“It sure is, hon.” Close enough, she decided, figuring they had enough for one day. “Let’s go get our hot dogs. I’m starved. Aren’t you?”
She grabbed his hand and marched him off to the refreshment stand. After wolfing down hot dogs, French fries, and an apple juice for him, a diet soda for her, they returned their shoes and headed back to the car.
Lauren waited until they reached home, knowing she couldn’t stall any longer. Josh had to be told, and postponing it would not make the situation go away. She sat him down in the family room, and told him they had to have a talk.
Josh sat on the sofa, looking uneasy. He shuffled his feet, and his eyes darted around the room, as if he was searching for a place to hide.
Lauren sat next to him and patted his knee. “You know that I would do anything for you, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I just want you to know how much I care, and that I would do anything, anything in the world to avoid hurting you.”
“Okay.” He looked up hopefully. “Can I go now?”
“No, sweetheart. I have something important to tell you.”
He nodded, but looked down in his lap.
“We can’t see Shane anymore.” She rushed on, “I know we love him, but he’s got problems that he needs to sort out.”
Josh looked up. “What kind of problems? You mean, his hand?” His face brightened. “I can help him with that.”
“No, no, that’s the least of his worries.” She brushed Josh’s fair hair back from his eyes. “Something bad happened to him when he went to war. Something worse than losing a hand. It injured him here.” She touched her heart. “And in here.” She pointed to her head. “He’s got to work some things out, honey, and until he does, we can’t see him.”
“Why not?” His face took on an angry look. “I want to see Shane. I don’t care about any old problems.”
“You can’t, sweetie. Shane has to do this by himself. We can’t help him. I wish it was that simple and that we could.”
“Why not? He’s my friend.”
“It’s not an easy fix, hon. When he was at war, terrible things happened to him and he gets very sad sometimes.”
“That’s okay for him to be sad. At least he doesn’t yell like Brad’s father. He yells all the time.”
“I didn’t know that.” She frowned. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”
“You never asked.” Josh began scratching his arms, clearly agitated.
“Well, I am now. He never raised his hand to you, did he?”
“No, not me. He tried to smack Brad once, but Brad ducked and his dad missed.”
“I see.” She couldn’t believe how duped she’d been by Kevin. All the years she’d known him and his wife, he’d never displayed any temper. He’d always been charming and amusing—until that last evening when she’d thrown him out of her house.
“Shane’s nice,” Josh said. “He’s not like Brad’s dad.” He glared at his mom. “I want Shane.”
“I know, honey, but he has a sickness inside him. It’s not his fault, and he’s trying his very best to control this sickness, but there is no easy cure. It’s not like the measles or mumps that come for a week or two then go away.”
“Will he die?”
“No, he won’t die. And he may get better, but it could take years.” She smiled at her son. “We can pray for him. Every night when we say our prayers, we can say one for him.”
That seemed to pacify him a little. He stopped scratching and smiled. “Good. Can we say one now? I want him better soon, so I can see him again.”
“Me too, Josh.” She kissed the top of his head. “But it will take a very long time before he will be completely well.”
“What about my medicine? Maybe it’ll help him too.”
“He needs a different kind of medicine, dear.”
“Okay. Why don’t you go to the drugstore and buy him some, so he can get well? Please, Mom. Please?”
Lauren blinked rapidly, fighting back tears. “It’s not that kind of medicine, Josh. I know you’ll miss—”
“I don’t want to miss him!” Josh shouted. “You always take everybody away from me.”
“That’s not true. We had to stop seeing Gary, I know, but that was because he quit the Brothers organization.”
“What about Dad? You sent him away too.”
A piercing pain shot through her chest. “I loved your dad with my whole heart.” She struggled to maintain control of her emotions.
“Then why did he go to heaven?”
She bit her lip to stop it from trembling. “God had a special job for him up there, and he had to go. But you know that he’s always looking down and watching over us. He loves us very, very much.”
“Well, I don’t want him. I want Shane.” Josh jumped off the couch and began kicking the wall. “I want Shane. I want Shane.”
“Come, sweetheart.” She tried to calm him, but he became increasingly distressed.
“Get away from me.” He cried hysterically. “I hate you. I hate you.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Lauren knew it would be tough seeing Shane at work, but her relief turned to alarm when he didn’t show up after a week. She cornered Rick after he’d brought in a patient another doctor worked on. Finding a relatively quiet spot, she asked about Shane.
“He can’t work until his hand heals.” Rick shook his head. “What a crazy ass thing to do.”
“Is he still drinking?”
Rick shrugged. “I don’t live with the guy, so I can’t say for sure, but he joined AA, said he’d go to the meetings, and swears he hasn’t had a drop since.”
“Do you believe him?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I do. He told me what happened, and his excuse for taking a drink was a damn good one. Would take a saint not to, if you ask me.”
“An alcoholic doesn’t have excuses. And he did a little more than ‘take a drink.’” She ran a hand through her hair in frustration and despair. “No one said it was easy, but he needs to be stronger than that.”
“He needs you, Dr. Reynolds. You shouldn’t turn your back on him.”
