Come to Me Softly

by A. L. Jackson

  Then one side of her mouth quirked up, all soft and playful, like she was tossing all the heaviness aside. Because my girl was just cool like that, like she knew exactly what I needed and when I needed it. She grinned. “Besides, we get to have Thanksgiving dinner together. Can it really be all that bad?”

  I laughed a little and dragged my fingers through my hair. “Um, yeah, Aly, it might just be that bad. You do remember what we have to tell your parents today, don’t you? Pretty sure your dad isn’t going to welcome me back with open arms after we deliver our little piece of news.”

  “I do remember. And I also remember I’m not twelve anymore,” she countered. Her eyebrows disappeared into her bangs, her eyes widening as if she was trying to tell me just how ridiculous she thought I was being, worrying about her parents’ judgment, when really, this was just about us.

  But she had to know better than that.

  I’d done some foolish shit in my life, but I was no fool, and Aly was just acting naïve. I hadn’t seen her dad, Dave, in years, not since he caught me sneaking out my father’s door in the middle of the night. I’d been off to find my next fix, just a couple of days before it’d all completely gone to hell and I’d been sent away. He made it clear then I’d never be welcome in their house again. Hatred had poured from his mouth as disappointment and disdain, giving me a warning to stay away from Christopher… to stay away from the rest of his family. He almost spat when he told me I was no longer considered a part of it.

  That was almost seven years ago.

  How much had changed since then?

  Subtly I shook my head and unbuckled my seat belt. I seriously doubted his perception of me had changed all that much – that was for sure.

  “Come on,” Aly encouraged, cracking open her door. “Let’s go hang out with my family. I think you might have forgotten how great they really are.”

  I opened my door and began to climb out. “I haven’t forgotten, Aly.” Ducking down, I captured her gaze, looking at her seriously, hoping she would see she was taking this a whole lot more lightly than was wise. “But you can bet they haven’t forgotten about me, either.”

  I followed Aly up the sidewalk. Christopher was waiting for us at the door. He cocked a single brow at me, like he was asking me if I was ready for what was about to happen.

  I shrugged, because I was about as ready as I’d ever be.

  He rapped once at the wood and opened the door. “Happy Thanksgiving!” he sang all off key and obnoxious as he swung the door open wide.

  Aly glanced over her shoulder at me. Joy sat prominent on her features, softened her eyes, and parted her lips, and a tiny giggle seeped from her mouth, like maybe she appreciated her crazy brother just as much as I did for breaking up the tension, for trumpeting our arrival like we were ushering in a celebration rather than stepping into a field of land mines like I was pretty sure we were.

  From somewhere inside the house, Aly’s mother, Karen, squealed. Five seconds later, she came barreling around the corner. She yanked Christopher into her arms, squeezing him and rocking him almost violently side to side. “There you are!” She pulled back, all this mischief running through the brown of her warm eyes. She fanned herself. “I’ve been slaving away in the kitchen all day. It’s about time you all showed up to give me some help.”

  I stifled a chuckle.

  Maybe I really had forgotten she was that way. Funny. Casual. Kind like her daughter and roguish like her son. Laughter from years ago rang in my ears, the way she and my mother would sit for hours and just laugh and talk about what seemed like nothing at all while we played away our days.

  Something strong pushed out from the inside, and my heart beat a little too hard. I stepped away, awkwardly hanging back at the door as she playfully swatted Christopher’s chest and turned to drag Aly into her arms. This hug was both tighter and softer than the one she gave Christopher. Something serious passed between the two of them while Karen Moore held her daughter in her arms.

  I shifted on my feet, doing my best not to lose my shit as I watched the tender affection transpiring in front of me.

  The last time I had seen her, Karen Moore had sent me over the edge. All the forgiveness and love and relief she’d poured out over me had been far too much when it’d been the last thing I wanted.

  Now I stood on her threshold, treading dangerous ground as I walked headlong through her front door.

  What the fuck was I thinking? Coming here?

  That was the problem, though. I no longer knew what was right, my fate, where I was supposed to end up – because somehow I’d received a pardon from my penance and I still didn’t know what the hell to do with it. Was it right I was accepting all this goodness or was I just adding another check mark to my sins?

  But how could Aly be that? How could she be wrong? All I could see when I looked at her was a gift.

  Karen ran her hand over the back of Aly’s head and down her back, staring at me over her shoulder when she did. Wide brown eyes spoke to me, glistening with all the same welcome she’d showered me with on the day I’d run.

  Or maybe there was even more there, like she saw all the questions running through my mind and she was telling me this was right and this was exactly where I was supposed to be.

  Slowly she untangled herself from Aly. She never took her eyes off me as she stepped closer. Her movements were almost tentative, though filled with all this cautious purpose as she edged in my direction.

  Then Karen Moore wrapped me in her arms.

