Her Online Addiction

by Ruby McQueen

  “I may still leave, but I can say with certainty, you won’t be the reason, Trinity. You showed me something today. And I thank you for that. But I have to get back to my work.” Whoa! I could almost hug her! Almost!

  “Yeah, of course. Me too. Thank you for agreeing to talk.” She nods again.

  “See you around.”

  “You too.” And with that she turns and leaves. I stand there for a moment stunned at what just transpired. It started off rough but worked out in the wash okay. As I collect myself, I hear a noise from the back. I turn alarmed.

  “Whoa!” Levi emerges from the very back startling me before approaching. OH NO! Did he hear any of what was said in reference to him?

  “Good morning, Trinity.” His voice is smooth and velvety, and I could melt under it like a chocolate under his tongue.

  “Morning.” I have no idea what to say, so I wait from him to talk as my heart thumps hard in my chest.

  “Well, that was… Enlightening.” Crap!

  “Oh, you heard that?” He nods and smiles and then brushes at something on his lapel.

  “Yes indeed!”

  “Like… a little bit of it, or?” I almost feel the sick rising immediately. If this guy, this Zeus of men, heard me talking about him sexually, I will curl up and die! I’m a supreme idiot! Why didn’t I check it was clear in here? Oh, that’s right, because I’m a moron!

  “The whole thing actually.” Oh, my GOD… Yeah, I’m toast! I bring my hand up to my forehead in a feeble attempt to hide my face. “Oh, and I’m not ‘into dudes’ as you put it.” He adds with amusement.

  “Levi, I’m so sorry! Of course, you’re not, I only said it to make her feel better, I…” He chuckles and meanwhile I’m having a stroke!

  “It’s fine, I know why you said it. I must say though, I feel like I just witnessed Jesus turning water into wine, which was truly… A revelation. I knew you were good with people and clever, but you just tamed the shrew!” Shakespeare references. God, he is a dream! I guess it was the impossible. But then if he is referencing her as a shrew, he has issues with her demeanour? I’m not sure that he witnessed a miracle as such. It isn’t the first time I’ve turned a hater around. Although, if I’m being honest, I didn’t think she would ever come around at a point. I’m lost for words though, he just heard me say I could die from the snatch and Kamryn say she was in love with him. I’m not sure how one can recover from that, my insides are scrambling trying though, before I die of embarrassment!

  “Really? I thought she was a little angel.” Jokes, or poor attempts at them, that’s all I’ve got! He scoffs a little.

  “Yeah, a Hell’s Angel maybe!” We both chuckle. I’m surprised he’s so forthcoming with his feelings on her. He’s normally super professional.

  “I thought she would be putty in your hands?” It’s a slight dig at him, after hearing her feelings.

  “Ha, maybe I make her want to die from the snatch?” And there it is! He even copies my impression of the explosion. Kill me! We both erupt into giggles and I’m positive I’m glowing beetroot red!

  “It would be a good way to go out, huh?” Because all I can do is play it out now.

  “Indeed.” He hitches a hand on his hip just under his jacket and shifts his stance, like he has something to say.

  “I’m sorry, Levi, I know I’m on the clock, I just felt it was important to resolve things, and I knew she would never-” He holds a hand up interrupting me.

  “No-no, I’m glad you did, I’m even gladder I heard it…” He seems in thought, so I wait for him to say more. “What if I said I want you to come and work for me in investments?” He looks at me dead on, unapologetic, just a down to business manner that makes me feel like I have to say yes. Who can refuse this guy? Look at him, he oozes control and self-confidence, this is a guy that gets what he wants.

  “I…” I look down and smile. What about Aly-B? We have been a team forever. This is maybe what I’ve been working towards though, all those night seminars and reading. “I’m flattered, Levi. Can I think about it? Or do you need an answer right now?” I’m more qualified than Kamryn, so as much as I want to work investments it would be a downgrade.

