Smoke. Fire. Cowboy (Cowboys of Nirvana Book 3)

by Carver, Rhonda Lee

  By the time he headed toward the barn to take care of the horses, he believed he’d lost some of his tension and could talk with people without sounding like a stuttering fool.

  Jared had his head lowered as he rounded the corner and ran smack dab into Maverick who was walking out of the barn. “Whoa there, cowboy. Where’s the fire?”

  Jared shrugged. “Just hurrying to catch up on chores.”

  “No worries. I fed the horses. I figured it must have been something serious that kept you late. Hey, don’t forget to stop in Sofie’s office and grab the purchase order for the load of hay coming this morning. You’ll need it.”

  Sofie? In her office? Jared cringed. Yeah, he wanted to see her again this morning, but he wasn’t quite ready or didn’t think he could manage the poker face. Emotion for a rough and tough cowboy like himself was a dangerous thing. A strong man wasn’t supposed to show a gentle side. These were all new feelings and he had no clue how to respond. Maybe he should send Dade. After all, the kid took every opportunity he could to see Sofie.

  Damn!

  Guilt slithered through Jared. How would Dade take the news that Jared and Sofie had slept together? Well, no one would know. He wasn’t one to kiss and tell. He’d go to his grave with the secret if that’s what she wanted and expected.

  “Sure, I’ll get to it,” he grumbled.

  Maverick chuckled and continued on his way.

  Jared grabbed the radio from inside the barn and called for Dade, but didn’t get a response. He waited, tapping his foot against the hay-strewn floor in irritation. Time was ticking. He couldn’t wait much longer. The horses needed brushed and the truck would be here soon.

  He had no choice.

  Getting back into his Gator, he headed to the administrative offices, irritation building.

  Inside the lobby, Jennifer was sitting at the desk, biting into a powdered donut. When she saw him, she must have exhaled because sugar clouded around her face. She waved her hand through the air as if to get rid of the evidence. “Hi, Jennifer.”

  She dropped the donut into the wastebasket and wiped her mouth, looking at him through fake lashes, her cheeks turning pink. She rolled her tongue along her teeth and smiled. . Yeah, he realized the girl had a crush on him and although she was sweet, he just didn’t feel anything. “Hi, Jared.” Her smile grew wider and he saw a flash of gold from her tongue piercing.

  “I need to see Sofie. Is she in her office?” he asked.

  Jennifer nodded and continued to stare. “Yes.”

  He dipped his hat to her, then turned down the hall. The door was slightly ajar to Sofie’s’ office, but she wasn’t alone. Chase was with her.

  “I hope you don’t hate me after last night.” Jared heard Sofie say.

  He went tense. What about last night? Did Sofie tell Chase what she’d done? Jared took a short step back so they couldn’t see him.

  “How could I hate you?” Chase said. “I hope you don’t hate me.”

  What the hell?

  “I don’t,” Sofie answered. There was a thickness to her voice. Was she nervous?

  “I feel like a jackass, like I didn’t handle the situation the way I should have.” Chase’s strained voice made the hairs on Jared’s arms lift.

  “What is the proper way to handle a situation like that? I know you were caught off guard when I told you that I had feelings for you.”

  Jared’s stomach turned. Feelings? She has feelings for Chase? This is the man she’d kissed? Not Dade?

  Jared needed to get the hell out of the hall, the building. His feet wouldn’t move. He dropped his hands to his sides, clenching his fists as he listened to more of the conversation on the other side of the door.

  “I should never have told you that I wanted us to take things to another level. I don’t know where my head was,” she said. “I was lonely and it got the best of me.”

  “I hope you had a good night’s sleep and everything is better now,” Chase said.

  Jared leaned in, waiting for her answer… “I ran into Jared and he made--”

  He gulped. Why didn’t she finish?

  “Jared what?” Chase asked.

  “I, well, I sat with Jared for a while, but I couldn’t tolerate another second of his ego so I went back to my cabin. Very early. Slept like a baby.”

