White Water: Ryder Bay Epilogue

by Ford, Jordan

  I want to be freaking victorious!

  I won’t let what “that guy” did to me define who I am.

  Yet it’s trying to.

  As I stand in my driveway, gazing at that empty spot, I feel small and untethered. Just the way I felt as I ran home after the rape.

  My stomach is literally trembling as I fight to keep it all in.

  “Hey.” Skylar gives me a sympathetic smile.

  “Hi,” I croak.

  “I’m really sorry about your board.”

  I shrug, knowing I should say, “It’s just a board.” But I can’t, because it wasn’t just a board.

  “We’re just waiting on the police.” Aidan’s voice is tight. Everything about him is tight. I can feel it in his taut muscles and his grip around me. “They’ll probably take their sweet time getting here,” he grumbles.

  “Yeah, I guess it’s not top-priority stuff,” Skylar murmurs, then quickly looks away from my glare.

  Raising her eyebrows at Jed, she then takes his hand and leans against him.

  He kisses her forehead and says something I can’t hear, but it makes her smile.

  They’re so freaking cute together. Why is that annoying me? I should be happy for them.

  Wriggling out of Aidan’s embrace, I step away from everyone and pace to the carport. I brush my hand down the wall and feel it again, that swell of anger and injustice. Tears are building in my throat, burning and threatening. My nose starts to tingle. My eyes start to sting.

  No! I won’t cry over this!

  I won’t let him have that. I can’t reveal how weak this is making me feel. No one will understand. Even if I had the guts to explain it to them, would they honestly get why I’m so attached to a board I was given by the guy who raped me?

  Even as I think it, I know how crazy it sounds.

  Spinning with a growl, I shake my head and snap, “You know what, just go. Everyone just go. I can deal with the police on my own. There’s no point in you standing around here wasting your time.”

  Aidan’s expression flickers with hurt, and he quickly counters, “Babe, supporting you isn’t wasting our time.”

  “Yes it is! There’s nothing any of you can do! Unless one of you has some secret power I’m unaware of where you can cast a spell to bring my board back, then you’re of no use to me!”

  As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret them, but I’m scared that an apology is only going to make me cry.

  Aidan looks wounded. Skylar looks a little indignant, and Jed just gives me this sad ‘did you really need to say that?’ frown.

  With a sigh, I cover my face and go to storm into the house, but Aidan captures my elbow before I can. Pulling me into a tight embrace, he kisses the top of my head. “I’m not leaving.”

  “If you make me cry, I will be seriously pissed,” I mumble into his shirt.

  He just snickers and squeezes me more tightly against him.

  “Why don’t we go, then?” Skylar whispers to Jed, but I can still hear her.

  Jed and Aidan must be having some kind of silent eye conversation. The long pause without movement gives it all away. Once I hear the shuffle of feet, I turn my head on Aidan’s chest and watch them walk away, hand in hand.

  Jed squeezes Skylar’s fingers and asks her something. She smiles at him, but it’s a tired, weary smile that makes me curious. I wonder what’s up. Has she had a bad day?

  She’ll no doubt tell Jed about it. As they slip into her car and drive away, she’s already talking. She probably tells that guy everything. Which is why they’re so close and connected.

  Aidan rubs his hand up and down my back, no doubt too afraid to say anything because I’m being a grumpy dragon bitch. Why is he even here? I rejected him today, yet he still came as soon as I called him. He could have so easily pushed me away. I saw how hurt he was when I said proms were stupid.

  Shit, he deserves the truth.

  Glancing up at my boyfriend, I wonder how long he’ll remain in that role if I don’t have the guts to be honest.

  Secrets can destroy.

  But as he smiles down at me, so sweet and unaware, I can’t help thinking that the truth might destroy us too.

  If I ever find the guts to tell him, will the way he looks at me change?

  Burying my head back against his chest, I decide I can’t handle it. For now, I’m just gonna hold him, because even though it won’t get my board back, his arms around me do make me feel just a touch better.

