His Best Bet_Uncensored

by Laney Smith

  “You’re not a bad mom. I wondered. But, you should’ve called me a long time ago. I would’ve come running,” Ryan smiled as his hands brushed up and down Corlay’s arms. “You have options, now. OK?”

  “Are you ready to run?” she shyly questioned.

  Ryan shook his head. “Only if you’re going to make me chase you. I will if I have to. But, I’d rather you just stay right here with me.”

  Corlay fought back tears. “Dear Lord! I’m emotional now . . . drudging up all the old memories. I’ve wanted someone to say that to me since Mae left this world. No matter how you mean it, thank you, Ryan. Thank you for letting me hear those words, again.”

  Ryan wrapped her in his arms and rested his cheek on top of her head. “You’re going to make me cry, too,” he teased. “I only love you more, now. You know that?”

  “I don’t want pity. I just want to be like everyone else, in every other way that I can be. So, just don’t feel sorry for the orphan girl,” Corlay said with a smile. “I didn’t feel like an orphan, most of the time. Mae cared for us very well. I was a lot like Nathan – the way he is with you. I kept asking Mae if I could call her Mom,” Corlay giggled. “She would never point out the difference in our skin. But, she would say, ‘Baby, people will think I’ve been misbehaving if I’m this old with a child your age.’ She was such a beautiful human being, Ryan. I wish you could’ve met her. Now, I watch Nathan chase after you, asking if he can call you Dad and I don’t know what to say. I can relate to where he’s coming from. However, I see how it must be awkward for you.”

  “It’s all fitting, to me. This feels so natural. I needed a reason to live and get out of bed, every day. There was this kid that needed someone to get out of bed and hang out with him. I needed someone to make me believe every woman isn’t preoccupied with her own shallow and self-absorbed agenda. You’re cool as ice, and you’ve got a fire, too.”

  “So, what do I need you for?” she teased.

  “Oh, you need me for so much,” Ryan smiled a flirty smile. “You need me to bust that kid cooking grouch in his chops if he messes with either of you, again. You need me to get you fired from your job when your boss is a disgusting asshole. You need me to push you past the old ghosts when you want to ride the gondolas down the river. You need me to hold you, love you . . . touch you. You’re actually very needy, now that I think about it.”

  “You’re pretty incredible,” she said through her widened grin.

  Ryan fought back the smile as he nodded his head in agreement, teasingly offering, “Yeah! I know.”

  Corlay giggled. “There’s not another one like you, Ryan Priest.”

  “Thank God for that,” Ryan laughed.

  ~THIRTY-EIGHT~

  The next few months were frustrating. Nathan started the new school year at the same school he had attended. That didn’t bother Corlay. Ryan, on the other hand, had hoped to have a different scenario by the time Nathan started school. It just wasn’t happening. The couple looked at numerous houses. David dragged them all over hell and back. When he called with, yet, another idea for a new showing, Ryan agreed to meet the realtor.

  “He’s got another one,” Ryan said to Corlay as he disconnected the call. “I told him we’d be there in an hour.”

  “Oh no, we won’t. You can be there. But, we are not going,” Corlay snapped.

  “Woo! That was a little more than a growl, huh?” Ryan teased. “You don’t want to go see this house?”

  “No, Ryan. I feel bloated. I have cramps. I feel like crap. I’m pretty sure my monthly visitor will be here within the next day or so. I’m crabby. No. I don’t want to go see another stupid house.”

  “Ah ha! Then, I’ll call him back and let him know we need to reschedule.”

  “Go. I’ve been inside of every ridiculous house in this town. They’re all missing something for me. You love them. You would’ve been moved in by now, if it weren’t for me. You need to go and do what you need to do for you.”

  “Hmm . . . Not sure I like the way that sounds.”

  Corlay sighed and fell into the couch, placing her palm against her forehead. “I’m freaking out. I can’t do this thing where I just sit here and wait for life to happen. I have to find a job. I have to do something.”

  “Wait a minute,” Ryan said. “Are we doing this thing together, or what?”

