“Err…no thanks. I’m good.” She could still feel the heat of his touch embedded in her skin. Worst of all, she longed to feel it again, for him to toss aside his reservations and just let go. But no. His wound was still fresh. So, as much as she regretted doing so, she rose as well and said, “I should probably start heading home.”
“Already?” He sounded genuinely surprised.
Sarah nodded. The more she stayed, the more she’d want, and the more he denied her, the more difficult things would get. The attraction between them was real. She knew that now. But she also knew neither of them would act on it. “Thank you for a lovely evening, Pierce.”
He held out a hand as if expecting her to take it, then let it drop to his side. “Sarah. I…” He shook his head.
“You don’t have to explain anything to me. I know what it’s like, and I know you need time to heal.”
With a tight smile, he went to find her coat then helped her on with it. Sarah felt the brush of his fingers against the nape of her neck and instinctively shivered.
“I’m sorry,” he said, pulling her close for a hug, “but I can’t…” His voice broke. “I just can’t.”
“Like I said, you don’t have to explain.” Ignoring the urge to hold him tight, to savor his strength and the dizzying scent of cologne that seemed to weaken her knees, Sarah stepped out of his embrace. It wasn’t easy. In fact, it was bloody hard. Because in spite of her resolve to resist him, Pierce Jackson had somehow managed to capture a piece of her heart.
Chapter Ten
He needed closure. Pierce’s awareness of this had increased since watching Sarah drive away on Saturday night. For a fleeting second, he’d been tempted to kiss her – had longed to do so with a desperation he hadn’t felt in years. And with that thought had come guilt. It had bulldozed its way right through him, prompting him to put as much space between himself and Sarah as possible. It had felt awful. He had felt awful.
Now, as he steered the excavator toward the area deemed safe the day before, Pierce tried to make sense of what he was feeling. It wasn’t easy. On one hand, he wanted to stay faithful to Caroline, to honor her memory and make her dream of a life in the Klondike come true. But on the other hand, Sarah, with her fiery hair and soulful eyes, had made him crave companionship.
No.
Not just companionship. He’d begun wanting so much more than that.
Shaking off the persistent thought that nagged him like a little devil on his shoulder, Pierce tried to concentrate on his work. Perhaps he ought to invite Jack over for the hockey game next weekend. Or they could go out and watch it at a bar. Maybe then, if he spent some time with someone other than Sarah, he’d realize all he really needed was friendship.
Except he couldn’t ignore the way her smile had begun to affect him. His chest tightened every time, while his fingers itched to reach out and touch her at every available opportunity. It was mad. He was mad!
Sighing, he worked on digging out a plateau roughly six feet lower, not breaking until his stomach growled in protest. Checking his watch, he saw it was well after lunch. So he turned off the engine, climbed out of the cabin, and walked back to the shed where the rest of the team was already eating.
“Wasn’t sure you’d be joining us,” Thomas remarked. He was laboriously chewing on his sandwich as though he meant to reduce it to one single molecule.
Glancing briefly at Sarah, Pierce realized she was deliberately avoiding eye contact, so he looked at Jack instead and ignored the painful clenching of his stomach. “I lost track of time.”
Thomas nodded. “Happens to me a lot.”
Pulling out a chair, Pierce took a seat and unwrapped his own lunch. “I’m having some family come visit tomorrow,” he said and bit into a roast beef sub. “Picking them up at the airport at noon, so I’ll have to cut my day short.”
“Not a problem,” Thomas told him. He drank from his thermos.
Setting his sub aside, Pierce unscrewed the cap of his water bottle and took a sip. “It’s actually Frank Lewison and his wife. Maybe you know them, Thomas?”
The old man’s eyes stared straight back at Pierce, wrinkles forming at the corners. “Murphy’s son?” Pierce nodded and Thomas sat back in his chair with a steely expression. “You’re related to him?”
“Yeah. I, umm…” He didn’t want to explain any further, didn’t want to discuss the past again.