  7

  Savannah

  Parking my car in the driveway, I rest my head back against the seat and close my eyes for a second. Dropping Lettie and Jace off at the airport and then driving all the way back is kind of a mission. I was happy to do it, but by the time you actually get there and wait for them to go through and then drive all the way home again, it’s like most of my day is gone.

  I’m still a little surprised that Dad is letting his youngest daughter head off to the other side of the country with her boyfriend, but Jace has kind of become like part of our family this year. With the amount he and Griffin are hanging out in our house, it’s like we’ve grown by a few extra people. I kind of like it, and I know Dad’s happy that both his daughters have nice guys in their lives.

  That’s probably why he said yes when Lettie nervously asked if she could spend spring break in Sterling Beach. Dad called Jace’s mother to discuss it and soon agreed that she could go. It’ll be nice for Jace to have her around when he meets his baby sister, Francesca. I’ve seen the pics. She’s freaking adorable.

  I smile and then start to yawn.

  Why is driving so tiring?

  Thankfully I had Griffin with me, although he seemed kind of quiet and tense on the way home. When I dropped him off at his place, I couldn’t help feeling a slight sense of relief, which is super weird. Usually, spending time with Griffin is my favorite thing to do. But once Lettie and Jace had left and we were driving back home… I don’t know, conversation just seemed like more of an effort.

  Maybe he’s tired too. Between Ryder Rentals and studying, he’s been working pretty long hours. Trying to graduate online after missing a few years of school has been a hard slog for him. And as far as I know, he hasn’t heard back from any of the colleges we applied for.

  I’ve had one acceptance letter so far. For the University of San Diego. I haven’t told anyone about it yet. Thankfully the envelope arrived when Dad wasn’t home, and he’s been kind of busy at work lately, working longer hours than normal, so he hasn’t thought to ask me about it.

  Thank God.

  I’m not sure why I don’t want Dad to see that letter.

  “Yes, you do,” I mutter, shaking my head.

  Opening the door, I grab my handbag and jump out of the car. Louis is at Drew’s house to play, so I’m on my own until five, when I need to go get him. I’m actually looking forward to a bit of time on my own. I’m gonna have a long shower, maybe watch a little TV. Griffin said he’ll come over for dinner, so that’ll be nice.

  As I push the door open and hang my keys on the hook, I can’t help a sad smile. The house is so quiet. It’s weird. I think I’m actually going to miss Lettie this week. Since nearly losing her, we’ve actually become quite close. We hang out like friends now, and I’m loving it. She’s more relaxed, and I’m trying to mother her less. It’s easier than I thought it would be. Lettie’s got some smarts about her, and she really isn’t a kid anymore. I’m proud of the woman she’s growing into.

  Stopping to gaze at the family picture on the wall, I smile at Mom. “You’d be really proud of her,” I whisper.

  I can’t help wondering if she’d be proud of me too.

  I wonder what she’d think about the whole college thing. I wish she was here so I could talk to her about it. I don’t think Dad’s going to understand if I tell him the truth about how I’m really feeling.

  And what about Griffin? He’s been working so hard to catch up with me so we can study at college together. How a
m I supposed to tell him that I’m so over school right now? I’m over studying and learning. I just want to give my brain a break for a little while.

  Even just a year.

  One little year to not be a student.

  I bite the edge of my lip and head for the stairs. I don’t even know how I’ll have that conversation with anyone around me, so it’s most likely that I’ll just end up going off to college and being the good girl I always have been.

  I’m about to let out a heavy sigh, but it catches in my throat when I rest my hand on the bannister and hear something from an upstairs bedroom.

  “What?” I whisper.

  I thought I was home alone. My muscles coil with tension as I creep up the stairs.

  The soft murmurs are coming from Dad’s room.

  But he’s at work.

  I should probably back up and call the police or something. What if it’s robbers in the house? But as I draw close to the door, I hear a noise that is definitely not associated with theft.

