PICTURES OF YOU: a gripping psychological suspense thriller

by Diane M Dickson

“No, today I’m going out, I might have a drink so…” She shrugged.

  “Ah, right. You’ve got a car then. Is it your husband’s? Well not your husband’s but you know – well, shared I guess.”

  “No, no it’s mine. But I don’t always use it.”

  “Right.” The silence between them was uncomfortable, Jacob glanced around no doubt hoping to spot a friend, an excuse to move from this place beside her.

  “You off to college then?” She pointed to his backpack slouched on the floor at his feet.

  “Yes, a bit late today but it’s okay.”

  “What are you studying?”

  “Media studies, photography, film making.”

  “Oh, I’m doing a course on photography. Well, no I’m not – not yet, I’m going to. Actually no I was going to but I changed my mind.” She was gabbling, filling the air with junk.

  “Ah right.”

  He wasn’t interested was he? She was of no importance to him, why would he care what she was doing, or even more what she wasn’t doing?

  “I prefer the video work really but of course you have to have a knowledge of it all, I guess.”

  “Yes, it sounds fun.” It didn’t, he hadn’t made it sound anything other than what it was, his chosen course – Fun. What a stupid thing to say, she was speaking to him as she would to a child.

  “Well, yeah. So, you’re not going to do it then – your course?”

  “No, no I don’t think so. I was just looking around for a new interest, you know, something to keep the old brain ticking over.”

  “Oh I shouldn’t think you need to do that though do you? I mean you have a job and everything.”

  “Well yes, but it’s good isn’t it, to have other things?”

  “Hmm, what does your husband do?”

  “I don’t have a husband. Not anymore.”

  “Ah, he nodded.” Of course he would assume that she was divorced, she knew that it was often the case when people heard she was single. It didn’t matter, he wouldn’t care.

  “He died.”

  “Huh?”

  “Bill, my husband – he’s dead. I mean I’m a widow, not divorced. I expect you thought I was divorced.”

  “Oh god, I’m sorry – about your husband I mean.”

  She tipped her head slightly, “It’s okay, it’s a few years now, since he died. I miss him but it’s okay.”

  He had turned to her now, swivelling slightly in the seat the better to look into her face. “It’s funny, well not funny but you know, Widow, it’s an old word isn’t it? I guess it shouldn’t be but when you say it you naturally think of an old person.”

  Mary glanced out of the window, embarrassed, unsure of his meaning.

  “Shit, I didn’t mean. Oh, I said that wrong. What I meant was, you seem young, you know – young to be a widow. Oh shut up Jake, you’re just making it worse.” He threw his hands up in surrender and her heart thudded with sympathy for his awkwardness.

  She reached out and laid a hand on his arm. “It’s okay Jacob, I know what you mean.

  “Do you like Jacob or prefer Jake?”

  “I don’t really mind, though I do like the way that you say Jacob. Most people just call me Jake and you make it sound a bit special. Yes, call me Jacob – I like it.”

  Her whole body was warm, her spirit felt light, she wanted to reach over and touch his face. She breathed in the scent of soap and the background of lotion or aftershave that she had detected the first time. “You smell nice.” Oh God had she said that out loud? She cringed.

  “Thanks.” He had gathered up the straps of his bag. “This is me, I’m going to the café before lectures – for breakfast! Hey it’s been nice seeing you.” Mary nodded her head.

  “Maybe I’ll see you again.”

  “Yeah. Although I am probably moving. This place I’m at- it’s temporary, some friends of my mum own it but it’s already rented from next month. I’m looking for somewhere else. I guess I’ll have to come in won’t I, to where you work, when I get a new place – the address and all that?”

  “Hmm, that would be best.

  “I have a room.” It was out before she knew it was a thought and when it was too late to capture the words and hide them away.

  “Really. Hey, do you let rooms then?”

  “Well, no but you know, if you were stuck. I have a spare room. Anyway, look, if you can’t find anywhere you know where I work.” Oh what had she done? Please don’t let him take her up on it, please, please.

