Baby, I'm Yours (Life, Love and Babies)

by Chase, Samantha

  Josh frowned but didn’t move. “What’s the matter, Nicole? Don’t want to be seen out in public with me or something?” The statement was meant to be teasing, she was sure, but he sounded deadly serious.

  “No. No, it’s not that. It’s just that you and Ellie should take advantage of this time that you have together. I mean, I know that you don’t live nearby and you won’t see her very often, so you don’t need me hanging around during your time with her. It’s okay. Really. I insist.” There was more enthusiasm in her words that she actually felt, and she crossed her fingers that he’d accept her offer and run with it.

  “I guess that’s something else that we need to discuss,” he said, still frowning, still unmoving.

  “What’s that?”

  “Visitation. I know that I live several hours from here, but that doesn’t mean that I intend to ignore my daughter. I want to see her on the weekends, for starters. Maybe you can even bring her to Wilmington to see me, too.”

  Inwardly, Nikki groaned. No, no, no! This was not the way this was supposed to happen! He was supposed to be bored by now! He was supposed to be looking for ways to leave without being too obvious about it. She had to get control of the situation back.

  “Whoa, slow down a minute. I work all week long teaching, and the only time I get to really relax and spend time with Ellie is on the weekends. You can’t just swoop in here and take all of my time away!”

  “Relax, Nicole. That’s why I said we’d have to discuss it. We’re not going to get it all figured out right now, right away. Let’s just deal with lunch first, okay?” Her shoulders sagged dejectedly, and she nodded. “Now, where should we go?”

  Chapter Three

  Much to her chagrin, Nikki had a great time at lunch. Joshua was charming to both her and Ellie. After eating at a local family restaurant, Josh insisted on taking Ellie to the park, then for ice cream, and even on a trip to the toy store – even though he had purchased half of it that morning.

  By the time they arrived back at the townhouse with more packages, Ellie was near delirious from missing her nap, and Nikki, herself, was exhausted. Josh took his daughter right up to her room and gently placed her in the bed and tucked her in, hating the feeling of loss after moving away from her bedside.

  He sat and watched her sleep for a few minutes and found himself completely entranced. Her soft blonde curls framed her little heart shaped face, and she seemed to have the longest lashes he had ever seen. It was official; he was in love with his daughter.

  Josh was perplexed by his feelings. For so long he had been certain that he would never have children; that he would never want to have children. Yet now as he looked down at Ellie, it felt so right. Like the void that he had in his life was just filled. He sighed and felt complete.

  If he was honest with himself, he would acknowledge the fact that he had been against marriage and children until the night he and Nicole had met. That’s when he knew that his relationship with Erin would never work. With Erin, they were both about their careers. He cared about her deeply, but not the kind of feelings you should have for the woman you were going to spend the rest of your life with; there was no heat. No passion. When Erin talked of her plan for the future, it was a series of charts and graphs that laid out their married life with the best time in their careers to have children, move to a bigger house, etc.

  On the fateful weekend that he had gone to visit David, he had hoped to get his head together. Erin wanted to start pinning down wedding plans, but Josh was having doubts about the whole thing. He had hoped his brother would help him find a solution. What he had found was a woman who intrigued and excited him. They had talked for hours on end, and Josh knew, without a doubt, that he had found the woman he could spend his life with.

  Nicole was a passionate woman no matter what the topic was about, and it was as if a light had gone on in his brain. This was what he wanted in a woman. This was what he wanted around him! It had been a long time since Josh had taken a woman to bed on the first date, and although what he and Nicole had wasn’t technically a date, it just seemed like the natural thing to do. Why, then, had he gone and ruined it by lying about his name?

  Truth be known, at their first introduction, he had no intention of letting things go beyond maybe a drink or two. It seemed like a harmless little white lie. No big deal. But by the end of the night, when he’d asked her back to his hotel, Josh knew that Nicole was special, but he had to end things officially with Erin before moving forward with her.

