A Thousand Candles

by Joyce Dingwell

  ‘Cass was telling me how your mother and her mother took over that part of the station. I’d like to, too.’ She paused. ‘While I’m here.’

  ‘You needn’t have added that,’ he reproached, ‘you’re here for ever.’ At her quick look he reminded her, ‘It doesn’t matter how short a time is, it still is for ever. I think I told you that.’

  ‘You told me for Davy.’

  ‘Then it’s for you, too.’ He had started the jeep and they were rimming the lagoon again towards home. ‘What the heck ...’ he began. She saw he was looking at a plane that must have come in during their absence, but, in the noise of hooves, had not been heard. It now sat in the middle of the row of upturned white plastic buckets that marked the run-in.

  ‘Doug wasn’t expected till next week,’ he puzzled. ‘Someone must have chartered him across.’

  Pippa did not take much notice. She knew no one here, so felt it would be no concern of hers.

  But as the jeep approached the homestead, a figure emerged from the house to stand on the wide verandah, and Pippa’s heart lurched. She did know the passenger. It was her concern.

  Rena waited there.

  It was Crag who spoke first after they had alighted from the jeep and climbed the four shallow steps to where Rena stood and smiled brightly at them.

  ‘Well,’ he greeted drily, ‘of all the people I wondered about Doug flying in, the last I thought of was you.’ He kissed her cheek.

  ‘Now, darling, none of that,’ she laughed back, kissing him on the mouth, ‘you’ve been expecting me for a year.’

  ‘You took your time.’

  ‘But the end is the same.’

  ‘No, Rena, it’s not. You see—’

  ‘Pippa, how brown you are,’ interrupted Rena. ‘I hope you don’t mind, I’ve put myself in your room. I’ve lots to tell you, so I thought we’d be girls together.’

  ‘There are plenty of rooms,’ came in Crag, ‘if you’d let us know—’

  ‘I didn’t let you know because I wanted to surprise you.’

  ‘You did.’

  ‘A pleasant surprise? Darling, don’t fuss. Two rooms are quite enough. Two boys. Two girls. What else? Talking of boys, where’s my other laddie, my Davy? I must see him.’ She turned round, evidently having seen Davy dart down to the piccaninnies, and she ran lightly towards him, calling his name. He turned and ran to her. Everyone would have to run to Rena today, never had she looked lovelier.

  Pippa stood very still waiting for Crag to speak. When he didn’t, she darted a quick look at him and was surprised at his thoughtful expression, thoughtful as his own eyes followed Rena.

  ‘Crag ...’ Pippa breathed.

  ‘Look here, Pippa—’ But Crag was not to say it. One of the jacks came galloping up from the horse-break to tell the boss that a native stockman, Bobby, had been hoof-grazed by the bay stallion while he tried to put on a saddle and blindfold.

  Rena at once was out of Crag’s mind. ‘The fool! I didn’t want that done. I wanted him watched for a while. How badly hurt is Bobby? No, never mind, I’ll ring A.A., anyway.’ He turned on his heel and hurried in to pick up the telephone.

  Pippa half attended to him and half attended to Rena. Her arm around Davy, she was coming up to the house.

  ‘Air Ambulance?’ she heard Crag call. ‘I think I have a case for you. Crazy sort of stallion and a too-eager boy. Reckon he might need hospitalization ... some shots, anyway, so if you’re out this way ... That soon? Good.’ The telephone went down.

  Now it was Pippa’s turn to forget Rena. She watched fascinated as a precise routine took over. The tabletop truck was brought out and a mattress put on it, and the truck ... with Crag ... was driven down to the horse-break. Anticipating what would be needed next, Pippa went inside and gathered up blankets and pillows, and was waiting with them when Crag, sitting beside the prone patient at the back of the truck now, came up to the house.

  He took a look at the blankets, and commended, ‘Good girl, that’s what I came for. Hop on, Pippa, and see how it’s all done.’

  ‘Is Bobby very bad?’

  ‘He has a heck of a shock. That stallion was kidding them, pretending to play ball with them, then suddenly the boyo turned on the lightning. I think the bay could be a wrong ’un.’

  ‘Do you have many?’

