Window in the Earth Trilogy

by Fish, Matthew

  “Car headlights reflecting through the window,” Christopher whispered as he sighed heavily.

  “Maybe you are remembering what you want to remember. Two people died, you found another’s body, and you were separated from mom. I want to believe in what you do, but that doctor we saw after mom died—she said things would be hard.” Alena said as she slowly got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. She placed her arms around her father and buried her face in his chest. “I don’t want to lose you as well. Not in any way. Is it possible at all that it didn’t happen?”

  “Allie,” Christopher whispered as he held tightly onto his daughter and buried his face in her long dark hair. “I’m sorry for everything, I truly am. You are way to insightful for you age. It terrifies me sometimes, you know?”

  “You scare me when you go off at night and search for something that isn’t there and come back all banged up,” Alena whispered in reply as she released her hold. “Can’t we just go home?”

  “I’m not ready to go home just yet,” Christopher admitted sadly. He knew that she did not want to hear this. He hated even having to say it. He could not go home without some proof. He knew what she said made a great deal of sense—but, he knew in his heart that what happened in the past was real, every single moment of it. He was not crazy, or so bothered by the past that he had to white-wash it into some elaborate story. Still, after all he had been through, after Kylie’s death—he could not say with a hundred percent certainty that she was wrong. This revelation terrified him most of all--the small possibility that her words were the only truth, left him feeling even more devastated.

  “Why do we stay here when it only makes you feel sad?” Alena asked as she shook her head and stared up into Christopher’s eyes.

  “I don’t know what to do when we get back,” Christopher said as he walked towards the open counter and sat down against the barstool. “I don’t know how to deal with….anything.”

  “Deal with me?”

  “I’m never going to be the person your mother was,” Christopher said sadly as he nodded and buried his face in his hands. “I’m not any good this.”

  “I’m more capable than you think,” Alena said as she got into the cupboard and retrieved a cup full of cat food from the green bag and then proceeded to fill up a small mason jar with water. She then headed towards the stairs, before ascending she looked to her father spoke, “You will never be mom—but you’re all I’ve got now. I’ll stay here as long as you need to, but don’t make it long. For either of us…don’t make it long.”

  As Alena’s footfalls hurried up the staircase, Christopher broke down into tears. The growing frustration overcame him once more. Why didn’t anyone come to him in the cave when he needed them? Was it truly all a fabrication—a story of their own imagination. It had to be more. It felt real, it all seemed so real. It could not just be something they made up to cope with the difficulties. Then again, there was some proof…

  “Dad…!” Alena shouted desperately from upstairs.

  Christopher rushed to his feet and raced up the stairs. He entered the room. Curled up against the bed was the old cat named Face. He was motionless.

  “He was just… just sleeping.”

  Christopher ran a hand against the cat’s body. It was cold to the touch. “Not now… Old friend—please not now.”

  Alena began to cry. She patted the old cat upon the head and rushed over and threw her arms around her father. “Why?”

  “I don’t know Allie,” Christopher whispered as he began to wrap up the sheet around the old cat. He did not want Allie to see the lifeless body any further. “I thought he would be with us forever.”

  “He was… my best friend,” Alena whispered through tears as she stared at the form wrapped up in the white sheet. “Now our family is even smaller. It’s not fair.”

  Christopher led Alena out and sat her upon the couch as he went to the basement and procured himself an old, rusty wooden-handled shovel. He handed the shovel to Alena. “Do you think you can handle carrying this—it isn’t very far from the house?”

  Alena nodded as she wiped away tears that refused to stop.

  “I’ll be right back,” Christopher said as he placed a hand upon Alena’s head. He then left to return to Alena’s bedroom. He carefully wrapped up the cat in the sheets until it was a snug fit. He carefully carried his old friend down the stairs and nodded to Alena as they headed out the door.

  They walked the short distance to the hill in saddened silence. They walked up the crude brick stairs. The morning sun shone through the clearing as Christopher opened up the old black metal gate to the Janes’ cemetery. He carried Face to a spot next to his brother’s gravestone. This seemed fitting—after all, Face was family.

  Christopher took the shovel from Alena and paused as he held the folded cloth out to her. “Would you hold him for me—he’s going to go to be with the others…”

  “Yes,” Alena whispered as she cried once more.

  Christopher began to dig into the soft earth still wet from the morning dew. Beads of sweat dropped down from his forehead as he dug further and further into the earth. The sun bore down on him as it grew warmer. After some time a decent sized hold was formed in the ground. He set the shovel against a nearby tree and returned to Alena. “It’s time…okay?”

  “Okay…” Alena softly spoke as she handed over the cloth wrapped body.

  Christopher carefully lowered Face down into the hole. He reached for the shovel and paused as he readied himself to cover up the remains of the old cat. As a tear escaped from his eye he shook his head and attempted to compose himself—for Alena’s sake, for she had not stop crying since the terrible discovery. “You were…the best cat that there ever was. You were a great friend. You’re in great company now.”

  “Goodbye Face…” Alena sputtered as she fell to her knees in front of the freshly dug grave. She watched as her father piled fresh earth into the hole until it was completely filled in. “I will always remember you…”

  Christopher threw the shovel to the ground and took Alena into his arms. “I’m so sorry Allie."

