Her Online Addiction

by Ruby McQueen

  Why is this so hard? I need a break from thinking about it incessantly so I decide I should read something and immerse myself into a fictional world. After I feed Ermac, I settle into my lounge and begin reading ‘Outlander’ by Diana Gabaldon, which was a gift from Aly-B. I jump when my door buzzer rings. I am certainly not expecting anyone. I press the buzzer and say “Hello.”

  “Delivery for a… Trinity.” It’s an unfamiliar voice.

  “I’ll be right down.” I reply. A delivery? I’ve not ordered anything, and it is Sunday, so it won’t be a postal service. As I approach, I can see a large bouquet. From Derek? I am stunned.

  “Hi, I’m Trinity.” I say as I push the door open. I exchange a signature for the delivery and take it upstairs to find a vase. They are gorgeous! They are a mix of different lilies, with warm tones of peach to a rusty red and it has calla lilies, my favourite! As I set them on the counter in a cylindrical vase to which I’ve added water to, I pluck the note off it and open the small envelope. It reads:

  *Dearest Trinity, please accept my deepest apology. I know I’m a jerk for breaking my promise to you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me… I still hope to be yours, one day, maybe a fool’s hope, but you are worth the wait. Ezra x*

  Good lord… He’s nothing if not persistent! The truth is, I have already forgiven him. “You are worth the wait.” Those words eerily close to Derek’s. I guess there’s no reason to keep Ezra at arm’s length. I re-read the note several more times while I recall last night’s events. It would be easy to blame him. But even the decision to grab food initially, I know I should have said no. It’s not all on him and so I can’t stay mad.

  If I do let Ezra into my life, should I tell Derek? Does he have the right to know? I don’t feel like agonising over it further. Back to my book. I’ll deal with it all another day. For now, my plan is to read until I can no longer hold my eyes open and then sleep. Things usually seem better after sleep.

  ~ Chapter 15 ~

  Wearing your big girl pants

  I wake up Monday morning, just another Monday, I go through the motions of my usual pre-work routine and set about making my way to work. I get off the bus and go into my work building and ride the elevator to the floor with Finch Finance. When I get into the office the usual hum of work is going on, Lowman sitting behind his computer with stacks of paperwork in some system of organised chaos around him, folders strewn open and bits and pieces hanging out of them. Aly-B is on a call with what sounds like a client, I hear her going over her standard call questions so she can work out who best to transfer them through to. I make my way to my desk and put my bag inside my drawer after pulling out my phone and sitting it under my computer monitor. I sit down and hit the power button on my tower and as it starts up, I check my messages. Nothing new.

  I have basketball tonight with Merrick like usual, but otherwise a quiet night. I guess back to reality. I fire up my work emails, I have a lot, but the last one is from Aly –B.

  “Any messages for me Butt-hole-io?” I enquire after she hangs up her call.

  “Yup, some Spanish mofo called for you, I emailed the number.”

  “Cheers.” I respond. Loman clears his throat. I gather he is suspicious of our little game by now, but I don’t care, he is a mild irritant and I’ve got bigger fish to fry.

  I open the message and google translate.

  Alyssa Brooks: * Hey prostituta sucia! Dime lo que sucedió con el hombre nuevo?*

  Translation: Hey dirty prostitute! Tell me what happened with the new man?

  Trinity Carmichael: * ¡Nada! ¡Cambio de planes!*

  Translation: Nothing! Change of plans!

  Alyssa Brooks: * DETALLES, moza!*

  Translation: DETAILS, wench!

  Trinity Carmichael: * El pene gigante vino y me llevó a casa en su lugar!*

  Translation: The giant penis came and took me home instead!

  Alyssa Brooks: * Oh, sucia muchacha sucia! Detalles!*

  Translation: Oh, dirty dirty girl! Details!

  Loman clears his throat again and I look over to him. He gathers some loose papers; his desk is such a filthy hovel for a workspace. He stops and sneezes three times consecutively, to which my response is to rip out the disinfectant spray and wave it around in his direction whilst dispensing its contents. He glares at me and I continue, I have told him in great detail how I find it unsanitary that he sneezes his morning-breath and germs around without any effort to cover the ejection of grossness. He mumbles under his breath as he exits the room.

