The Love That Saved Him

by Sophie Barnes

  His positive outlook in spite of the fact he was dying brought on the tears. Sarah swiped them away with the back of her hand while ignoring the ache that threatened to cleave open her chest. “I just feel as though I’ve been given less time in which to adjust. If you’d told me sooner, perhaps we could have flown to Toronto for better treatment or to the States even. Surely—”

  “No, Sarah. There was never a chance for anything like that. Truth is, I found out too late, but aside from that, I’m an old man. I’ve had a long life filled with love and laughter. Yes, I’ve made mistakes, but I’ve also made peace with that.”

  “You’re thinking of Grandma?”

  He chuckled under his breath. “Why don’t you pull up that chair over there in the corner so you can sit? Since things have progressed faster than I’d expected them to, there are a few details you and I ought to discuss.”

  “Why don’t we do that later, Grandpa? In a couple of days after you’ve fully recovered from this ordeal?”

  “Best to do it now, Sarah.” He let her hand go and nodded toward the chair once more. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned today, it’s that there’s no better time than the present.”

  Hesitating for just a few more seconds but seeing the steel in the depths of his eyes, Sarah finally relented, pulling up the chair so she was close enough to hold her grandfather’s hand while he spoke. “What is it then?” she asked once she’d settled in to what promised to be a long and serious conversation.

  He eyed her for a moment before saying, “Well, for starters, you ought to know about my will.”

  “Grandpa—”

  “Hush now.” The firmness with which he spoke immediately quieted her. “I’m leaving everything to you and your brother. Considering your mother’s behavior in recent years, her unwillingness to stand by you when you needed it most and lack of contact with me thereafter, I don’t believe she deserves a dime.”

  “But she’s your daughter.” Sarah couldn’t begin to comprehend how difficult the rift had to be between the two, how much it must be wearing on her grandfather. And she couldn’t help but wonder if her mother felt similarly, if she had any regrets about all that had happened.

  “Yes, she is, but I cannot forgive her for the choice she made. Not when you haven’t done so yourself.”

  Bewildered, Sarah stared back at him for a long moment. “Just because she and I had our differences…” Dipping her head, she closed her eyes for a brief second, then whispered, “I never meant for it to interfere with your own relationship with her.”

  “I know, Sarah.”

  His voice was just as warm and soothing as it had been when she’d been a little girl and he’d pulled her up onto his lap for a story. She was suddenly seven years old again and with all the mistakes and misfortunes her future would bring still waiting somewhere in the distance. If only she’d known…would it have changed anything? Would she have chosen to break things off sooner with Billy? She’d have gotten her degree perhaps, but she wouldn’t have had this closeness to her grandfather. She might never have known how stalwartly he’d stand by her when she’d had nowhere else to go.

  Moisture began to pool in her eyes once more, and although she fought to push it back, the overflowing was inevitable. She felt the tears running down her cheeks a second later and deliberately turned her face away so her grandfather wouldn’t see. There was enough for him to worry about now. Like the fact he was dying.

  An unavoidable sob followed the tears, and she was suddenly reduced to a weeping mess. Horrified, she began wiping at her face with her free hand, determined to get her emotions under control.

  “Your mother’s not a bad person, you know,” her grandfather continued as though she wasn’t falling apart before his eyes. “But we both have our principals, and they just didn’t agree with each other where you were concerned. I’m sorry for it, and there are certainly days where I wonder if I should have done things differently.” He chuckled lightly as though reminded of a joke. “I suppose this is where we all end up, wondering if mistakes were made, if we were right to do as we did, if we should have done something differently.”

  Grabbing a tissue from her purse, Sarah dabbed at her eyes, dismayed by the blotchy mascara marks left on it. Frightful was probably an inadequate adjective to describe how she looked right now.

  She drew a breath, aware of how raw her throat felt. “Do you have regrets?”