  As if he sensed her back-step he just bent and pulled his bag up from the floor and then unfolding his long legs he stood and stepped away from the shared seat. “Thanks Bus Lady, I’ll get back to you.”

  No, no don’t oh God – please don’t.

  She felt her palms damp with sweat and a cold chill swept her body. What had she done?

  Chapter 9

  “Are you okay Mary? Really, you seem – worried, distracted – something.”

  “Yes, I’m fine. I’ve had a funny couple of weeks, my nerves have been a bit – on edge. That’s why I thought it might be a good idea to have a night out. Can you come for something to eat, is that okay? Just something quick.”

  “Yeah, let’s go to the Italian, the one up at the top by the church and you can tell me what’s on your mind. I’ve known you long enough to be able to tell when you’re bothered about something. Come on, finish your wine and we’ll go and eat things with garlic.”

  They stood in the entrance to the restaurant, peering around for someone to seat them. Jane turned, “I like this place. I wonder if that young waiter’ll be here. You know, the one who was flirting with you the last time we came.”

  “He was not.”

  “He certainly was, and what’s more you were twinkling back at him.”

  “Oh, I didn’t.” But the memory made Mary grin. The young Italian had indeed been attentive and flirty. Though they had both known it was to ensure a decent tip, she and Jane, who had been divorced for two years now, had enjoyed the flattery and the attention.

  They were seated in a dim corner, the smells of tomato and garlic made their mouths water and they ordered a bottle of wine. Her shoulders relaxed and as the tension drained away her mood lifted. She raised her glass.

  “Here’s to us. I am lucky having a friend like you Jane, thanks.”

  “Cheers, and don’t be so silly, you’ve been there for me as well. When it all went wrong, with Stefan and me. Anyway, let’s have it. What’s the matter?”

  “No, nothing. Like I said, I’ve just been a bit jittery. I suppose it could be – you know my age,” she grimaced.

  “Yeah, I suppose that’s coming isn’t it? You know you can talk to me though don’t you, if you have something on your mind?”

  “Yes, thank you. Oh here we go, oh blimey the staff has changed, have we come on pensioner’s night.” They both stifled bursts of laughter as a geriatric waiter who had squeezed his drooping body into the restaurant uniform of tight black pants, red shirt and black waistcoat stepped up to the table. The uniform left bulges and ridges which rippled and poked as he brandished the menus and presented the basket of bread rolls. They controlled their giggles but by the time he left with their orders both women had watering eyes and could barely hold back the laughter. Mary felt so much better than she had for weeks.

  “Jane, do you ever get lonely? Since you split with Stefan?”

  “No, not really, Millie is still around a lot you know. She comes back from Uni about every other weekend, usually with a bag of washing and a mate. Then there’s Alan, I’m still seeing him a bit. Why, is that what’s the matter love?”

  “No, no, well I didn’t think so. I quite like being on my own a lot of the time, pleasing myself, you know, and I do have work and so on. No, I just wondered.

  “Have you ever considered sharing your house? Mind I don’t suppose you can with Millie still needing her room and so on.”

  “Christ no, how would you do that? I mean how
would you know who you were sharing with? No – why have you – thought about it I mean?”

  “Not really. I just wondered, how you’d do it, you know, what would be involved. Not that I’m going to or anything I was just wondering. Here, let me pour the wine.”

  Chapter 10

  Of course she knew he wouldn’t get back to her, it was one of those silly spurted comments that everyone ignored. It was hard though, given her mood, not to imagine what it would be like having a man in the place. Male stuff in the bathroom and someone else sleeping in the spare bed. She would probably hate it, now that she was independent and used to having the space to herself. To share, especially to share with a young man, well not such a good idea really – anyway it wasn’t going to happen. Thank heavens, she told herself…

  “Phone for you Mary.”

  “Thanks, who is it?”

  “Somebody called Jake, says he’s a patient.”

  Her throat dried. No, no don’t let this happen, please don’t let this happen.

  “Hello, Mary here, can I help you?”

  “Hi, is that you Bus Lady?”

