“I can stay,” she said.
“No!” he snapped, and she’d never heard him snap. “Just go, Devon, please.”
Not only had he lost his temper, but he’d used her real name, which wouldn’t matter because Jennifer was unconscious. But it did break a Kindred rule that had been drummed into her.
“Jennifer,” Devon said as she retreated. “Her name is Jennifer.”
He glanced up, and although there was an apology in his eyes, he didn’t voice it, and she didn’t request one. Devon slipped out and went down the corridor thinking about what lay behind Thad’s usually outgoing and optimistic exterior. He’d lost the woman he loved to monsters like the ones who’d taken her and Jennifer.
Yet, he went back to those despicable places to help other women. Every time he did, he had to be reminded that he hadn’t gotten there in time to save Bronwyn. Women like her and Jennifer had been saved, but Bronwyn had been lost because there had been no Kindred there to save her then.
As far as she knew, Thad wasn’t seeing anyone, although she’d never asked. Zave was used to tormenting himself and now he had her for support, whether he chose to embrace that or not. Thad came back and was expected to give each woman full medical service while Zave could close the door and never address any of them, never face the truth of what he had in his house.
Thad had to confront it. He saw every injury these women had. It would be human nature to compare those wounds with what Bronwyn may have endured.
Zave could shut himself away. Bess could busy herself with housework. But Thad had to fly himself back to the mainland and hold down a job where he was surrounded by people who had no idea what he did in his spare time.
He had to see patients with trivial problems who acted as if their worlds were falling apart. He probably lost patients, too, ones he could be close to or care about. He would watch them wither and die, then deal with more without taking time to process. Other Kindred members could be selfish and ignore the world. Thad was still a full-fledged member of society.
So, although she’d always sensed that he wasn’t her biggest fan, especially after witnessing the way he acted with Zara when she’d been here, Devon couldn’t give him a hard time or dislike the man. Because he held it together and was stronger than anyone else she’d known. If he wanted to snap and send her away, she’d take it and wouldn’t pout, berate him, or go complaining to the others.
Thad had to uphold a façade more convincing than those who didn’t have lives beyond the Kindred, and he couldn’t enjoy letting it slip. Devon would support him in her own way, and make sure no one ever knew about any of his moments of weakness that she witnessed.
TWENTY
Jennifer was eating for the first time. She’d been with them for three days now, and after Thad’s treatment, she’d been more receptive to conversation with Devon. Going in with Bess, Devon had encouraged Jennifer to eat, and it reassured their guest to see them interacting. Although Thad had thought it would be intimidating, it turned out to be effective.
Devon did feel self-conscious about sitting around the dining table with Bess, Thad, and Zave when Jennifer was upstairs eating alone in the other wing. But at least she was eating. Baby steps were more likely to be successful in the long term than trying to rush the woman into a hasty recovery.
“Her vitals are getting stronger,” Thad said. “So if she keeps eating a little every day and doesn’t stop drinking, I don’t think she’ll have any major problems. There’s some bruising on her back, and I’m worried about some of the cuts between them. I think we got to them in time, I’ll keep cleaning and dressing them. There’s no sign of infection in her blood.”
Bess was smiling, and Devon understood that her optimism came from a kind place. But just as she’d felt when she’d been in that room, Devon’s thoughts often returned to the other women, the ones the Kindred hadn’t bought. They’d be enduring torture, not sanctuary.
“I’m going into the city tomorrow,” Zave said.
The statement was so shocking that everyone stopped eating. “What for?” Bess asked.
“A meeting.” Zave’s tone was so clipped that it was obvious he was more uncomfortable with this conversation than he was about the trip he planned.
“You’re going into Knight Corp?” Thad asked as though this was the most unbelievable thing he’d ever heard. It was like he’d just been told aliens had landed outside and they were asking to come in for coffee and donuts.
“I have to,” Zave said. “I’m getting bored with the fucking around. Zara can only do so much from her side of the country. It’s about time I knocked some heads together.”
Devon could read the surprise in Thad’s open expression, and she understood that reaction. Bess’ grin and her whoop of delight made less sense. “This is fantastic!” Bess declared and leaped out of her chair to come over and hug Devon.
Devon laughed, just because the reaction was so bizarre and extreme.
“Mom, don’t make a big deal of it,” Thad said, understanding in the way she did that Zave wouldn’t want a spectacle.
But when Bess rushed over to hug Zave’s head, Devon had to laugh again. “It’s wonderful!” Bess said.
“You’re scaring him. Let him go,” Thad said. “You’re going to give yourself a heart attack.”
Bess scoffed. “There’s a doctor present and a chopper right outside,” Bess said, talking to Thad while still clasping Zave. She bent to kiss her nephew’s forehead. “I’m proud of you, son.” She kissed him again before coming over to pull Devon out of her chair. “Aren’t you proud of him?”
“Very,” Devon said, although she hadn’t been waiting quite as long as Bess had for this kind of progress.
Zave drew in on himself. “It’s one meeting,” he said, tempering Bess’ expectations. “Going in should provide enough shock value to get them listening.”
