Breathless Bodies

by Brigit Levois

  'Woman, you hit your head more than anyone I know." I glanced around and noticed I was on the floor in front of the sofa.

  "I didn't make it to the sofa, did I?" He looked at me and chuckled. Placing his hands under my shoulders, he helped me up. I touched his chest to get my balance and felt his heart beat, strong and steady, when my fingers curled slightly, his heart beat sped up. He grabbed my hand and took it off his chest.

  "I think you need to go back to bed." He said gently. "I'll sleep on the couch in case you have any more nightmares." He pulled me in front of him and gently pushed me by my shoulders back to the bed. As I lay down, I wondered what parts were real and what was the dream. Malcolm left and I assumed he was going to go lay on the couch so I wiggled out of my jeans and got back under the sheet. He came back in with the bottle of water I hadn't drunk.

  "Thank you Malcolm. For everything." He smiled and turned to leave.

  "It's no problem. Get some sleep." I drank the water and laid down to sleep. But I couldn't stop thinking about my dreams.

  The pounding on the door is what woke me.

  "Come on little sis, can't sleep all day." I groaned and turned over. I was only in my underthings so I didn't open the door.

  "I'm up, i'm getting dressed." I shouted at Ragnar. I heard him turn and walk away. The night had been filled with crazy dreams and I was thankful it was over. Getting up to get dressed, I realized how badly I needed a shower. Instead of getting my clothes, I went to clean off all the accumulated funk. That shower was probably the best one of my life.

  I was stepping out of the bathroom went I noticed Kato was in the bed room. He turned his back quickly.

  "We were worried your head wounds had made it hard for you to stay awake. I'll go now." Kato started to walk through the door but I stopped him.

  "Wait, please. I want to know why you guys didn't come down sooner. Why didn't you stick to the plan?" He didn't turn around to answer.

  "Darius drugged you. If we had stuck to the plan, you would have been useless and it would have taken a man away from the fighting. It was hell to sit there and watch, not being able to do anything. We had no choice. We tried to go in at night and kill the raiders but half of them stayed up guarding you. If we had gone in, you would have died." I pulled a clean shirt over my head, angry that things hadn't gone the way we wanted, but that wasn't Kato's fault.

  "Thank you Kato." He nodded and left. I finished getting dressed and stepped outside to see everyone by the pit. If it weren't for the zombies terrorizing the planet it would be a great camping trip. My mom looked up from whatever was in her hands and smiled at me. My in-laws were sitting across from the camper and were talking between themselves. Malcolm was talking with Scott and Daniel about something while Liz and Steven sat under the tree on the bench. That bench. Suddenly I had a sudden vision of Darius there, sitting on top of me. I felt the panic all over again keeping me from breathing. Then Kato was there, putting my head between my knees and telling me to breath. When did that happen? There was dirt at my feet so I assumed I hadn't fallen over again.

  "This is getting really old." I said to Kato. He rubbed my back and gave a chuckle. I heard someone walk over to us.

  "Is she okay?" It was Ernest. I felt another hand on my back

  "Yeah, she just got a bit dizzy. Is there any meat on the fire?"

  "No but her mom found some Oregon grapes. I'll go get them." I sat up and looked at Ernest.

  "No, I'll come join you all by the fire. We need to make a plan anyway." Walking over to the fire, Ernest handed me the grapes and, at the sight of them, my stomach growled loudly enough for everyone to hear.

  "I think I hear another bear" Malcolm joked.

  "So Sean said to meet him in Hartsel. Does anyone know where that is?" Everyone shook their heads, but Ernest jumped up.

  "I have an atlas in the truck." He went off towards his truck.

  Mom was an expert list maker and soon we had a supply list for the trip. When Ernest handed me the atlas, we found the town. It was situated in the mountains but sited on a plateau with streams which fed a small lake. A single main street and few buildings but, for our purposes, ideal.

  "This place looks perfect on the map. Let's get to it then." We rose and began breaking camp. While I was folding chairs, Scott came up to me. He looked shy, like he wasn't sure I would to talk to him.

