A Bittersweet Garden

by Caren J. Werlinger

  Through her half-closed eyes, Móirín sees a figure, pale and indistinct. Rowan? She tries to call out, but there is no strength left. No strength to fight. No strength to mourn. No strength to live. She is hollowed out. A hull.

  Vaguely, she knows there are others she loves, a dear husband and children, but the pain of losing the one—no word, no sign, no way of knowing what happened to her baby… That’s the part that drags her into this abyss, the not knowing.

  Her soul has been rent by the not knowing. She wants it to stop. She is ready for it to stop.

  Mam.

  Is that Rowan, calling to her? She strains to hear it again. Where are you? Rowan?

  A shadow moves over her. Is it death? It has finally come for her as it did for the Foyles. For the little Gallagher baby. For her own Rowan. For so many.

  But it’s her Donall, trying again to get her to eat something, only she can’t. She loves him, but she is broken. Broken beyond healing.

  Shannon snored from the back seat as they drove.

  “For a while, I thought we were going to have a stowaway,” Nora said.

  Briana chuckled. “I know. Kieran was determined to come with us.”

  “Have you ever had him with you, just him for a week or so?”

  “No.” Briana looked so shocked at the mere suggestion that Nora laughed. “What would I do with him all day while I’m working? He’s into everything.”

  “This is true,” Nora acknowledged. “He’s kind of a Tasmanian devil in the form of a little boy. But he is cute.”

  “He is that.”

  Nora watched Briana as she drove. The miles rolled by on the motorway. “What were you and Cara talking about?”

  “When?” Bri glanced at her.

  “In the kitchen. Before we packed up and loaded the car.”

  “Oh, nothing. Just plans for them maybe to come our way for a weekend.”

  But Briana’s cheeks and ears were red. It hadn’t looked like nothing to Nora. The two of them had been huddled in the kitchen while Nora sat at the table with Victoria and Kieran. At one point, Cara had pulled Briana into a tight hug, which had surprised Nora.

  They settled into comfortable silence, listening to music, and Nora thought again how different this was from the way things had been with Amy. Any road trip they took was spent either listening to talk radio or to Amy talking about the topic of the talk radio program.

  Nora’s days at the library back home had been spent with people talking to or at her—students and faculty asking for help with finding sources or doing searches, coworkers talking about their families or asking her for help with projects. She’d rarely had quiet time during the day or on the weekends, so she’d come to relish her time alone in her townhouse during the week, with only Willa for company, though Willa hadn’t always been a silent companion. Who would have thought a cat could be so talkative? she recalled with a wry smile.

  Once Willa was gone, the stillness had been harder than she’d expected. Her eyes pricked with sudden tears, and she turned away to brush her cheeks.

  “Are you all right?” Briana reached over to lay a hand on her arm.

  Nora gave Bri’s hand a squeeze. “I’m fine. Just thinking. Not always a good thing.”

  Briana left her hand there, warm and comforting, but letting her be with her thoughts. Amy never would have. She would have nagged and harped until Nora confessed whatever she’d been thinking about—at which point, Amy would have told her how silly she was for thinking it in the first place. So she’d learned to keep her thoughts hidden, pretend to be interested in whatever Amy wanted to talk about, and save all of her thinking time for when she was alone.

  Why in the world did you ever let things get like that?

  She had no answer to that question, but here, here was someone she could be completely herself with. She studied Briana again. Wasn’t this worth upending her life, moving to a new country and starting over?

  “They’re both home.”

  Briana parked beside Quinn’s truck. Before they could even get out, Sheila had rushed from the house.

  “I was so worried,” she said, embracing Nora.

  “I’m sorry,” Nora said. “I never meant to worry you, and I am really sorry about just not showing up for work.”

  Quinn and Rusty joined them. Rusty waddled over to greet Shannon while Quinn stood with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

  Sheila held her at arm’s length, scrutinizing her. “Never mind work. Are you okay?”

  Nora nodded. She gave Quinn an embarrassed grin. “Guess I got wrapped up in my own projects around the cottage and lost track of what day it was.”

