Erin shimmied out of her bottoms and replaced them with a pair of denim jeans. Removing her top, she added a white spaghetti strap shirt. Since they would sit inside to eat, Erin wouldn’t worry too much about the summer heat. Besides, the air conditioning unit kept the temperature in the house cool. Slipping her feet inside a pair of open toe sandals, Erin left the closet for the bathroom. She flipped the light on then stared at her image in the mirror. Her thick sandy red hair held a light bounce and it fell over her shoulders stopping just at the top of her back.
Light freckles decorated her face right along both sides of her nose. They scattered over her checks then disappeared into her skin. She grabbed her lip gloss then applied a coat over her pink lips and finger combed her hair. Straightening up, Erin stepped in front of her full-length mirror and twirled side to side. She was cute but feeling plain. A thought crossed her mind and Erin left the bathroom moving to a dresser by the window in her master suite; there, she squatted. Underneath the bed, she pulled a jewelry box out and sat it on top. Her knees sunk into the carpet as she perched on them with her elbows rested on the mattress. Erin bit her lip, something she always did when she was nervous. Then, gaining an ounce of courage, she opened the wooden top and pulled out a sterling silver necklace and a lone sterling silver engagement ring that sat next to it.
It was the gift Caleb had given her on their prom night and the one she’d wanted to cherish forever. Erin unclasped the necklace and draped it around her neck. When it latched on, a slideshow of memories cruised through her forefront.
“Why are you doing this to yourself,” she asked aloud.
Staring at the items brought back too many memories; ones she’d soon rather forget. At the time they meant everything, but now, they only represented the heartbreak she’d felt when her and Caleb’s forever had been cut short. She went to remove the jewelry when the doorbell rang. The sound reverberated through the house on a symphonic wave sending an unexpected vibration over her skin. With wide eyes, Erin glanced at the clock on the wall. It felt like only five minutes passed, but no. Caleb said he would be there in fifteen minutes and he was a man of his word.
“Shit,” she cursed. Adding the ring back to the box, Erin swiftly slid it under the bed, then stood to her feet.
Although she tried to feel normal, Erin’s nerves were on edge. Why did she give him her address instead of going to his hotel? Her footfalls were soft as she made her way down the hallway. Erin approached the door and leaned into the peephole. When she pulled back, quickly Erin took another swift hand down her shirt and tugged around its edges making sure it was neat and centered.
Opening the door brought in an array of sunlight. When Caleb stepped through its rays, it was as if he’d been sent from above. How corny Erin. Seeing him in the daylight put his features sharply on display. The black hair on his head gave him a rugged appeal and it fit his strong masculine face nicely. His thin black brows only further accentuated his gorgeous face, along with the fine hairs that peppered around his lips and chin in the transformation of a mustache and neatly trimmed goatee.
“Hello again,” his deep voice thundered.
“Hey,” was Erin’s only response. She took her eyes over his white Brooks Brothers shirt that was packed with ironclad muscles and a broad chest. Her gaze traveled down to his waist and quickly skipped over his Capri shorts to his toned knees and solid calves. On his feet were a pair of white sandals; much like her own. Caleb had shown up in casual clothing, but everything about his look was anything but. He carried it so smoothly from the neatly buttoned collar to the watch that accessorized his wrist and the tattoo that peeked from his neckline. That was something new on him, but it stood out like a sore thumb although it was mostly hidden behind his polo shirt.
“You don’t mind if I come in, do you?”
“Oh,” Erin removed herself from blocking the door. “Sure, that’s what you’re here for right?” She smiled nervously then bit the corner of her lip.
Caleb moved inside, and Erin closed the door behind him. In his hand a yellow bag clung from his fingers.
“You’re nervous,” he said reaching for her chin.
Erin forgot momentarily that Caleb knew her inside and out. Well, almost anyway.
“I’m fine,” she said releasing her bottom lip. “I’ll take that off your hands,” she added reaching for the bag.
Caleb handed it over and when their fingers brushed, a buzz spread throughout them both. Erin sucked in a quick breath while Caleb’s gaze lingered on her. His hand lifted and skipped down her neckline sending a riot of chills pouring over her skin.
“You’re wearing the necklace I gave you,” his thick voice strummed.
Just that quickly Erin had forgotten about that, too. She’d tossed the ring back in the box but left the necklace on. She cleared her throat.
“We’ll sit over here, if it’s alright with you,” she said, deciding not to respond to his statement.
Erin strolled to the dining table. She wasn’t trying to put an extra sway in her steps, but it happened anyway. Caleb didn’t miss it either. As she walked, he couldn’t keep his eyes from outlining her shoulders, thin waist and the curve in her hips. Erin had never been a skinny girl, but she’d never been fat either.
Caleb enjoyed the small roundness of her assets, derriere included. Erin stopped before a square short glass table and motioned with her hands to the seat across from her.
“After you,” he said pulling out her chair.
Erin wanted to be unbothered by the gesture, but it was one of those sweet sentiments he used to do when they were dating, and it stirred her emotions; making her wish she’d turned the air up higher.
“Thank you,” she said.
“Always.”
