I barely shook my head, my nose so close to his they brushed. I clung to him a little tighter. “I planned on telling them I’m pregnant tomorrow.” Emotion pushed at my chest. “I want you to be there, Jared, for you to stand beside me when I do.”
“What about me? Do they even know about me? About us?”
The words lodged at the base of my throat. I forced them around the lump. “Just my mom. I finally told her about us just this last Saturday.”
Jared jerked his head away, and he gripped the back of his neck as he turned his attention to the sky. “Goddamn it.” It came as a wheeze, as fear and another challenge that we had to conquer. He dropped his gaze back to me. “This is all wrong, Aly. I did this all wrong.”
“What are you talking about?”
Humorless laughter rolled from him, and he lifted his mouth in a sneer. One directed at himself. “It’s backward, Aly. Fucking backward. Because I should have stayed and told them how I feel about you. I should have told them I love you, rather than showing up with your dad knowing nothing about us and announcing to them I got you pregnant. I’m sure that’s going to go over really fucking well.”
Bitterness bled, and he flung his arms out to the side. Disgust poured from him. “I mean, fuck… look at me.”
I cupped his face, taking in the sorrow that haunted the warmth I saw so vividly in his eyes.
“Hey… don’t do this, okay? What matters is what I see when I look at you and what you see when you look at me. Don’t you understand that? I know it’s going to be rough telling my parents… for both of us.”
For Jared, just going back to the old neighborhood would be a trial. Three months ago when Jared had left me and run to Vegas, all it’d taken was seeing my mother. She’d shown up at my apartment, unannounced, and just her being there had thrown him over the edge, broken down the walls he hid behind, and brought the words he kept buried inside himself flooding from his mouth.
And all of it had sent him running out my door.
It was like everything had been building and my mother was the boiling point.
I wasn’t fool enough to believe any of this would be easy for him.
But I knew it was something we had to do if we were going to make it, if Jared and I were to have a chance to make a life out of the wreckage of his past.
“I need you to be there with me, Jared. Even if you don’t say a word, your presence will say everything.”
Dropping his forehead to mine, his lids slipped closed, and his hands dug into my hips. He tugged me closer. “I never wanted to ruin you.” I could barely make out the words, he uttered them so low. Still, I felt them all the way to my soul.
“You really believe that?” Hurt bled into my incredulous words. “That you ruined me? Do you know the joy you’ve brought me? I never thought I’d find love, Jared… because my heart always belonged to you. And even though it broke me when you were away, never once did I regret us.”
A breath of surrender flowed from him. He pulled me fully into his arms, buried his face in my neck. He inhaled and held me closer. “I just want to make you happy, baby. Do right by you.” His hand went to my stomach. His palm trembled there. “Do right by this.”
“You already have,” I promised.
He chuckled a little. The storm from moments before passed, and the traces of joy I’d witnessed so often in Jared’s expression made a reappearance on his face. “At least I got my job back.”
“Really?”
“Went to see my old boss before I came over here today. I figured he was going to tell me to take a hike, but I walked through his door and he said he’d never been so happy to see anyone in his life. He was in a bind, needed me. He hooked me up with something similar to what I was doing back in Jersey. I’ll be the supervisor at a few of the construction sites, plus he wants me to do some custom carving, trims and designs. I start back on Monday.”
Weaving my fingers through his, I tucked our connection between our chests. “See… we’re going to make this work.”
He nodded and kissed my nose. “Yeah. We are.” He smiled. “Come on, let’s get you home.”
“’Kay.” I stepped back, swinging our clasped hands between us. Was it ridiculous I didn’t want to let him go?
A grin quirked up on one side of that full mouth. He seemed as reluctant as I was to let go. Then he released me, swung his leg over to straddle his bike, and kicked it to start.
The engine warbled deep.
Jared stretched his legs out, his booted feet holding up the bulk of metal between his thighs. He teased at the throttle and let his gaze drift over me.
I stood there, breathless. Emotion tumbled through me, pitched through my consciousness and spilled into my stomach as desire and devotion.
I loved this man, the beauty and the heart, and every single flaw.
Forcing myself to turn away, I climbed into my car and started the ignition while Jared rolled out. Backing out, I followed him to the road. He revved the throttle and wound out onto the street. His shirt flapped against his back, his hair striking blond in the rays of sun gleaming down at him, the ridges and lines of his arms flexing as he powered the bike.
God, he was beautiful.
Following close behind him, I felt confident but shaky. All of Jared’s reservations were valid, and I felt them, too. But it was time to face them. As I auto-dialed, a tremble of nerves rushed through me.
