Handle With Care

by Patrice Wilton

  The look on his face, the words, deepened her pain. She desperately wanted to give in and make her son happy—make herself happy too—but she knew it would be the wrong thing to do. Shane still had a lot of healing to do.

  “I wish we could, honey, but it doesn’t work that way.”

  “Why not?” Josh yanked his hand away, and pouted.

  “Because if we become friendly again, we’ll want to see him all the time.” Truer words had never been said. She’d want more and more of him, a part-time Shane wouldn’t be enough. Not near enough.

  “What’s wrong with that?” Josh wanted to know. He began kicking at the ground, scuffing his shoes.

  “He has nightmares because of the war, honey. Bad dreams that upset him and make him act … strange.”

  Josh looked baffled, and she couldn’t blame him. But there was only so much she could tell him.

  “He’s not a bad person,” she added. “He just needs to figure a few things out, and when he does, maybe then we can be friends again.”

  “I hope he hurries, because I don’t want you to date anyone else.”

  She gave him a curious look. “What makes you think I’d do that?”

  “Because I heard Julie on the phone and she said you were out on a date last week.” He pouted and gave her a fixed glare. “You told me you had to work late.”

  “Maybe I did. You might have misunderstood what Julie said. Besides, if I wanted to go out with someone, that’s my decision as an adult and a parent. Right?”

  “I guess.”

  “Okay, son. Let’s go home and I’ll help you with your homework. You do have some, don’t you?”

  “No.” He stopped his skipping, and returned to scuffing his shoes.

  “You sure?” She narrowed her eyes at him. “You always have schoolwork on weekends. Anything I can help you with?”

  “Uh, let me see.” He thought for a moment. “I have my reader, and some numbers to do. I’m lousy at both.”

  “No, you’re not, but we can do them together. I’ll be happy to help.” There was a line of taxis waiting, and she opened the rear door of the first one. “Your carriage awaits,” she said, and made a flourishing movement with her arm.

  “You talk funny.” He slid in, made room for her, and immediately yawned. “I’m too tired for homework. How about if I go to bed and you do it?”

  “Good try, o sleepy one.” She kissed his head. “Take a nap on the way home.”

  Within seconds, Josh’s head lolled back, and he was fast asleep. She was exhausted too. Every night she tossed and turned, tortured with indecision and helpless longing.

  But for Josh’s sake, she had to be strong.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  That Monday, Lauren went to the hospital cafeteria early, hoping to see George Knowles and have a word with him. Instead, Shane walked in.

  She hoped he wouldn’t see her, but lady luck wasn’t on her side. He glanced around, spotted her immediately and marched over. “Lauren … can I join you?”

  “I’m here to meet someone,” she replied. “What are you doing here, Shane?”

  “I came to see you. You won’t let me get near, so I have to hang around places you frequent.” His eyes roamed over her face and she felt her cheeks heat up. “Pathetic, I know.”

  “Please give up, Shane.” She crossed her arms.

  “Never.” His eyes held hers. “Not until you find a man worthy of you. And I don’t mean Dr. Knowles.”

  “Why? What’s wrong with him, dare I ask?”

  Shane frowned. “George isn’t the man for you.” He moved in closer and her breath hitched. “He’s okay if you like handsome, successful doctors, but I can tell you one thing. He doesn’t love you the way I do.”

  She stepped back. “I thought I found the man who was right for me, but I made a mistake.” Her eyes held his. “We both did.”

  The moment the words were out of Lauren’s mouth, she regretted them. Shane’s eyes darkened, and he looked as though he might kiss her. Right there in the cafeteria, before God and all the gossipy staff.

  She actually licked her lips in anticipation, but then he seemed to think better of it and moved back. She hated the disappointment that surged through her, chilling her blood. Wanting this man was an addiction. Nearly as bad as his addiction to alcohol.

  Clearly, she couldn’t be around him. He was the most intoxicating man she’d ever met.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked.

  “You don’t want to know,” she answered, and swiftly turned away. She practically ran from the room, forgetting dinner, the reason she’d come.