  "What's up Scott?" He made several attempts before finding the words.

  "How do you live with it?" His eyes teared up and his chin shook, reminding me of Kenny. I knew what he was talking about though. Turning my gaze back to the chairs, I spoke.

  "I don't. I want to forget that I've had to kill my uncle, a soldier that protected this country for us, people that I never even knew. I want to forget that this world has gone insane and almost everything is trying to kill us. I wish I could forget it all. But look around us. No one here is infected and we are all good people. I know you're hurting for your friends, and that pain won't fade for years. But working together so we can all live is more important than any pain we might feel. I would kill a thousand zombies if it kept them safe and that is what helps me." I looked at him and he seemed to be considering my words as he was looked thoughtfully at the fire pit.

  "Hey, wanna give me a hand with these?" I asked him. He turned, nodded and we got the chairs stored. It took some time, but we were all seasoned campers and the pack up went smoothly. Once the truck was loaded onto the dolly, we stood together to plan our drive.

  "We'll fuel up at the bottom of the hill, then head north on the 25. Colorado Springs is the turn off. Hartsel is small, so every time we stop, we grab supplies. Let's get going." Bea, Ernest, my mom, Scott and Daniel were all riding in the truck with the camper. The rest of us were in the RV. Kato offered to drive the first shift and I didn't complain, I definitely needed more sleep.

  As I settled in, I looked at the faces around me. Liz and Steven sat on the couch all lovey dovey, curled up together against the world. Ragnar and Niobe were on the couch farther back. She had her legs on Ragnar's lap and they spoke in low tones. Malcolm sat on the farthest couch, his back to the rest of us as he stared out the window. I got up and was walking toward him when Niobe spoke to me.

  "You were very brave. Not many people can face what you did and not become useless." I think she was complimenting me. I was so stunned it took me a minute to reply.

  "Thank you." She nodded and I continued to the back. Malcolm was wiping his face as I sat opposite him.

  "Hey there. How's your head?"

  "I'm fine. I came back to see how you are." He looked at me for a while and I noticed his eyelashes clumped together. "Malcolm, what's wrong?" He laughed and looked away.

  "Have you ever eaten something you really love and it doesn't agree with you? Well, bear meat doesn't agree with me and is giving me terrible gas. It hurts so bad I can't move." He gave another chuckle and I knew he was lying. But I wasn't going to pry if he didn't want to share. I stood to go when the RV hit a large rock, sending me flying into Malcolm's lap.

  "Hang on, this is going to be bumpy for a while" Kato shouted from the front. I landed with my head on his chest and breasts on his groin. When I tried to get up we hit another bump and Malcolm grabbed me before I could go flying again. He held on as we hit several more bumps. I wrapped my arms around his torso to keep myself anchored. After about two minutes of bouncing along, there was another bump - between my breasts. I thought maybe his knife had slipped between us but when I shifted to look, there was no knife. He was straining against his jeans. Looking up at him, his eyes were closed and he was muttering something while his face turned bright red. I don't know what made me do it but I laid over him and rubbed. He inhaled sharply and his eyes flew open. He looked at me with naked hunger and I was scared. He grabbed me by my arms and drug me up his body, making sure I felt him every inch of the way. When my face was above hi
s, he gently pushed my head into his shoulder and wrapped his arms around me. To everyone else it looked like we were seeking comfort from each other in a hug. But to me, it was like foreplay. I wanted to get away, to hide in the bedroom because this was wrong. I was married to Sean and we were falling back in love, right? He had left to find our children and would possibly die. I couldn't betray him like this. But to be held in such an intimate embrace was intoxicating. I couldn't do it, I had to get up.

  "I'm sorry." I whispered in his ear as I moved to stand. I pushed myself away from him and staggered to the bedroom. The door was tied open and I didn't bother to undo it, merely lay on top of the blankets and let the rocking of the camper lull me to sleep.

  Chapter 15

  He was there again, pinning my arms above my head so I couldn't fight him. I screamed and kicked, trying to get away from him.