He took his seat and no sooner than he sat down, George trotted from another room with his tail wagging and his tongue hanging. He ran right up to Caleb and seeing his pup for the first time in six years, Caleb’s eyes widened, and he moved from the chair to a squat to welcome George’s greeting.
“Hey boy!” Caleb deep voice droned.
George barked three times back to back. He stood on hind legs almost jumping into Caleb’s arm. His tail wagged, and Caleb ruffled his golden fur and laughed as George’s excitement gripped him. Watching the reunion was pleasant for Erin. Her eyes misted over, but she wiped away the tears before they could fall. Erin and George had many nights when they’d lay on the carpet in front of the fireplace and talk about their reunion with Caleb. Well mostly Erin talked while George listened. But if his moans and groans, along with his nuzzling in her chin were his responses then she’d say that was a double-sided tête-à-tête.
“You still have him,” Caleb said genuinely happy to be with them both again.
“Of course, I have him. What was I supposed to do, throw him away because that’s what you did to me?”
It was the spiciest retort that had left her mouth, ever. Caleb’s wide eyes darkened and the coasting up and down George’s fur paused.
Shit.
Erin didn’t want to keep showing how vulnerable she was in front of Caleb. She wanted not to care and was bent on making him think it was no big deal. But it was too late for that. Not only had Caleb felt an edge of her iciness last night, but this made it clear.
“I didn’t throw you away, baby,” Caleb rose to his feet holding Erin with a potent stare. He took the few steps toward her and reached out to grab her hand.
“Don’t,” she said.
The warning didn’t stop him from proceeding. His manly warm palm slipped around her wrist and he tugged her carefully.
“I said don’t,” she repeated a little louder.
“Let me talk to you.”
“You are talking and I’m listening.”
“Face me, Erin.”
Erin shut her eyes and let out a deep breath. With frustration she stood to her feet and the movement was so quick that the chair toppled and fell over behind her. Erin folded her arms and pursed
her lips. Caleb reached for her again and Erin took a defined step back.
Caleb pressed his hands together in the sign of a prayer.
“I’m sorry,” he said staring her down. “I never meant to hurt you baby, please you have to understand.” His words wavered, and George wrapped around his ankles before settling at the base of Caleb’s feet. “I was in a dark place. Everything around me was falling apart and I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.”
This only seemed to infuriate Erin. Her nostrils flared, and she shook her head. “I told you not to go in the first place, didn’t I?!” She yelled and pointed a finger out at him. “But did you listen to me, Caleb?!”
“I’d already enlisted. You can’t just back out when you want, it doesn’t work like that.”
“You know what, I’ve lost my appetite,” she said.
“Baby…”
“Stop calling me that! You lost the right to when you dumped me like a sack of trash!” Tears glazed over in Erin’s eyes. “You don’t get to reject me time and time again and think I’m supposed to just get over it!”
Caleb’s forehead creased. “Time and time again, what are you talking about? I never—”
“Don’t you dare lie! You and your father are a piece of work you know that! You swore you didn’t want to be like him when we were younger, but you followed his footsteps like a blueprint! What is wrong with you!? How could you do it with all the plans we’d made? Night and day, we talked about our life together. For God’s sake, you proposed to me Caleb! Why would you do that knowing you had no intentions of following through!?” Erin’s breathing labored, and her anger boiled over. “Why Caleb!?”
“Baby, it was a mistake.”
“So were we!” She shouted.
The room became still, and Caleb watched her intensely just as Erin watched him. “That’s a lie,” he said.
Erin folded her arms defiantly. “No, it isn’t.”
“Yes, it is.”
Erin’s laugh did not derive from a place of comedic satisfaction, but from the madness that continued to build in her. They weren’t making progress and she had the feeling this entire meet up was a mistake.
“Please enlighten me then. Because with all the time I wasted with you, I could’ve been with—with—”
“With Jason?” He asked.
Erin’s jaw locked, and she let out a frustrated breath.
“Is that what you were going to say, Erin?”
They had a staredown, with neither of them moving or speaking for a sixty-second window. She saw the hurt in his eyes and even though he’d hurt her time and time again, Erin never wanted to exude that type of pain on him. She sighed.
“I’m not seeing, Jason,” she confessed. “Never have and never wanted to. He is just persistent with trying to take me out. He didn’t try it until after we broke up.”
She decided to omit the part about owing Jason a date, and there was a visible sign of relief on Caleb’s face.
“Look, I don’t want to argue with you,” Erin said, “but you need to know, I have been hurt only a few times to the point where I felt shattered, and you were the cause of them all.”
Caleb’s chest tightened. It was worse than he thought.
“I’m so sorry, baby. Please, give me another chance. I promise never to...”
Erin was shaking her head no. “Another chance? To do what? No. You can’t be asking me what I think you are.”
“Erin.”
“I can’t Caleb. I might not survive the next time you decide to make your own plans. Who says I’m available now to be with you? Who says I’m not already dating someone else?”
This time Caleb’s jaw locked. “Are you,” he asked; his voice low and steely.
They watched each other long and hard before Erin shrugged. This time when Caleb reached for her, his hands connected with her shoulders and he drew her in.