  In his presence she couldn’t think straight. She became weak when she needed to be strong.

  She dived back into work, and fortunately had enough emergencies to distract her from her thoughts. First came a motorcycle accident. The passenger didn’t have her helmet properly fastened and now faced head trauma. A child came in next. The parents swore she’d fallen down the stairs, but Lauren noticed old wounds and feared the worst. An alcoholic, reeking of booze and vomit, came in with a wound on his head, probably from falling, and blood pouring from his nose.

  At last her shift was over, and she gratefully walked out the door. As soon as she did, she stood rock still. Shane sat in an idling car, waiting for her.

  “Get in,” he called. “We have to talk.”

  She reached for the door handle, not sure if she wanted to open it. But curiosity got the better of her.

  “Come on,” he said. “I don’t bite.” He grinned. “Hard.”

  She laughed at the old joke and slipped into the passenger seat. He only drove as far as the employee parking lot, so he had no plans of running off with her.

  Not yet, anyway.

  “Okay,” she said when he parked. “Talk.”

  “I’m not here to discuss Dr. Knowles, or you or me.”

  “Then what? What’s so important now that you couldn’t have told me earlier today?”

  “Josh.” He paused, knowing he had her full attention. “He’s been calling me. A lot.”

  She had given Josh her old cell when she got her iPhone so that he could call her when she was at work. He didn’t take it to school, but liked to have it near him at night.

  “I knew you two had spoken a few times, but I made him promise not to call you again.”

  “Well, promise or no promise, the boy calls me every night before he goes to sleep.” He glanced out the window, then back at her. “I’ve tried to discourage him.”

  “I didn’t know.” Lauren’s hand flew up to her throat. “I should have known.” She glanced at him. “What does he say to you?”

  “You know how he feels. He keeps asking me why he can’t see me anymore, and don’t I want to see him.” Shane scratched his head. “It’s painful. Poor little guy. He said, can’t I get well and be his dad?”

  “Oh, Shane.” Heat rushed to her face, and her heart beat like a bird’s wing inside her chest. “I feel awful. He loves you, I know he does. This is breaking his heart. And mine.”

  “Mine too. I don’t know what to say to him. What do you want me to say?”

  She opened her mouth, then closed it again. “I don’t know. I’ve explained to him as well as I can. I’ve told him this is not your fault, that you have a sickness inside of you, and until you’re healed, we can’t see you. Am I doing the right thing? Tell me, Shane. Is keeping Josh away from you right or wrong?”

  He hesitated, then cupped her face in his one hand. “I don’t have an easy answer. I swear I can control this disease and not let it get the better of me. I will, Lauren. It would be easier if I had you at my side, but with you or without you, I’m not going to drink again. Ever. I have too much to lose.” His fingers stroked through her hair. “I can only control one day at a time, and I shouldn’t make promises, but just the thought of a drink makes me sick.”

  She swallowed hard. “You frightened me, Shane, and I can’t allow Josh to see you like that. I ha
ve to protect him, even if it means breaking his heart.”

  Shane dropped his hand and straightened, staring out the windshield. “I won’t answer the phone again when he calls. I won’t encourage him.”

  She nodded, even as disappointment threatened to drown her. “That’s probably best. It’s going to upset him of course, but I’ll tell Julie to take his phone away at night when she puts him to bed. And I’ll have a talk with him and explain why. We’re not punishing him, but he’ll think we are.” She brushed a tear from her eye. “Why does life have to be so tough? He lost his father when he was only three. He’s lost enough.”

  Shane turned to her again. “Kids are resilient, you know that. He’ll get over it soon, but it would help if he could make some new friends. How’s it going at school?”

  She told him about her most recent talk with the school counselor, how Josh was instigating fights. “That’s not like him, Shane. He’s always been a good boy. Sensitive.”

  “You’re right. He is a good boy, and maybe I was wrong to try to discourage you from seeing George. If you really like him, I’ll stay clear. Josh needs a man around. Even if you don’t,” he added with a sad smile.

  “It’s not that I don’t,” she said quietly. “But nobody is perfect, and I don’t want to compromise.”