  "I will have you. One way or another, you will be mine." His face came closer to mine then dissolved into water. I woke up sputtering. Kato and Malcolm were next to me, both bloody with torn clothing. They looked at me like I had been possessed and weren't sure they could trust me. Sitting up, I felt like I had been kicked in the head by a mule. Malcolm spoke first.

  "Was it him again?" I looked at him and nodded, drawing knees to chest smoothing wet hair out of my face. I looked at the men and realized the damage I had inflicted. Kato had fingernail scratches going diagonally across his face and the neck of his shirt was torn. Malcolm had a swollen lip, scratches all over his arms, and his nose was bleeding a little. I felt terrible for mauling them.

  "I'm so sorry guys. I can't stop dreaming about him. I don't want to keep hurting you, thinking its him." I pressed my eyes into my knees and tried to stop the tears. The bed creaked and I heard them untie the door. Good, now I won't hurt them in my dreams. Keeping my eyes closed, I stretched out and buried my face into a pillow. I didn't want to keep hurting them but couldn't control my dreams. I sobbed into the pillow, then screamed and pounded it. I beat the pillow with everything I had, pretending it was Darius. In a burst of anger, I tore the pillow in half. Down feathers went everywhere, tearing me from my hate-fueled frenzy. They drifted all around me like an un-melting snow. I held up my hands to catch the feathers as they drifted around. I had the most childish urge to jump on the bed. You know what, screw it. I giggled, then stood up and started jumping, the feathers flying all around. My giggle turned into a full laugh as my vision was blurred with white. Giving one final jump, I tucked my legs and plopped down on my rear end. Stretching full length, I watched the feathers floating and falling. It took me a moment to notice Malcolm by the door, failing to blend in with the wall.

  "How long have you been there?".

  "I never left. I was going to try and talk to you but you looked like you needed to destroy something." He walked forward and gestured to the white flurries. "I wanted to leave but I didn't want to stop you from getting it out. May I sit?"

  "Of course, please." He didn't sit at the edge of the bed like I thought he would. Instead he crawled onto it, sending white poofs everywhere, and sat by my hip. My stomach tightened as I remembered the couch. No, no its wrong. I tried to speak but he did first.

  "Look, I know you love Sean. I'm sorry about what happened on the couch. I haven't had a woman that close to me in a long while and my body wouldn't listen to my brain. But pulling you up me was payback for you teasing me, I won't lie about that. But it was wrong and I'm sorry." He nodded like he was satisfied with what he had said and turned to get off the bed.

  "Wait." He turned to look at me. I was still laying on the bed with my arms stretched above me. Propping myself on my elbow, I looked up at him. He had feathers in his hair and stuck to his stubble. I started to laugh and plucked a feather from his cheek. He saw it and smiled.

  "If you think I look funny, you should see yourself. He reached for my hair and pulled out a feather. I blew it out of his fingers and it landed on his nose. I tried to get it back but as my hand touched his nose, Steven came bursting into the room. He stopped short and looked around in confusion.

  "Whatever. We're going to be stopping for gas soon. I thought you would like to know." He turned and mumbled to himself as he left. My hand was still stretched towards Malcolm's face. He took my hand and kissed the inside of my wrist, all while staring me straight in the eyes. His breath tickled as his lips closed onto that sensitive pulse point, his tongue flicking out for a quick taste, finishing the kiss with a slight suck that promised so much more. He was a walking contradiction, apologizing for the very thing he continued to do and I told him as much.

  "I can't help it. You smell good." He sniffed my arm and crawled towards me on his knees. "You look good." He touched my face while still holding my hand in his other. "And you taste good." I thought he was going to kiss me but instead scared the crap out of me. With a perfect zombie imitation, he lunged at me and made nom nom noises at my ribs. Unfortunately, it was at the broken ones so instead of laughing, I cried out in pain. Malcolm froze as he tried to figure out what was wrong. He lifted the left side of my shirt and the bruising was visible above the binding.

  "Holy crap. I'm so sorry, I completely forgot..." I cut him off

  "Just get off of me you big oaf and help me to the galley. You can fix the binding in there. I don't trust you alone with me and no shirt." I smiled when I said it so he would know I wasn't angry. But wait, I should be angry. Shouldn't I? Yes, I should be angry. I'm married and in love right? Right. But why wasn't I? I shook my head and slid off the bed, heading to the galley.