  Briana stood next to the car, sharing a worried glance with him.

  Sheila hooked her arm through Nora’s. “As it happens, I’ve dinner all prepared. Spaghetti. Come in and eat with us.”

  Quinn sidled over to Bri as the dogs followed Nora and Sheila into the kitchen. “Is she really all right?”

  “Damned if I know.” Briana ran a hand through her hair. “She was in a right state when I got there on Friday. Didn’t seem to remember our plans. Barely seemed aware of the rest of the world a’tall. As soon as I got her away from that cottage, it was like she woke up from some kind of trance or something.”

  She checked to make sure they couldn’t be overheard. “I’m telling you, Quinn, there’s something not right about that place.”

  He frowned, scratching at the stubble on his jaw. “It’s only a few more weeks. We could put her up here, easy enough.” He pointedly didn’t look at her as he added, “Or you could have her stay with you.”

  Briana scuffed the toe of her boot at the gravel of the drive. “I would. No worries. If I can get her to leave the bloody place.”

  Quinn draped an arm over her shoulder. “Come inside and eat, squint. We’ll work on her.”

  But despite their combined efforts, Nora stubbornly refused to accept either proposition.

  “I really appreciate your offers,” she said. “But I won’t be chased out of my own place.”

  “It’s not your place,” Sheila pointed out reasonably. “It’s a rental. With a shady history.”

  “I know,” Nora twirled her spaghetti around and around. “But it feels kind of like my place. I don’t know how to explain it, but I should be there.”

  Briana fought the urge to argue the point. She didn’t know all Nora had escaped when she got out of her last relationship, but she knew part of it was always being told what to do. She nearly blurted that she’d be staying at the cottage, too, if that was Nora’s plan, but she suddenly wasn’t certain she’d be wanted or welcome to stay for the next three weeks. Maybe she could still talk Nora into switching back and forth between places. At least get her away from Sióg Cottage on some nights.

  And she’d yet to discuss with Nora the crazy half-baked plan that had come into her head, the one Cara had wheedled from her. But that could wait.

  When they left, with a promise from Nora to Sheila that she’d be back for work bright and early in the morning, Briana drove them to Nora’s cottage.

  She eyed it warily as she got out of the car, half-expecting the windows to frown or the chimney to huff smoke, like some haunted house in a horror movie, but all was still. Inside, nothing had been tossed. Nora’s papers were stacked neatly on her desk, along with her pens and books.

  Shannon stood in the parlor, sniffing. When she relaxed and curled up on the floor, Bri relaxed a bit as well.

  “Want some tea?” Nora asked, depositing her bag on the floor and going into the kitchen.

  “Sure.”

  Nora put the kettle on and busied herself at the counter, laying out mugs and teabags.

  “What’s that?” Briana asked as Nora tipped a bottle over one mug, pouring a bit of whatever was inside.

  “Just something Eve gave me to help me sleep.”

  Briana lifted the bottle to her nose. “Eve gave you this?”

  “Yes. She knew I hadn’t been sl
eeping well, and thought this tonic would help.”

  Briana bit her lip as a thought occurred to her, but it was crazy. Surely Eve would never give Nora anything harmful. She’d never been known to hurt anyone. Briana shook her head.

  “What?” Nora had noticed.

  Briana gave her a rueful smile. “Nothing. Just wondered if it’s some kind of witch’s brew.”

  Nora held the bottle up. “‘Double, double toil and trouble; fire burn and cauldron bubble.’” She raised her eyebrows and looked at Briana.

  Bri shrugged. “Something like that.”

  They took their mugs out to the parlor and sat on the sofa there. For long minutes, they sat side by side, sipping their tea.

  “I had a nice weekend,” Nora said. “I really like your family.”

  “I think you’re a hit with them,” Briana said. “In fact, they might like you better than me.”

  Nora laughed, and the sound of it struck Briana as if she’d not heard it before, and she knew, knew without a doubt, that that was a sound she wanted to hear for the rest of her life.