Thomas snorted and crossed his arms. “Does Frank know you’re letting me mine the property?”
Pierce shook his head. “No. I figured I’d surprise him.”
“Oh, he’ll be surprised all right.” Shaking his head Thomas got to his feet, cursing beneath his breath as he exited the shelter. Jack followed him out with a look of confusion.
Pierce’s eyes met Sarah’s for the first time that day. “Do the two not get along or something?”
Her lips were pressed together in a hard line, but her eyes shone with sympathy. “Murphy and Grandpa never liked each other. I’m not sure why, but they have history – bad history as far as I know. That’s why Murphy always refused to sell Grandpa the claim to the ridge.” She sat back with a sigh. Her fingers drummed lightly against the tabletop in a disjointed rhythm. “I take it Frank is your father-in-law?”
Pierce nodded. He ate more of his sandwich before quietly saying, “Caroline inherited the land from Murphy when he died. She always talked about coming back here and settling down. Of making something of her grandfather’s land. That’s why—”
“You’re here,” Sarah whispered. “You’re doing what she can’t.”
Finishing his sandwich, he attempted a smile. It wasn’t easy. “I wish I’d known about the bad blood between the two families.”
“It’s all right. We’ll get through it. How long are they staying, anyway?”
“Just a few days.” He was already dreading it – the inevitable trip down memory lane.
“That must be rough, all things considered.” She hesitated a moment before saying, “If you need help or just someone else as a buffer, I’ll be happy to stop by occasionally. For coffee, or something.”
“Thanks.” He appreciated the offer. “But that probably wouldn’t be a good idea.” He glanced away from her. “They lost their daughter, Sarah, and although I know you and I are just friends, I’d hate to give them the wrong impression.”
The pause that followed seeped its way between them, flooding the room with a distinct sense of awkwardness. “Yeah,” she finally said. The word sounded rough around the edges. “I get that.” Rising, she tossed her empty sandwich wrapper into the garbage. “I’ll see you outside whenever you’re ready.”
Thomas didn’t say much for the rest of the day. He was mostly silent on the way home, in spite of Sarah’s attempts at conversation. As soon as she parked the car in the driveway he got out and went inside the house without waiting for her to follow.
“Are you all right?” she asked as she strode into the kitchen. He’d already opened a bottle of beer and was taking a long swig.
Setting the drink on the counter, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and shook his head. “This is going to end badly.”
Unsure of what he meant but determined to take the conversation as far as it would go, Sarah placed her hands on her hips and asked, “What is?”
He gave her a hard stare. “Frank. Him coming here and the two of us having to interact.”
“I don’t see why that would be,” Sarah said, “I mean, I know you and his father had your differences, but—”
“It was more than a passing disagreement, Sarah. Worse than that, it’s my fault things went sour between us.” He scraped the edge of his nail against the beer bottle label, loosening the corner until it began to peel. His mouth twisted slightly before he spoke again. “Murphy and I were actually friends once. If you can believe it.”
“I didn’t realize,” Sarah said, genuinely surprised. She’d never really given the matter much thought, considering she’d o
nly come for the occasional visit when she was a kid. She’d been more interested in her grandmother’s ice-cream cakes and playing outside than in her grandparents’ relationship to their neighbors. And whenever she had asked her parents about it, they’d simply dismissed the issue as neighborly squabble. “You’ve never really told me what happened.”
“No. I haven’t.” He eyed her cautiously. “And I’d rather not.” When she said nothing, her mind whirling with possibilities, he expelled a deep breath and mumbled, “The fact is I’m a little embarrassed to admit what I did.”
Sarah almost rolled her eyes. “I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think.”
“If stealing another man’s wife isn’t bad, then I don’t know what is.”
The words tumbled out of his mouth as though they’d been waiting to do so for years. Sarah froze. She shook her head. “I don’t understand.” Had her grandfather seriously just admitted to having an affair with his neighbor’s wife? “You and Grandma loved each other.”