  “You don’t fancy working for me?” A lopsided grin hitches on his lips. Oh, those lips…

  “Well, what exactly would my role be? What are my hours, pay etc.? And… What if Kamryn retracts her resignation?”

  “I’m not asking you to take over her job, Trinity, I’m offering a new one.” He seems so enthusiastic. “I tell you what, how about dinner at my place Friday night and I will do a proper pitch and then you decide.” He makes a fist at his side again and suddenly my insides are soup. Is this just a pitch? On a Friday night? It’s hardly a question.

  “Friday night?” It’s a bad idea. I need to say no.

  “Great! You can look up my address from employee records. Be there at 7.” He smiles like he’s won and goes to leave. But I have no intentions of going. Besides, I have all week to weasel out of it, so I just go with it for now. He turns abruptly and comes back quickly like he’s going to run into me, I back up, but the heavy, metal record shelves are at my back. He leans in close and places his lips right at my ear and whispers “I’ll be wearing my snatch exploding cologne because I know you’re smart enough not to blow off a good thing, right, Trinity?” It sends a shiver through me and I close my eyes for a moment as the words hit. This is the worst idea EVER! Sex, he wants sex. What else does that mean? What else could it mean?

  “…Of course.” I say reluctantly as he pulls away and I make eye contact. He winks and slowly makes his exit. I don’t mean to portray what I’m feeling but I’m sure he absolutely knows I’m not sold on it being a good idea. I already have two guys rimming around my heart for cracks, it’s like one step forward and two steps back, and as if having anything with Levi is smart! I know I joke and say he’s my dream guy and I think on the surface it’s certainly true, but come to the crunch I don’t think working and fucking will work out, has it ever? In the history of histories? If Kamryn does stay, she will have absolute cause to hate me. And then can I walk back into my old job if it doesn’t work out? No, I’ll have a replacement. If he just wanted sex, and we didn’t work together, I would be doing a snazzy dance right now, but this is too complicated for me to consider.

  I reach for my phone after he disappears and turn the recorder app off. Aly-B is going to lose her mind when she hears this exchange between myself and Levi. In the meantime, I tell myself I’m possibly reading too much into it. He was joking surly.

  ~ Chapter 16 ~

  The web she spins

  I round the office doors and Aly-B stops what she is doing immediately to greet me.

  “What the fuck took you so long, Crumpet?” No Loman, so the coast is clear.

  “Ha-ha WELL…” She crosses her arms expectantly and I sit down behind my computer as if it’s a cover to spill my secrets behind. “I talked to Kamryn.”

  “Well no shit! What did it say? What did you say?” She waves her hand impatiently.

  “More or less she was bullied at school for being a chubby redhead by the mean sporty popular girls, soooo, she was taking her anger issues out on me.”

  “Oh my god, that is lame… What a dumb-shit excuse to be a cunt to everyone.” Irritation is all over her face. “As if we all don’t have issues, doesn’t give us permission to act like that, I wish you had hit her that night now. Dumb!” She is thoroughly disgusted.

  “Anyway, I basically got her to a truce. But she’s still leaving.” I want to spill all the details about her crush on Levi and all, but I feel a sense of it being said in confidence, so I omit it.

  “Good riddance to her!”

  “So, after she left, Levi popped out from behind the files, he heard everything and said he felt like I had just tamed the shrew.” Close enough.

  “He said that? Does he hate her too?” She sits up straighter all intrigued.

  “He didn’t really say, but wh
at he did say is that he wants me to work with him, asked me to come around Friday at 7 to nut out the details.” I bunch up my shoulders as I say it in anticipation.

  “What? You have a DATE! With Hotty McHotterson?” She stands up.

  “No-no, I don’t think so. Cos he’s him and I’m like a freaking tomboy.” I motion to myself, I’m all hands when I talk anyway, but I exaggerate it now.

  “Really, come around Friday night sounds like he wants to initiate the fuckening and bust a nut. Just saying…” We both burst out laughing. “Okay, we need to get you some hot as fuck lingerie, hair done and a new outfit. The sluttier the better!”