  “I’ll never understand why people can just…die,” Alena said as she shook her head and attempted to wipe away tears with dirt stained hands.

  “I wish I could say something to explain it,” Christopher said as he turned to the other graves nearby. “I thought we would be spared from grief—we’d been through enough of it.”

  “Is this…” Alena said as she approached James’s gravestone.

  “This is your uncle…my brother, James,” Christopher said as he placed an arm around Alena and led her closer. “James, this is Alena—My Alena… I’m glad to finally get to introduce you.” Christopher then turned to Alena and brought her hand against the warm stone. “It’s okay to say anything, he can hear you.”

  “Hello James,” Alena said softly as she nodded. “It’s nice to meet you; I wish we could have met sooner. Please take care of our cat—he is a great cat.”

  “I know that he will,” Christopher whispered as he brought Alena to the next gravestone over. “Bones… This is your great granddaughter. I’m happy to finally introduce you to her.”

  “Hello Bones,” Alena said as she placed her hand against the stone. “I’m sorry that I called your house creepy.”

  “He was probably pretty used to it,” Christopher said as he wiped away another stray tear from his eye. Hand in hand they walked over to the final gravestone. In the sunlight it sparkled as flecks of the granite caught the light and refracted it back.

  “Is this your grandmother? Catherine “Cat” Janes,” Alena read aloud. “It’s nice to meet you as well.”

  “We never met,” Christopher said as he nodded. “She died long before we came here.”

  “I bet she was a nice lady,” Alena said as she ran her hand against the stone.

  “I am sure that she was.”

  “Dad..?”

  “Yes,” Christopher replie
d as he drew Alena close and placed an arm around her.

  “Is there something different about us—I mean, why is there so much death in our family? Like your parents that are buried back at home with mom… Most families aren’t this way,” Alena said as she eyed the fresh grave of the new addition to the cemetery. “Are you going to die too?

  “I promise I won’t”

  “Don’t promise,” Alena protested as she began to cry once more. “Promises don’t mean anything.”

  “I don’t know why our family has gone through so much. I will try my best to be here with you, as long as I am allowed. I think it will be a long time,” Christopher said as he attempted to console his daughter. He instantly regretted his thoughts of suicide the night before. He never realized how completely selfish it was. Out here in the country, in the middle of nowhere, Alena would have had no idea how to handle it if he did not return. Nearly a hundred miles from the nearest city she would have probably died here as well—if not starvation, the eventual madness or dehydration as she wandered off looking for some kind of help. He felt nothing but a horrible guilt that the idea even crossed his mind. He felt so stupid and inconsiderate.

  “I don’t want either of us to die,” Alena said as she looked to all the graves in the cemetery. “But we are going to, aren’t we?”

  “Not for a very long time,” Christopher said, attempting to sound reassuring. He knew that he could offer her no better comfort. After all, her mother died suddenly—Face died just as suddenly. Christopher’s parents had disappeared from this world in an instant and to make matters worse, she was confronted with the rest of the family here. There was so much death. He could see how it seemed as though it was all that there was to life.

  “I hope so,” Alena said very reluctantly. “Will we all be together when we die?”

  “Do you believe so?”

  “I don’t think so,” Alena said as her eyes welled up with tears once more. “I mean, I hope so. I just don’t believe in anything anymore.”

  “I believe we’ll always be together, in some way.” Christopher said as he wiped away the tears from Alena’s eyes with the edge of his shirt. “Let’s head back to the house.”

  “Alright,” Alena said as she nodded once. As the two walked away Alena and Christopher looked back to the cemetery.

  Christopher remembered the first time he had taken in the cat. He was just about to leave Pine Hollow with his aunt Lynn. Face rubbed against his leg, he remembered a puff of blue smoke emerging from the cat’s mouth. Had he imagined it? Cats don’t live longer than twenty years…right? He hated that he was filled with so much doubt. It was as though the difficulties and trials of life were attempting to erase the magical events of his childhood and he was succumbing to it. He had to stop it. He had to hold on to hope—hope that there was something more. There was something more. Wasn’t there?

  Once back in the house, Alena sat upon the couch and stared off like a zombie towards the television screen. Christopher had neither the will-nor-want to persuade her to do anything to the contrary. After all, Face was his last connection to his past. That old cat that he loved so much was his only link to a time that may have been a fallacy—a creation of his own distressed mind and overactive imagination. Now, no one else remained among the living to back up his memories. He hated that he doubted the past—it had to be true. He and Kylie had discussions about what happened…didn’t he? He can remember the conversations in his head, just as clearly as he can remember everything else. It had to be the grief of Kylie’s death that was causing him to question it. Christopher assured himself that must be the cause. Still, there was that nagging thought in the back of his mind that kept asking, ‘what if?’

