The Paler Shade Of Autumn

by Underdown, Jacquie

  “You know this puts me in a really awkward position,” she says.

  He snaps his head up. Looks directly at her. “You’re not going to tell… Tae, are you? She would kill me, then dump me and I …”

  “I’m not going to tell her. I’ve thought about it, but I won’t.”

  Jace nods, relief transforming his features. “Thank you.”

  She leans over the table closer. “Why were you near my room anyway?”

  “I was heading to the toilet and I only looked in because the light was on and then I saw you…” He stops, narrows his eyes. “You didn’t look as though you’d seen me.”

  Autumn stands, picks up her plate and empty mug from the table. “I’m not going into details, Jace. Just don’t do it again or I’ll tell my brother and he can deal with you.” She starts towards the kitchen.

  “Autumn,” he calls.

  She turns.

  “I’m sorry.”

  She nods her head and continues on her way.

  The day at work is hectic, thanks to her time off over the week; she has back-to-back appointments with clients, not to mention dealing with staff requiring assistance with their work, plus all the administrative obligations she has to attend to.

  When she finally gets a break for lunch, she spends the time searching for lingerie to wear while in Sydney, anticipating that she and Jet will be taking the next delicious step in their relationship and not wanting to disappoint him with her drab, sensible collection.

  By six, she finally tears herself way from her desk and meets Jordy, who is waiting for her in the foyer. A brief drive across town in his truck has them at the real estate agency where Jordy’s potential love interest works. The plan they had come up with together is: Autumn will hand over the cash for rent that week, on behalf of Jordy and, in the process, take the opportunity to brush her hand against the girl of his interest.

  Autumn, on first impressions, likes the girl, Rose. She is attractive and polite and Autumn can clearly see without using her gift that Rose is besotted with Jordy, flirting like a smitten school girl. She follows through with their plan, nonetheless; hands her over the rent money and allows their fingers to linger against each other for just enough time to see what she needs to see.

  Not until they are back in the car, heading towards her apartment does she fill Jordy in on the details. “Rose has had a very interesting life, nothing like you would anticipate by looking at her now.”

  “How so?” asks Jordy.

  Autumn looks to him as he holds the steering wheel, concentrating on the road ahead. “She was a stripper, Jordy.”

  Jordy snaps his head to face Autumn, forehead crinkled. “A stripper! What like totally naked for the entire world to see?”

  Autumn nods. “Yes. It was quite disturbing for me to see. I wish you wouldn’t send me on missions like this.”

  “Why, what else did you see?”

  “She has had so many sexual partners. I’m talking upwards of a hundred. She would sleep with the clients after every show, sometimes two, three, four at the one time.”

  “Fuck,” he says, drawing the word out like a whine. “She seemed so wholesome.”

  “If it’s any compensation, she is now. From what I could see, she has had a child, a little girl and has turned her life around for her. Oh, and she does like you, a lot. But still, would you want to even go near someone with a past like that?”

  Jordy sighs. “I really liked her. Fuck, now I wish we hadn’t done this, and I’d be none the wiser.”

  Autumn huffs. “Story of my life.”

  The aeroplane’s tyres touch the tarmac of the Sydney terminal at precisely nine-thirteen. Autumn knows this because she counted down the minutes the moment she felt the plane thrust into the Brisbane night sky. Behind the other passengers—businessmen, families and couples—she walks briskly from the plane, through to the arrivals lounge. Autumn’s eyes flitter over the faces and forms that crowd the expansive area, anticipating, until she sees his tell-tale eyes.

  Jet’s face transforms in that moment from a furrowed brow to a wide crinkled smile. Oh God, he is simply gorgeous and that smile, that smile is all hers. She quickens her step. Don’t run, you’ll look too eager. It was only this morning you saw him.

  But she can’t talk herself out of the sheer elation she feels to see him, knowing they are spending from now till Sunday, alone, together. He strides towards her and, when close enough, throws her arms around him, pulls him in tight to her body and they kiss; mindless, passionate kisses.

  “Hi,” she says, eventually.