  He gave her a snort. “Many. More than I’d like to admit.” Pausing, he averted his gaze in order to stare at the ceiling. Eventually he added, “You see, the truth is that we do our best to justify our actions, to deny our own wrongdoing, and to place the blame on others. But that’s not really fair. Nobody in this world is innocent. We humans are flawed, more than any other creature on the planet, perhaps because our intelligence offers too many choices and we’re too irresponsible to pick the right ones. I honestly don’t know. But yes, I regret the effect your grandmother and I had on Frank and Murphy. It wasn’t meant to happen like that, but we were in love and eager to get on with our lives together once Frank left home. In retrospect, I think we could have handled it better.”

  “It’s good that you managed to make amends with Frank, then.”

  “Yes.” He closed his eyes for a moment, and she could see the weariness etched on his face. “You can’t imagine what a relief that is for me.”

  She nodded her awareness of the fact even though he wasn’t looking. They fell silent then, each caught in their own thoughts until he suddenly looked at her with a clarity that almost knocked her out of her seat. “Make amends, Sarah. Call your mother and talk to her.”

  “She’s the one who refuses to talk to me.” Although she had to admit, it had been a while since she’d made any attempt at reconciliation. Two years, if she wasn’t mistaken.

  “Even so, you must keep trying,” her grandfather insisted. His fingers tightened around hers with steely strength. “Trust me on this. When you have children one day—”

  “I don’t—”

  “Stop.” His wise old eyes bored into hers, forcing her into silence. “When you have children one day,” he repeated, “they’ll need to know their grandparents. They will have the right to know them, Sarah, whether you wish it or not. It’ll be easier for all of you if you’ve made peace by then.”

  She knew he was right, that what he said made sense, except now he was talking about children, and she could feel her pulse beating faster with every word that suggested she’d ever face the possibility of such devastating loss again. It seemed like a ludicrous idea.

  “I know you have your doubts and your fears.” He gave her a gentle smile. “Your face is like a painting of a wounded soul. But you must persevere, face your demons and conquer them completely by doing what frightens you most. It’s the only way you’ll ever be free. And it’s the only way you’ll ever be truly happy. Because for you to forgo motherhood, to never hold your own child in your arms, would be a tragic shame, Sarah. You know this as well as I.”

  She did, but that didn’t make it any easier to choose such a path, not to mention that doing so required a man who could serve as father, perhaps even husband. Unable to stop herself, she imagined Pierce, his eyes bright with appreciation whenever he saw her, the hasty kiss they’d shared in his kitchen, and the fear he’d had of losing her when she’d almost fallen to her death. It seemed like forever since the first time they’d met. They’d shared so much in the months since then, and she could feel the connection that grew between them was real – more real than anything she’d ever shared with Billy.

  And now with his own demons seemingly tamed, perhaps they stood a chance at something more. There were no guarantees it would lead to marriage or the kind of family her grandfather spoke of her one day having, but that didn’t mean there was no point in trying. In fact, there was every point. Pierce was a good man – the very best sort of man. He was loyal, steadfast, honest. Everything Billy hadn’t been.

  “You�
�re right,” she found herself saying, more to herself than to her grandfather. “It might take a while.” She would not rush into anything. “But I’ll try to reach for the life I always wanted.”

  His eyes suddenly glistened with the welling of tears. “Good girl.” He squeezed her hand tightly. “That’s all I’m asking.”

  “The doctor says you have to stay here overnight,” she said, not wanting to linger on the melancholy feeling of him offering her his final wishes. “Perhaps you should try to get some rest. It’s been a trying day for you.”

  “Yes.” He winced slightly as if in discomfort, and she must have shown some alarm, for he hastily shook his head. “No, no. I’m fine. No need to worry. Why don’t you go back to your brother and Pierce, head on home? I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “I’ll ask the doctor to look in on you again, just to make sure you’ve got everything you need.”

  “All right.” He suddenly sounded exhausted.