Her face flushed. “Did he tell you about us?”
“Didn’t have to. It was obvious by the way you two looked at each other. Not to mention that you’re the one who called me and told me to get over there.”
She couldn’t meet Rick’s eyes. “If it were just me, I would stick by him. It’s not like I don’t care. I do, very much, but I can’t allow him around my son. Josh already loves him, and if things became worse and he returned to drinking, it would make leaving him harder than it already is. I have no choice.”
“We always have choices.”
She could see the accusation in his eyes, and resented it. He had no idea of what she was going through. How much she had come to love Shane and dream about a future together. He had let her and Josh down, not the other way around.
She met his eyes with her head held high. “Shane had a choice too. And he chose drink over a future with me.”
“He didn’t see it like that.”
“I know he didn’t, but he should have. I’d give anything to change what happened and to make this all go away.” She batted back tears. “He tried calling me that night, and I was called in to work. Twelve-car pile-up that night on the freeway. Maybe if he’d reached me, maybe none of this would have happened.”
“I think you should give him another chance,” Rick said stubbornly, as if all her words had fallen on deaf ears.
“I wish I could, but I can’t.”
Rick turned to walk away, and she put a hand out to stop him. “I wish him well, and I believe that he can lick this thing. He’ll make a fantastic doctor one day. Tell him for me never to give up on that dream. One day at a time. He can do this.”
“Why don’t you tell him yourself?” Rick was looking over her shoulder, and she turned to see what had captured his attention. Shane had just walked in.
/> Lauren caught her breath as her heart pounded with elation simply at the sight of him.
Rick grinned. “I’ll leave you two alone.”
Shane slapped Rick on the shoulder. “How you doing, buddy?”
“Good. But the rookie they put me with can’t hold a candle to you. How much longer before you’re cleared to work?”
“Another week or so.” His eyes were on Lauren as he spoke. “Which is fine by me. Gives me more time for my studies.”
Lauren cleared her throat. “I’m glad to hear you didn’t drop out of school.”
“No, I wouldn’t do that. Although I wish I hadn’t been crazy enough to put my fist through a wall. Typing my assignments with two fingers is a challenge, that’s for sure.”
“I hope you aren’t asking for my help,” she answered briskly. “Even if I could, there’s Josh …”
“No way. I’m just saying that it was pretty damn stupid. It’s not like I had another good hand to use.”
She didn’t smile. “Is everything a joke to you?”
“No, but I don’t have to make things harder than they are.” His eyes never left her face. “How is Josh? I miss him.”
“He asks about you all the time.”
Shane looked down at the floor. “Couldn’t you let me see him for a few hours each Sunday? You know I’d never go near a drink.”
“I know you wouldn’t. It’s not that. It’s … it’s just everything. You, me …”
“I wish you could forgive me.”
She bit her bottom lip. “It’s not about forgiveness. It’s about trust.” She took a step back, away from his magnetic force, although every inch of her hungered to get closer.
Rick looked from one to the other, concern written all over his face. Finally, he made a move. “Gotta get going. I’ll see you soon, Shane. Be good.”
Shane waved off his partner and focused on Lauren. “Can we talk? If not today, sometime?”
“There isn’t much to say.” She crossed her arms in front of her, going into protective mode.
“Let me buy you a coffee,” he asked. “Or dinner. I owe you one.”
“That’s not a good idea.”
“I think it’s a great idea.” He gave her his cheeky grin, which should have annoyed her, but didn’t. Instead, her knees went weak.
“Don’t,” she said. The feelings he stirred in her could melt away her resolve, and she couldn’t let that happen. She had to protect herself and Josh. Stay strong.
“Don’t what? Flirt with you?” He stepped closer. “Why, Lauren? You still have feelings for me?”
“Yes, and you know it!” She glared at him. “And so does Josh. He loves you too. That’s what makes this so difficult.”
His face changed, and his eyes grew moist. “I know, but I can’t walk away from you, Lauren. There is only one thing in this world that I’m afraid of. Losing you.” He dared another step in her direction.
“Shane.” She put up a hand to stop him. “That’s not fair. You’re playing on my emotions, and it’s just not right. I can’t trust you not to drink again, and unless I do we have no future.”
“I know I have a problem but I’m getting help,” he said, all cockiness gone. “I’m doing everything I can to stay sober and will continue for every day of my life. Please, Lauren. Give me another chance.”
She shook her head. “I can’t.”
“Okay. I’ll beg.” He lowered his voice and gave her the sweetest, most loving smile. “Please, sweetheart? One chance. That’s all I’m asking.”
“It’s not that easy.” She was backed up to a wall, with no place to run.
“It’s not that hard.”
“You know I don’t have any choice. This isn’t easy for me. You know that.”
“You have to forgive me sometime. I don’t intend to let you go.”
“No, Shane.” Her entire body was stiff as a rod, but she had to retain control.
“I’m sorry.” He took one step closer. “But I can’t give you up. I will prove myself to you, even if it takes a lifetime.”
“That’s how long it’ll take.” Her chin went up and she met his gaze. “So have you had any news on your friend, Brent?”