“Yes, one meeting,” Bess said, nodding but squeezing Devon closer. “One step at a time. One step at a time. One meeting.”
Thad had relaxed enough to let his own amusement show, but that didn’t slow down his eating once he started again. “You weren’t this happy when I got my MD.”
“I was,” Bess said. “You know how good it is that he’s making this effort, and we have to encourage him.”
Thad swallowed and forked up some more food. “I think Von’s been encouraging him enough for all of us,” he murmured from the corner of his mouth with a grin almost as wide as his mother’s.
Zave straightened his cutlery and was doing all he could not to look at the faces that were so entertained by his simple statement. “Do you want to come?” he murmured.
Bess let her go and all the smiles vanished. Devon didn’t know what was significant about the question until she saw both Bess and Thad were looking at her. “He’s not asking us, we go back all the time,” Thad said.
The question was for her. “Me?” Devon asked, stepping away from Bess to move in his direction. “You’re asking me to go to Knight Corp with you?”
“Not to the meeting, I can handle that. But you’ve been cooped up here for months. You must want to get away. You can go shopping, eat a meal in a restaurant, you can be free.”
“Free?” She didn’t like the implication of the reserve Thad was sharing with his mother through a solemn expression.
“Come and help me with dessert,” Bess said, holding a hand across the table for her son.
Like any dutiful child, Thad rose and joined his mother en-route to the door that would lead them the back way to the kitchen. When it was back in its frame, Devon licked her lips.
The others had made such a solemn exit that dread cooled her for a moment before anger began to simmer. “Why phrase it like a question?” she asked, getting his attention.
“What?”
“If you’re evicting me, why not just say I’ve outstayed my welcome? Just tell me that you want me to leave.” Exhaling, she rubbed a hand over her brow and reversed a step. “God, I’
m an idiot.”
Shoving his chair back to stand up, the legs scraped on the hardwood floor. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“She is beautiful,” Devon said and spun to make for the door to the hallway.
But she didn’t get to it. Zave came up behind her and grabbed her arm to whirl her around. “Don’t you fucking dare imply—”
“Imply what?” She jerked her arm away from him. “I don’t know what kind of sick game you’re playing, Xavier Knight, but you’re not the man I thought you were.”
“No?” he asked. “Because you think that now we have a new woman in the house, I’m moving on, like I make a fucking habit of this.”
“Do you?” she asked. “ ‘Cause that’s the way it looks to me.”
His anger out-scorched hers. “I’m doing what’s best for you. All I ever do is try to meet your needs.”
Exhaustion made her beg. “Then why do we keep fighting?”
Since the morning in the lab, he hadn’t come to her. Maybe inviting her into his bed had been a step more than he could handle, because he’d locked himself up tight since them. Now he was standing in front of her, telling her he would take her back to the mainland and grant her freedom.
“We fight because this has gone as far as it can go… as far as our comfort zones will allow.”
And those were the words she’d dreaded hearing him say. “Because I’m too horny for you, because I’m the slut who wants to sleep with you.”
He calmed. “I didn’t say that. I don’t think you’re a slut, I just can’t.”
“And I’m tired of hearing that. So you’re right, this has gone as far as it can go and it’s not just about sex. You wouldn’t let me stay here even if I promised you I’d never ask again, would you?”
“Is that what you want?” he asked. “To stay here?”
“Not to be a member of your harem. How will you seduce Jennifer if I’m standing in the way?”
“Don’t fucking do that,” he said, sneering at her. “You’re cheapening what the Kindred do. I have never touched any of the women we’ve rescued.”
“Is that why you’re reluctant to touch me?” she asked. “You’ve made up this arbitrary rule that you’ll never put your hands on a woman you’ve purchased? I might not have cost the most, but you do technically own me. You haven’t gotten your money’s worth out of me yet. But I guess since you’re pushing me away, I’ve given you all I can.”
Instead of reacting to her anger with his, he cooled. “I asked you to come because I trust you.”
“Trust me to what? To walk away or to stay?”
“To make your own decision,” he said with a bite in his words. “We brought you here without your permission, and we’ve never given you a chance to leave. I’m giving you that chance. It’s up to you to decide to come back… or not.”
Sighing, Devon was tired of him deferring the pressure to her. “Up to me. I can’t go shopping and lunching and run away from you. I don’t have a cent to my name, I haven’t seen my purse since—”
“Money is irrelevant. You’ll have everything you need to start a new life if that’s what you want to do.”
Was he testing her to see how serious she was about him and their relationship, or had she been naïve and manipulated all along? Taking one step back, she opened a hand on her hip. “We’ve spent our whole relationship focused on what I want and what’s best for me. It’s time we talk about you. All I hear is what you’re not allowed to do, what you’re not capable of. Just for once, Xavier Knight, tell me what you want.”
“No,” he said, without pausing to inhale. “Anything I say will influence how you feel.”