  “Ummmmm… Yeeeeah… I’m not going.”

  “What? The hell you aren’t! Fuck that Derek, he’s got that blonde posset and you are going to shag Levi, the guy of our dreams!”

  “Well, the thing is, he wants me to work for him, which means leaving here.” I pop my bottom lip for a sad face.

  “Ummmm worth it! Mrs Trinity Hetfield. Has a ring to it you gotta admit? I can help you plan the wedding and don’t mind my drooling over him… Ooooh beach wedding.” She has her hands up like she’s framing scenery. I love her for being happy for me, as impossible as it most likely is to ever evolve past sex.

  “Pump the Brakes, Aly. We are talking about me here. What’s my chances of not screwing it up again?” We all know by now having him satisfied between my thighs is a given, but beyond that anything progressing into a healthy relationship are for nought.

  “Oh yeah, you have a point. Ok, so plan is, limit the talking and unnecessary contact. Just ride him harder than Phar Lap in the Melbourne Cup and he’s done. You can’t possibly say anything bad if your mouth is full!”

  “Well yes, but it’s not just what I might say. If I work with him and it goes wrong?”

  “Then you suck it up and get on with the job.” I can so do that.

  “If he fires me?”

  “He wouldn’t dare! If he does, we get Eldon to give you your job back! Your replacement can be casual just in case.”

  “Actually, that’s not a bad idea.” Covers my ass to a degree.

  “You sound surprised, you know I’m the best at what I do. You have to at least try.”

  “Oh man, I don’t know about this...” I sigh heavily.

  “Oh my god, you are an asshole. This is your dream guy, dream job, we can have plan-B with a replacement that’s casual… I’m not seeing a problem here.”

  “I am not convinced he wants sex or anything, but I’ll go, okay?”

  “THANK you! Finally, you see reason.” She returns to her desk and I turn back to my computer. My mind drifts to Ezra as I resume my work, Monday night basketball is soon and the chances of seeing him are high. The truth is, he’s pretty great, if I wasn’t all la-la over Derek, I wouldn’t have resisted him at all. Maybe it is time I try a relationship again?

  “T-Bag, come check this out.” Aly-B almost startles me from my thoughts. As I hang over the back of her chair, there are a bunch of work pages open, and central is her social media which she clicks to full screen. It’s a quarter past 5 and we should have left already, but we always put in a bit of time off the clock to cover our shenanigans. My stomach growls.

  “Was that your stomachs cry for help?” We laugh.

  “Get on with it so I can tame the beast.” Referring to my hunger.

  “This is Levi’s account, you’re not on there!”

  “I know. I don’t mix work with social; you know that.” She is the only exception.

  “Ugh… Anyways, he’s never posted a picture of a girl. Like ever. Don’t you think that’s weird?” She is crooked over so she is closer to her screen as she clicks through the pictures. There are all kinds of random things, his feet in the sand at the beach with a hashtag ‘beach-life’. Him on a hammock with a dog laying all over him, shirt very casually unbuttoned. He is positively dreamy and I’m sure he could have been a model. Even his feet are sexy as hell.

  “Not really, he is just private.”

  “OR gay! No wonder he smells and dresses so damn good!” I shake my head and return to my desk and start packing up for the days end.

  “Either way, you’ll be finding out Friday night!” She points over and sticks her tongue out like ‘haha’ and I roll my eyes as I continue packing my desk up. He isn’t gay according to our earlier conversation, but I’m not going to mention it because I’m not going to stand up to the interrogation that will follow, not from her anyway, she always smells the rat. The only reason Derek slipped under the radar is because I never mentioned it.