  “Hi.” He raises an eyebrow, grins. “Now that’s what I call an arrival.”

  “I did get carried away.”

  He shakes his head, lengthens his arm around her waist, turning her towards the exit. “Definitely not. It speaks volumes.”

  She nuzzles her head into the curve of his shoulder and neck. “And what does it say to you?”

  “You missed me.”

  She stops midstride and kisses him again, holding his face in her hands. “I did. I didn’t realise, I’d been too busy to think about you until I was stuck on that plane.”

  They continue to walk, arms around each other. “I apologise. You did have a hectic schedule today, thanks to me consuming so much of your time.”

  “It’s worth it. Now.” She smiles. “How was your day?”

  “Oh, you know? Long.”

  They collect Autumn’s luggage and meander to the parking lot, placing her bag in the boot of Jet’s more modest BMW SUV. The time is ten o’clock before they head out of the car park and through the streets of Sydney. Her body tingles as they approach the city lights, feeling the excitement of the place. People stroll along the footpaths, heading out of restaurants, venturing into bars, moving along to their next nightspot. Autumn watches from the window, smiling as they fly through the streets, barricaded on both sides by soaring high rises. The city feels alive, breathing, injecting life into Autumn’s weary body simply witnessing it.

  A short time later they pull into an apartment building basement on Macquarie Street. “This is where your apartment is?” she asks, eyes wide, knowing all too well that only metres away is Circular Quay, home to the Sydney Opera House, and upon which one side of the Harbour Bridge rests.

  He nods. “It’s central here.”

  “It’s central alright.”

  Jet grabs Autumn’s bag from the back of his car, slings it over his shoulder and accompanies her up the lifts; they open directly at his apartment—the penthouse. Autumn steps inside, feet clacking against the lacquered timber. For a moment she cannot speak, lost to the aesthetics of the apartment. The room is completely open plan, exposed pale brickwork, neutral coloured plaster and timber flooring throughout. Splashes of colour come only from the artwork hanging sporadically on the surfaces of the walls in a variety of sizes and shapes. Stealing her attention is the line of glass doors extending across the entire wall and the view that begins there and ends at the Sydney Harbour.

  Autumn spins to face Jet who is watching her reaction attentively. “It’s beautiful.”

  She paces towards the doors. Jet unlocks a sliding glass door and leads her onto the balcony. Autumn eagerly follows. “Oh. My. God. This is your apartment?” She can see the entire harbour, from the Opera House on the right, to the Harbour Bridge on the left, and all the beautiful sites in-between.

  “That’s exactly what I said when this came on the market and I checked it out for the first time.”

  “It’s the most incredible view. You’re very fortunate.”

  His eyes drift over her face, down her body, back to her eyes. “I am so very fortunate,” he says stepping closer, taking her by the waist.

  She rises on her tiptoes, kisses him. “I’ve seen the view, now are you going to show me your bedroom?” she whispers.

  Jet contemplates that for a few moments, the slightest of smiles. “I should fly out of the state more often.” He grins even wider. “Wh
y the sudden change of heart?”

  Autumn raises her hands to his jacket lapels, peels it off his broad shoulders. “Five years is much too long for anyone to wait,” she says. He shrugs out of his jacket and throws it inside on the floor.

  “I absolutely agree,” he says.

  She begins now with his tie, loosening it. “I won’t wait any longer.”

  Jet pulls his tie over his head and drops it on the balcony tiles. “Then follow me.”

  Instinctively, he knows not to take her hand, offers his arm instead. She weaves her elbow through and follows him across the apartment to his bedroom. Autumn doesn’t see the room’s decor or the view from the floor-to-ceiling glass doors; she could just as easily be back in the pokey orphanage in India or a seven-star suite in Dubai’s Burg Al Arab. All she can see is Jet, all she wants to feel, to taste, smell, is Jet.