  Things had gotten complicated. When he woke up and found Nicole gone, he had been angry. First at her, then at himself. How had he let her get away so soon? He couldn’t find his brother, he had no idea how to find Nicole and by the time he had gotten home and sat Erin down, he felt like his life was spinning out of control. Erin handled their breakup with cool detachment, and it simply confirmed what Josh had known all along. She wasn’t the woman for him.

  For years, Nicole’s image had haunted him, and he hoped that someday he would find her again. A nearly impossible task considering how little they knew about one another’s identity. All the years that David and Denise had talked about their good friend Nikki, Josh never thought to put two and two together.

  To have found her, and to have found her with his child, filled him with emotions that he’d never felt before. He just had to find a way to make it right; to make it all work out.

  For all three of them.

  ****

  Josh found Nikki in the living room sorting through the mass of new toys and trying to find a place for everything. He stood back and observed her. She looked exactly the same as he remembered. Well, maybe not exactly. Her hair was a little longer, her breasts were a little fuller. Instantly, heat shot to his groin, and he shifted uncomfortably for a moment. Now was not the time to be thinking about her breasts. They had some serious issues to discuss about his part in Ellie’s life. And hers.

  Nikki stood and straightened when she realized that she was no longer alone. She turned and smiled at Josh. “Is Ellie asleep?”

  “Before her head even hit the pillow.” He chuckled as he pushed off the wall and walked into the room. “I’m sorry if I went a little overboard today,” he said as he motioned to the mess around them.

  “It’s a good thing that Christmas is so far away,” she teased. “You didn’t have to do all of this, you know. Ellie would have enjoyed being with you even if you showed up here with nothing.”

  He frowned. Hell, he knew next to nothing about kids, but he had just wanted to be sure that Ellie liked him so he used whatever he could to break through that first awkward barrier. “I promise to tone it down from now on,” he said seriously, taking a seat on the sofa. Nikki was sorting books on a small bookshelf. “I think now would be a good time to talk; I mean, with Ellie asleep, we won’t be disturbed.”

  Reluctantly, Nikki agreed. By the tone of his voice, he wasn’t about to leave any time soon, and he certainly wasn’t bored with the idea of fatherhood. With a sigh, she sat down and faced him. Her spine was stiff, and she braced herself for what was to come.

  “First of all,” he began, “relax. I can see that you’re all wound up, and I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel that you have to be that way with me.” Nikki shifted in her seat and nodded weakly. “I want to discuss your schedule and try and find a way to fit into it so that I can spend time with Ellie. I don’t want to miss any more of her life. Are you both free next weekend? Maybe you can come down to Wilmington and see where I live?” His tone was hopeful and Nikki hated to dash it.

  “Oh, Josh, I’m sorry, but we have Denise’s bridal shower in Charlotte next weekend. David’s mom …oh…” she caught herself, “I guess she’s your mom, too.” Nikki blushed and Josh frowned, realizing how ridiculous and confusing this whole situation had become. “Anyway, your mom is hosting a bridal shower for Denise next Saturday, and Ellie and I need to be there.” She sat there for a moment struggling for something else to say when another dilem
ma hit her. “Oh, my gosh,” she whispered, “Your mother is Ellie’s…”

  “Grandmother,” he finished for her. He ran a hand over his tired face. How was he supposed to explain all of this to his parents? Hi, mom and dad. This is my daughter Ellie. I didn’t know about her because I took her mother to bed for a night while I was still engaged to Erin and gave her a fake name, making it impossible for her to find me again. Yeah, that would go over real well. They were already disappointed in him because he was thirty and nowhere close to wanting to settle down.

  At least that’s how he was about twenty-four hours ago. Now things were different.

  “I’ll call them and tell them everything so that it won’t be weird and uncomfortable for you next weekend.” He sighed loudly; it was almost a growl of frustration. “I am so sorry, Nicole. For everything. I didn’t want to make things difficult for you. Ever.” The pleading in his voice and his eye tore at her.