  On the bus ride home, I flick through my texts with Derek. I was an idiot. I know this now. I kept every text, every picture. I need to purge my phone of him. I skim through all the messages as I find the courage to erase it all. It needs to be done. My heart is heavy, but I do it. One by one, all the pictures are deleted, all except the first one, all goofy and thumbs up. This is how I’ll remember him. And soon I’ll delete that too…

  I zoom the image so his face fills my screen and let my brain drift back to him, his smile in person, his smell, the way he looks at me, the seriousness in his face as he pinned me down beneath him, the flurry of butterflies I felt as he pushed my buttons… I think I wanted him to be perfect in my mind, by this is goodbye. Lover… *Delete*

  ~ Chapter 17 ~

  I love a good plan

  Merrick arrives early and as usual he sits across from me at my small kitchen island while I whip up protein smoothies.

  “Nice flowers. Lover boy?” I shake my head.

  “Nope, the hand kisser.” I reply and his eyebrows shoot up.

  “It’s complicated.” I roll my eyes which is becoming a habit as the sound of my blender interrupts us...

  As we practice throwing hoops, I give Merrick the quick rundown of events from all 3 potential suitors so he’s up to date.

  “The new boss-man wants you, T.” We are early and I’m glad we get a few moments alone.

  “Well… I thought so too, his lips were damn near on my ear as he said that.” I confided in him more of the Levi stuff than I do Aly-B. He gets the full snapshot of how complicated working with Levi might be. As well as the snatch exploding cologne and Kamryn’s love for him. I lay up the ball, and he retrieves it. He comes over to me and stops bouncing the ball.

  “It’s a bad idea, Baby Girl. If this is your dream job, you need to focus on just the job. But this guy wants in your pants, not even a doubt! As for Kamryn, what you did was nice, but you owe her nothing. I get what you are trying to do, and I commend you for being the bigger person, but, she’s an asshole and leopards don’t change their spots. She’s no friend of yours and as for you pledging loyalty to her? Pffft, she can suck a bag of dicks…” He tosses the basketball up at the ring and sinks it. Point taken.

  “Yeah, well, I’ve always wanted to work in investments, and he’s hotter than hell… But we are two totally different people.”

  “But you are going in the same direction with the same interests.” He tosses me the ball.

  “I Guess.” I run another layup and he gather the ball after it goes through the hoop. We gather near the free throw as he stands there bouncing the ball thinking.

  “Ok, so the choices are: Derek, but you think there’s another woman. I would be honest and just ask…”

  “Nope! I already deleted our history. It’s done.” I interrupt him. He sighs.

  “Right… Ezra, who will be here shortly so you can talk to him and get a feel for things without Derek hanging over you now. Or Levi. Either one of them could be a right fit really, including Derek if you just nut up and ask him where you stand.” I go to respond but he cuts me off.

  “I know, I know… It’s over.” He groans. “Levi is my least favourite of the bunch just because of the possibility of complications with your work situation. I’ve seen you with Derek though and you guys have a thing, but if you are sure it’s done, then Ezra seems a logical next choice.”

&n
bsp; “Do you think I should blow Levi off and just let the dream of working investments go?” He stops bouncing the ball.

  “Hell no! Dreams are precious, T, you must be clear with him. Go in to see him tomorrow and let him know how much working investments means to you, but that you prefer an office meeting where things stay professional. Separate business from pleasure. This is the kind of job you need to be ballsy, so he will admire your taking command. You are perfect for this. Feisty Miss Fuckoff.” He taps me on the shoulder and we both smile, then he takes a shot from the free throw and misses. I feel much better about things now we have talked. He has this way that always set me at ease.

  We stop talking and start running our practice drills with much more seriousness.

  I feel like I have got a solid plan now.

  I’m going to give Derek a wide berth from now on. No looking back.

  I’m going to go into work a bit earlier and request a meeting with Levi and take command. I’ll work with him on the proviso that it remains strictly professional.

  And when Ezra gets here, I’ll thank him for the flowers and tell him that I’ve decided to put Derek behind me for good, but that I want a little space and that we can become friends first and slowly go from there…

  I can take control, yes! I can’t believe I ever let myself be swallowed by this emotional pull to the point I was ever at the mercy of it. It kind of pisses me off, really. I’m a she wolf. An Alfa. Any relationship I go into now will be on my turf, under my complete control. I will own the night…