  “What the fuck do you mean you took tripod home instead?” Aly is onto me as soon as Loman is gone.

  “Well as you know I was all geared up to do the fuck me eyes, right?”

  “Right?”

  “But I went downstairs, and I couldn’t see him, so I stopped in that nook before the downstairs toilets, just to gather myself, you know?”

  “Yup” She responds hanging off my every word.

  “So, while I was standing there, Derek arrived!”

  “Soooo the smiley face was an ‘okay see you soon’?” She enquires.

  “No.” I laugh “Apparently, he was being an ass because he felt like my text was not direct enough.” I roll my eyes as I say it. “Like whatever.”

  “Ugh! What a dick.”

  “It was some kinda timing I’ll tell you! I just couldn’t see Ezra and well, yeah.” Because I’m used to guys chasing me and doing the chasing is a bit weird even if I am guaranteed the result, I’m looking for evidently.

  “Yeah, that could have been awkward as fuck!” She laughs. “Ok, so you and the snake charmer bumped uglies?”

  I smile and nod.

  “Then why don’t you look goofy happy like normal?” She senses it. I man up and just spit it out.

  “Well, it’s like this… I saw a text pop up on his phone just before breakfast, it read:

  * Hey, waiting at yours, where are you?* from an Ella Monroe.”

  She looks stunned for a minute. “What the fuck, Trinity!” Ha! My actual name. Maybe I should be flipping out! Instead I just nod like ‘yup’.

  “Ooookkkkay, who is this Ella bitch? Have you googled her?” Bless her BFF heart!

  “Actually… no.” I scrunch my face as I say it.

  “Is she on his Facebook?”

  “I have no idea.” I shrug.

  “What!? What the fuck do you mean ‘I have no idea’? Have you added him as a friend?” I look kind of blankly at her. I know I’m supposed to do this but after the stalking I’m picky about who I add, and I’m not adding anyone I’m just sleeping with and well, this is still too complicated. That and I don’t think I’d like to see all the drop dead gorgeous young girls he’s been with, throwing themselves at him!

  “Nope.”

  “Oh, get over here, we are going to check his page out.”

  I get up from my desk and she has Facebook open already and signed in with his first name in the search field.

  “DeMatteo.”

  “That’s his last name?” She checks.

  “Yup.” I spell it out for her, and he is the only one that pops up.

  “That’s the one.”

  “Well no shit.” She chuckles and selects his page. His profile picture is of someone doing some kind of stunt on a skateboard. I assume it’s him. It makes me feel so old seeing it. She scrolls down his page which is open to the public. Mine is set to private so only friends can see my details and page thanks to my trust issues.

  He isn’t big on posting it seems, a lot of goofing off with his mates but it’s infrequent according to dates. Aly-B hits his friends list and scrolls down to the M section.

  “There.” I say pointing. “Ella Monroe.” She selects it and yes, you can see her page also. She is gorgeous. So very young looking, I’m not sure she’s much older than eighteen or nineteen and quite petite. Her picture is a selfie taken on an angle; it looks super artsy. Her hair has been straightened and a long fringe hangs across her fac
e with her part at the temple almost and you can see that she has black foils hiding underneath the silvery cool blonde. Her eyes are rimmed in black eyeliner making them really pop, I think her eyes are blue, but they look a deep blue/grey. Her eye makeup is similar to mine, smoky, so they are accentuated. She has a cute little nose that’s slightly upturned at the tip and small nude lips that curl up at the edges. Her thin eyebrows are raised, although with the fringe you can only see the one. She has a silver cross around her neck and a white singlet top on over what looks like a black lace bra. The hit of solid black in her hair and the bra add to the effect of her eyes. She has powdery porcelain skin and has a quality about her that makes her seem like a doll almost with her big bold eyes. She looks like a completely different type of person than I am. If Derek has a type, and this is it… well I’m not a fit. I’m a sporty tomboy and she seems like a girly, artsy type.