Her frustration burst. “That’s the point!” Opening her hands at face level, she wanted to wring his neck. “That’s the point, Zave. In a healthy relationship, we should influence each other. You should compromise for me as much as I compromise for you. What we have now is one-sided. You focus everything on me. I get what I want. You pleasure me until I orgasm. I sleep safe. You spend your whole life looking after me, and you won’t let me do one single goddamn thing for you.”
He sneered. “So a blowjob will even everything out? Is that it? What shall we say? Once a year? Twice? Every month? Is there some equation I can balance—”
“Don’t be snide.”
Turning his back on her, he marched off. “Isn’t this what women want? For fuck sake, you get all the attention you want! I dedicate myself to you and it’s not enough!”
Despite his volume and obvious anger, she wouldn’t be deterred from her position. “This is not about sex,” she said. “We’re talking about what you need.”
Spinning, he gestured down with his flat hands. “I need you here not giving me shit. That’s fucking it.”
But she wouldn’t be another avenue of punishment for him to subject himself to. “You build up walls, surround yourself with rules you won’t let anyone break either. You still won’t tell me what you need to make your life better. I tell you that I need a pencil, you bring me one. I tell you I want an orgasm, you deliver it. I demand food, you bring me a feast. You won’t even let me bless you when you sneeze. Can’t you see how it makes me feel to be constantly pampered while you shut yourself off? I don’t know you any better than any other person on the planet, but I’ve given all of myself to you. I am the idiot who’s fall—” Sealing her dry lips, her eyes dropped when she cut herself off.
“Idiot who’s what?” he asked.
But she couldn’t answer, finishing that sentence was wrong for too many reasons. “If you want to go to the city, then we’ll go. You want me to melt your credit card setting myself up with a new life, I’ll do it. I agreed to follow your commands, this is just the continuation of our theme.”
She hadn’t managed to force herself to look up, so she felt him coming over before she saw him move into her space. “Shy,” he started and lifted his hand toward her face.
Usually she jumped at any chance of physical contact, but this time, she backed away. “I’ll be ready, Bess can tell me when, I won’t make you wait. I should tell you that I’ve never ridden in a helicopter before,” she said.
He swallowed, which worked his jaw. “Actually, you have. You’re one of the few women who don’t get air sick.”
And there was another reminder of how their association had started. A blank space in her life that he knew everything about, while she remained in the dark on everything about him.
“That’s good to know. Thank you.” Frost began to build on the wall that stood between them. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The message in those words was that she didn’t want him in her room tonight, and she didn’t. If she was going to lose this, if this was her last night here, then she had to face the fact that what she thought was the beginning of her future was actually the last chapter of her past.
Bess had known something was wrong when Devon cried over the milkshake she’d been surprised with before departure. Devon didn’t know why she’d cried and Bess didn’t ask.
The tears threatened again as she sat next to Zave in the helicopter with the island receding behind them. They were alone, but they hadn’t spoken a word. She didn’t expect much conversation while he was focused on flying. He was capable and sure and she didn’t feel unsafe for one second, even though she was hanging in a metal bubble over a vast, choppy sea.
The bustling activity on land looked odd. For the first time in months, she saw cars and people. Even though the sound was indecipherable beyond the noise of the rotors, she could imagine what it was like to be on the streets down there. Devon didn’t relish the idea of being one of those ants again, scurrying around in a meaningless life.
Instead of descending, they ascended, and for a moment, she thought about speaking. That was until she saw the words Knight Corp emblazoned on a black glass and steel structure jutting up from the landscape, taller than everything around it.
That was where they were headed. They landed right o
n the roof on a central helipad. Devon didn’t move until Zave had powered everything down and turned off the rotors. Bess had told her that Thad often landed here. There was a second landing site at the edge of the building, so he could park here for as long as he wanted to.
Devon didn’t know if the Knight Corp staff was expecting him. It would depend if the meeting had been planned for him or if he was crashing a scheduled meeting, and she didn’t know the answer to that, either. His company was none of her business, so she kept her nose out.
Struggling with the buckle on her seat restraint because her fingers were shaking, Devon convinced herself it was due to anxiety about the journey. But if she was honest, she’d admit to herself that she wasn’t looking forward to reintegrating herself into society. She hadn’t been ready to surrender her existence on Zave’s island.
Yet, throwing her in at the deep end may be the only way to ensure that she’d take the plunge. The Kindred couldn’t support her forever. She was nervous about what sinister elements might be loitering on the busy streets, but not as nervous as she was about the idea of never seeing Xavier Knight again.
He leaned over to loosen her harness. She couldn’t look at him because the metaphor was too much to bear. He was freeing her from her shackles, from the sanctuary of the island and from the tethers of their relationship. Letting her loose from his chopper was a symbol of liberating her from captivity and from her obligation to him.
Maybe it was because her mind was in a dozen places, but she couldn’t figure out how to open the door either and had to wait for him to come around to help her out. When they were on the concrete roof, she began to seek an exit.
Rig would be her first call. He’d called a couple of times while she’d been on the island, but he’d been so confident in her safety wherever she was, that he didn’t ask too many questions. Her brother wasn’t bothered enough to seek an explanation about why she wasn’t coming home.
Falcon (Kindred #5) Page 22