  I’m so shocked by the moan that I open Dad’s door without thinking and let out a horrified gasp.

  The woman underneath Dad yelps in surprise while my fully naked father whips his head around to look over his shoulder. I slap a hand over my eyes and spin out of the room.

  “Sorry!” I shout and make a beeline for the stairs.

  “Savannah, wait!” Dad calls after me, but ew! No thank you!

  “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh,” I whisper, racing down the stairs.

  My dad’s having sex.

  My dad is having sex with some blonde chick who looks like she’s young enough to be in school with me!

  I didn’t see too much of her face—I was too horrified by butts, boobs and naked skin—but I could tell she was young.

  “Ugh!” I rub my eyes, wondering how I’m supposed to sterilize them. No child is ever supposed to see that.

  “Savannah!” Dad shouts from the top of the stairs.

  I rest my hands on the island in the kitchen and squeeze my eyes shut, praying he’s put some clothes on.

  What the hell?

  Dad’s got a girlfriend? He’s never mentioned her to any of us!

  Unless he’s just having random sex with a random stranger.

  Oh, I’m gonna puke.

  “Savannah.” Dad puffs my name as he enters the kitchen.

  I creep my eyes open and am relieved to see he’s wearing a pair of sweats, but he’s still shirtless, and even though I’ve seen him shirtless plenty of times before, I’m definitely struggling with it right now!

  “Hey.” He tries to smile at me.

  “Hey?” I spin and face him with an incredulous look.

  He clears his throat, looking decidedly bashful while he scratches the back of his neck. “I thought you’d take longer at the airport.”

  “Oh, well, that explains why you’re having sex with a perfect stranger, then,” I snap.

  His head pops up and he gives me one of those silent fatherly looks that’s telling me to show some respect.

  I narrow my eyes at him, taking on the challenge rather than shying away from it. Dad has no right to glare at me like this. As far as I’m concerned, she is a perfect stranger.

  After a long, challenging beat, Dad eventually deflates and murmurs, “I’ve been seeing Lara for about five months now.”

  “Five months!” I gape at him. “You’ve never even mentioned her name!”

  “I know.” He winces. “We tend to only see each other at work. She’s a nurse.”

  “In her first year?”

  “What?” Dad looks confused.

  “She looks like she’s sixteen!” I stomp into the kitchen and fill the kettle. I need some tea. Some calming, relaxing herbal tea!

  My hands shake as I fill the jug, then slam it down and flick the switch.

  “For your information, she’s twenty-eight.”

  I whip around to face him. “Still not old enough to be my mother! That’s gross.”

  “Savannah Green.” Dad points at me but then doesn’t follow it up with anything.

  So I do. “How could you not tell us about this? You have a girlfriend. That’s huge! You don’t think your children have a right to know?” I whip open a cupboard and snatch out a mug.

  “Of course I was going to tell you. I just wanted to keep things quiet until I was absolutely sure.”

  I point up the stairs. “You’re having Sunday afternoon sex with her, Dad. If you’re not sure, then I’m ashamed of you!”

  Slamming the mug onto the counter, I wince and quickly check that I haven’t chipped it.

  “Sav, come on.” Dad leans his hands against the counter. “I was going to tell you guys. I’ve just been waiting for the right moment. You probably won’t believe this, but I was going to slowly start introducing her once Lettie got back from Sterling Beach.”

  I give him a skeptical frown.

  “I’m serious.” His eyebrows rise to counter my look. “I care a lot about Lara, okay? But it’s been scary getting back into a relationship again. Your mother was the only woman I’d ever loved. Moving on from that seemed impossible, but then Lara started working at the hospital, and we got to know each other. Talking to her was easy. Just like it was with your mom.”

  I spin away from him, staring at the kettle and hiding my expression.

  He’s replacing Mom.

  Oh God, he’s replacing Mom!

  I should be happy for him. He deserves to move on and start living his life again, but tears clog my throat, and it’s taking everything in me not to run for the door.