  With her gentle touch, a blink of agitation lit in my nerves, sparked that shame and remorse always lying in wait. But I held it in and let her hold me.

  And shit, maybe it seemed impossible that I could, but somehow I forced myself to return it.

  Truth was, I had always cared about her. She’d been like a mother to me, never hesitating to encourage me when I needed it or to set me straight when I was stepping out of line.

  Closing my eyes, I just let her rain that old affection on me. With it came a downpouring of all the old memories of her and this house and everything that had taken place behind its walls.

  Some of those memories I welcomed. Others I shunned. Because I just wasn’t ready to go there yet.

  Didn’t know if I’d ever be.

  “Welcome home,” she whispered near my ear, like it was our greatest secret, like maybe she knew if she said it aloud it would cause me more pain than I could handle. “You don’t know how happy I am you’re here… that you came back to her.”

  Her words fell on me, causing confusion and comfort, because I was thinking Karen should be mortified I was with her daughter, and she was singing it like praise.

  She edged back a fraction and took me by both hands, her grip fierce and her gaze unwavering as her eyes traced my face. I just stood there staring at her. None of this made any sense, Aly’s love for me and this woman who’d been closer than a sister to my mom giving me the same. Had that love always been there? Had I just been blind to it?

  Just as she pulled away, Dave and Aly’s little brother, Augustyn, came in from the back of the house.

  “Hey guys, Happy Thanksgiving.” Aug was all dimples and smiles when he approached, although he wasn’t so little anymore. Already sixteen, the boy wasn’t as tall as Christopher, but he was pure muscle, bulk and brawn. His appearance was so different from Christopher and Aly, you’d never guess they were siblings. Except for the fact he looked just like his mom, light hair and brown eyes. Christopher and Aly looked a lot like their dad. But Aly? There was something about her and her mom that just fit. They didn’t resemble each other a whole lot, but when they stood side by side, there was no mistaking they were a pair.

  Aug and Christopher shook hands, pulling each other in for a swift hug and a short clap on the back. Dave basically took Christopher through the same motions, though I could feel the weight of his eyes on me, even when they seemed to be doing their best at avoiding me.

  Aug came toward me, completel
y casual like he always seemed to be. “Hey, Jared.” He stuck his hand out, and I took it. The hug he gave me was just as short as the one he gave Christopher. “How’s it going, man? It’s so cool you’re here.”

  “Yeah, great to be here,” I was quick to agree, although I wasn’t exactly sure I did.

  Besides, I felt like I was quickly wearing out my welcome.

  Karen looked at her husband, tipping her head in an almost imperceptible nod toward me. No doubt, she’d told him I would be here. And by the way he warily turned his attention to me, I had no doubt she’d given him a warning to behave, same as she’d always done. The man was wrapped around Karen’s finger just as tightly as I was wound around Aly’s.

  If I wasn’t watching so closely, I would have missed the subtle search of his eyes, like he wanted nothing more than to inspect me in the same second he could barely look my direction. Ultimately that search landed on the back of my hands where the color bled out from under the cuffs of my shirt. The green of his eyes locked on the numbers stamped across my knuckles. He flinched when he caught onto the meaning, and he turned away just as fast as he’d latched onto the sight.

  Reluctantly, he took a step forward and stretched out his arm to offer his hand. “Happy Thanksgiving, Jared. Glad you could join us.”

  I accepted it, my hold firm as I shook his hand. “Thank you for having me.”

  Why are you here and how long are you staying? All these questions played out on the lines twisting across his face.

  It didn’t take long for Dave to get his answer.

  From just inside the foyer, Aly paused and looked back on us from where she was embracing her little brother. She stared at me with outright affection. Then she extended her hand, beckoning me to her side.

  My eyes shot to Dave. I just couldn’t help it. It was like I had this impulse to see his reaction when he realized why I was really here.

  And fuck, did I wish I hadn’t seen.

  White blanched his face, before a rush of redness hit his cheeks. The hand that just seconds before had been shaking mine flexed into a fist. There was no question he was about as repulsed by the idea of Aly and me as I had been with myself the first night I’d fed from her beauty. When I gave in and slipped into the sanctuary of her arms, giving myself over to the fantasy.

  But what Dave didn’t realize was he was witnessing our reality.

  This was the aftermath of all that sneaking. The outcome of all the hiding behind closed doors and all the lies that had been told.

  This was what happened on the other side.

  I stepped up and took Aly’s hand. It was warm and fit perfectly into my palm.

  Yeah, Dave was seeing that Aly really was mine.

  Aly led me down the entryway hall that led deeper into the house. The entire place echoed with the memories of our childhood.