  “You have me in a position where I have to ask you for everything. You’re paying my bills. That’s very kind of you. But, I told you I’m not interested in what I can get from you. I want to do things on my own. I want to accomplish goals and I want to feel like I’m more than some little sponge that just absorbs my environment.”

  “On your own? What do you mean by that?”

  “When I left my job, we had a plan. I guess I’m just nervous that it’s not happening. I’ve never been out of work for this long. I’m sweating it.”

  “What do you want me to do? We’ve tried to find a nursery.”

  “No. We looked at one nursery.”

  “OK. I have a broker looking into this. There’s just nothing like what you’re wanting. I’m trying to tackle one obstacle at a time, I guess.”

  “I’m going to start looking for a job,” Corlay insisted.

  “You have a job,” Ryan countered. “We just have to find your place.”

  “Go look at your house.”

  Ryan knelt in front of her. “Are you telling me something? Are we doing this together? Or is this a nice way of saying, it’s been real? Is this just PMS? What is this?”

  “This is I have pride. I have self-respect. I have a hard time depending on someone else. You know that. You’ve got me where I have no choice. I hate that. I don’t want to be some kept woman. I really do want to do things for myself and for my son.”

  “Your son? OK. I understand. I didn’t realize there was such a push. I’ll get right on it. Sorry! I was trying to find us a place to live. I didn’t realize -”

  “Us? You’re trying to find us a place to live? Nathan and I have a place to live.”

  Ryan swallowed hard. “I know. You’ve done an amazing job. I just wanted us all to live together, maybe, someday,” he hesitated. “I’m trying to move toward something here.”

  Corlay scoffed. “I’m never living in one of those oversized houses, Ryan. Some people need flash and flare. I don’t. I don’t want it. I’m not trying to impress anyone.”

  “I’m not - I’m not trying to impress anyone,” he scoffed. “We can afford to live better than this,” Ryan said as he moved his hands through the air.

  “Go look at your house. You don’t have to lower your standards by being here in this dump, anymore.”

  Ryan sarcastically laughed as he pointed his finger. “No. You’re not doing this. You’re not putting words in my mouth. I want to make your life better. Have you missed that? That’s what I’ve been trying to do since I stepped into this. I’m not saying what you’ve done isn’t good enough. I just think you deserve better. I want to give you better. I want you to stop worrying about how you’re going to pay your bills, or how you’re going to get Nathan’s clothes for school. I don’t want to leave at night and worry if you’re going to be alright, or when we’re going to need to look at putting bars on your windows. Sorry, but that’s reality.”

  “I’m sure this all makes you feel high and mighty, Mister Superior! It probably feeds your ego really well.”

  “What do you need?” Ryan impatiently blurted. “Chocolate? A pill? Because you’re acting like a psycho right now. I’m not feeding my ego.”

  “Maybe we’ve spent too much time together.”

  “Tell me what you want me to do.” Ryan said as he threw his hands up in surrender.

  “Mom, are you being mean to Dad?” Nathan called from the top of the stairs.

  “No, Nate,” Corlay answered. “We’re just talking.”

  Ryan softly whispered so Nathan wouldn’t hear him as his eyes locked on Corlay’s. “Yes, she is. She’s trying t
o take my heart out of my chest.”

  Corlay snapped her head, breaking the stare. A calm washed over her as she sighed and shook her head. “I don’t want to be mean to you, right now. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t want to hurt you. I just don’t feel good. I’m sorry.”

  “Shit!” Ryan spouted as he turned his body away from her, dragging his hand down his face. “You don’t have to do this every time you need me to do something. Just tell me, without the theatrics. I’m trying to build a family. My family! Or maybe I’m trying to budge my way into a family that already exists. I don’t know. I do know you don’t have to rip my heart out to prove you own it. OK?”

  “It rips my heart out, too.”

  Ryan widened his eyes, raising his eyebrows as his hands hovered. “Then, how ‘bout you don’t do it? Yeah? You’re gonna be the death of me - to the grave, stone cold and gray - death of me.”

  “Go look at your house.”