“Precisely.”
She shook her head again. “This makes no sense. I mean… I don’t—”
“Your grandmother married Murphy first.”
“What?” Taking a step back, Sarah reached for a chair and slumped down onto the hard seat. She stared at her grandfather, willing him to tell her he was joking, that this was just some wild story he’d concocted, and that none of it was true. But he didn’t. Instead he turned away to stare out the window.
“Why didn’t I know about this?” she asked. “How on earth is that possible?”
He gave a slight shrug. “It was a messy business, but it happened long before you were even born.”
“What about Frank? Even if Grandma fell in love with you and chose to leave her husband, I don’t understand how she could possibly have left her child. She was always so kind. To think she did this is just so, so…” It was bloody inconceivable.
“Frank was a grown man by the time she and I got together.” Sounding old and weary, he steadied himself against the kitchen counter. “In case you don’t know, there’s twenty years difference between him and your mother.”
“So then, Frank’s my great uncle or something?” It felt like a daytime drama was unfolding in the middle of the kitchen.
Turning, Thomas gave her a sheepish look. “Yeah. I guess he is.”
“Okay.” Sarah got to her feet, not certain of what she was planning to do but feeling a sudden need to move. “Okay,” she repeated. “I’m going to need some time to process this.” And the fact that she and Pierce’s dead wife appeared to be related now. How the hell was she going to break that news?
“I understand,” Thomas said.
“I don’t think you do,” she muttered as she snatched up her discarded jacket and headed back out. Was there no stability to be found in this world? First Billy and the tumultuous relationship she’d had with him, the loss that had torn them apart, her parents’ rejection of the choices she’d made, and now this! To think her parents had not accepted her getting pregnant out of wedlock when her mother’s own father had snatched another man’s wife away. It was so bloody unfair, it almost made her cry.
She hurried down the front steps and headed toward a path leading into the woods, her mind so preoccupied with everything she’d just been told that she failed to see the man who was coming toward her until he stepped in front of her.
“Jesus!” She flinched, her entire body recoiling with alertness upon seeing Billy. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I’m back in town for a few days, so I thought I’d stop by and see you.” A smile stretched its way across his face, reminding her too easily of their shattered hopes and dreams, of their separate attempts to survive the pain that had followed that fateful car crash.
“Why?” She took a step back, not liking the foggy look in his eyes.
He grinned then. “I don’t know.” He took a slow step toward her. “Perhaps I just hate the idea of you being happy while I’m not.”
“You’ve been drinking again.” A tremor slid down her spine. “I thought you’d stopped.”
“I had.” He chuckled lightly. “But then you just had to walk into The Pit with your boyfriend and—”
“He’s not my boyfriend, Billy.”
“No?” He caught her by the arm and pulled her close, the stench of alcohol making her stomach churn. “Stop lying to me!”
“I’m not—”
His mouth met hers, angrily and unrelenting as he shoved her back against a tree. Her hands came up, pushing at his chest, her feet kicking at his shins until a hand came crashing down against her cheek in a slap that made her teeth clang together.
“How dare you move on without me? Without our child?” His hands found her throat, pinning her in place while she struggled for breath. “You’re a cold unfeeling bitch, Sarah. Do you have any idea how much I’ve suffered because of you?” His sneer made his lips curl in a way that showed off his teeth. “You did this. You and your fucking stupidity!” The words were broken, wrenched from his throat as he pushed up against her.
She had no room to move, her nails digging at his hands in an effort to loosen his hold,while desperation rose like bile in her throat. Rage burned in his eyes, his face twisted into a beastly grimace of pure hatred. Gasping, she attempted a punch to the side of his head, her knuckles thudding against his jaw and forcing his face back. She finally managed to scream.
