by Cassie Mae
My lips pull up in a half-smile and I swallow her in a hug. “I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. I don’t see anyone else.”
Her tense stance relaxes somewhat in my hold. She lets out a long breath and finally wraps her arms around me too.
“Okay. But no more lying. You make me paranoid.”
I kiss the top of her head. “Then I think you should know something.”
“What’s that?”
“Since our time together has been not so frequent, I kinda want to make the most of it.”
She steps back, shaking her head and pushing her locker shut. “We’re not having sex in the janitor’s closet… again.”
“Oh, come on,” I say with a grin, following her down the hall. She turns and gives me a cute little nose wrinkle as she bumps the exit door open with her butt. I catch up with her, claim her hand, and we make our way to the IROC.
“Okay… truth,” she says, swinging our arms back and forth. “I’d so totally do you in the janitor’s closet, but I’ve got a job too, you know.”
“Right. How do you do it anyway?”
“Well, I take people’s orders, put them in the register…”
I pinch her side. “No smartass. I mean how do you handle work, school, family… me?”
“Obviously I don’t.” Her smile drifts away. “Feels like I haven’t spent time with you since prom. You know, besides bed time.”
“That doesn’t count?” I wink.
“I want best friend time.”
We get to the passenger door and I pull her to me, her body bumping against mine. I would spend the rest of my life with best friend time if I could.
“You doing anything Friday night?”
She nods, the tiniest pout on her lips. “AA support meeting with my mom. What about Saturday?”
“I got work. Sunday?”
“I can do Sunday.”
I take out my phone and tap a text to her.
“What are you doing?” she asks, resting her cheek against my shoulder as she watches me type.
“Asking you out.”
“Via text? Oh be still my heart.”
“Writing makes it permanent.” I hit send and feel Lex’s phone buzz by my hip about five seconds later. She snakes her hand down, nails tickling my ribs a bit before she pulls her cell out and taps back. I watch the wind blow her hair across her face and get stuck in her lip-gloss. And out of nowhere I feel the need to tell her, “I love you.”
Her dimple craters into her cheek. “I love you, too.” Then she puts her phone away, gets on her tiptoes to kiss my nose, and hops into the IROC. I read her reply text on the way to the driver’s seat.
Lex: It’s a date!
***
The last of the garage’s lights shut off, but I’m still sitting in the glow of the computer screen at the front desk, watching as Josh shows me how to type up an invoice. There are about a million trillion codes, and I’ve got to memorize them all.
“If Pop’s offered them a discount,” Josh continues as if it’s not closing time, “then you put in one of our discount codes.”
Make that a million trillion and fifty codes I gotta memorize.
“Got it,” I say, and Josh slides over a giant binder.
“They’re all in here. Might want to familiarize yourself with the categories first. It comes easy after a while, trust me.”
I nod and push back a yawn. My back’s killing me from sitting on this piece o’ crap stool all night.
“Okay, you can clock out.” Josh shuts down the computer, and I sing praises to the Almighty. Time to call Lex and see if she’s off work yet. We both got school tomorrow, but I’m hoping to sneak some alone time in before one of us ends up in the other’s bed.
I put in my clock out time on the training sheet, grab the binder, and head out. Josh nods and says, “See you tomorrow, Greenie.”
After sending a text to Lex, I head to the grocery store near her house. Monster drinks are calling my name, and I’m gonna need the energy to memorize all this shit. Lex still hasn’t texted back when I get there, so I press dial and wait for her to pick up. I get her voicemail.
“Guess you’re still at work,” I say to the machine. “Call me when you get off. Love you.”
Something kicks my gut when I hang up, and I’m not sure where it comes from. I saw her earlier. And we’re going out Sunday. But it seems like things are starting to shift, and I’m wondering when she’s at college and I’m at the garage if the only times we’ll get to see each other is while we’re sleeping. At least we get that, but still, for nearly a decade I’ve spent almost every day with that girl. Being apart isn’t something I’m used to yet. And I don’t want to get used to it.