  “You want me to cut her?” Aly-B enquires out of support.

  “Nah. I’m not sure if her text means anything or not, if I sent something like that to Merrick, you know? Maybe Derek is her Merrick?” In an effort not to pass judgement on the situation.

  “Yeah well, we can keep an eye on things I guess, see what pops up.” She says still scrolling her wall.

  “I don’t know man, I’m thinking I just put him behind me and move on to Ezra, there’s no guess work with that one.” Truth. It’s the not knowing about Derek’s friends and life that keeps my walls up and my running shoes on. Mostly our texts are either about me or sexual in nature. Whenever I query him as to anything real, his responses are minimalistic at best. And what irritates me at times is he comes across almost pissy or hurt at times as if I’m being a sucky friend because I go quiet, yes well, perhaps I wouldn’t go silent if things weren’t so one sided. I’ve been on the fence with him for so long, I want to quit him, but I just haven’t been able to. He always seems to say the thing that softens me right as I’ve made up my mind, I’m done with him. So round and round we go. But maybe not this time, maybe this is a compelling enough of a sign as I’ll ever get!

  “Well there are a lot of positives with him at least. Compatibility maybe since you met at basketball and I’m sure he does karate or some other Asian ass-kickery that will tickle your spot.”

  I laugh at that. “Time will soon tell. First I need to find out if he’s at least a decent bang!” Of course, sexual chemistry seems strong, but you just never know. “Oh, and he sent me flowers.” I add very nonchalant.

  “What?” Her mouth hangs open for a moment.

  “Oh yeah and there was a note.” I wince thinking about it.

  “Well? What did it say?” She’s glued.

  “It said: Dearest Trinity, I’m sorry I broke my promise, please find it in your heart to forgive me… Something about he was a jerk and he’s still hoping I’ll be his one day, because I’m worth the wait.” Close enough.

  “Ha! Lame… And clearly he doesn’t know you well enough.” She scoffs and we both giggle a bit.

  “I guess we like him?” I enquire.

  “As long as he’s not a stage five clinger or possessive like that last twat-biscuit you dated!”

  “Ugh! I couldn’t stand it.” We both laugh, but it seems unequivocal.

  We decide to lighten things with some music while we are alone. I set my phone up with a playlist which will shuffle “Avenged Sevenfold”, “The Pretty Reckless”, “In This Moment”, “Dorothy”, “Staind” and “Seether”. We sing along at times whilst continuing our work in relative silence.

  After a while ‘Bird-Shit-Lips’ bursts into the office and heads towards Aly-B.

  “Kamryn Alexander has resigned!” He exclaims looking directly at Aly-B.

  “What?” Aly-B sounds confused. I look up from my desk at her mirroring her tone with my facial expression. She looks back at Loman and says, “Who did you hear that from?”

  “Eldon. She just gave a months’ notice.” He glares over at me in an accusatory manner. I roll my eyes and look back at my computer. Great, that’s all I need hanging over my head.

  He tells Aly-B he is going to be out of the office with Eldon and if his calls could just be emailed to him so he could sort through them from his phone, before leaving as abruptly as he came in.

  “Oh, my gawwwwd! Do you think it’s because of me?” I swing around to face her.

  “Pffft, hell no! And if it is, she’s lame! She started shit with you, so if that’s all it took, good riddance!” I know Aly-B is right. She did approach me about office stuff through gossip because she isn’t even on our floor. But leaving is an overreaction. I can’t stand her sour, unfriendly attitude, but I don’t want her to leave because of the nonsense between us. I really can’t see why she’s so hateful towards me either. Asides from the obvious interaction a week ago now, she’s always been kind of spiteful and horrid. I let it go for now, but I will see her at some point and confront her. At a minimum, I’d like to clear the air, if she’s leaving because of our conflict… I’m not having it; I will do what I can to extend the olive branch and initiate a truce.

  Everything in my life seems to be fraying around the edges. Conflict with my boss, Loman, Kamryn and then my guy woes. Not to mention my drama on the home front with my father and stepmother whom I’m avoiding as well. It really has been too much and its time I took action to calm things again.