“You—”
A shot cracked from somewhere behind her, splitting the air with reverberating force. Instinctively dropping his hands and turning toward the sound, Billy gave Sarah just enough space to give his ankle a hard kick. Cursing, he stumbled back, allowing Sarah the space she needed to pass him. But just when she thought she was free, he made a grab for her, his hand latching onto her wrist in a painful hold as he pulled her back. She skidded before slamming back into him with bone-jarring force.
“Stay the hell away from her,” Thomas said. He was standing by the front door holding the shotgun he’d just fired.
“Get back inside, old man,” Billy growled. “This doesn’t concern you.”
“Please,” Sarah gasped. “You’re hurting me.”
“Good. You deserve it,” Billy muttered.
“Nothing good will come of this,” Thomas said. He took a couple of steps closer.
“You think you can fight me?” Billy’s hold on Sarah tightened, twisting her skin so it burned.
“Probably not, but I can shoot you for trespassing. No court will claim it wasn’t self-defense.”
“Don’t,” Sarah said, her eyes meeting Thomas’s. As crazed as Billy might be right now, she knew he was acting out of pain – a pain he was having difficulty dealing with. After all, she’d had her grandfather to talk to, to turn to for support. But who had Billy had, besides the bottle? His parents were older and had chosen to move to California years ago. As an only child, he had no other close family around him. Talking to friends about feelings would have been out of the question for Billy. He just wasn’t that kind of guy.
He laughed in her ear. “All I wanted was to get away from it all – away from all the memories and away from you. But how can I when I know you’re doing just fine?”
“I’m a long way from fine, Billy.” She tried to turn, to face him, but he wouldn’t let her. “I’ll never get over what happened to us.”
“I don’t believe you,” he grit out. “You left me, Sarah. When I needed you the most, you turned your back on me, on us and on our child, and you walked away.” His voice faltered just enough to reveal an unequivocal depth of emotion. “How can I ever forgive you for that? How can you possibly forgive yourself?”
Chapter Eleven
“She died,” Sarah croaked, “and I died with her.” The memories came flooding back, of broken glass and twisted metal, of excruciating pain and soul-searing fear.
Billy stared back at her, long and hard and with the sort of look that would easily melt stone. “I needed you, Sarah
.”
She couldn’t help but wince at that, at the frayed words scraping the air. “I needed you too, but living with the man you turned into wasn’t an option.” The accident had stripped away his gentle nature and replaced it with a propensity for violent outbursts directed at her. “How could I stay when I started to fear you?”
His grip went slack, and he dropped his head. “I was wrong to treat you so harshly, but I was so bloody angry with you. If you’d just stayed home and waited for me…”
“And if you hadn’t been speeding, and it hadn’t been so icy on the road… I will never get over the guilt I feel about what happened to us, Billy, but I don’t think I’m the only one to blame.” She could feel the tears trickling onto her cheeks. “It was a horrible accident.”
“It ruined my life,” he told her harshly.
“And mine as well,” she said, refusing to back down this time. “But we have to at least try and move on, don’t you think? It’s been five years and I…I just can’t keep doing this.”
“What do you mean?”
“You have to accept that we’ve been torn apart by what happened. Can’t you see we’re better off without each other? That we only exacerbate each other’s grief?”
“I won’t ever forgive you, Sarah.” His voice was icy.
“Do you honestly think I’ll ever forgive myself?”
He snorted at that. “I think you already have.”
The comment made her start, but before she could think of what to say next without antagonizing him any further, the sound of a car approaching drew her attention. It was Pierce. Sarah recognized the black Jeep instantly and could only sigh with exasperation. This really wasn’t going to help.
“And look who we have here,” Billy said as the car pulled to a stop and Pierce stepped out, his brown boots crunching against the driveway gravel. “Your knight has come to save you.”
His condescending tone grated. Sarah eyed Thomas who’d gone to greet Pierce. “I heard a scream and then a shot,” Pierce said. “Thought I’d check to see if everything’s all right.” He looked at Sarah and Billy as though assessing how best to handle the situation.
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