  “You shouldn’t have to.”

  “Thanks for telling me this tonight. I’ll have a talk with Josh.” She opened the car door. “I believe in you, Shane. I know you can beat your addictions and be the man you want to be. I’m betting on it.”

  He gave her a long look. “So am I.”

  Two nights later, Josh ran away.

  Lauren was at work when Julie called the hospital to say there was an emergency at home. She raced out of the ER to make the call home. “What’s happened? Is Josh all right?”

  “He’s not here! I put him to bed as always, and took away his phone, like you said.” She heard Julie sniffle and blow her nose.

  “He’s gone? He ran away?” Lauren grabbed her stomach, feeling like a cannonball had shot right through her.

  “I’m sorry,” Julie said, “but when I left him, he didn’t seem upset. He was just kind of quiet. I waited a while and when I didn’t hear anything, I opened the door a crack to see if he’d fallen asleep. I do hate to hear that boy cry.”

  Lauren listened to her words, feeling like her life was slipping away. If she lost Josh … no, she had to hold on tight. Control, she needed control.

  “Julie. Did you check the house? Maybe he’s hiding somewhere.”

  “Yes, I did. He’s not here.”

  “Have you called the police?” Panic made her voice unusually hard.

  “Not yet. I wanted to call you first.”

  “How could he have gotten out?” She fought to stay calm, but the walls in the corridor seemed to be closing in.

  “I was in the family room watching TV. He must have tiptoed right behind me and left by the front door. I don’t know why I didn’t hear him.”

  “Did you go outside and look around? Maybe he’s out in the garden or down at the park.”

  “I ran out first thing. I looked all around the yard, and up and down the street. Then I came back inside and called you.”

  “You need to hang up now and call 911.” She drew in a deep breath. “I’ll be home soon. I just have to make sure they have someone to cover for me, and then I’ll be on my way. Probably thirty minutes tops.” She wiped away a tear. This was no time to fall apart. “Don’t worry. We’ll find him.”

  “I hope so, Dr. Reynolds. I sure do.”

  “I’ll call Shane. It’s possible that Josh has headed there.”

  “Good idea. I bet you’re right. He’s probably gone to find Shane.” Julie suddenly gasped. “Oh no! He doesn’t have his cell phone with him. I have it right here.”

  Lauren’s heart tightened and squeezed. She felt dizzy. “He won’t know where to go,” she whispered. “Shane lives thirty minutes away, and he’s never been there.” She shook her head to clear it. “How could I not have seen this coming?”

  “You can’t blame yourself. You were doing what you thought was the right thing for the boy.”

  “Buy why did he run away, instead of turning to me?”

  A mistake in judgment had resulted in her husband’s death. If that happened to Josh … No! No! She mustn’t think like that. She could bear anything, but not that.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  Shane picked up the moment he recognized Lauren’s cell number. “What’s up?”

  “Josh. He’s missing. Julie called me at work, and I told her to call 911.” Lauren rushed on, “He’s probably trying to come to you, but he can’t call. We’ve been taking away his cell phone at night.”

  Shane grabbed his keys, heading for the door. “You go home and I’ll start searching the neighborhood. Call my cell phone as soon as anything changes.”

  “I will. Please hurry. We’ve got to find him.”

  “We will. I promise, nothing bad will happen to him. We’ll find him.”

  “I can’t believe he did this.” She made a fist with her hands. “I should have let him see you.”

  “Don’t start panicking.” He kept his voice calm. “He doesn’t know where to go, so I’m sure he hasn’t gotten far. We’ll get him, I promise.”

  They hung up, and Shane shooed Major out the door. “Come on, boy. We’ve got a job to do.” On the way to his car, he called the EMTs, asking if they’d look out for a six-year-old boy. “He was in bed when he went missing, so I don’t know if he’s roaming the streets in his PJs or wearing street clothes. But he’s tall for his age, skinny, with straight strawberry-blonde hair that he wears past his ears. He’s got blue eyes and a mole on his left cheek. A cute kid. And he might be looking for me.”