  Jared practically growled as his lungs deflated. He gritted his teeth, pushing back the desire to laugh aloud. Yeah, she’d slept like a baby alright. Cuddled up next to him like a kitten curled up to its momma’s teat. There wasn’t much talking going on either. He sniffed and took another step back. Sofie had been on fire, just for the wrong cowboy.

  Why did his muscles tighten? Why did he care that she’d given herself to him because she was reeling from rejection? Hell, he shouldn’t be bothered. He’d enjoyed last night. Yet agitation tripled in him, making his temples ache. He wasn’t a stand-in for any cowboy.

  “Jared?” Jennifer said from behind him.

  Shit! Double shit! Busted. He’d have to explain why he was standing outside of Sofie’s door like a creeper. He couldn’t tell the truth. He couldn’t tell Jennifer that he’d believed Sofie had wanted him, but instead had used him to stroke her ego.

  You have a screw lose, cowboy.

  What the hell was happening to him? Had he left his balls back in his cabin this morning? He didn’t like this stuff…this crazy-ass caring or sentimental bullshit. Or drama. That belonged in Hollywood, not on a Wyoming ranch.

  He turned, planning to disappear before Sofie was the wiser…

  Too late.

  The door came open. Sofie’s eyes were wide and her mouth twisted. She looked about as mortified as he felt. “Jared?”

  He knew he shouldn’t have come here this morning. He should have stayed the hell away. Screw that. He shouldn’t have allowed his dick to control the terms and lead him to the biggest mistake of the year. Sleeping with Sofie broke the rules. How had this become a triangle?

  Her tongue darted out, moistening her bottom lip. Flashes of what they’d shared came back with as much destruction as a nuclear bomb. She’d cried his name in the throes of passion, left her marks on his back. Her chest rose and fell as if she had a hard time breathing. He lowered his gaze, remembering her torrid body, firm breasts, and thick nipples. Her scent that still lingered in his nostrils. His cock twitched and he chastised his uncontrollable urges. This was not the time or the place. One mistake was enough.

  He opened his mouth to say something, anything, instead of standing there looking like an idiot with curious eyes watching him.

  Chase stepped up to the door. “Hey, Jared.”

  He dipped his hat, reminding himself that the boss had no clue what Jared and Sofie shared. “The purchase order for the hay. I need to grab that from you.” He was glad his voice didn’t bail out on him.

  “I-I…yes, the purchase order.” Sofie’s voice trembled, or was that Jared’s imagination. He also thought he saw her bottom lip quiver. Yeah, he wouldn’t fall for that innocent expression again.

  “I better get going. I have a few things needing my attention.” Chase put his hat back on his head, exchanged a look with Sofie and then brushed past Jared.

  Chase was gone, but he hadn’t taken any of the awkwardness with him. Sofie stood there for the longest time, not saying anything. Jennifer had finally disappeared from the hallway, but none of the tension in Jared’s gut had vanished. “Purchase order,” he realized his gruff voice told of his inner turmoil, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to get the hell away from her.

  “Okay. Come in.” She took a step back, but he didn’t move right away. Couldn’t he just get the damn purchase order and be on his way? When he realized she didn’t plan to make this any easier on either of them, he finally stepped into her office reluctantly. After she closed the door behind him, he remained close to the exit just in case he needed a quick departure. He needed to be professional, forget how she smelled or how passionate she was in his arms. Or how her
eyes turned to pools of chocolate when she reached orgasm.

  A hard cock went against the grain of professionalism.

  Sofie crossed her arms over her chest, working her bottom lip. Every logical cell in his brain told him not to admire her, just to ignore how the soft blouse flowed over her breasts, or the way the tight red skirt clung to her curves in a nice, but dangerous, way. But he looked. Stupid mistake! His body ached to drag her skirt up and sample divinity.

  Even with the bitterness that lingered his veins, the simple action of looking at her did wonders to parts of his body that remembered all too well how good she felt under him. How right they were in each other’s arms. Pfft! He’d never been a sentimental man and there was no way he’d start now. No way. No how.

  “How long were you standing there?” she asked.

  “Not long.” Thin brows popped up over suspicious eyes. “But long enough.” No reason not to tell the truth. It wasn’t as if he’d done anything wrong.