  Rising, Sarah bowed her head over his and placed a kiss upon his brow before releasing his hand. “Sleep well,” she whispered before straightening and picking up her purse. His eyes were already closed and judging from his breathing, he was only seconds away from sleep. So she headed for the door, aware that in spite of the pain she felt at the prospect of losing him, their conversation had made her feel slightly lighter. It had also given her a purpose, namely to reach out to her mother and let her know she had little time left in which to make amends with her father.

  “Are you all right?” Pierce asked. He and Jack had both risen from their seats in the waiting room the moment they’d seen her approach. She looked emotionally drained, Pierce noted, which was probably to be expected under the difficult circumstances.

  “Not really,” she confessed as she came to a halt before them. Jack handed her her coat, and she slipped her arms through the sleeves. “It’s going to take me a moment to get over the shock of what’s happening. I understand why he didn’t say anything, but God, it feels like a rug was just swept out from underneath my feet.”

  “I know what you mean,” Jack said. Stepping forward, he pulled her into a hug. “It’s difficult to accept that he’ll soon be gone when he’s been such a constant part of our lives. He’s always been there.”

  Hearing Jack’s voice break, Pierce turned away to allow the siblings more privacy. His own heart was close to shattering on their behalf, brought on by all the memories the hospital atmosphere stirred. If they could only leave soon. He hated the medicinal smell that crawled up his nose, the bland linoleum floor, and the neon lights blaring from the ceiling.

  “Come on,” Jack said with a touch of enthusiasm that suggested he felt the same way as Pierce. “We’ll be back in the morning to check on him, but for now, there’s nothing more we can do here.”

  They took the elevator down to the reception, their footfalls a monotonous reminder of Pierce’s dulled emotions. Stepping outside and taking a breath of fresh air felt invigorating by comparison – as if the weight of a thousand miseries had been lifted from his shoulders. Glancing at Sarah, he saw that she looked a little lighter, and he wished with a ridiculous amount of force that he could reach for her hand or put his arm around her for comfort without it looking like an advance. He wished he had the right to kiss her without concern for what it might mean for their friendship, or that they were already close enough where doing so would be the natural course of things. But they weren’t quite there yet, and while he’d held her close a little over an hour ago, he sensed there was still a long path for them to travel before he’d be able to do so again. There would be other issues of far greater importance pressing on her mind now than the prospect of starting a new romance.

  He understood. She would need time – lots of it – in order to come to terms with the way in which her life was changing and how it would change even more once Thomas drew his final breath. Pierce knew that, for now, the best course of action would be for him to pull back and just be the friend she’d no doubt need in the weeks to come.

  “I can come with you tomorrow. If you like,” he said when he dropped Sarah and Jack off about forty-five minutes later. “It’s Saturday, so…”

  “Yeah,” Sarah said with an absent nod. “That would be great. If you don’t mind.”

  “Not at all. Just give me a call a half hour before you plan on heading out, and I’ll come right over.”

  “Sounds good,” Jack said as he offered Pierce his hand. Pierce shook it, adding a couple of slaps to Jack’s back before stepping away. “We’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

  As Jack opened the front door and stepped inside, Sarah paused. Her gaze met Pierce’s. “Thank you,” she said in a tone that revealed no emotion. “I…We appreciate your help tonight. Honestly, I—”

  “No need, Sarah,” he hastily told her so she wouldn’t have to talk about what tonight meant for her. Just having to think about it would be difficult enough, he knew. “It was the least I could do.”

  Pressing her lips together, she offered a weak attempt at a smile, paused for a second as if contemplating something, but whatever it might have been was left unspoken as she turned for the door instead. After wishing him a good night, she disappeared inside the house, leaving Pierce to head back to his own home, all the while thinking how unfair it was that the universe constantly seemed to be against someone so undeserving of pain as Sarah.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Let go of me,” Thomas grumpily told Jack the following day when Jack, Sarah, and Pierce escorted him to the car. “I’m not an invalid, you know.” He tugged his arm out of Jack’s grasp while muttering a few additional words under his breath.