A text vibrates in my hand as I turn down the refrigerated drink aisle and my empty stomach swoops upward for a split second, till I see Nate’s name on the screen.
Nate: No shitting me… do you know if something’s going on with Kaylee?
Apparently Kaylee and I need to work on our alibis.
Me: Don’t worry about it, dude.
Nate: I’m not kidding. Is she dumping my ass?
Me: I said don’t worry.
Nate: And I said don’t shit on me.
I look up to grab a few Monsters and just as I’m about to text him back a lady down by the hard lemonade shifts, and I double-take to make sure I’m seeing things right.
Me: Just ask Kaylee. I gotta run.
I settle my phone into my hoodie pocket, brows pulling in as I watch Lex’s mom stare at the case of lemonade, arms crossed and rubbing up and down to warm herself as if she’s been standing in this aisle for a while.
“Ms. Boggs?”
She doesn’t look up, but I can tell she knows I’m here. Her nose is red like she has a cold, but other than that she doesn’t look sick. I edge closer, enough so that if she reaches for anything I can dive in front of her.
“Hi Ryan,” she says so quietly I barely catch it. That and her lips are pursed, barely moving as she speaks to me.
“Hey.” I wait for her to turn, but she just continues to stare, rubbing her arms and pulling at a piece of her blonde hair. “So… uh… what’re you doing?” I let out an awkward laugh which she surprisingly echoes.
“You know what I think?” She finally turns to look at me. I shake my head and shrug, and she takes a deep breath and nods to the hard lemonade. “I think bad decisions happen slowly. They start small. And before you know it, they become so big you’re not sure how you got there in the first place.”
I scratch my head. “Uh, yeah.”
“They start small because you think you can get away with it. Just one taste. Just one sip. Just one glass. Just one case. Just for one day. Just for one month.” Her voice catches, and her eyes shut hard as she shakes in the aisle. “You give someone one minute of your time. Then it becomes one hour. One day. One week. And now you’re in so deep you don’t know how to get out. You don’t know what to believe and what not to. Whether it was a bad decision, or the only decision.”
After a good half a minute, her head drops, and the quietest of sobs tumbles from her lips. I have no idea what the hell to do other than put my arm around her, rub her freezing arm, and get her away from the alcohol and back home.
“Hey, I was heading to your place to see Lex. You want me to follow you home?” I ask, half expecting her to jolt from my hold, tell me to mind my own business or something. Lex’s mom isn’t my biggest fan.
“I walked,” she whispers. She looks at the alcohol again. “Didn’t trust myself.”
“How about a lift, then?”
She takes a deep breath, holding it as she nods, and I steer her toward the exit, setting my Monsters back on the rack before stepping out. She doesn’t put up a fight, which is good. I’m worried she may break free and drink that one sip of alcohol while I’m not looking. But she stays quiet, staring out the windshield as I drive her home.
“Is he here?” I ask when we pull in.
“Roger’s visiting his son in Nebraska this week.”
I shut off the car. “I actually meant… uh… Lex’s dad.”
She meets my gaze briefly before unbuckling. “Not tonight.”
I really wish she’d say, “Not ever,” but I don’t want to overstep when she’s obviously already emotional.
“I’ll walk you in.”
She doesn’t argue, and that alone has me even more worried about her well-being.
“You can wait for Alexis here,” she says, pointing to the couch when we get inside. The house is a little messy, unfolded laundry strewn across the cushions, but I’ve seen it worse. I settle into the couch, trying to look comfortable even though my skin itches all over.
The trinkle of her keys echoes through the quiet room, and her eyes float to mine.
“Th-thank you,” she says, and I’m so stunned it takes me a few minutes to get my mouth to grin at her.
“Goodnight, Ms. Boggs.”