  She blew out a long breath. “It’s not how you think…”

  “I’m not thinking anything. It’s none of my business.” Yes, that was good. Keep it cool!

  She blinked. “Chase and I…well…”

  “Didn’t I just say it’s none of my business?” Irritation hammered at his vertebrae.

  “I thought you deserved to know, after last night, with you and me—”

  “Fucking? No worries, sweetheart. You don’t need to send out a memo. I knew what it was between us. A couple of lonely people in the middle of nowhere.” The corners of her mouth turned down. Why did he feel guilty for telling the truth?

  Her tongue came out, rolling across her lips as if she hoped the right words would come out. His cock didn’t care about the details. His zipper stretched and all of the oxygen depleted from the room. Grrr. Screwed up body!

  CHAPTER SIX

  Sofie rubbed her hands together as she watched Jared tuck his thumbs into his front pockets. He appeared unruffled, but the creases around his eyes told her he wasn’t as calm inside as he wanted her to believe. He’d overheard her conversation with Chase and, somehow, she needed to fix it. She was embarrassed.

  He lifted his chin, his penetrating eyes sparkled in the sunlight. She remembered how dark his eyes had gotten when he held her. How good his strong arms had felt wrapped around her. Swallowing, she twisted her hands together until her knuckles ached and burned. Why was she overcome with a desire to put her hands on his chest, fall mindlessly into his arms and repeat what they’d shared last night. Even after he called it ‘fucking’, she still wanted more—wanted him. The truth was simple and couldn’t be ignored. No man had ever made her feel more alive than Jared. With Luther she’d tried so hard to please him, always wondering if her inexperience had turned him off. Jared lifted her confidence, sharing how lovers do, giving and taking. Not one training another.

  The need hadn’t come to a close, but she’d probably kissed away any chance of being with Jared again. He looked at her now in palpable loathing.

  She dropped her arms to her sides. “I think we do need to talk.”

  He nodded. “If you think so. If I remember right though, you didn’t want to talk this morning.”

  There was the cold shoulder, just as expected. Would they go back to not talking, giving each other curious glances across the room? Things would grow to a point of awkwardness as the secret snowballed into a lie. She’d lived with lies before and she’d suffered. She walked to her desk and sat down, needing something between them. “What you heard—”

  “Don’t you believe in closing doors?” His jaw tightened. His wall was crumbling.

  “I didn’t know he was going to show up and have the discussion right here.” What a silly defense. Chase would want to talk about her impulsive revelation of emotion, want to work things out—just as she wanted to do with Jared now. Nirvana was a place of peace and tranquility, and that was slipping at the speed of a racehorse. The waves were her creation. She’d become a curse instead of the Life Skills Coach. The glue that kept everyone from falling apart had lost its stickiness.

  “Bullshit.” He dragged his hat from his head and tore a hand through his hair.

  “You’re angry, I know—”

  “I’m only pissed because, well, you should have told me. You couldn’t have Chase and so you settled. Went slumming. Hey, I get that.”

  Her hands shook as she laid them on the polished desk. “Now you’re only cooking up absurdity.”

  “Oh really?” His eyes filled with pent-up fury.

  “Okay, hold it right there. Don’t make me out to be the bad guy when we both went into this with eyes wide open. You wanted me as much as I wanted you—yes, I wanted you.” Realizing anyone passing in the hall could hear, even with the door closed, she lowered her tone. The last thing they needed was their secret falling into the wrong hands. “That’s the truth, Jared. I had no reason to tell you that it was Chase that I had kissed, just as I didn’t tell him that you and I—” Why couldn’t she say the words? “—that we made love.”

  He chuckled and the sound traveled through her bloodstream, nestling in the unsafe zone. She wanted him, but she needed to stay focused. She didn’t want to be the reason why he, or both of them, lost their jobs.

  “Love had nothing to do with it. Now lust, that fits perfectly,” he said coldly.

  Because she couldn’t help herself, she allowed her eyes to take a quick path from his black T-shirt to the waist of his jeans and lower. She couldn’t do this—couldn’t get involved in a tangled spider web. But maybe she already was. “Agreed. We were both in a mood.” A mood? She just kept digging that proverbial hole deeper.