  Liz and Niobe were sleeping on the couches at the back, all the men crowded up front talking, while Ragnar drove. Picking the middle ground of the RV, I took the painkillers Malcolm handed me and tried to lift my shirt. That really didn't work and I hissed with all the fury of a wet cat.

  "Darn it woman, let me help you." He folded the shirt so it just covered my breasts. As he unwrapped the binding, we hit another bump and Malcolm's hand jammed into my ribs. Inhaling sharply to keep from crying out, poor Malcolm looked at me apologetically.

  As the gas station came into view, Malcolm finished wrapping my ribs. He grabbed my shirt and unfolded it, his fingers grazing my stomach as he slid it into place.

  "Getting a little touchy feely there, huh?" Samuel asked as he walked over to us.

  "I was fixing her bindings." Malcolm shot back in a defensive tone. Samuel smirked then nodded. He turned to me.

  "We're at the station. You and the other girls will stay here while we get gas and such." He turned and walked away like the matter was over.

  "Oh hell no. I'm not staying here. I'm going in." Samuel turned back to me with raised eyebrows.

  "And what are you going to do when a zombie comes after you? Let it tie you up or drug you?" That was too far. I stood up and gave him an icy stare.

  "Don't ever talk to me like that again." I brushed past him and walked towards the front of the camper. There was a compartment under the couch behind the captain's chair where I stashed my weapons. I went to it now to arm myself for this little excursion. I grabbed my hand guns, two throwing knives and a longer knife. Closing the compartment, I placed them on the table and began to arm myself. Samuel walked over to me and tried to talk. I cut him off before he could start.

  "Anything else that comes out of your mouth right now is at the cost of your tongue." I looked at him. "Got it?" He looked startled, like he couldn't believe I had just said that. Truth be told, I couldn't either. But zombies, killer squirrels, sadistic opportunists, and continually banging my head on various things will either kill you or toughen you up with the side-effect of overly dramatic sarcasm.

  The RV pulled to a stop and Ragnar stood up. He made certain everyone was ready before heading out the door. Kato and I followed, with Samuel and Malcolm bringing up the rear. Steven stayed behind with the other girls to keep them safe. The parents had pulled up on the other side of our campe
r and waited for the 'all clear' before getting out.

  Splitting into two groups, Kato, Ragnar and I went through the front door; Samuel and Malcolm circled around the building and entered through the rear. At the 'all clear', those outside started siphoning gas. I was grabbing items from the shelves when I heard a can get kicked. Turning around, there in the doorway was a child, maybe ten or eleven. She had beautiful blond hair and a sweet white dress. But that was all that was cute. Missing a hand and an ear, her torso was ripped open showing things that shouldn't be visible. She slowly staggered toward me.

  God, no. No, not a child. Please not a child. I backed into a display rack, knocking it over with a clatter and a rustle. The child kept coming, closer and closer. My back touched the counter and I had no choice. I lifted my pistol with a shaking hand and pointed it at her. The first shot went wild, hitting a bottle with an explosion of glass. The second shot was true and someone's daughter collapsed, laying still. I turned and retched. When I was done I went to look for some mouthwash.

  "I'm sorry." It was Samuel. I didn't turn to look at him. continuing to look for mouthwash.

  "Sorry for what?" I asked, not quite believing that he was. Found it, fumbled it open and took a healthy swig.

  "For what I said. I didn't realize how you felt about that." I turned and spit out the mouthwash. Recapping it, I walked over to Samuel.

  "You will never realize how I felt about that. No one in this group will. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to the camper. I just killed a child, I think that deserves a drink." I tried to walk past him but he didn't move

  "I really am." He said, looking straight ahead. He moved to the side and I left. In the camper I found the whiskey, plopped down on the couch and took a long pull. Bea came into the camper then and I smiled.

  "How are you Bea?" I asked her. She sat down next to me and held out her hand for the bottle.