  ‘No, and even when we do we can generally do something about it, but not when they’re this feller’s age. Here comes A.A. now. It’s lucky we have plenty of space at Star, the A.A. is a bigger craft than the one the Flying Doc whizzes around in.’

  By this time the plane was down, and two nurses climbing out, behind them two men, the pilot and the doctor. Pippa had a quick glimpse of resuscitators and oxygen apparatus before she was introduced to Doctor Todd, Nurse Brown, Sister Snell and the Captain.

  ‘Mrs. Crag,’ Crag said.

  Bobby, the pain catching him quite severely now, was administered a shot, then the mattress was transferred to a light stretcher on wheels, a ramp put down and the patient edged in. There was the beat of engines again, the loud acceleration, then the few tree tops the station possessed moved in a sudden current of air, and the mercy flight was on its way.

  ‘Will Bobby be all right?’ asked Pippa.

  ‘He’ll be fine. A lot of his fineness, mark you, will be his importance. He would never have been up in a craft before. I try to take the boys up from time to time, but the trouble is there’s not much time, and a lot of boys.’

  ‘You have your own plane?’

  ‘Surely,’ he smiled.

  For a while Pippa had forgotten Rena, but now, bumping back again, she remembered, and she knew she must speak with Crag. But somehow the words wouldn’t come. She heard herself asking instead how the ambulance operated, heard him replying that all the Up Toppers paid a fee into it, and it was the best money they ever spent.

  By now, the tabletop was nearing the house, but Rena did not meet them on the verandah this time, and when a bevy of men pounced on Crag to learn about Bobby, Pippa turned and went up the steps, down the hall to her room.

  Their room. For another bed had been brought in. On it, surrounded by her clothes, sat Rena.

  She looked up as Pippa came in, and spoke first.

  ‘How is the stockman?’ she asked, and took out, shook and hung up a blouse.

  ‘He’ll be all right.’ Pippa knew that her cousin had not inquired out of concern but had merely used Bobby for the opener for whatever it was she had to say. For there were things to say. She had indicated that when she had laughed at Pippa on the verandah and told her: ‘Girls together.’

  ‘Tiresome of us,’ continued Rena calmly, ‘to have that episode staged just when we’re itching to chatter.’

  ‘It must be more tiresome for Bobby. It could have been disastrous. That stallion ...’ Pippa gave a little shiver.

  ‘Nonsense.’ Rena spoke airily. ‘A horse can be managed if you go about it the right way. I’m sure I could go down now—’

  ‘Rena, don’t.’ Pippa’s voice was sharp. ‘He’s wild, he’s quite set in his ways. Crag said he could be a wrong one.’

  ‘Yes, Crag.’ Rena ran her tongue round her lips.

  So it was to begin.

  The older girl took out a frock now. She put it carefully on a hanger. She had a lot of clothes as though she intended to—stay.

  ‘Well,’ Rena demanded at length, ‘aren’t you wanting to hear about your dear cousin? For that’s what I’ve come about, to get you up to date. That ... and something else.

  ‘But first’ ... briskly ... ‘my present position. Well, Pippa, it’s exactly as before.’

  ‘I didn’t expect it to be changed this quickly,’ admitted Pippa. ‘I mean legal things take time.’

  ‘They take longer when they’re not even begun. Yes, that’s true. Mr. Callow hasn’t filed any papers for me, and on my instruction will not do so.’

  ‘You said this at the will-reading, but I thought you might have changed your mind, Rena
. For you’re entitled to everything, there would be no trouble, as your solicitor pointed out. I’m quite sure that when Uncle Preston made the new will he had your ultimate protest in mind.’

  ‘Oh, yes, he would,’ agreed Rena contemptuously, ‘he would see me going cap in hand ... isn’t that a ridiculous phrase these days? ... to Domrey Hardy. That certainly would be in Father’s thoughts. Only it wasn’t, and it isn’t, and it never will be in mine. When I raced out from Uplands, Pippa, it was to give myself a thinking space, though I knew even then that I would never appeal. However, I made myself consider, and I reached the same decision. And’ ... coming back from the wardrobe, where, typical of Rena, she had taken three-quarters of the space ... ‘I came to another decision.’

  She waited for Pippa to ask it, but something cold had settled in Pippa, and she could not speak. She just sat there frozen, somehow knowing what Rena was going to say, wishing she could stop her.