  The hallway walls were proud with pictures, photos of all three kids and the family displayed exactly the way I remembered Karen had showcased the images, except there were some new ones that added even more honor and love to the story they told. Both Aly’s and Christopher’s smiles shined bright as they posed for their high school graduations, a ton of Aug’s football pictures were put on display, and a family picture I could only assume was taken sometime around last Christmas took precedence among them all.

  I was quick to drop my attention when I saw that we were still there, too – a fucking picture of the family I’d shattered was set on display right smack dab in the middle of the Moores’ story. It was the same one that had taunted me at my mother’s funeral, the one that had cast its insults at me as they’d laid her in the ground.

  My pulse thundered and my pace slowed, and Aly was tugging at me like she knew, like she was removing me from what she knew I couldn’t face.

  When we passed through the curved archway into the kitchen, I realized not much of this house remained the same. It’d been remodeled, and only the main walls of the basic structure were unchanged.

  A modern kitchen had taken the country kitchen’s place. The bar we’d once sat at now was a large granite island with a row of low barstools taking up the end. A small table was still tucked in the bay window, but the windows were now larger and offered a better view of the backyard. Natural light shined in, reflecting off the pool, basking the entire space in the comfort of the fall sun. The wall that had blocked off the family room where we’d spent so much time hanging out had been gutted, making for one large room.

  Still, it all felt so much the same, the same gentle warmth clinging to the walls.

  And this smell… this fucking delicious smell that reminded me of the days we’d spent here. Us kids running around, clamoring through the cramped kitchen, our moms yelling at us to take it outside.

  God, how much did I miss those simple days?

  Aly glanced up at me. A wistful expression framed that gorgeous face. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she mouthed, like she somehow knew I was experiencing all of these emotions I didn’t know how to process, a disorder of disgrace wrapped up with this fucking irrational feeling, something that felt like I’d somehow made it home after I’d been lost for so long.

  But it was her.

  I knew it.

  It thrummed a steady beat within me. This girl had brought me home.

  The one who had breathed life into a blackened spirit and a deadened heart.

  Right behind us, Karen clapped her hands once. “Okay, we need to get busy in here. Dinner will be ready in about an hour, so things are about to get hectic.”

  Karen was wearing this granny apron that covered her whole front, and these tight little black ankle slacks and heels almost as high as the ones Aly had been wearing last night.

  She’d always been a knockout, not that I’d ever thought of her that way, but damn, I wasn’t blind.

  All of mine and Christopher’s friends were always calling, wanting to hang out at our houses because they wanted to get a look at our moms. Funny, ’cause it was kind of gross but kind of made us proud at the same time.

  Aly released my hand and stepped toward the stove. “Just tell me what to do, Mom. That’s what I’m here for.”

  Karen lifted a lid and poked at the boiling potatoes inside with a fork. “The green beans need to go into this pot here,” she said, pitching her head to the side to gesture to it. “We can probably mash these potatoes in about twenty minutes, then we need to get the gravy going and the turkey out, and then we need to get the rolls in the oven.” Her mom rattled this all off like she had the whole thing mapped out in her head, this organized chaos fueling her energy as she moved so easily about the kitchen.

  “I’m on it,” Aly said as she washed her hands in the sink and went to work.

  “Anything I can do to help?” I offered, standing there with my jutted hip resting up against the counter. Awkward didn’t quite describe what I was feeling. My emotions were in such conflict, I couldn’t begin to describe them, this unrelenting distress that nagged at all my senses and this comfort I wanted to sink into.

  “I think we have it under control for now, but all you boys are on standby,” Karen commanded with a wave of her hand, drawing a line in the air with her pointed finger indicating the end of the island, like we weren’t allowed to step foot out of the kitchen’s boundaries.

  Aly tossed me a knowing glance, one that just said we should go with it, and everything would be fine.

  Aug pulled out a barstool and sat down, and I figured I’d best to do the same.

  Christopher clapped me on the back as he headed toward the refrigerator. “Hey, man, you want a beer?”

  “Uh… sure.”

  If I wasn’t feeling so damned uncomfortable, I might have laughed at being here this way, because the last time I’d had a beer at this house Christopher had snuck us a couple when we were fifteen.

  It seemed crazy that so many years had passed. That so much had changed and still these people were completely the same.

  Good.

 
Christopher opened the large, stainless steel door of the fridge. Disappearing behind it for a couple of seconds, he came out bearing two beers. He slid one my way.

  “How about you, Dad? You want one?” he asked, twisting the cap free from his and tossing it across the room and into the garbage, completely nonchalant.

  Appearing to be feeling just about as uneasy as me, Dave hesitated.

  Couldn’t blame him all that much. I kept thinking Aly should have warned him, given him some kind of indication of what to anticipate. Poor guy didn’t deserve this double blow.

  If our roles were reversed?

  I couldn’t help but imagine the baby, what it would be like, if it’d be a little girl or a boy. If it were a girl, this kind of bullshit would definitely not fly.