  “Got it,” the dispatcher answered. “We’ll keep our eyes and ears open.”

  “Thanks.” Shane and the dog headed over to Belmont Shores, driving up and down the beach, hoping to spot Josh on the bike path. Several couples strolled hand in hand, and a few people were out walking their dogs, but no sign of Josh. He got out of his car and ran down the pier, but it was dark and deserted.

  “You got a drink?”

  Shane turned to see an old drunk sitting on the pier, his back against a wooden rail, a brown bag between his legs. “No. No drink. You seen a boy about this high?” He indicated Josh’s height with his hand.

  “What if I have?” the grizzled man answered. “What’s it worth to you?”

  Major whined and sniffed the old man.

  “You seen a kid or not?” Shane had no time for games, and no patience either. “Ten dollars if you know where he is.”

  “I saw a boy down by the liquor store. On 2nd Street. About an hour ago.” Major was now sniffing the man’s crotch, and the old geezer pushed the dog’s head away.

  Shane whipped a twenty out of his wallet and dropped it in the man’s lap. “Don’t drink it all. Get a meal.”

  “I’ll do that.” He put the bottle to his lips and drank the last of it. “You’re a generous man.”

  Shane left his car and ran up and down 2nd Street, with Major racing along beside him. Unlike the pier and the beach walk, it was lively this time of night. A four-block stretch had popular restaurants, shops, boutiques, and coffee shops. He headed for the local ice cream shop first, trying to think where Josh would hide out.

  If a boy were alone and frightened, where would he go? Josh didn’t have any money or a phone. He couldn’t even call home.

  Something caught his eye under a bench on the sidewalk. Looked like a backpack, and sticking out of it was Woody, from Toy Story.

  He had no idea if this was Josh’s bag, but if it was, where was he?

  By the time Lauren got home, the police had come, questioned Julie, and gone.

  “Are you okay?” Lauren asked, noting with concern Julie’s stricken expression. Her eyes were red from weeping, her face pale, and she was visibly shaking.

&nb
sp; “I will be. Once we have Josh back home.” She dug a tissue out of her pants pocket and wiped her eyes. “I’m so sorry this happened. I feel terrible.”

  “I know you do, but it’s not your fault. You’re not responsible for this.” She gave Julie a hug, then paced the room. “What did the police say? Are they out looking for him?”

  “Yes. They told me that they sent Josh’s description to all the patrol cars in this area, but they haven’t entered him into the nationwide databases because he left voluntarily. If he’d been kidnapped, it would have been different.”

  “I see.” She was doing her best to remain calm and not be overwhelmed by the towering wave of fear building inside her. She felt suffocated, as though oxygen couldn’t get through her bloodstream.

  “I should have known Josh would do something extreme. He’s been unusually hyper, acting out in school, not listening to me.” She ran her hands up and down her arms, trying to warm herself. “Should have seen this coming.”

  “Don’t say that. Blaming ourselves only makes things worse.” Julie put a comforting hand on Lauren’s shoulder. “He’ll come home. I know he will.” She glanced at the clock. “Its half past nine, and he’s got nowhere to go.”

  “Wait by the phone, Julie. I’m going to look around the neighborhood and check in with Shane.” Once she hit the street, she called him, but he didn’t pick up.

  Why wasn’t he calling her? Had he found something? Her worries escalated to full blown panic. If he’d found Josh’s body, he’d have to tell her face to face. He wouldn’t answer her text messages. He wouldn’t call her on the phone.

  She ran around the neighborhood, knocking on people’s doors, stopping cars as they passed, then limped back to the house. She sank into a chair as her legs gave way. “Josh, oh Josh, please come home. Please, God.”

  Julie entered the room. “Nothing? Did you hear from Shane? Has he found our boy?” Tears ran down her cheeks. “What is it? You’re scaring me.”

  “No, Julie. I couldn’t get Shane on the phone. Why wouldn’t he answer it?” She didn’t wait for a reply. “I’m so scared, I can’t think straight.” She put her shaking hands to her lips. “I was just about to pray. Would you pray too?”