  When it became patent that she was not going to ask, Rena smiled slightly and began to speak.

  ‘You heard poor Crag just now with his reproachful “You took your time.” I did, I’m afraid. I’ve been a real trial to that darling man. For he’s crazy about me, you know. Always has been. Always will. But ... quietly now, watchfully ... ‘he was also set on a family life, someone to bring up on Falling Star, someone to take over the station when he, like his father grew too old, grew old. And that’s why, Pippa dear, he ... well...’ She gave a careless shrug. ‘Oh, I’m not blaming you, darling,’ she began again. ‘I mean how could you tell how I felt? I’ve never been the emotional kind.’

  ‘Felt? You felt?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘For—for—’

  ‘For Crag.’ Rena nodded. ‘Yes, I loved Crag. I always have. It’s always been Crag really, Pippa.’

  ‘But, Rena, it hasn’t ... it hasn’t.’ Pippa heard the shrill break in her voice but did not care. ‘It hasn’t. You know it hasn’t.’

  ‘Oh, darling, don’t get carried away. You’ll be quite all right. Crag’s nothing if not generous—why, you’ll have more than you would have ever had from Father or me.’

  There was a pause ... for Pippa an incredulous pause ... then Rena calmly resumed.

  ‘You must have seen Crag’s face when I confronted him just now. You must have seen his eyes following me. It’s always been like this, but I ... yes, I admit it ... I’ve treated him abominably. I played with Glen Burt. I—’

  ‘Did you play with Domrey Hardy?’ Pippa could not have said why she inserted that.

  At once a change came over Rena. She went a grey-white. ‘I never played with him. I—I loathe him.’ She stopped talking for quite a while and went and stood by the window.

  Minutes ticked by. Pippa thought: All this is a dream. It’s too impossible. Surely Rena must know that Crag and I ... that we ... In a little village like Tombonda she must have heard—

  Rena was coming back from the window.

  ‘I’ll never return to the Highlands,’ she stated definitely.

  ‘But Crag returns to Ku.’

  Rena winced, then said, ‘He’ll dispose of Ku.’

  ‘He loves it.’

  Her cousin looked narrowly at her, then she said clearly, ‘He loves me.’

  ‘Rena ... Rena, this is going too far. There is something you must know. You can’t know it or you wouldn’t be talking like this.’

  ‘Oh, yes.’ Rena was lighting a cigarette now, exhaling idly. ‘I did hear some fancy tales about you.’

  ‘About us. About Crag as well as me. You see, we were—we were—’

  She stopped incredulously as Rena went into peals of laughter. ‘Darling, don’t tell me that absurd rumour was true?’

  ‘It was ... was ... it was. If you want proof—’

  ‘Want proof?’ The laughter had left Rena. She was cold and hard as she often was. ‘Haven’t I proof here?’ She looked around her.

  ‘What do you mean, Rena?’

  ‘This room.’ Rena indicated the four walls, the space between the walls. ‘This room, darling, I will be sharing with you. Girls together, remember? Do you think Crag of all people would stand for that? I know Crag very well. I’ve known him for years. He’s never halfway. He’s all man. Why, he wouldn’t put up with his wife ... a small laugh ... ‘next door to him any more than he would abide that stallion down there beating him.’

  ‘Then you’re wrong. He’s come to a decision about the stallion. He says he’s no good.’—Oh, why was she talking about irrelevant things like this? Pippa wondered blankly.

  Rena was laughing softly, confidently. ‘I’ll soon change his mind about that, too, though, being Crag, I don’t believe it will need any changing. However, it was the similarity I really meant, the no half-measures. For that’s Crag. He goes the entire way.’

  There was a pause, then:

  ‘Darling, I did hear about that caper of yours, and I sympathize with you—after all, you had your brother to think of, and after all, Crag is something of a catch. But I’m afraid I didn’t take it very seriously. I mean I did admit it could happen, and as you now tell me, and I do believe you, Pippa, you needn’t produce any marriage lines, it has. But not’ ... with an undertone now ... ‘as I intend to take notice of. When I saw his room—and your room this afternoon, I’m afraid I smiled, Pippa. Crag would never accept that sort of wife. I think he went overboard for Davy, he always had a strong paternal streak, and I think because of that—

  ‘But don’t worry, Pippa. Everything will be all right, dear. I promise you I’ll encourage Crag right to the hilt in any generosity he decides for you. But’ ... thinly ... ‘please don’t give me that “marriage”, because there never has been. Has there?’ Rena waited a smiling moment, then went on.