  “Okay, looks like it’s settled. We fucked. We had a good time. We salved a momentary need. That it?” His gaze narrowed.

  She bit her bottom lip and looked toward the window. Her emotions were in an upheaval. Why couldn’t she nod and allow him to disappear? “No, that’s not it. I enjoyed last night.”

  He blew out a long breath, “But?”

  “No.” She placed her shaking hands in her lap. “I just wanted you to know I feel a little less alone today.” She brought her gaze back to him. His jaw had softened some.

  He tugged his goatee then slid his palm over his cheek, the sandpapery sound of his beard tickled her inner thighs—her chafed inner thighs from beard burn. His iron clad gaze burned into her, but it only excited her more. Wow, was she on some kind of hormonal imbalance? She was in trouble.

  “Purchase order?”

  All business indeed.

  She leaned forward, browsed through the stack of papers on the corner of her desk, found the document he needed and stuck it out for him to take. He stared at the document for a good three seconds before sighing, then strolling across the room and taking it from her.

  “That’s what you need,” she said softly.

  “See you later.” He dipped his hat and turned. And it never failed, she caught a long look of his behind. Still looking good. Still causing an eruption of need in her center.

  The door clicked in finality.

  Slumping back into the chair, she had the feeling that a good breeze had come along and blew her for a loop, helping her realize something crazily wretched about herself. She’d never wanted Chase, not really. He never made her heart tick faster or her inner thighs tremble. Not like Jared could. Looking back now, she had to admit that she’d hidden her emotions from him since day one at Nirvana to a point of pretending she didn’t like him. He’d threatened her newly built wall. The facts blared her in the face. She wanted to feel his naked body against hers, again. Wanted to be ravaged by his hands, his mouth, his shaft. She wanted to forget all of the rules and expectations and concentrate on passion—there was plenty between them.

  He’d given her a cold shoulder and that should have dulled the familiar ache in the pit of her stomach. Nothing could ease the desire. This made her realize how much she truly wanted him from the start.

  Her vision blurr
ed. She needed to protect her heart. Opening up meant a risk of pain. Yet, she could also risk being alone.

  Jared wasn’t a ‘bad’ man. He was rough around the edges and had a way of forgetting his verbal filter, but she saw a different side to him—a side she doubted many people saw. He was thoughtful, kind, and passionate. Caring.

  Could she be confused, clouded in some post-sex high?

  Last night…whew! She’d had a wild sex life with her ex, but what she’d experienced with Jared could only be described as off the charts, hotter-than-hell, toes-curled, freaking great sex. And she wanted more. Not just one night.

  Her inner thighs throbbed and her sensitive skin moistened. At this rate, she was going to have to change her panties.

  With a frustrated groan, she shifted in the leather chair, none of the tension in her loins eased, and none of the thoughts of Jared disappeared. She was battling an internal fire and needed, craved, release. She forced the idea of self-pleasure from her mind and pulled out unfinished paperwork, but her thoughts kept traveling back to Jared…his hard muscles, and his harder—

  “Damn!” She pushed back in the chair, stomped to the door and turned the lock. Going back to her desk, she slipped her hand underneath her skirt and dragged off her thong. Images of Jared’s face and his steely eyes attacked the paths of her mind as she trembled. She moved to the corner of her desk, tugging the hem of her skirt higher on her thighs, hearing seams rip, and spreading her knees. The cooler breeze swept across her nether lips, but didn’t begin to fan the flames that had ignited in her tingling core.

  Memories of how Jared kissed her flesh, had darted his tongue in and out of her trembling flower, taking her to a place of potent, powerful release had her already close. Her breasts lifted and pressed against the silk top, her nipples prickling and tightening into diamond buds. If only she had Jared here, his fingers exploring her, his hard body pushing into her.

  She imagined that instead of him storming out, he’d stayed and joined her for a morning repeat of sensual lovemaking. No matter how many times he’d wanted to dirty up what they’d shared by calling it ‘fucking’, she knew better…knew how he’d touched her with such gentle, exploring hands.