  Christopher began to walk about the house. He remembered the smoke-like rabbits that appeared from his copy of “Watership Down” and bounded about the room. He walked towards the basement door and placed his hand upon the old wooden surface. He remembered the tornado—how Alena had saved them. Christopher remembered the strange sounds he heard, the night that his words formed visible in the air and trailed off into the darkness. There used to be so much magic here. None of it was ever malicious, or scary—not in a horror movie way. It was all wonderful; the only terrible occurrences were the ones that happened as a result of daily life. All the bad things, or monsters, were just bad people and bad situations.

  When even arrived, Christopher tossed a giant bowl full of canned beef stew into the microwave. He stood next to it as it spun about—mentally he was still lost in thought. He had spent most of the day trying to piece together all of his memories here like some kind of scattered puzzle.

  Christopher’s mind snapped back into focus as the microwave beeped. He spooned out a bit of the stew and walked over to the couch and set it in front of Alena.

  “I can’t eat,” Alena said as she looked away.

  “I know Allie, I know…” Christopher said as he placed a hand over her small hand. “But, you have to eat something or else you will get sick.”

  “I can’t believe he’s gone,” Alena began as tears followed once more.

  “I can’t either,” Christopher said as he squeezed her hand gently. “I still swear I see him out of the corner of my eye from time to time. He was always there.”

  “What did we do wrong?” Alena asked as she began to cry even more.

  Christopher took his daughter into his arms and brushed away her long dark hair from her face. He attempted to smile, but could not find even the strength to fake happiness. “Please don’t cry Allie, we didn’t do anything wrong?”

  “Then why are we alone?”

  “I know it seems bad now, but it won’t be that way forever—we won’t always feel so alone.”

  “I feel like we are being punished.”

  Christopher could think of nothing to say to comfort his daughter once more. His feeling of being a growing failure was multiplying tenfold. “I should have never brought you here…”

  “You and mom were happy here,” Alena whispered through tears. “I understand.”

  “Will you go somewhere with me one last time?” Christopher asked as he stood back up and reached for Alena’s hand.

  “Yes,” Alena said as she took her father’s injured hand and followed him out the front door.

  Christopher shut the door behind them and sat down against the small staircase. He dusted off some of the dirt from the granite steps and gestured for Alena to sit beside him. Christopher looked out into the night. The air was filled with thousands of fireflies. A soft breeze blew through the night that teemed with the sound of life in abundance—the familiar frogs, the crickets, a haunting hoot of an owl came from the distance. Each breeze would cause the glowing fireflies to shift in the wind like a glowing cloud.

  “There are so many,” Alena said as she looked to the glowing creatures that filled the air in a beautiful abundance.

  “That’s what me and James talked about one night out here,” Christopher said as he placed his arm around her delicate shoulders. “Your mother and I used to sit here, in this very spot and just talk. We’d watch the fireflies glow. Sometimes we didn’t even need to talk. We’d just watch them flash through the sky, each with their own glow, their own unique flash. Some would flash like a strobe light; others would have long glows with brief pauses.”

  “What makes them glow?”

  “When I was little I used to think it was magic,” Christopher said as he paused. “As I grew up I realized: I never wanted to know.”

  “So you don’t want to know how they work…” Alena said, puzzled, as she continued to watch the magnificent display.

  “It’s like a good magic trick,” Christopher said as he nodded. “Your mother thought so too. Once you realize everything about how it works, it wouldn’t seem as special when you saw someone perform it.”

  “I’d want to figure how it worked anyway,” Alena softly said as she looked away from the fireflies and up to her father. “Does that disappoint you
?”

  “No,” Christopher replied without hesitation. “You’ve always been so smart. So capable; you’ve never done anything that has ever disappointed me. In fact, it’s honestly scared me how smart and self sufficient you are.”

  “It never meant that I didn’t need you,” Alena said as she began to cry.

  “I’m so sorry Allie,” Christopher said as he embraced Alena. “I have made a lot of stupid mistakes. I thought things were important that weren’t at all. If anyone deserves to be punished for anything, it’s me. I should have been there more as a father. I just, I always thought there would be time. I know I’ll never be as good as your mother—“

  “All I want is for you to try,” Alena cut her father off as she placed her arms around him. “I love you… I don’t need for you to be anything more than you are, I just need you to know that I need you.”

  “I love you too Allie,” Christopher said as he desperately fought back tears. He had never seen Alena be so open and honest. All at once, he felt nothing but deep regret and sickness for every selfish moment he thought only of himself. “I will try my best to be who you need me to be. I will never let anything come before you.”

  “This time you can promise,” Alena said as she allowed a bit of her wit to escape. “But if you break it, I’ll go and live in that cave.”

  “You’ll go live in the cave?”

  “I can go right off there an’ find a cave,” Alena mocking said as she tightened her grip. “an' never have no ketchup but I won't care. If Dad don't want me... I'll go away.”

  “I still can’t believe they had you read “Of Mice and Men” in English this past year.”

  “It’s advanced English,” Alena corrected.

  “I promise,” Christopher said sincerely.

  “Promise accepted.”

  “Thank you for this,” Christopher said as he nodded. He felt as though a great weight was lifted from his shoulders. He had allowed so much time to pass without them talking, really talking, and he did not realize how much he missed it.

  “You’re silly,” Alena said as she pushed him away. “Tell me something about mom that happened here—something without…”