Come to Me Softly

by A. L. Jackson

  A sad smile wavered at his mouth.

  The only thing that scared me was I knew he was.

  Anxiously, I glanced at the large, round clock hung high on the wall. My exam had gone as well as expected, if not better, and my lunch shift here at the cafe where I’d worked for the last two years had kept me busy. Still, the day had passed too slowly. Hours crawled by. Seconds… minutes… each willed away because I just wanted to see Jared’s face.

  I needed to see him again.

  Feel him.

  Be reassured that it was all real.

  It was like the moment that I left him staring behind me in the parking lot this morning, Jared’s fear had chased me. Caught up to me.

  How the hell were we going to do this?

  All I’d wanted was for him to come back.

  I guess I’d never really thought beyond that, to what would happen when he did.

  What I saw was clear. A family. Jared and me and our baby coming together like a picture of our pasts, the way Jared and I had been raised in houses full of love and support and encouragement.

  But how distorted had the idea of family become for Jared? How much of it would be too painful for him to bear?

  There had been no deceit when I told him I believed in him. I did, because I believed in the love that shined from him.

  Maybe our family was something we would have to define for ourselves.

  Finally, three o’clock rolled around, and I stuffed my apron into my bag after I finished up my side work. My stomach knotted in anticipation. I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

  “Someone’s anxious.” Clara, one of the other waitresses at the cafe, interrupted my restless thoughts. Even though we seemed an unlikely pair, mismatched, she’d become one of my closest friends. Older by almost ten years, she was loud, bold, a single mom who never hesitated to speak her mind.

  A tease lifted her brow, and she smirked at me from where she tallied her checks for the day. “You’ve been skittish and fighting both a grin and a grimace since you walked through the door three hours ago. Care to tell me what’s going on?”

  I laughed under my breath. “God, Clara, do you have some kind of sixth sense or what?” She always knew when something was up. She had an intuition about her, a keen eye and a soft heart. So maybe I’d only told Christopher and Jared about the baby. But Clara knew.

  Six weeks ago she’d caught me off guard, completely unprepared for her unsolicited question. “So how late are you?” she’d asked, keeping her attention trained on pouring dressing over two dinner salads and away from the shocked expression her question shot to my face, like she had been giving me time to process her words. That had been before I’d worked up the courage to take the test, back when I’d tried to convince myself it was just the trauma of Jared being ripped from my life that had thrown my body off schedule. Though in my heart, I’d known. Just as clearly as Clara had when she finally lifted her face and pinned me with a meaningful stare.

  I’d stopped by a drug store on the way home and taken the test that evening.

  In the middle of the night, Christopher had found me crying.

  Just crying.

  Because I couldn’t see through sorrow to the other side, couldn’t feel anything but the pain and the need. It’d hurt so badly, knowing what Jared had left me with and knowing he wouldn’t be a part of it.

  I had wanted it and hated it all at the same time.

  Christopher had crawled into my bed and taken me in his arms, and the admission had bled free. He’d rocked me for the longest time, promising it would be okay. Then he’d slipped from my room and into his. Seconds later, I’d jerked to sitting, startled by the sound of the first crash, Christopher’s curses and chair and feet slammed against his wall, my brother taking all his anger out on his room.

  I almost wanted to laugh now.

  Jared and Christopher were so much alike, but neither of them could see it.

  Violent.

  Passionate.

  Protective.

  Each in their own way.

  Now Clara grinned as she gathered her tickets into a pile and tapped the edges to straighten them. “Nah, babe, I’m just really good at reading people. You’ve been dragging your feet around here every day for the last three months and suddenly you have enough energy radiating from you that you have me contemplating the gym for the first time in five years.”

  She lifted her chin, probing yet knowing.

  I dropped my gaze to the dingy ground. “He came back last night,” I admitted quietly. Peeking up at her, I searched for her reaction. I’d come to value her opinion. I saw her as wise, as someone who’d learned the hard way.

  She stilled before she tucked her stack of tickets into her front apron pocket and leaned back against the counter. “Came back to Phoenix or came back to you?”

  Her question made a smile flutter around my mouth.

  “To me… he came back to me. I just…” I shrugged in bewilderment. “It shouldn’t be possible to feel what I felt last night. The relief I felt.” It’d been staggering, both terrifying and perfect. “I was so worried about him. Not knowing where he went and if I would ever see him again. And he was just sitting there, waiting for me after I got out of class last night.”

  “Did you tell him?” she asked.

  I bit at my lip and nodded once. “Yeah.”

  “And he stayed?” The question was weighted, like the answer to it would deliver the ultimate verdict.

  “He freaked out at first and took off. But I knew he’d be back. He just needed some time to process it.”