  She set her tea down on the side table and turned to Nora who was watching her with soft eyes. She took Nora’s cup as well, placing it beside hers, and then cradled Nora’s face in her hands, gently tracing the shape of Nora’s lips with her thumb. Those soft lips parted, quirking into a tiny smile.

  “That tickles,” Nora whispered.

  Briana got on her knees and leaned forward, barely brushing her own mouth over Nora’s, eliciting a bigger smile. Bri placed feather-light kisses on her brow, her eyelids, down her neck—Nora shivered at that—and finally back to her mouth where Nora was ready to meet the kiss with her own, lips parted, tongue darting into Briana’s mouth.

  Without breaking the kiss, Briana shifted to straddle Nora’s lap as her hands tugged Nora’s shirt up and she ran her hands over deliciously bare skin. Nora unbuttoned Briana’s jeans, slipping her hands down over Bri’s bum. In a flash, Briana had Nora’s bra unhooked and was cupping her breasts against her palms, rubbing the hardened nipples, causing Nora to groan against her mouth.

  “Need you,” Nora panted. “Now. Upstairs.”

  Night was deep, and silence was heavily wrapped around the cottage like a quilt when Nora got out of bed, naked, and padded out of the room. In the hall, Shannon lifted her head to watch as Nora walked into the front bedroom and stood at the window. The dog tilted her head at this strange behavior. For a long time, the human stood like that, talking in a low voice as if someone else were in the room. Shannon growled softly. But then, Nora got in that bed. She seemed as if she was sleeping. Shannon laid her head back on her paws, but she raised it again when Nora began whimpering and crying out. Shannon turned to see if Briana was getting up, but she didn’t stir. Whining, Shannon paced the hallway between the two rooms. Eventually, both humans were quiet, and silence settled over the house again. With a sigh, the dog lay down on her side where she could keep guard over both rooms.

  Chapter 16

  Nora huffed in exasperation as she untied the ribbon around the small box holding one of Sheila’s rose-scented candles—dark rose-colored ribbon for these candles, lavender for the lavender-scented ones, dark green for the pine. It had been her suggestion to color-code the ribbons to match the various candles, and the shop owners had reported back to them that customers noticed the little touch. It was her third attempt to tie this ribbon neatly, and she was getting frustrated.

  “What’s wrong?” Sheila asked.

  “Nothing.”

  “Well, your nothing is really loud today.” Sheila carefully stacked the boxed candles in a larger box to take to the village later. “How is Briana?”

  “Why does everything have to do with Briana?” Nora snapped.

  “It doesn’t,” Sheila said carefully. In the same measured tone, she asked, “But since we’re on the topic, have you two had an argument since we saw you last evening?”

  “No. No argument. She stayed last night and went to work this morning.”

  Nora finished tying the ribbon with an acceptable bow and handed it to Sheila.

  Sheila placed it in the box with the others and then crossed her arms, leaning against the counter.

  Nora scowled at the expectant look on her cousin’s face. She knew she looked awful. Even she could see the dark circles under her own eyes. There was never going to be an easy time to say this.

  “You know I only have a little while left before I’m supposed to leave here,” she began. “I…” She twisted a bit of leftover ribbon around and around her finger. “I think I want to just spend the rest of it at my cottage. I know this is leaving you short with no notice, but…”

  She felt Sheila’s surprise, but wouldn’t look at her.

  “Of course,” Sheila said. “This wasn’t ever supposed to feel like an obligation to you. I’ll manage until I can hire someone else. I knew I was going to have to do that after you went home anyhow.”

  Though the words were understanding, there was a bite to her tone that made Nora cringe.

  “I’m sorry—”

  “No need to apologize.” Sheila gathered up the box of candles and carried it out to her SUV. Nora followed her outside.

  “If you’ll just keep an eye on the shop until I get back,” Sheila said brusquely as she got behind the wheel. “I’ll only be a few minutes and then you can be on your way.”

  Without giving Nora time to reply, Sheila started the engine and drove away. As she drove out, a customer motored in.