  Autumn starts with his top button, then the next, till she opens his shirt and he shrugs it off his shoulders, revealing his hard torso. She smooths her hands over his shoulders, relishing the taut curves of his muscles. Against the incline, directly in the centre of his chest, she brings her lips to him, tasting the saltiness of his skin. Jet releases a long, slow breath, as she trails her lips up to his neck, the slight stubble earned over the day adding texture to the sensation. Autumn deftly removes his long black pants, letting them fall to the floor. Jet steps out of them, flicks off his shoes and socks and she slides off his briefs. He is already as solid as a rock.

  “Now this is unfair,” he whispers, voice husky. “You’re still completely dressed.” He steps towards her, his hands moving to her blouse.

  She raises her finger and stops him; pushes her hand against his chest. He falls back, seated on the bed and watches, jaw slack, lips slightly parted as she begins to unbutton the blouse herself. This is a personal show for him and his expression is enough to give her enough courage to carry it out, enough to make her feel sassy and totally sexy. Autumn peels her shirt off, reveals the sheer, black lace and mesh torsolette moulding to the curves she has hidden underneath. In the years since their last encounter, Autumn has gone up a size, dropped the girlish body, added some womanly curves. Jet’s lips curl, just a tad, not in a taunting way, but in a way that expresses his sheer gratitude.

  Autumn unzips her skirt, lets it drop to the floor. His stare falls to the black fishnet stockings held in place by suspenders, attached to the tiniest of v-strings. She pulls her hairclip out, allowing her long russet hair to tumble around her shoulders and circles, just once, slowly.

  “Mesmerising,” he whispers, his voice low and hoarse.

  She saunters to him at the end of the bed and straddles his naked lap, slings her arms around Jet’s neck. She isn’t that twenty-one year old in practical white cotton underwear anymore and she wants him to know it. She is still the same Autumn, but there have been changes, she’s gained experience.

  “I’ve grown up a little since we last met like this,” she says.

  He takes her waist, runs a lingering stare over her body. “I can definitely see that. You are so beau—”

  She presses her finger to his mouth. “Shut up,” she whispers.

  He smiles and thrusts his lips against hers. He lifts her into his arms and lays her roughly on his bed. They don’t speak another word. What can be said?

  Chapter 16

  Autumn awakens to the sun streaming through the windows and a view of the harbour that seems endless from her vantage point. The side of the bed where Jet has slept, arms wrapped tightly around her naked body, is empty. She sits up, rubbing her eyes, listening for a break in the silence his apartment maintains.

  “Jet?” she calls to the emptiness.

  Autumn throws back the silky, white sheet, stirring a piece of paper, sending it fluttering through the air. She grabs it as it lands again on the bed, near her feet. It’s a note from Jet: Good morning beautiful. Didn’t want to wake you. Coffee supplies are low. Gone to buy some more. Won’t be long. Yours, Jet.

  She smiles. A personal message is so much more pleasant than a phone call from his diary secretary; however, his presence would be even better. Jet though, doesn’t seem like the type to laze around in bed, under any circumstances.

  Autumn stretches her arms above her head and patters into the ensuite for a shower, which she notes also shares a view of the harbour. It amazes her, in the morning light, how incredibly bacheloresque his apartment is, yet utterly gorgeous. As she washes her face and hair under the hot stream of water, she observes the panorama, watches boats churn whitewash as they cruise over the harbour waters and seagulls circle, fly and dive.

  Faintly in the background of her thoughts, Autumn hears the lift ding. She hurries to rinse the conditioner from her hair, though wonders, if she lingers long enough, will he join her. She smiles, her loins aching as this idea forces her to remember last night with Jet, the sensation of him inside her. Her breaths quicken.

  “Good morning,” says Jet, strolling into the bathroom.

  Autumn smiles. “Good morning.”

  His gaze drifts over her body, a pleasurable smile playing on his lips. “Now this view exceeds any else offered by this apartment.”

  “You’re very welcome to join me,” she says.

  He rips his clothes off. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  Mid-morning, Jet and Autumn stroll down the street to Circular Quay where they have a long, languid breakfast together at a small cafe, sipping coffee and nibbling on pastries. It’s a warm day, the sun blazing overhead, but the breeze off the water acts as a wonderful coolant, especially as they cross from the Quay to Darling Harbour by ferry.