“Yes, his brother Jake called a couple of nights ago. Told me he’s in critical condition and has been flown to Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany. He’ll stay there until he’s patched up enough to fly back home.”
“That’s great news.” Her guard dropped a notch. “I’m glad, Shane.”
“Thank you. Tell Josh I miss him and that I’m sorry I screwed up. Okay?”
“I told him you’re sick, and that if and when you get better he could see you again.” She shook her head. “That could take years and by that time, you’ll have moved on.”
“Never. I’m not going anywhere.” He dropped his eyes and his face was etched with sadness. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I would go back and change it if I could.”
“I know.” Her shoulders slumped, and she released a long sigh.
“How can we make things right?” His voice was full of anguish, which made her loss harder to bear.
“We can’t,” she said simply.
“Please?” He stared at her, his eyes filled with longing and hope. He looked like a puppy that had been kicked too often, and her heart went out to him.
“Let’s take it one day at a time,” she said.
“You know me, Lauren.” He spoke with some heat. “If you don’t trust me, then just walk away.”
She felt her will weakening. How could she leave him when he needed her so badly? “Why do you have to be so damn nice?”
Before he had a chance to answer, Margaret came flouncing down the hall. “Well, lookie here. Shane’s back.” She marched up to him and laid a big kiss on his cheek. “I’ve missed you, darling.”
He grinned. “Missed you too.”
She put a hand on her hip and gave him a come-hither look. “What are we waiting for? Why don’t we find ourselves an empty bed? Or a linen closet,” she added with a naughty twinkle in her eye.
He laughed. “And spoil the anticipation? Not a chance.”
“Oh, phooey.” She winked at Lauren. “Do you still have the hots for this gorgeous doctor lady?”
Shane looked from one to the other. “Yeah, but it’s not getting me anywhere.”
“Well, if you ever change your mind,” Margaret said, “you know I’ll be waiting.”
“On that note,” Lauren said, “I think I’ll go back to work.” She walked away before either of them could give her a reason to stay.
Shane watched her leave, and his spirits sank. He didn’t deserve a second chance. The best thing he could do was leave her the hell alone.
“Don’t look so sad,” Margaret said softly. “You’re going to get me bawling.”
“I’m sorry. It’s pathetic, I know.”
“Come here.” She wrapped her arms around him. “What you need is a good old-fashioned hug.” She nearly squeezed the stuffing out of him, but it did feel good to be fussed over.
“You’re a good woman, my friend. I should have fallen in love with you.”
“It’s never too late.” She grinned and patted his cheek. “But I think we should put our heads together and figure out a way for you to win her back.”
“It’s not going to happen. There are things in my past that you don’t know.”
“You want to hear about mine?” She gave him a devilish smile. “I’ll tell you sometime.”
“This is different. After I got back from Iraq, I went into a dark hole. Lived out of a car for a year and drowned my sorrows in a bottle. I swore I’d never drink again.”
“So? Why did you?”
“Last week I got some bad news. Bad enough to make me head straight for a liquor store and drink myself into a stupor.”
“That’s not good.”
“Then I busted my fist by hitting it into a wall.” He gave a sheepish smile. “Not my finest m
oment. Anyway, bottom line is, Lauren doesn’t want me around her son. I can’t blame her. She’s afraid I’ll do it again.”
“And will you?”
“How the hell do I know? I thought I could handle this on my own, but clearly I can’t. I joined AA and have attended a couple of meetings.” He looked down at the floor. “Still sitting in the back of the room. Haven’t gone up and laid my soul bare.”
“You want a friend to go with you?”
He glanced at her. “You’d do that?”
“You bet I would. You need help, and I’m happy to give it.”
“You’re a sweetheart. Did anybody ever tell you that?”
“Not often enough.” She put a hand on her hip. “So, when and where?”
“The Vets Hall on Pacific Avenue. There’s a meeting on Monday morning. Figured I’d go before my shift. Does that work for you?”
“Sure. Why not?” She grinned. “I can’t wait to tell Dr. Reynolds that I have a date with you. A little jealousy will go a long way.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“You want to make a bet? I know women, and if they think someone is interested in their man, they’ll fight to keep him.”
“I don’t think Lauren is that type.”
“Trust me. All women are that type.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
It wasn’t easy for a man like Shane to open up and confess his sins in front of strangers, but if it helped him stay on the straight and narrow, he’d do it. Even if he did feel self-conscious.
Margaret being there helped. It was reassuring to know he wasn’t alone. Someone cared, even if it wasn’t that special someone.
“Do we have any new members here today?” the tall, ponytailed man on the podium asked.
Shane glanced around and found a few people glancing at him. This was it, he told himself. His big moment. Awkwardly, he got to his feet. “I’m Shane, and I’m an alcoholic.”
“Welcome, Shane.”
He didn’t know what was expected of him, so he helped clarify his reason for coming. “When I got back from Iraq, I hit the bottle pretty hard. Hit rock bottom before someone came along and rescued me.” He glanced around, saw a few nods, and continued. “I sobered up, but when I got some bad news recently, I drank myself into a stupor. I’m here because I need help.”
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