  “Savannah, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. If you like, you can meet her right now.”

  “No.” I shake my head. “That’s okay. I just… Let’s just pretend like you’re at work, the way you told me you’d be.”

  He sighs. “I swapped my shift. It’s not often that I get the house to myself.”

  I clench my jaw just as the kettle pops off. Staring at the bubbles of water roiling behind the glass, I can’t help feeling like I’m looking at my insides. A churning, popping mess.

  Spinning away from the kettle, I abandon the tea and force what I hope is a smile but probably looks more like a grimace. “I’m gonna leave you to it.”

  “You don’t have to go.” Dad shakes his head, his expression wrinkling with agony. “Let’s all have some tea, and we can sit down and talk about this…like mature adults. You can find out how great Lara is. I know you’ll like her.”

  Shaking my head, I fight the buildup of tears in my throat and croak, “No, it’s okay. You have your time with her. You can introduce me later.” My head is thumping with the mantra ‘Be mature. Be mature,’ while my insides are freaking out on a cosmic level. “I’m just gonna go to the beach and I… I’ll pick up Lou at five. Like we planned,” I murmur to the floor.

  Shit, I can’t even look at my dad right now.

  Slipping past him before he can reach me, I snatch my keys and bag, then bolt out the door.

  Dad doesn’t bother chasing me or trying to call me back. I don’t want him to, anyway.

  He can go finish having sex with Lara.

  I shudder, wrapping my arms around myself and wondering how the hell I’m supposed to tell my siblings about this.

  Crap. Lettie is going to completely freak out.

  8

  Lettie

  Okay, so I’m kind of freaking out a little bit.

  When Jace first asked if I’d come with him on this trip, I could see how desperately he wanted me to say yes. So I did.

  But as I sit here on this plane, flying across the country, I’m now filled with a steaming pile of insecurity.

  Why am I doing this?

  What if Jace gets back home and he realizes just how much he loves it and doesn’t want to come back to Ryder Bay?

  His mom has been pressuring him for months to move “home.” It’s only gotten worse since his little sister was born, and Jace has been really undecided on what to
do. So, Marshall and Denee, being the awesome people they are, gave Jace two airline tickets to Sterling Beach. It’s his chance to go back and figure out where he wants to spend his senior year of high school.

  Sterling Beach or Ryder Bay.

  With his old friends or his new ones.

  With his family or with me.

  I’ve been trying to play Switzerland and be really impartial either way. As much as I want to drop to my knees and beg him to pick me, I can’t do that. Savannah and I have talked about it a lot, and she’s right that I have to back off and let Jace make his own decision. It’s the right thing to do.

  As much as my heart rebels against such selfless thinking, I can’t butt in with my say.

  If he chooses Ryder Bay, he has to tell his mother, which will break her heart. If he chooses Sterling Beach, he’ll shatter my little heart into a million pieces.

  No matter what he does, someone’s going to get hurt.

  Glancing at my boyfriend, I notice the muscle in his jaw working overtime. He’s trying to watch a movie on the little screen in front of him, but he keeps blinking and is obviously not concentrating. Rubbing his right eye, he rolls his shoulders and shuffles around like the plane seat is too small and he’s only growing bigger with each passing minute.

  My heart swells with affection, my lips curling into a smile. He’s so gorgeous. I love him so much that it sometimes scares me.

  Obviously sensing my gaze, Jace looks at me, his beautiful eyes warming with a smile. He slips his headphones off and leans toward me. “You doing okay?”

  “Yeah,” I whisper, grinning just before he brushes his lips against mine.

  Kissing Jace Bastion will never get old.

  He skims his nose across mine, and we rest our foreheads together.

  “How are you feeling?” I whisper.

  He groans in his throat, and I can’t help a soft giggle. It makes him sound like a dying animal. Leaning away from him, I rest my hand on his cheek. “It’s gonna be okay. I know you’re worried, but your sister is adorable, and I bet the second you hold her, you’ll fall madly in love.”