  Nora was able to advise the woman in choosing several plants suitable for a rock garden she was building under some trees that would offer only intermittent sun. She rang the sale up and helped the woman load the plants into her car.

  She paced like a caged lion through the shop, back outside around the tiered shelves under the pergola. Her skin felt prickly, as if she were feverish, and her eyes burned under her lids. She wondered if she was coming down with something. Getting sick wasn’t something she’d considered when she planned to be in Ireland for the summer. She was rarely ill, usually nothing more than the odd cold.

  She went back inside to check the nursery email account and see if there had been any new orders. A few other incoming emails downloaded. One of the little bubbles indicated it was from Fiona. Nora clicked on it.

  Sheila,

  Have you and Nora had a chance to look over the things Brigid and Tommy sent to Nora? I thought I’d have heard from you. Can you believe that photo? It can’t be Eve, but I swear by all that’s holy it’s her great-great-great-grandmother.

  Call me when you have a chance.

  Love,

  Gran

  Nora had nearly forgotten—the image of the girl with the hypnotic eyes, the one that couldn’t possibly be Eve but surely looked like her. Her finger hovered for a moment, and then she clicked the mouse and deleted the message.

  Outside, she heard Sheila’s SUV. She got up and went out to meet her.

  “Everything go okay in the village?”

  “Fine.” Sheila planted herself in front of Nora. “I’m sorry if I was a bit short with you earlier, only you caught me by surprise.”

  Nora stared at Sheila’s boots. “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “As I said, no need to apologize. I understand if you don’t want to spend the rest of your holiday working. I appreciate the time you’ve given me. Can we have dinner at the pub tomorrow?”

  “Sure.” Nora forced a smile as she reached for her bike. “Tomorrow night.”

  She waved as she pedaled away. Riding hard, she passed a couple of hikers on the paths. At the cottage, she dropped her bike to the ground. Inside, she pushed the door shut behind her and stood leaning against it with her eyes closed.

  “I’m home. And I’m not leaving again.”

  With the slightest leg pressure from Briana, Ginger did a flying lead change. She had the prettiest gathered canter, like a dancer. Her delicate hooves flicked off the ground, and she was airborne ag
ain. Together, they made their way around the ring, weaving in between the jump standards, changing leads again and again until Ginger was anticipating the signal.

  “She’s a beauty,” Quinn said from where he was leaning on the fence watching them.

  Ginger trotted over to him, fairly preening.

  “She is,” Briana agreed, leaning forward to give her neck a pat. She avoided looking at him, forcing herself to say what needed to be said. “Seems a shame to have her just be a stable hack.”

  “Jesus, you read my mind.” He ran his hand through his sandy hair, leaving it sticking up in places. “She belongs with someone who will compete with her.”

  Ginger nuzzled his arm, and he obliged by producing an apple from his pocket. He slid a knife from another pocket and cut a generous slice for her.

  “I’ll put out word that we’ve an eventing prospect, and see if we can find someone who’ll bring her along as she should be.”

  “I’ll cool her down,” Briana said, swinging Ginger around to walk around the ring. Quinn climbed through the rails and joined them.

  She glanced down curiously. “What?”

  This time it was him avoiding looking up at her. “You two could have said something.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You and Nora. You had supper with us just last night, for Christ’s sake. If Nora wanted to quit, why didn’t she say something then?”

  Briana brought Ginger to a halt. “What are you talking about?” she repeated. “What do you mean quit?”

  He looked up at her. “Nora. Telling Sheila today that she doesn’t want to work anymore. We understand, of course. This is supposed to be a holiday, but to tell her at the last minute, with no notice, and then ride off.” He kicked at the dirt in the ring, raising a cloud of dust. “It’s poor form.”

  Briana’s mouth hung open.

  He frowned. “You didn’t know anything about this, did you?”

  She closed her mouth and shook her head. “She said nothing. Not last night, not this morning.” She twisted the reins in her fisted hands. “It’s that bloody cottage. I told you. She’s only been back in it one night, and it’s started up again. I woke to find her sleeping in the ghost room this morning.”