“I know what I did was wrong. It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with my frame of mind.” He tried to reach her soul through the piercing gaze in his eyes. “Please…”
“Just because you believe that doesn’t make it okay. You say it had nothing to do with me, but it had everything to do with me, Caleb. For a full year, I wallowed in sorrow, depressed and unable to interact with society. I assumed the worst when I didn’t hear from you again, even after you told me to move on with my life because I just couldn’t believe you would do that to me. I’ve never been in the army, but I’d done tons of research on how a soldier’s life can be impacted by being a part of the elite group. But after hearing through Amy that you were alive and kicking, I gave in to defeat.”
Erin’s eyes misted over again.
“For three years I heard nothing from you. Silence. You broke my heart, Caleb! You can’t just come back and ask me to give you another chance.” A tear fell from one eye than the other. “So, I’m sorry that you were in a dark place, but so was I, and you were the cause, so just,” she shimmied out of his embrace, “leave. You’ve said what you had to say, and I got your half-assed answer. Now just go.”
Erin turned around and walked away. Caleb felt her slipping through his fingers. His heart knocked in his chest. He was on the cusp of losing her forever, but he couldn’t. Caleb’s love for Erin went beyond the physical realm of this world, past the torment of his nights, beyond the mere air that they breathed. A wounded sound crept from his lips when he spoke.
“I killed my partner,” he said.
Erin’s steps halted and slowly she rotated on her heels. A plethora of emotions ran across Caleb’s face. But what was more prominent than the sadness, fear, and anger she saw, was the tears that trickled down his ivory cheeks in a rainfall. Caleb dropped to his knees and his hands sank into the floor as he fell over, bracing himself from colliding with the ground. In a reflex, Erin ran to him. She kneeled to meet him on the floor; her eyes large and her heart beating out of her chest.
“Caleb,” she uttered, her voice in a shaking vibration.
The tears continued to stream from Caleb and his cry turned into a detrimental sob.
“Oh my God!” Erin said as her own tears poured down her face. “I’m so sorry,” she said, wrapping her arms around him. “I’m so sorry,” she repeated as she held on to him tightly.
8
They fell in a heap on the floor with Erin’s grip so solid they were sure to turn into a single person. Caleb’s masculine frame trembled, and his arms closed around Erin’s waist. He cried on her shoulder, boldly releasing all his pent-up sorrow. Erin mourned with him and thoughts of what he experienced flip through her mind. She shut her eyes tight as he freed his spirit. It almost crippled Erin. Never before had she seen him this way and it cut through her soul and made her feel resentful of everything she’d said.
He’d killed his partner, how horrible that must’ve been for him. Erin didn’t know the details, but regardless, it made her heartbreak feel insignificant. When Caleb said he was in a dark place, she never imagined it would derive from this type of situation. And his partner. Their family was more than likely crushed when they received the news. What if he had a wife, a child? He was someone’s son, and possibly someone’s future that they would never have because of what happened. Erin’s heart thundered right along with Caleb’s, and for the better part of an hour, they lay there holding each other without words.
Caleb’s tears dried but neither of them found the sentiments to express what they felt. Erin gave him time; however, much was needed for him to regroup and explain what he meant. When Caleb finally moved, it was to roll from his side to his back. He stared up at Erin’s tray ceilings, then with a tug he pulled Erin to his chest and she braced her arms against the solid wall of his torso as she stared down into his tear stained face.
“His name was Timothy Moore.” He paused. “We entered basic training at the same time. He was from Colorado and we were strangers. But there’s a connection that bonds you instantly when you’re serving in the military.” Caleb c
leared his throat. “Shortly after we met, I found out his reason for enlisting which was like my own.”
“Because of his father?”
Caleb’s gaze left the ceiling and traveled to Erin’s. “Because he wanted to make his father proud. Being the single heir in his family, he wanted to be a star in his dad’s eyes. It’s like a prized possession.”
Somehow, Erin knew Caleb was not only speaking in terms of Timothy but also about his own situation.
“Timothy’s father had also served.”
“Just like yours,” Erin said.
Caleb nodded.
“But you said you never wanted to be like your father. Growing up, I saw how demanding he was; much like a drill sergeant. You hated him.”
“I hated what he’d become,” Caleb said. “But there were times when we hung out and I witnessed the person I knew him to be. So, I felt like all was not lost. Those times gave me hope. They also made me want to make him proud to call me his son.” Caleb paused. “Erin,” his hands moved to hers that resided against his chest. He linked their fingers and looked her in the eye as he spoke next.
“I’m sorry. I know saying that doesn’t take away the pain I’ve caused you, and you’ll never know how much I regret that. But one thing I found out, not just from being in the military but also from growing as a man is spousal communication is important. If I had to do this over, I would've pulled you to the side and talked to you about my plans. I was just so afraid to lose you, and in the end that’s what happened anyway.” He pulled in a deep breath as Erin pulled in one of her own.
Erin’s emotional state of mind was overwhelmed at the moment, and she couldn’t think straight with everything Caleb was throwing at her.
“Caleb, I don’t know what to say.”
Wait For Me (A Military Romance Book 1) Page 5