  “Ah, hello Jacob, how are you?”

  “Yeah, fine thanks. Listen, last week, when I saw you on the bus. D’you remember?”

  “Yes, yes I do.”

  “Well we talked about my place, you know.” Her nails dug into the palms of her hand, she had to swivel the chair around to face the corner for she knew that she was looking flummoxed and felt – guilty.

  “Oh right, I do remember yes.”

  “Well, thing is I have found a new place.” She exhaled noisily, relief flooding her with weakness.

  “Ah, good, that’s good – I hope it’s nice.”

  “Yeah, well I think it will be, a shared house but my room is pretty big and it’s clean and handy for college.”

  “Excellent, so you want to give me your new address – yes?”

  “Yeah, yeah I can do – there is something else though. Before I start I want to say that you can say ‘no’ really and truly and I’ll understand so don’t worry.”

  “Okay, well what is it, what do you want to ask?”

  “The room won’t be available until the middle of next month and my flat, the one I’m in at the moment is let from the end of this month. Anyway, the thing is it leaves me with a couple of weeks adrift. Listen – I know it’s a bit of a cheek but well, I just wondered, you did say you had a spare room…”

  She couldn’t speak, the silence stretched and grew, she could hear him on the other end of the line, his breathing – he spoke. “Look forget it yeah, I’ve got a nerve I know, I shouldn’t have asked. Now I’ve put you on the spot. I’m sorry yeah. Forget it Mary.”

  “No, no Jacob, wait. I’m sorry, it’s busy here and a bit noisy, of course it’s fine. Yes, I wouldn’t have said it if I hadn’t meant it. When would you want to come?”

  “Really, are you sure? Oh, that’s brilliant, I can’t afford a hotel and my only other option was Dave’s settee. Are you sure Mary – really?”

  She laughed warmly, how sweet he was. “Of course I’m sure. Now when will you come?”

  “Starting from the twentieth if that’s okay, and we must agree some rent, right from the start. House rules and so on.”

  “Yes, you’re right. I’ll tell you what why don’t you come round this evening, have a look at the room and we can sort everything out.”

  “Brilliant – erm.”

  “Is something wrong?”

  “Ha, well I don’t know your address.”

  “Oh of course, have you got a pen?”

  Chapter 11

  Should she offer him tea and cake, or a beer? Maybe nothing, perhaps she ought to keep it casual but business-like, just show him the room, agree rent and terms and then let him go. No, she couldn’t do that, he would expect a cup of coffee at least.

  There were biscuits and she would offer him tea but not make it until after he arrived, no prepared tray, no sugar bowls and plates of chocolate Hob Nobs, no, she must make it look relaxed, as though she was taking it all in her stride. Maybe she could appear as though this was quite usual for her, as though she let the room often.

  Six o’ clock, he was coming in an hour. She stepped into the shower, she wasn’t preparing she was simply taking a shower earlier than normal, no point cleaning the bathroom and then splashing it all up again. Would he notice, did men – boys – notice things like that? Bill had occasionally wiped around the tub but she was never convinced that he would have known whether the room had been cleaned. She had already tidied around the kitchen. He had mentioned that his new place was clean so maybe he did care.

  So many thoughts, spiralling and swirling. What was she doing, what the hell was she thinking? She knew nothing about this boy. Yes, he had helped her up when she fell and many people would have just walked by, but apart from that she knew nothing.

  Perfume, no perfume? She usually had a spray so why not? As she wiped steam from the mirror she peered through the warm fog at her face. She looked flushed – yes well she had just been in the hot shower. Her eyes sparkled, yes well it was the moisture in the little room. She had butterflies in her tummy, yes well that was because she was a stupid, stupid woman who was allowing herself to get into a flap.

  She took a deep breath and swept through to her bedroom and pulled on the jeans and sweater. The full length mirror called to her, she ignored it. She wouldn’t preen, she wouldn’t even look, it didn’t matter how she looked, he was coming to meet his landlady and it didn’t matter how she looked.

  The doorbell sounded.

