crowd at the bar, thick with mostly guys at that corner of it. I can’t see Ezra through them, and I feel some panic rise inside me a little. I thought he would be directly in my line of sight as I made it to the last step, with him watching me approach giving me the chance to invite him silently through just a glance. This isn’t how it played out inside my mind at all!
Damn it!
I take a rushed detour back into the restroom nook where just before Ezra held me up against the wall, possessing me with those lips until I forgot where I was and I feel like I can almost tap into the lingering vibes left behind by our moment of passion. Ok Plan B? I can either sit at the bar with a drink waiting for him to see me knowing curiosity will get the best of him, or maybe just head to our usual seat’s pre-dance floor, that way I can watch him approach. I briefly consider ditching the whole idea completely, but I have committed myself now, and the truth is the more I think about it the more I want to know how we are together.
Feeling a little overwhelmed I take a moment to take a few deep breaths. Focus, Trinity, get a drink, wait for him at the bar, send him some fuck me eyes than take him home and rock his world... I think as I blow out one last heavy breath.
“Hey, Baby Cakes, what are you doing in here?” My heart leaps so fast and hard it almost erupts through my skin! That voice sends a chill right through me and I quickly try to reclaim some of my shattered cool before greeting Derek. Holy fuck! He’s here it dawns on me a second later. I was so mad and wounded and ready to quit him and move on and now I feel like a total jerk. Was I about to make the biggest mistake with Ezra? I turn around as I answer him.
“Oh my God! Sneak up on a girl, why don’t you!” I can hear my pulse thumping in my ears from the adrenal response as I take him in. His dark hair gelled up all rock-and-roll in a Mohawk, a glint in his eye that sends a wave of raw energy through me mixed with relief. He is dressed up in a suit, not a corporate suit, trendier by comparison with a pitch-black hoody where the shirt should be, but he is definitely more dressed up than I expected him to be. He is wearing black suit pants and shoes; the hoody is a much darker black by contrast and a steel grey suit jacket over the top. He has one hand casually tucked into his pants pocket and I can’t believe he is here standing right before my thirsty eyes that want to drink every last drop of him in.
“There was no sneaking sexy, you looked... preoccupied. What are you doing down here by yourself?” He slips his other hand into his pants pocket as well as he waits for my response. God damn it!
A twinge of guilt stirs inside of me, imagine if I had of headed straight for Ezra? I banish the thought from my mind and think of an excuse to explain my shady behaviour.
“Well, I just checked my messages.” I look at him awkwardly thinking of how I can expand on that further.
“And?”
“And I was trying to work one of them out.” It’s a half truth and I go with it.
“Oh? What was the message?”
“A smiley face.”
“Hmmmm, sounds a bit cryptic.” He pulls out his right hand and rubs it across his chin like he is trying to decipher it on my behalf.
“Indeed, I was wondering what the hidden code was.” I smile at him a little, still feeling a little frayed and awkward.
“It might be the night for cryptic text messages.” He takes a step closer to me. His stubble seems a little longer tonight like the beginning of a beard. I want to throw myself at him, he showed up just when I gave up hope and I’m a riot of confusion and emotion and I want to bury myself into him and just forget everything.
“It is?” I enquire thinking he means my text to him.
“Yeah, I got one from a hottie saying she was thinking about me.” The corner of his lip curls in amusement.
“That doesn’t sound so cryptic, in fact it sounds pretty black and white to me.” I shrug my shoulders as I say it.
“Well, what I struggled with was the picture that went with it.” He looks me over and I feel myself blush.
“Oh? What picture?” I play coy, but of course I know.
“This smoking hot babe looking like she wanted me to come and drag her ass off to the bedroom. It looked like an invitation, but there wasn’t one attached.”
The rawness in his eyes as he looks at me, the slight husk to his voice as he lowers it to almost a whisper as he comes into my personal space. I just want to grab him and leave, but I stand there like a fool, mesmerised and completely under his charms. His aura envelopes me like an invisible force and I can only think of one thing, the naked body that lay beneath the layers of suave coolness and how I could be running my hands over him. I clutch onto all the pieces of myself that are unravelling in front of him, so he doesn’t see how desperate I was and still am to have the one thing I need from him. Confirmation of whatever the fuck this is!