  I mean, I’d been shocked, too, the burden of it something I didn’t know how to carry. I’d known what it would do to Jared, the havoc it would wreak. But when he had finally returned, I knew our worlds had changed because they had aligned.

  Jared finally understood what he had always meant to me.

  He remembered.

  He remembered me.

  Joy and sympathy washed her expression into something tender. “I’m happy for you. You know that, don’t you?” Her tone shifted, hardened in emphasis, and I could tell she was about to offer me some wisdom I might not want to hear. “Enjoy it, Aly. Enjoy him. But don’t you dare forget these last months. Don’t ever forget you made it through when you didn’t think you could. Don’t forget you’re strong and you know what you want from your life.” Softly, her head dipped and inclined toward my stomach. “And don’t ever forget what’s relying on you.”

  Unease flitted through my consciousness. My hand sought out my belly. “I know what’s important, Clara.”

  “I know you do, Aly.” Her voice softened, the same as her eyes. “I imagine things are going to be different between you two now. But that difference is either going to be for the better or the worse. Just make sure he treats you well.”

  That’s what she didn’t know about Jared. She saw the outside, the gorgeous, dangerous man. The one covered in a horror of tattoos, those same horrors reflected in the sea of pain that raged in his ice blue eyes. She saw a man plagued by his demons who knew nothing else but to run from them.

  I knew that’s what others would see, too.

  But I saw so much deeper than that. I knew the good that lay beneath the shell of a hardened man.

  No. There was not a single worry inside me about whether Jared would treat me well.

  My concern was only with how he treated himself.

  Still, I promised her, “I will,” because my friend only cared and I knew a lot of her worry was with her own insecurities. Maybe our histories were hinting at similar circumstances. Her boyfriend left her with a tiny baby boy, never seeing her son’s father again. We both knew there was a possibility my story could turn out the same.

  But I had faith Jared and I would have an outcome different from hers.

  She grinned to break up all the tension. “So what are you waiting for? Get out of here. Go get your man.”

  Crossing to her, I hugged her hard. “Thank yo
u, Clara. I hope you know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me the last few months.”

  “Us girls have to stick together, right?” She grinned a little, repeating what she always told me, just this simple reassurance that no matter what, she was there for me.

  I doubted many people knew how smart she really was, the woman who appeared to be nothing more than a sad cliche, the single mom working at the diner just struggling to get by.

  I headed for the door, respecting her more than I ever had.

  “I expect details,” she hollered at me from behind, “’cause that is one crazy-hot man.”

  I laughed, because that was always Clara’s way, a pendulum that rocked from one extreme to the other, from teaching to an outright tease.

  I tossed a glance back at her as I pushed the door open wide. “Not on your life,” I called.

  Laughter broke through her wide smile.

  “I’m all finished, Karina,” I called to my boss as I passed. “I’ll see you this weekend.”

  She glanced up from the register and smiled softly. “Have a great Thanksgiving, Aly.”

  “You, too.” The door swung shut behind me.

  A cool breeze rushed over me when I stepped outside into the crisp fall air. Nerves buzzed in a quiet hum under the surface of my skin. The sun blazed a path westward, casting rays of late-afternoon sun across the canopy of blue, shedding its warmth and promise of a mild winter across the city sky. I lifted my face to it, breathed it in as I started down the sidewalk and around to the employee parking lot.

  That breath left me when I saw him leaning up against the back of my car. His bike was angled sideways behind it. Short wisps of blond hair whipped in the breeze, the man absorbed in the hole he dug into the broken pavement with the tip of his boot. Completely lost in thought, he remained unaware that I approached.

  I took the moment to appreciate him. My gaze made a slow pass across his jaw and full lips, down his neck to the strength bristling beneath his tight black tee. He lifted a cigarette to his mouth, and his wide chest expanded when he inhaled. My stare got stuck on his hands, the blocked-out numbers bold where they were stamped on his strong, long fingers.

  Slowly he lifted his face. Those blue eyes locked on mine. I froze, stuck in them.

  Something trembled within me.

  Something powerful.

  This was my man.

  My future.

  He dropped the cigarette to the ground and toed it out with his boot. Lifting his face, he pursed his lips and exhaled toward the sky. Smoke curled around his head, climbing toward the heavens before it bled into nothing.

  Part of me wanted to deflect it – how beautiful he was, the intense feelings he stirred, the churn of need created with just a trace of his presence.

  He looked back at me. One side of his mouth lifted, all sexy and indecent.

  Could he know what that one look did to me? Not a chance, because this feeling was impossible.

  Crossing his arms over his strong chest, he rested further back on my car, and his mouth spread into a full smirk.

  I shook my head at myself. Maybe he actually did know.