  “No. I’m not. Because it’s not my house. It’s our house. I’m not trying to trap you. I’m not trying to control your goals or whatever. That little boy had me from the minute he cracked that rock off into Darrell Yarbrey’s house. You’ve had me paying attention since the first time you tore into me. Remember that? I hadn’t even seen you. I’m tired of trying to insert myself, repeatedly. Unless you just don’t feel this, let me be what I want to be. You don’t have to direct my every step. I’m done with coaches. I’m trying to call my own plays, now. Give me a little room to do it. You just might be surprised.”

  “I don’t care what mood I’m in, I don’t want to decorate your big, ridiculous house, doing nothing more than watching daytime television and looking like some trophy for you.”

  Ryan chuckled, covering his eyes with his hand as he fell into the sofa, laughing. “Oh, my g-” he grumbled. After a few seconds of silence, he lowered his hand and looked at Corlay. “You know what? You’re right.”

  “Yeah! Well, about what?” she nervously countered.

  Ryan pursed his lips and breathed a sigh. “I’m in the way. I’m in your way. You want your dream. You need to make it happen. I need to get out of the way. So, you need to find another investor.”

  “Oh,” Corlay responded, wide-eyed, with her heartbreak showing all over her face. “So . . . you don’t want to invest in this, anymore?”

  “Nope,” he stubbornly shot back. “You need someone who’s more responsive, more aggressive. You take your time. Find what you want. Then, I’ll help you look for an investor.”

  “Yeah. OK,” she said, wilting in her own skin. “You’re throwing the reins. Are you mad?”

  “No,” he softly replied. “I see that I’ve been pushing too hard for all the wrong things – the things I wanted – without considering what you might want. You’ve been telling me. I just haven’t been listening. So, I’m hearing you, now.”

  “Well, what are you hearing?”

  “You don’t want to sit here, there, or anywhere. You want to do. You’re not used to working half the year, having the other half to play. This must be horrifying for you. You don’t want a big, expansive house. You don’t want pop or flare. You don’t want luxury. You don’t want ridiculous. You don’t want me handing you anything. You want to work for it. You’re happy, here, in this house. See? I heard you. And, I’m done pushing. I apologize. I was caught up in what I wanted our future to look like. You need your own world to cling to, because maybe inserting yourself in my world is too frightening for you. I’m not going to scare you away just because I finally found something real. In my mind, I have a kid calling me dad and that’s a responsibility – one that should not involve two separate households. Just because I think that way doesn’t mean Nathan knows anything different than this. So, maybe he’s not sitting there, trying to figure out why I don’t do something about that situation. Maybe he’s not wondering why his dad doesn’t live with him. Maybe what I need us to be is not everything you two need us to be. I can’t stay with my parents. It’s making me crazy. I’m going to have to figure something out – something that works for me. This? Sorry, but this isn’t it. So, I need to figure that out, on my own. That’s not your problem.”

  “Wow! OK! I’m not sure I was ready for you to give up, quite like that.”

  He flashed a subtle, humble smile. “I’m not giving up. Don’t ever think that. I’m just hearing you. I’m really listening. I won’t drag you on anymore house hunting adventures, unless you want to go. Since I’m listening, I’m hearing you say that you don’t want to go with me, today, right?”

  Corlay felt her chest tighten. She didn’t know if she meant everything she said. However, she had said it. Now, since there had been such a big production, she felt she had to stand by what she said. It was awkward. She had won a battle that she wasn’t sure she wanted to win.

  “You go see the house. If you decide it’s something you’re interested in, you can take me back and show me.”

  Again, a subtle smile lingered on his lips as his head bobbed. “OK. Then, I need to get myself in gear. I don’t want to keep David waiting.”

  His eyes locked on her hand for a moment before he gently gripped it and brought it to his lips. He tenderly kissed the back of it before he let it go. His eyes lifted to meet hers and he winked.

  “I’m gonna miss you.”

  “Why does this feel like goodbye?” she asked.

  “It’s not. Why would I worry about losing you if I were going to turn around and say goodbye? That doesn’t make much sense, does it?”

  “Then, why does this feel like there’s some sort of distance between us, now? Are we OK?”