  I send Eldon an email with a couple of funnies attached from YouTube. A ghetto monkey cussing over a banana, a clip of Elvis singing and dancing, minus the original audio instead replaced with shoe squeaks and incompetent guitar strumming noises. I know he will laugh at both. I attach a spreadsheet for the wages and a few notes after that. I also tell him I left a surprise in his desk draw, his favourite chocolate, and I say, “I hope you’re having a better week.” And add a smiley face. One down, one to go. Bird-shit-lips isn’t getting anything from me. I decide I’m just not responding to anything that isn’t work related. If it’s about work then I will be professional and attend to it. I will try not to communicate about anything, not my missing folders he takes and then doesn’t return, even when he sees me going through things searching. I won’t storm around looking for my staplers and pens, I will simply buy a stationery lock box and keep anything important in it. It will minimise our interactions and force him to get things elsewhere.

  I pick up my phone and buzz Kamryn… I am not exactly sure what I will say at this point, But I might as well, bite the bullet while I’m mentally on a roll.

  “What do you want?” It’s cold and abrupt because she can see the desk ID on caller display. I still would have thought at her desk she would have done the fake pretences, but no. I guess she’s up there alone.

  “Can you meet me in the record room in five minutes?” I expect her to hang up, but there is silence.

  “Is that a yes?” I enquire further.

  “Why would I do that?” She is unemotional yet hostile at the same time. I’m not sure this is worth my effort frankly, but I persist regardless.

  “I know you don’t like me, Kamryn, but please, just be there in five minutes and I’ll explain.” Silence again.

  “Whatever…” And she hangs up. Is that a yes? I’m not sure, but I’ll go, anyway.

  “Are you fucking nuts? Why are you meeting that hooker? Are you looking for trouble?” Aly-B exclaims, and she has a point. The record room, her and I, she could say anything really. This is an idea that could backfire horribly.

  “I just need to clear the air with her. I hope she does leave; I just don’t want to be the reason!”

  “Yeeeeeah nah… Who cares? She isn’t even a nice person.”

  “Exactly. Don’t you think that’s weird?”

  “Trinity, I don’t think on it at all.”

  “I don’t know, I guess I’m just tired of being made feel the centre of things like I’m a bad person, like I attract drama. Like why me?”

  “She’s probably jealous, not like we have ever really interacted with her.” W
hich is why it’s so confusing, the source of hate? I guess some people just hate.

  “I know. I just don’t want to be pinned for it. I’m tired of all the shit. Eldon is ok, Loman is… well, beyond help, but I will go silent on that front. And Kamryn, she doesn’t get to go all martyr on this. I’m fixing it.”

  “For fucks sakes, Trinity, at lease record it all so you have evidence, so it doesn’t bite you in the ass.”

  “Good thinking!” I grab my phone off my desk and open it up to the recorder and hold it up in front of Aly-B so she can see.

  “Ok, Gotta go do this before I decide it’s a daft idea.” I chuckle “Wish me luck.”

  “Ugh, good luck… Tell K-Bitch I said go fuck herself.” I beam a smile and nod.

  I make my way to the record room, and my stomach is twisting somewhat. No one enjoys confrontation and there are no guarantees of success with this, but here I go anyway.

  I key in my passcode and enter the enormous room. Every document is scanned and kept on a hard drive, but the law requires all paper records be kept for seven years, and so this is it. Back to back, floor to ceiling grey condensing files that can move on tracks. Rows and rows of them. There is a desk on the opposite side of this door tucked into a corner so you can sift through things. I stand just inside the doors, waiting, my arms crossed, I want to fidget but resist the urge. Maybe she has no intention of coming? I want to check my phone after a few minutes. But then I hear the passcode on the other side of the door before it opens.

  Kamryn comes through the door, as usual she is the picture of glamour. A white tailored pants suit with an emerald green satin shirt underneath, both plunging and enhancing her cleavage and eyes. It’s a shame she’s such an unfriendly asshole. She tosses her wavy locks over her shoulder before mirroring my pose. I feel like I should offer her a drink, but I guess I just do what I need to.