  “Well, I’d like to say that it hasn’t been difficult, but I’d be lying,” she said softly. There was no malice in her words, just a simple statement of fact. “It wasn’t easy to work once I found out I was pregnant. Especially since I had just started a new job. I was fortunate that the teaching staff rallied around me, and if it weren’t for David and Denise…”

  “David and Denise,” he repeated slowly, interrupting Nikki’s train of thought. “They know now, too. Don’t they?”

  “I had said something to Denise last night when you first arrived, but she didn’t believe me. By the time you left them at their house, she and David put two and two together.”

  Josh stood and began to pace. His family was going to think him to be the lowest form of life. He knew how much Nicole meant to his brother and his fiancé, and now they all knew that he was the reason that her life was such a struggle and why Ellie had been living without a father.

  Watching him pace, Nikki knew that he was kicking himself to death but didn’t know what to say that would make it right. She also knew that she needed answers of her own before she could even begin to trust him.

  “Why did you do it?” she asked quietly, and Josh stopped cold. He stared down at her and noticed that it wasn’t him she was looking at, but her own hands clasped tightly in her lap.

  Sitting down beside her, he took one of her hands in his. “I honestly don’t know. I didn’t go up to visit David with the intention of meeting someone. I was there to get my head together because…”

  “Because you were engaged to someone else,” she said flatly.

  There was no point in denying it. Obviously either his brother or Denise had filled her in on some of the details. “Yes.” Finally she looked up at him, and Josh saw the hurt in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  She gave a small shrug. “I’m not completely innocent in all of this either. I’m the one who snuck out before you woke up.”

  “Why?”

  How could she possibly explain? “I was ashamed. I’d never done anything like that before. I never was the kind of girl who picked up guys in bars. Or even the kind of girl who slept with someone they just met.” She met his gaze. “I thought it was better to leave with a little of my dignity intact.”

  “When I woke up and found that you were gone, I didn’t know where to look. We talked about so much that night while we were at the bar, but it wasn’t until you were gone and I was trying to find you that I realized that we didn’t exchange any real personal information.” He paused. “I went back to the bar that next night in hopes of finding you there.”

  She shook her head. “By that time I was in the middle of packing up my dorm room and getting ready to leave the next morning.”

  “It never occurred to me that you could be pregnant,” he said sadly.

  “Neither did I. Imagine my surprise six weeks later.”

  Josh could only imagine. The silence was deafening, and he struggled to get them back on track. “Well, what about the weekend after that? Can I come and see Ellie then?”

  Nikki was already shaking her head. “We’re going to Florida for a quick visit with my parents. I’m sorry.” She could see and feel his frustration, but her hands were tied. “The weekend after that, we’re helping David and Denise move into their new house and then the one after that is the wedding. You’ll be in town and Ellie is going to be the flower girl, so you can see her then.” She let out a relieved breath. She had found a solution. One look at the scowl on his face, and she realized her relief was going to be short-lived.

  “That’s a month away, Nicole!” he snapped. He jumped up and began to pace again. While he knew that she wasn’t deliberately trying to make this hard for him, he also couldn’t help but feel that it shouldn’t be this difficult to spend time with his daughter. If only he didn’t live so far away, he could be here more often. That thought began to take hold.

  “Obviously it’s not ideal, Josh, but maybe you could call her and talk to her during the week, you know? Or you could Skype with her at night after dinner; you could read her a story.

  It was better than nothing, he supposed, but it still was nowhere near what he truly wanted. He shrugged his shoulder and sat back down. Sulking. Nikki found his reaction endearing, but didn’t want to patronize him at the moment. Feeling satisfied that they had covered all that they could for now, she rose to continue her quest for an organized house.

  ****

  Thursday afternoon, Nikki was enjoying a late lunch in the teacher’s lounge, along with the peace and quiet. Biting into her turkey sandwich, her mind wandered to the previous weekend.