  ‘And now,’ she said sweetly, ‘away from intimacies. Here’s something you’ll really want to hear. Before I came up I was in touch with Glen Burt. Oh, it was quite friendly. He’s extremely nice once he isn’t pursuing me.’

  ‘Has he married Jennifer?’

  Rena did not bother to reply to that. ‘He said to tell you that a virus has been isolated in America, and that it’s being worked on. That it could have reference to Davy.’

  ‘Rena, stop. Stop!’ Pippa got to her feet. She felt she was going mad. Not waiting for Rena’s reaction, she ran to the door, turned the handle, closed the door behind her. Ran down the hall.

  Once away from the house she raced blindly, unaware, uncaring where her feet took her. It was only when fatigue caught her up that she stopped, and fell, exhausted, to the ground.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  She must have undergone a period of unconsciousness, or at least a blankness, for when Pippa opened her eyes the sun that had been well aloft was tottering on the edge of the horizon; even as she looked at it, it tipped right over, and where everything had been an antique gold, violet crept in, instead.

  She was thankful that she had lain in a dwindling heat, for she had heard what the fierce rays of an Australian hinterland sun could do. But instead of feeling dehydrated, possibly alienated, all she was aware of was a great tiredness, natural enough after that foolish run. For it had been foolish, she realized that; she could have imperilled the lives of others who would have come out looking for her as well as destroy herself. She might even ... hearing the engine of a small plane, probably Crag’s plane ... have imperilled someone now.

  She got to her feet, ready to wave the moment she saw the craft overhead. But the plane did not come into sight, so it must have taken the opposite direction.

  Biting her lips at the trouble she had caused, she looked around her. She had not anticipated any problem of direction, for although she had run blindly she considered she had not run all that long; the heat and her emotion would have seen to that. But although the terrain was flat as ever, she could see no distant buildings. She could not even glimpse the glitter of the lagoon. She forced herself to consider from which direction that beat of the plane engine had seemed to come, f
or that would be the field with the upturned white plastic buckets, and once she found it, she was near enough to home.

  Home? She felt around that word sensitively, and knew with bitterness that she should have said homestead. If she were Mrs. Crag of Yantumara it should be home, but was she Mrs. Crag? Oh, yes, she had a marriage certificate, but was she Mrs. Crag? She remembered Rena’s smiling face as she had said: ‘Don’t give me that “marriage”, there never has been.’ She had said ‘... not as you’d notice, and not as I intend to take notice of.’ She had said: ‘Crag would never accept that kind of wife.’

  What kind of wife? What kind of marriage? Why hadn’t she answered Rena when Rena had challenged tauntingly: ‘Because there never has been. Has there?’ Had it only been because of Davy that she had come wildly out here or had it been because she had nothing to answer to Rena? Only that night of which Crag had said:

  ‘It’s nothing. No ties tied. Relax.’

  But had he not assured that, would she have remained there with Rena, would she have answered her: ‘Yes, there has.’ Would she have said that?

  Pippa stood very still ... and knew she would.

  For she loved him. She was aware of it in that moment, aware that somewhere deep down in her she had known but not recognized it all along. She loved Crag, but to him it was ‘no ties tied’ ... ‘nothing’ ... ‘relax’. Worse than that, Rena had come and now she stood between Crag and Rena, a pitiful little barrier, only there because a man had been drawn to a child.

  Oh, Crag, she thought, what am I to do?

  She had not realized she had called it aloud until a matter-of-fact small voice said, ‘Crag’s up in his plane with Ludy, Pippa, taking her into Minta Base Hospital to see Bobby. Bobby is Ludy’s husband. Why did you come out here?’

  It was Davy, hand-in-hand with a small brown boy he introduced as Brucie.

  ‘Brucie Indian-scouted after you,’ Davy informed her next, ‘only it wouldn’t be Indian, would it? He’s showed me how.’