  There he stood. He had his backpack with him and looked rumpled, he must have come straight from college, there was an end of day scent to him. He didn’t speak but just grinned at her. She stepped back and swept a hand in front of her, indicating that he should come in. He dropped the heavy bag onto the carpet at the bottom of the stairs and glanced around. Mary pointed down the hallway to the bright kitchen.

  “Do you want a cup of coffee?”

  “Do you have tea?”

  “Of course, come on. We’ll sit in the kitchen if that’s okay?” He led the way glancing into the lounge as they walked through the hallway.

  “It’s nice, your house – it’s very nice. Homely and warm. My flat’s a bit shabby and I have trouble making it feel cosy. I miss that, my mum‘s place is lovely, like this – a proper home, I miss it. I know that’s not very cool but – well it’s true. She’s a bit fussy, now and then you know, likes things ‘tidy’”. He made a little flicking signs with his fingers, placing the words in quotes. He had dragged out one of the wooden chairs and now sat with his arms across the table, his long legs tucked underneath. Mary filled the kettle and pulled the biscuit tin from the cupboard. She threw a couple of bags into the mugs and smiled at him as she stepped across between the table and the fridge. Suddenly her traitorous mouth ignored all her earlier musings and blurted at him, “Have you eaten Jacob, have you had your dinner?”

  “What – erm well no. I came straight from the Student Union, I’m going to have something when I get home.”

  “Do you want to eat with me? I mean we can just have something simple, I can make some omelettes, perhaps some salad – oh or maybe you like chips?” He laughed.

  “That’d be great but are you sure? I mean it wasn’t what I was expecting.”

  “Well I have to eat and if you’re happy to have something quick we can talk about the room and so on. Do you want to?”

  Say yes, please say yes, stay with me for a little while.

  “Great, that’d be great. Tell you what though, why don’t I go to the off licence, down on the main road and buy a bottle of wine – I can’t afford a posh one but…” he shrugged.

  “No, you don’t need to do that. I’ve got a bottle of white in the fridge if that’s okay, or beer – I have some lager?”

  “Oh excellent, would that be okay? Hey this is great.” He leaned back on the chair and his shoulders sl
umped slightly, it was only then that she realised how tense he had been. She wanted to reach out and brush the hair from his eyes, she wanted to touch his skin.

  Chapter 12

  The spare room was a good size. It had a double bed and one wall was lined with wardrobes. The window overlooked the rear garden. It had been underused. She and Bill had visitors often but most of their friends lived locally and so apart from one or two business colleagues looking for a bed after a late meeting it had remained unoccupied. Jacob was thrilled with it especially when she told him that he was welcome to store all of his things in the cupboards.

  She had cleared out and reduced after Bill, and now there was plenty of spare storage. For a moment it occurred to her that the empty cupboards were a reflection of the way that her life had become – vacant and pared down.

  They went back to the kitchen. Jacob had his beer, Mary poured herself a glass of wine and put together a salad and made mushroom and cheese omelettes for them. It was pleasant to have someone to chat to as she bustled around the kitchen. They were easy with each other. She didn’t know what it felt like to be a mother but she didn’t think it was this. This was a thrill, she wanted him to look at her as a woman friend, not as an older woman, not as a mother but just as a woman...

  “That was great Mary, thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. I suppose we need to have a talk about how we are going to do things. Are you sure the room is okay?”

  “It’s better than okay, it’s great.”

  “Well, you must use the rest of the house of course. I don’t expect you to just stay in the one room. I’d like you to feel as though you live here, properly, you know. As though you’re at home.”

  It was sudden, he stood and threw his arms around her, then he leaned and gave her a peck on the cheek. She laughed, from surprise and delight.

  “You are lovely. A lovely lady. You really are.” He stepped away. “We need to talk about rent don’t we and food and so on?”

  “Well, what are you paying when you share at the other house? Why not pay me the same as that and then for food, I’ll just buy what I normally do, you get anything extra that you want and we’ll sort it out as we go. Most of the time it’s cheaper to buy for two rather than one anyway.”