“Hello?” Mom answered almost cautiously. A din of noise rose up in the background around her. She’d called me numerous times over the last few days since I revealed Jared and me to her on Saturday. Worried, she’d been checking up on me, promising me one day it would be okay.
I guess moms know best.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hi, sweetheart. How are you?”
“I’m good,” I answered honestly. For the first time in months, it really was true. “Where are you?” Distorted voices echoed through the line.
“Ugh… standing in a line at the grocery store that is about a million miles long. Remind me next year not to do my Thanksgiving shopping the afternoon before. Everyone and their mother is here. I think there was a fistfight on aisle two over the last jar of cranberry sauce.” The words were light and funny and good-natured, just like my mom.
I smiled, and I could see her rushing around, trying to cram five days’ work into one as she prepared for dinner tomorrow.
“Is everything okay?” she asked. “You seem… different.”
“Yeah… I just needed to talk to you… or tell you…” I trailed off.
Silence met me from the other end, waiting.
Jared rode ahead of me, a beacon I followed because he’d always been my destination. My best friend and the master of my thoughts, the one I yearned for even when I hadn’t been old enough to understand what that yearning meant.
“I’m bringing him to Thanksgiving dinner at the house tomorrow.”
I didn’t even need to mention his name because everything Jared meant to me was wound into that one simple statement. A proclamation.
The silence thickened, and her breaths slowed as realization set in, then hastened in relief. She spoke quietly, “I knew he’d come back to you.”
Tears welled in my eyes. Because I was thankful. Thankful for my mom, for her heart, for the support I already knew she was going to give. Thankful for Jared. I stuffed the emotion down and continued, “I want to be the one to tell Dad about us, but I think it’d be a good idea that you tell him Jared is coming so he’s prepared.”
Tomorrow would shock my dad. At least he could be prepared to see Jared’s face.
I could almost see her frown. “Yeah, sweetie, I think you’re probably right.”
THREE
Jared
God, this woman did things to me that couldn’t be legal.
And if they were, they sure as hell shouldn’t be.
I paced the hall outside her bathroom door, feeling like the freak I knew I was.
The
shower head squealed when Aly turned it on. Metal screeched as the shower curtain was dragged back. Water echoed, pounding into the empty tub.
She’d kissed me at the door five seconds ago and said, “Give me a couple minutes to get cleaned up.”
From inside, fabric rustled. She was stripping out of her clothes. I knew it. I was picturing her unbuttoning that white blouse she always wore to work, unzipping the black slacks, removing the silk and lace hidden underneath.
My hands weren’t the only thing to twitch.
A low chuckle escaped me. Yeah, I’d done that a time or two for her before, torn those work clothes from her body, back when we’d slinked and stole, back when I cursed myself every time I locked the door behind us for taking what I never should have had.
Guilt taunted me from somewhere deep within my consciousness and wove with the remnants of doubt that weren’t buried all that deep.
I had no idea what was right anymore. I’d spent so much time berating myself for wanting her, now it seemed almost wrong that I was allowed to have her.
I paced a little more before I forced myself to sit on the couch. Either that or break down the bathroom door, and I figured enough doors had been broken down around here.
About ten minutes later, the shower finally shut off. Vague noises filtered through the walls, the slam of a cupboard, the rush of the faucet, the thud of a drawer, hints of my girl who’d left me aching ever since she shut me out just moments ago.
God, I needed her.
A lot of shit had changed since I left, but one thing definitely remained the same.
The girl made me completely insane.
Fucking certified.
Mad with desire and confusion and every fucked-up, contradictory thought I could ever have.
The bathroom door unlatched.
She was never supposed to belong to me. Yet there she was, standing at the very end of the hall, peering over at me.
Mine.
My responsibility. My life.
Nerves jackhammered my heart into a frenzy.
I still couldn’t make sense of it, everything that had been revealed last night.
Shifting on her feet, she watched me, searched me, like she would give about anything to dig through my thoughts, to really know what I was feeling. Her expression softened.
And I thought, No. Maybe she would just be satisfied to crawl inside me, to sink down into the marrow of my bones and take up residence in any place I’d let her.
But she was already there.
Aly was everywhere. I felt her life in my veins, because she’d breathed hers into mine. All of me belonged to her because before her, I’d been nothing. Nonexistent. Worthless. Now I meant something to someone. Someone was relying on me, and that reality fucking terrified me.
I stretched my hand out, and she shuffled across the floor. Unrestrained pleasure fluttered all around her mouth as she neared, and I couldn’t help but smile. Her hair was all wet, the long length of it flattened out in near-black sheets from where she’d run a brush through it. Dampened tendrils clung to her bare shoulders. She was wearing a tank top and of course those sleep shorts.