  Josh had stayed through Ellie’s bedtime on Saturday and left once the child was asleep. Knowing that there was going to be a long stretch between their visits, Nikki had graciously invited him to come and spend the day again on Sunday, to which he more than readily agreed.

  Sunday was a near duplicate of the day before. He arrived at ten looking incredibly handsome and had given Ellie every ounce of his attention. He had made no attempt to kiss Nikki or to be alone with her, and on some levels she was relieved; but when she thought about how he looked in those faded blue jeans and black t-shirt, her mouth went dry and her food turned to sand in her mouth.

  Frowning, she wondered why he pulled a full retreat from her. The kiss they shared on Friday night had certainly been hot, and while he seemed to enjoy it at the time, he didn’t seem inclined to repeat it. Maybe she was the only one who enjoyed it. Yikes. Maybe that was the reason for his retreat. Nikki forced herself to face the fact that maybe he had regretted making love to her all those years ago because he didn’t enjoy it; that maybe she wasn’t good at it. She had only slept with one other man beside Josh, so there was a very real possibility that she was awkward and just…not good at sex.

  Tossing her sandwich down because she had suddenly lost her appetite, she thought back to their night together. Would he have made love to her two, no, three times in one night if she didn’t turn him on? Damned if she knew. She didn’t have much to compare it to.

  Images of their night together flooded her mind. How their first kiss had been under a large oak tree next to her car. The way his body pressed into hers and how right it had felt. I know this is crazy, Nicole, but I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. At those words, she had been lost because she had felt the same way. He had overwhelmed her, and in an instant she knew that she was falling in love with him.

  Closing her eyes, she could still hear his words. You’re so beautiful. Touch me, Nicole. Your hands feel so good on me. Heat flushed her cheeks, and Nikki was thankful that she was alone.

  But what about that last kiss Friday night? He seemed reluctant to let it end, or was that just her seeing what she wanted to see? There was no way for her to know for certain, and she wasn’t about to humiliate herself by asking.

  And she’d had plenty of opportunities to talk to him. In keeping with her suggestion, Josh called via Skype every night at seven forty-five to talk to Ellie before her bedtime. He had even purchased several children�
�s books that he read to her, which Ellie had loved. “Daddy’s on the TV!” she said with delight every time his face appeared on the monitor. Ellie was loving it, and Nikki began to notice that her daughter was getting ready for bed with much more ease since she knew that her daddy would be calling.

  With the week almost over, she forced her thoughts away from Josh and focused on the coming weekend. The drive to Charlotte Saturday would take at least three hours and Nikki was not looking forward to it. Ellie was a good traveler, but the thought of six hours of driving was completely unappealing even with Denise in the car for companionship.

  The thought of introducing herself to Josh’s parents as the mother of their newly-found grandchild was also unappealing. Awkward didn’t even begin to describe it. Hopefully Josh would have talked to them, and she was grateful that Denise would be there with her for moral support. She hated to burden her friend during such an exciting time in her life, but there was no other choice. With any luck, the family would be so consumed with the wedding and getting to know Ellie that Nikki could just slink into the background completely unnoticed.

  ****

  At eight forty-five Saturday morning, Nikki opened her front door to find Joshua standing there. “What are you doing here? We’re getting ready to go to your parents,” she said breathlessly at the sight of him. It didn’t seem to matter what the man wore because apparently, he looked good in everything. Today he was dressed in black dress slacks and a pewter colored shirt. Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest, and she fought the urge to pull him to her and throw caution to the wind and kiss him senseless.

  “Well, I thought it might be easier for all concerned if I was there when my folks meet you and Ellie for the first time.” Actually, the thought had not even occurred to him until his mother asked if he would be joining Nikki this weekend. It was her not-so-subtle way of telling him that he needed to be there. Not that he minded. It was the perfect opportunity for him to spend time with them both.