  “What are you doing over there when you’re supposed to be here with me?” His voice slipped along the ground, his intent reverberating against me.

  With his words, I all out shook. A rush of red flamed against the cool breeze that caressed my cheeks. I dropped my head, trying to contain my grin as I shuffled toward him. It broke free when I stopped a half a foot in front of him and lifted up on my toes. I pressed my mouth to his.

  Damn, it felt amazing to openly proclaim us.

  “Hi,” I whispered. “What are you doing out here?”

  “Couldn’t wait to see you any longer.” He brought his hand to my cheek and his flirty tone shifted. Everything about him sobered. “I’ve been missing you for too long, Aly Moore. I’m done with all that shit… missing you. No more, baby. I don’t want that for us anymore.”

  He looked away, to the ground, before he brought his attention back to me. “If I’m being honest, maybe I couldn’t stay away because I needed to make sure all of this is real. It still feels like a dream to me.”

  I wrapped my hand around his wrist, and he ran a thumb under my eye.

  “It’s real, Jared. Us. All of it.”

  “Yeah?” he asked. The fact he needed reassurance, that he felt compelled to come here to gain it, hurt my heart.

  The sad thing was that I needed it, too.

  “Yeah,” I promised.

  He shook his head in disbelief. “Can’t believe I’m here, Aly. Can’t believe you want me after all the shit I’ve dragged you through.”

  I leaned forward, tipped up my chin to capture his gaze, and brought us close. “You think I didn’t understand why you left? Do you really think that all those times we hid away in my room together that I didn’t understand you? That I didn’t understand why? That I didn’t know you?” I squeezed his wrist. His pulse thrummed wildly at my palm. “Because I did. I know you. I was there, too, Jared. I saw what you went through. And I’ll never pretend I understand everything you’ve gone through, but I promise I do understand you and I will always be here for you.”

  Relief left him in a stuttered breath. “God, Aly, what did I ever do to deserve you?”

  I pressed myself to him, to his gorgeous body and the power that radiated from his spirit. That warmth covered me whole. “It doesn’t work like that. We don’t earn love… it’s a gift we’re given.”

  He pulled back. Brushing his fingers through my hair, he twisted a single lock in his finger. “And what if I want to return that gift?” he asked through a whisper at my ear. “Give it?”

  I fisted my hand in his shirt. “You already have.”

  His head shook. A hint of laughter floated out with his breath. “See, I was right to begin with… I’ll never deserve you.” He tugged at my hair. “You… perfect girl… will never see yourself the way I see you.”

  I slowed. The hold I had on his shirt increased as my unease flared. Because I did want something from him. Or maybe I just wanted it for him… for us.

  “Do you know what tomorrow is?” I hazarded, taking a chance as I pushed a little. Was I aware I was treading on dangerous ground? Yeah. But I knew we couldn’t go on as we had before, dodging what was important.

  Jared stiffened. Nerves rocked through him and a rush of air left him on a heavy exhale. Shakily, he raked his hand over the top of his head. “Yeah, I know what day tomorrow is.”

  Thanksgiving.

  These last months had blurred, the holidays approaching with little anticipation. Or maybe I’d approached the thought of them with trepidation. I knew it was coming, and I knew the holiday would be the time I would have to tell my parents everything. Before Jared had returned, I’d planned to finally speak his name tomorrow and admit it all, telling them I was pregnant and I had no idea where Jared had gone.

  And I would have done it without shame.

  Even though Jared’s guilt had been enough to drive him away, I knew it didn’t have the power to diminish what we had shared.

  Regardless of the circumstances, I loved him and I knew he loved me.

  Still, I knew my announcement to my parents wouldn’t escape being greeted with anger and disappointment.

  No doubt, my parents would be feeling all of it. Anger at the situation. Disappointment in me for what could only be construed as irresponsibility.

  But I knew most of the anger would be directed at Jared.

  My father kept me on a pedestal, and to him, I’d always been in the white. Without blame. Pure. Innocent in his mind, which only saw right and wrong.

  And I had no doubt that he would hold Jared in the wrong.

  Now that Jared was back, I was counting on time proving my father wrong.

  And tomorrow Jared and I had the chance to begin making this right.

  “I’m going to spend it with my family,” I said, intention seeping into my tone.
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  Grief flashed across Jared’s face.

  A knot of pain twisted in my stomach. Pain for him. I always promised if he let me bear some of his burden, I would. I hoped I was bearing some of it now.

  Taking a chance, I took a small step forward. “You’re that now, you know.” My voice dropped to a whisper with the declaration, and both my hands cinched tightly in his shirt as I drew him closer to me. “My family. Come with me tomorrow. Share it with me.”

  His throat bobbed heavily when he swallowed. “They know?”