  A devious grin spread over his lips as his eyes met hers. “Yeah! We’re fine. I am just locking all this realization in. I’m just thinking. I’m getting it all straight in my head. There’s nothing wrong, here, OK?”

  “I don’t believe you,” she pouted.

  “Then, you’ll just have to watch and see, I guess. Right now, I’m working on running late. So, want me to call you after I look at this place?”

  “Or, you could just come back,” she innocently offered.

  “I just might. While I’m gone, Miss Go-Getter, you should look into this dream of yours. See if you see anything that catches your eye. You could also start looking for an investment broker. I don’t recommend mine because he’s a little quick to the slow, obviously,” Ryan offered with a smile. “Figure it out. Let me know if I can do anything to help. If you find something that interests you, maybe you could show me. Even if I’m not involved, I’d still like to be involved,” he grinned. “See you when I get back.”

  ~THIRTY-NINE~

  Corlay stewed on Ryan’s words from the time he left her sight. She wondered what it all meant. Maybe she had gone too far. There was an air of uncertainty and she was ready for Ryan to be back. He said he wasn’t giving up on her, but she couldn’t help but feel he was moving on without her – just waiting for her to wilt and disappear. There was something different, though she couldn’t place what it was. She hoped that when he returned, he would put her worries to rest.

  Nathan sat in the living room floor, playing with his cars. She listened to the boy as he played the role of the drivers for his miniature cars – giving all the invisible people a voice. She couldn’t help the soft giggles as he pretended one car was stuck in the mud and some other guy with a big truck was going to pull them out.

  “Hey! I have a rope,” Nathan said in a heavier voice. “We’ll tie the rope to your door and I should have you out in about seven or eight hours.”

  Then, as the voice for a different driver, Nathan continued the conversation. “Thanks, Ryan! Don’t you have a game, today?”

  “Not for seven or eight hours. I’ll help get you unstuck. Then, I have to get over to the field. But, I might have to leave a little earlier so I won’t be late. I want to help, but if I can’t, oh well. I’ll send a tow truck. They should be able to pop you right out.”

  “OK! Let’s get to wor
k because I’d rather it if you could get me unstuck. I don’t really like tow trucks, because that hook is bad for my car.”

  “Oh! Yeah! Well, this is really my car. I’m only letting you borrow it. But, when the game is over, I’m going to need it back,” the boy played.

  “Well, why don’t we just follow you to the game, then? Since we have to give your car back, anyway. May as well. I always liked baseball, anyway.”

  “Yeah! Actually, you’re not stuck, anymore. Just follow me. I’ll lead the way.”

  Corlay enjoyed getting to be an invisible spectator to Nathan’s creativity. She found it endearing that even when Ryan was gone, he was still a big presence in Nathan’s mind. It made her miss Ryan, even more. She wished he was sitting with her, listening to Nathan include him in the pretend interactions.

  She went and got her laptop and started searching for greenhouses, nurseries, and everything in between. The whole idea made her nervous. Before, she had a sure deal. Now that Ryan had removed himself, there was an entirely different pressure. She wanted to do it on her own. She just liked the thought of having a safety net with Ryan, if she failed. Then, she made her mind up. She just couldn’t fail. That was no longer an option to even consider. It was simply out of the question.

  After hours of making lists of addresses with little notes about what she liked about each property, she wondered how Ryan’s visit to the house had gone. It seemed odd that she hadn’t heard a peep out of him. Then, she started to worry that he wasn’t coming back. Next, came the fear of something bad happening to him in his travels. That was a good excuse to reach out to him.

  ****

  During the drive to meet up with David, Ryan pondered everything Corlay had said. Then, he factored in the things Scottie had said. She was right. Corlay was never going to “belong” in a big house with all the finest finishes. Bless her heart, she was too busy being concerned about who would clean the place to picture herself and Nathan in those homes. That thought made him smile. She was like his mother – innocent, sweet, and simple. If he was being honest with himself, maybe the big, ridiculous sized homes was a bit overkill. Just because he could afford the luxury didn’t mean he had to. Maybe there was a compromise.