I swallow hard.
“Maybe she thought you’re a smart guy and would know?” I continue the game on.
“Hmmmm maybe. I do owe her a sexual favour, maybe she wanted to collect?” He raises his brow as he says it and is so damned cute I almost crack and leap into his arms. Just thinking about that Mmmmm I close my eyes briefly before responding to his last statement.
“Perhaps she does. How did you come to owe her a sexual favour?” I shift my stance a little as I am beginning to feel a little weak at the knees in his presence. Talking casually about how he owes me sex sends my brain into a spin of images of our last sexual encounter paired with a flurry of desire pooling deep at the base of my core.
“She beat me at Battlefield three.” He shoots me a full beam grin as he looks over me again and I’m pretty sure he’s perving down my tits.
“Well, she sounds totally cool!” I reflect his smile.
“She is pretty damn cool. Also, smart, funny, sexy and also kinda shy with me, which just drives me wild for her.” He lifts his hand and caresses my face lightly, I close my eyes and lean my face into his touch, welcoming it like drought cracked earth swallowing the rain from an overdue storm.
He glides his hand down my neck and over my shoulder and I open my eyes and look at him as he continues his trek down my arm until he slides his hand around mine securing it.
“Are you ready to collect on our bet, Sexy?” I feel like any effort to speak will leave me fuddled so I just nod slowly and deliberately as I lick my lips and drag my teeth across my bottom lip letting it pop out from beneath them. I see the shift in his facial expression, and I think he thinks about kissing me briefly before finally breaking the silence between us.
“Your place then?” I slowly nod again, and he curls the corner of his mouth into a smirk like he is enjoying my reaction. I feel so schoolgirl with him, it’s kind of ridiculous! He turns leading me by the hand towards the exit of the club. I look back towards the bar where I almost took my night in a whole other direction. To my shock Ezra is watching me like a hawk as I stroll hand in hand with Derek and I feel a sick sensation rising through my chest. The memory springs back into my mind of what happened earlier, and I can no longer look at him, the overwhelming pang of conscience I feel n
ow. I know I owe Derek nothing, really, I’m still not sure that we are even an item. It’s been a Russian roulette of men tonight and I almost became a casualty.
As we step out onto the pavement the crisp damp night air quells my uneasiness and I welcome deep breaths of it into my lungs, drawing it in and holding it before releasing it with what tension is bottled up inside me.
Derek hails a cab and we climb into the back seat. I give the driver directions and then settle back into my seat drawing the seatbelt across me and securing it. I look at Derek who is already strapped in and looking at me with his body slightly facing me. It’s dark in the backseat, but every few seconds the back lights up amber as we pass under a streetlight. I don’t know if I should continue to look at Derek or give my attention to the surroundings we are carving through on the way to my place. I think about what I will do to him, I won the bet, so it’s my choice, my control, my rules. But I need to shake this shyness and transform back into a confident bedroom vixen.
Watching him is doing me no favours with my confidence and while I have every intention of peeling myself from his gaze, I just can’t seem to get control. He shifts again so that his body is squared into the corner of his seat, lifting his leg onto the seat, bent and hanging over the edge. He extends his arm out across the back rest so that he can make contact with my face again. The back of his warm hand brushing my cheek, cooled from the breeze of the driver’s window being rolled down slightly, my hair softly flowing around me.
“You feel cold, Sexy.” I swallow hard before I respond.
“I’m all good.” I say with a feeble grin. He moves his hand up to stroke my hair around my ear and it sends a shiver through me.
“You are cold.” He insists.
“No, it’s fine.” The lack of conviction in my words are fuelled more by the intoxicating way he plays with my tresses than the absence of truth in them. Although I could quite easily unclip my seatbelt and dive onto his lap curling around him. He ignores me and slips his jacket off after pushing his own seatbelt sash away to free his arm. He swings the jacket over the top of me like a blanket and I cuddle its warmth close up to my neck where I can smell his divine scent. I want to take a deep whiff but resist the urge while he is watching me so closely.