  “I’m sorry,” Jack said with no small degree of exasperation, “but we thought we were going to lose you yesterday, and you do look rather frail.”

  “Ha!” Thomas trudged across the parking lot driveway toward Pierce’s parked car. If he felt embarrassed by yesterday’s incident, he was hiding it well beneath his grumpy demeanor. “If you’re as strong as me by the time you’re in your eighties, you’ll be glad for it, mark my words.”

  “I’ve no doubt about it,” Jack said. “But that’s not a very good argument, is it? All I was trying to do was help.”

  “I’m fine,” Thomas insisted. Reaching the car which Pierce had already unlocked, he yanked the door open and climbed inside.

  “Stubborn old bastard,” Jack muttered, following him.

  Pierce glanced across at Sarah who responded with an eye-roll and a heavy sigh. “It looks like it’s going to be a long day.”

  Nodding, Pierce opened the front passenger door for her and waited for her to climb in, her perfume – something rich and floral – tugging on his senses when she brushed past him. Impulsively, he reached for her hand, his fingers curling around her palm. She jerked her head back to look at him, her lips parting just enough to convey her surprise, and whatever it was he’d been planning to say evaporated in an instant. So he just stood there, drowning in the depth of her forest green eyes. A second passed, and then he felt her fingers tighten around his for a moment before she pulled away to get inside the car. But it was enough to make his chest contract and squeeze the air from his lungs. His heart was beating a bit harder than before. The connection between them was still there, alive, and thriving with an unruly attraction that seemed incapable of appropriate timing. Somehow, they were consistently being thrown out of step, the complications in their lives keeping them just out of reach. But he hoped, more so now that he’d once again felt the powerful spark between them, that they’d eventually manage to achieve synchronicity.

  On one hand, Sarah wanted nothing more than to fling herself into Pierce’s arms and forget about all of her worries, but on the other, she knew she could not allow him to distract her. Right now, her first priority was taking care of her grandfather. Her second was going to be trying to reconcile with her parents. Pierce would have to take a back seat for now since starting a new relationship in the middle of all thi
s turmoil was just about the last thing on her mind. She also feared the temptation of taking their relationship to a new level for no other reason than to escape. Pierce didn’t deserve that and neither did she. If things were to escalate between them, she’d want it to be because she was sure she wanted it to last.

  So when he dropped them all off at her grandfather’s house, she politely invited him in as a friend. Nothing more. After all, he had gone to the trouble of being their driver.

  “I’ll make some tea,” she said as she strolled into the kitchen, leaving the men to get themselves settled in the living room. Her grandfather had loosened up a bit during the drive home, for which she was grateful. Still, she couldn’t help but feel a lump form in her throat when she set a plastic bag on the counter, aware of all the medicine it contained. There was no hope, but this was supposed to help ease his pain.

  Fighting back a new wave of tears, she cursed herself for being so weak that the sight of medicine alone would make her cry and snatched up the kettle with fierce determination. A difficult time lay ahead. She had no illusions about it being otherwise, but she would not burden her grandfather with misery or ruin what remained of their time together by turning into a weepy female. So she turned on the faucet with an angry jerk of her hand and stared at the water rushing into the kettle.

  “Hey there,” Pierce spoke from behind her, his deep voice startling her somewhat since she hadn’t heard him approach. He was now quite close, she sensed. Close enough to send a soft shiver down her spine.

  “Hey.” She refused to look at him, refused to reveal the depth of the pain she felt, fearful he would wrap his arms around her, pull her close, and leave her wishing for something she did not have time for right now.

  Go away.

  Instead, he came up beside her and leaned his hip against the counter. She stopped the water, returned the kettle to its charging base, and flicked the switch. Mugs. They would need mugs. She reached up to open the cabinet, but Pierce beat her to it, his arm and shoulder nudging hers as he started removing the mugs from the shelf.