She sets her house keys on the kitchen counter and disappears into the back bedroom. The door shuts with a quiet click, and I push from the couch and go straight to the fridge. A large breath of relief escapes when I don’t find a speck of alcohol. And not two seconds later, I hear the front door creak open.
Lex’s eyes widen with joyous surprise, her phone up against her ear.
“I was just calling you,” she says, dropping her cell and nudging the door shut with her foot. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you,” I answer, shutting the fridge and closing the distance between us. I give her a long kiss, cupping her warm cheeks, inhaling the coffee on her clothes, tasting caramel on her tongue. I indulge in the senses for a little longer before pulling back and word vomiting the truth. Because Lex deserves the truth all the time. No matter how much this may worry her. “And… I ran into your mom at the store.”
Her brows pull in as she catches her breath. “Okay…?”
I sigh, find her hand, and tangle our fingers. Dragging her to the couch, I shove a pile of clothes out of the way before plopping us down.
“She was in the liquor section.”
Lex shoots to her feet, stride set on the back bedroom, but I snag her wrist before she gets too far and pull her back down.
“She didn’t buy it.”
“Then why was she there?”
“Uh…” I stutter, unsure how to answer that. “I think she’s having a rough time with your dad being here.”
Lex falls into my shoulder, and I rub her back, kissing the side of her head.
“Will you help me?”
“With?”
“I need to look in all her old hiding places. See if anything is here.”
I nod. “Fridge is empty.”
“Did you check the meat drawer?”
“Didn’t think to look there.”
She leans up and my hand slides from her upper back down to her hip. She blows a breath at me, rumbling her lips. “It might take a while. You sure you’re okay spending our very few minutes of alone time doing that?”
“One hundred percent okay.” I shift from the couch, bringing her up with me. “Tell me where to start.”
She points to the kitchen, and as she’s tucking her hair back from her face her eyes catch mine, and a light smile touches her lips.
“And thank you.”
“Well, I wasn’t gonna let her stand there alo—”
“No,” she says, and then hugs me strong around the middle. “Thank you for being honest with me.”
Chapter 11
Lexie
I finally have five minutes to be with Ryan and we spend it searching. Luckily no alcohol turns up, but that doesn’t mean it won’t. Ryan leaves, assuring me everything will be okay, and I call Roger. Mom won’t be too thrilled about that, but before he was her boyfriend, he was her sponsor.
“Hi Roger, it’s Lexie.”
“Is everything okay?” he asks and I appreciate the concern in his tone.
“It’s just…” I take a deep breath to force back the frustration. “Ryan found Mom at the supermarket lingering by the liquor section. I’m scared she’s going to fall off the wagon again.”
I thought this time was different. She actually wanted it. She never has before. And now…Now all I can see is her on the edge about to jump off.
“She broke up with me this morning,” Roger says and I collapse on the couch.
“She what?”
“I was shocked myself. She said with your dad back it has her confused and she just needs time to figure things out.”
I look down at my Good Grief! nail polish and blow out my next breath. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too. I thought we were happy.” Sadness fills his words and I want to reach through the phone and hug him.
“She was. Don’t for a second think she wasn’t. I’ve never seen her so happy. I’m sure it’ll all figure itself out. I hope so at least.”
In the beginning, I was skeptical, but Roger has become a part of our family and I can’t imagine that changing. I don’t want it to. Even if my dad is back. I gave up on the normal happy family a long time ago, so I’m not looking for that. I just assumed, in time, we’d be one big, mixed, confused, family. That I can deal with.
“Me too,” he says. “I would check all her hiding places.”
“I already did.”
“Good girl. Did you find anything?”
“No.”
“That’s good. She might be thinking about it, but she hasn’t yet. I’ll stop over tomorrow when I get back and talk to her.”
“You’ll do that? She broke up with you.”
“Just because we aren’t together, doesn’t mean I don’t care.”
“Roger, you’re the best. Thank you.”
“I’m happy you called me. I’ll be in touch,” he says and after a goodbye, he hangs up.