  Darling Harbour is crawling with tourists taking in the local attractions. It makes Autumn feel excited, as though she is on holiday, being led arm in arm around all the best sights by Jet, who knows the place back to front.

  “We’ve done this before,” she says as they leave the underwater aquarium.

  “Done what?” he asks.

  “Where I’ve had the pleasure of playing tourist and you guide.”

  He grins. “No Bodhi Tree here where I can steal a kiss.”

  “You don’t need a tree as an excuse to kiss me.”

  “I will take advantage of that.”

  By late afternoon they end up at a bar eating Spanish Tapas and drinking Coronas. “I spoke to Jenny yesterday,” he says, pushing his fork into a baby octopus, sloshed in garlic oil.

  “Yeah?”

  “She’s getting married.”

  Autumn’s eyes widen. “Wow. That’s great news.”

  He nods. “He’s an American Buddhist who went over there on pilgrimage.”

  “Perfect. Is he going to live in Bodh Gaya with her?”

  “Yeah. He’s committed his services at the orphanage.” Jet takes a long pull of his beer. “I told her how I bumped into you again.”

  “How did she react?”

  “She cried.”

  “Happy tears, I hope?”

  “Definitely happy tears. Jenny had to endure what I went through after you left, so she of all people understands the enormity of us meeting again.”

  “I can’t help wondering what would have happened had we maintained contact.”

  “I’ve had that thought a couple of times myself.”

  “Maybe it’s the way we meant it to be. Perhaps we needed to grow up first.”

  Jet shrugs. “Grow up? Come on, I’m never going to grow up. It was just bad timing, that’s all, for both of us.”

  “I do wish I’d been there though, when Darshan passed.”

  He nods; expresses a sombre frown. “I wish you’d been there too. But we can’t change the past, so no use dwelling on it.” He reaches for her hand, an act of intimacy, and then flinches back before their hands touch.

  Her eyes narrow. What is he hiding from me? She is tempted to snatch his hand into hers. But she resists, determined to keep this relationship as normal as possible and to trust that if it is important enough, Jet w
ill tell her in his own time.

  “Jenny wants us to attend her wedding in April next year. I thought, if you like, we can go over there together.”

  “Absolutely, I’d love to go.” She chews on a piece of chorizo. “How do you feel about going back, though?”

  Jet nods, shrugs, then throws his hands in the air. “I don’t know. Scared, anxious, excited. I’m going to have to be fine. It’s been five years.”

  “It holds a lot of memories for you that place. I understand that.”

  “I sometimes think you’re the only one who really does understand. You’ve seen my deepest memories. You’ve glimpsed my life before India, saw with incredible detail the day I met Darshan. You met him, as well as the other children. You saw firsthand the work I did at the orphanage. Now, once again you share my life. You know my past and my present. I so desperately, don’t want to disappoint Darshan’s memory or Jenny or Master Shen with who I am now.”

  “How so?”

  “I often wonder if I’m doing enough, compensating enough for not remaining in Bodh Gaya. I don’t want to go back to Bodh Gaya, to the orphanage, and see that I’m not doing enough.”

  Autumn reaches for him, rests her hand on his thigh. “You’ve affected thousands and thousands of lives in an incredibly beneficial way. That’s nothing to sneeze at. I would give anything to create so much impact. I’ve had my charity for a little on four years and have nowhere near made the inroads you have. I’m sure Jenny and Master Shen can see that well enough and I’m sure Darshan would be very proud.”

  Jet shrugs, takes another long pull of his beer.

  “Jet, you can’t spend the rest of life trying to make it up to Darshan because you never will. You can make a massive contribution to the world, save hundreds of children, educate many, but nothing will ever reverse his death, nor will it bring him back.”

  “I’m not trying to bring him back.” He sighs. “I know that can never happen. I just miss him so much and I don’t know how I can face that place, knowing he isn’t going to be there.”

  Autumn stands and moves to his side. She takes his face in her hands. “I know you miss him.”