I wondered if she knew… if she wore them because she could see right inside my mind, watch my thoughts careen and swerve, skid into a desire that surged through every inch of my body.
I yanked her down onto the couch with me.
Aly yelped, giggling as I flung back and pulled her on top of me.
She wiggled and laughed, and I was pretty damned sure she knew exactly what these shorts did to me.
Warmth rushed through me with the joy contained in the sound that passed through her lips, the weight of her blanketing me in the same comfort I’d woken up swimming in this morning.
She inundated my senses, coconut and the good and the girl.
God.
How much had I missed that? How much had I missed her?
There was no putting an amount to it, no counting it up or figuring out how much this girl meant to me. Because it was beyond anything calculable. Beyond the rational. Tripping, tumbling, crashing through all sensibilities.
Fear lashed. A rush of bitter bile curled in the pit of my stomach. Because I didn’t know what I would do if I lost her.
When I lost her.
The thought knotted my gut and sent a wave of nausea ripping through me. Struggling for a breath, I swallowed it down and buried my face in the haven of her hair. Didn’t want to go there. Couldn’t.
“Hey, baby,” I said, the affection coarse as I forced all that worry back down deep inside where it belonged. Because I was going to be better.
I was going to be better for her.
“Hi,” she mumbled into my neck, her lips a tender caress as she kissed along my jaw.
A shot of greedy lust hit me, and I crushed her to me and let my free hand wander up the leg of her shorts. She was always doing this to me, clouding my senses. I cupped her sweet little ass. “You know exactly what these shorts do to me, don’t you?”
Aly giggled more, all self-conscious and sweet, and she folded her arms in between us as I wrapped mine around her, like she wanted me to take her whole. Embarrassment colored her voice when she admitted quietly into my chest, “I like what your eyes look like when you see me in them.” She risked peeking up at me, her chin digging into my breastbone. “I remember always craving your attention, even when I was just a little girl. But by the time I was thirteen, I wanted you to look at me.” Redness blossomed on her face, her cheeks blazing with it, yet her voice was completely serious. “I know it was stupid… ridiculous to think you’d notice me. But I always wanted you to.”
I chuckled a little, gripped her by the back of the head with my free hand and pressed the rest of her tight against my body. “Would’ve been pretty messed up had I noticed you like that then.”
I felt the smile that took over my mouth, all gentle, one that could only be given to her. Because it was her hand that soothed me, her heart the only thing that had ever calmed the rage that would forever simmer within my soul. I hooked my finger under her chin so she couldn’t hide that gorgeous face. “But this has been a long time coming, hasn’t it?”
Aly wiggled one arm free. Softly, she traced her fingers along my lashes before she pressed them to my lips.
Affection welled at the base of my throat, right where that bitter rock of unspent emotion lay with my corruption, like Aly’s touch was chipping away at it.
Fuck, this girl had a hold on me.
“Maybe it hasn’t just been coming, Jared. Maybe it was just always supposed to be. Maybe Christopher running into you that night he found you at the bar, found you back in Phoenix for the first time… maybe that was supposed to set it all into motion. Because one way or another, you and I are right. Maybe our situation is messed up. But who is to say it’s wrong?”
She wrestled out of my hold, and before I could make sense of it, I was subject to hers. Fierce fingers gripped the flesh of my shoulders. “I won’t believe anything but the fact that you’re supposed to be here, with me. Whatever we have to go through, whatever we have to face, I’ve never believed anything so strongly.”
Her green eyes flared with worry, with passion as she looked all over my face, searching for something. What, I didn’t know.
“This isn’t going to be easy,” she said. “You know that, don’t you?” Sharp, blunt nails deepened their hold in my skin, cutting, demanding my attention. Fear latched onto her words. “Promise me you won’t run when it gets ugly, Jared. Because life always does, and I can’t bear the thought of living without you in mine.”
“Hey,” I said softly, hoping to calm her. “I know that, Aly. Coming back wasn’t easy. But I’m here.”
I didn’t think she really understood what it took for me to mount her stairs yesterday afternoon, the clash of commitments it caused – my loyalty to my mom and my love for Aly. Those two forces created an all-out war between the demons that owned my soul and that place in my heart Aly h
ad exposed.
A soft breath left her, spread across my face. “Here is where I need you,” she said.
I ran my hand down her neck and drew her to me so I could whisper in her ear. “I know, baby.”
Aly hummed.
I swore, this girl brought me to edge of sanity. Pushed me off it, really. Straight into a free fall. No doubt that crash back in Vegas had been when I finally hit the bottom, when I’d been slammed with a realization I never thought I’d gain.
That maybe… just maybe… there was something in this fucked-up world I was supposed to be living for. Last night had only confirmed it.
Come to Me Softly Page 5