I walk to Mom’s room and push the door open. She’s clutching her pillow, sound asleep. Memories of our old life flood my mind, and I try to keep the anger at bay.
That life. That hell she put me through. I can’t go back there. I won’t. And it’s not even because of how hard it is to clean up after her or to make sure she’s not going to choke on her own vomit. It was once my norm. But seeing her like that after knowing what she’s capable of? How happy she is when she’s sober and how amazing she looks and feels? My heart can’t handle that.
Her comforter is kicked to the bottom of the bed and I take it, pulling it up and tucking her in. I don’t know what tomorrow’s going to bring, but whatever it is I’ll be ready for it.
***
English is never ending. Once the bell rings, I’ll have three minutes in between classes to see Ryan and that’s all I can think about. I miss him. Some might call me crazy since we do see each other every day, but those moments are like getting to sample a new nail polish and not being able to buy it. I want the whole bottle, darn it
The phone in the corner that is only used for Main Office calls rings, and Mrs. Cleary holds her hand up to us and walks over to answer it.
I look down at my yellow nail polish and hate all the chips. Stress has me biting and picking and now I want to whip out my ‘No Room For The Blues’ to get rid of the grief. Not sure the class would be happy if I got them all high on nail polish fumes though.
“Alexis,” Mrs. Cleary says, and my head snaps to attention. “Grab your things and head down to the Main Office.”
I tilt my head confused. Am I in trouble? I told Ryan the janitor’s closet wasn’t as private as he said it was. Oh. My. God. Is there a camera in there? That is one video I never want to see.
“Someone’s here to pick you up.”
“Pick me up?” I repeat.
“That’s what they said. Have a nice day.”
I grab my notebook and textbook. “Uh, you too.”
Relief trickles through when I realize I don’t have to explain to the principal what Ryan and I were doing in the janitor’s closet
, but curiosity replaces it.
My heart batters my chest and I pick up speed. Roger was going to talk to Mom today. What if he got there and it was too late. What if…?
I fling the Main Office door open and storm in, ready to see Roger, trying to keep myself together and figure out what we’re going to do.
The last person I’m expecting is Dad.
“What are you doing here?”
“It’s a beautiful day. I don’t know how many of those I’ll get. Thought why not make the best of it. You hungry?”
I don’t know what he’s planning, but I can’t ignore the growling monster in my stomach.“Starved.”
“Then let’s go.”
“Don’t you have to sign me out? I don’t think you’re on the list.”
He turns and winks at the secretary, and I’m surprised she doesn’t turn into a puddle on the floor.
“Already taken care of.”
“Oh. Okay then,” I say and head towards the door. “Where did you want to go?”
“Is Skippy Lee’s still around?”
Maybe if he stopped in over the years he would know. Just proves he never even made an attempt. I could understand coming back with good intentions but being too scared to actually knock on our door. But no. We weren’t even worth that. “Of course. It’s a town staple,” I mutter.
“Good. I’ve been craving one of their burgers for years.”
For years. The words hurt. For years he craved a burger, and granted Skippy Lee’s seriously makes the best burger around, but what about me? Did he long to see me like he did for a damn burger?
“What’s wrong, munchkin?”
“If you craved one for so long, why didn’t you ever come and get one? You could’ve even stopped by and said hi.”
He stops walking and rests his hand on my shoulder. “I wish I did. But like I told you, it was safer I didn’t. I left to protect you and your mother. Coming back would’ve only put you in danger and I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to either of you.”
I nod. I remember the confession. It wasn’t too long ago. Still if he loved us as much as he claimed, he would’ve found a way.
“You could’ve called.”
“I could’ve, but I was paranoid at the time. Thought the phone lines were tapped. I’m not happy about what happened. If I could go back and never get involved with that situation, I would. In a heartbeat I would. Unfortunately, you can’t change the past. We have no control over what was. But we do have control over what will be. So come on, let’s go get that burger.”