First Thing I See

by Keeland, Vi

Franklin and Lauren’s house was filled with the electricity of an excited child on Christmas morning. Emily had convinced Lauren to let her open one of our gifts, and I was thrilled with how excited she was when she opened her new Easy Bake Oven. It was my favorite toy when I was a little girl, and I had hoped that she didn’t already have one.

  Emily and I were busy making a mini chocolate cake in her new oven when I heard the doorbell and Garrett’s voice. I heard some introductions and murmuring, but Emily and I were too focused on watching the light bulb cook the little cake to notice anyone walk into the room.

  “Well is this what you are going to do in Chicago all day, bake little mini cakes and play house?” There was no mistaking that voice. I turned.

  “Shauna! What are you doing here?” I ran and hugged her and we stayed that way for a minute.

  “Garrett and I wanted to see each other again and Kennedy thought it would be a nice surprise for me to come visit you!” We giggled like two school girls who just landed the captain of the football team.

  I looked up and saw Kennedy watching us intently. He gave me the full blown dimple smile and I mouthed I love you.

  Shauna quickly bonded with Lauren and the three of us spent half the day drinking wine and taking turns telling stories about Shauna and me in high school and Garrett and Kennedy in high school. We giggled like old friends, and every once in a while I looked across the room and saw Kennedy watching me with a smile. I could tell he was enjoying his time with his brothers, but yet he was always aware of where I was.

  “Hey!” I called out when I saw him standing leaning against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed staring at me, while his brothers were in the midst of a conversation next to him. “What are you looking at?” I smiled and he smiled back.

  Kennedy refilled his glass and reached for the half empty bottle of wine the three of us were drinking and walked over to where we were standing. He refilled each of our glasses. Shauna and Lauren mindlessly positioned their glasses for refills, while never breaking in their conversation. He slid behind me and wrapped his arms tightly around mine, clasping my hands together beneath his.

  Shauna was telling Lauren a story that I had heard a dozen times, about the time that we cut school and took her dad’s car to the beach to meet two boys. One of the boys had brought iced tea spiked with vodka and Shauna had drunk too much and I had to drive home. The only problem was that I had never driven a stick shift car, and it took us almost three hours to drive the twenty miles drive home between all of my stalls and clutch pops. Two blocks from her house, I rear ended the car in front of us, which happened to be the two boys that we had met at the beach. In the three hours it took us to get home, they had already sobered up and drove back.

  “I hope you don’t drive a stick shift Kennedy.” Shauna laughed as she finished her story.

  “No, and I’ll keep that in mind when we go new car shopping for her next week.”

  “New car shopping?” I wrinkled my nose in confusion at him.

  I watched him take his drink off the mantle and swallow back the yellow liquid in the small crystal tumbler. His other hand stayed on my hip. “How did you think you were going to get around Chicago? We don’t have the mass transportation that New York has, you need a car here.”

  “Ugh…I hadn’t really thought about it. How far is it? Can’t I walk to work? I really can’t afford a car payment.”

  “We can afford a car angel. And you are not walking to work no matter how far it is. Look what happened last time you walked home after a late night.”

  My chest fluttered at his commanding tone and the thought of us being a we. But I couldn’t let him buy me a car, even if he was ridiculously rich. “That’s very sweet, but it isn’t your job to take care of me.”

  Well that was the wrong thing to say. His eyes hardened and his jaw tensed immediately. Our playful, giggly conversation had just turned into something else. “It is my job and perhaps we should have this conversation later.”

  I saw Shauna and Lauren watching our interaction as if we were a daytime soap opera. Lauren was smiling at me and I got the feeling she thought the whole conversation was funny for some reason. Not wanting to ruin the day or show any disrespect to Lauren in her home, I took a deep breath and decided Kennedy was right, and the conversation was best for when we were in private later. I smiled back at Lauren and turned to Kennedy and reached up on my tippy toes and gave him a quick kiss on the mouth. “Okay, later it is.”

  He must have assumed I would react differently, because he squinted at me and smiled, shaking his head as he walked back to his brothers.

  Lauren excused herself and Shauna and I were finally alone. “What’s going on with you and Garret?” My smile widened.

  Shauna launched into details about the long night they spent together after we had all went to her game and then out to the bar. I could have skipped the part about how he had what she estimated to be about ten inches hidden in his pants. But I secretly wasn’t surprised knowing that Kennedy was his brother. She told me that they had been texting and talking every day since, which caught me by surprise. “You talk to him every day?” The look of shock clearly registering on my face.

  “Yep, I can’t believe it myself. This is the most I have spoken to a guy in a long time without him breaking any of my top ten rules. I’m so excited that I think I’m going to reward him later dressed in my modified cheer uniform.”

  We both laughed. Shauna hated when men mentioned that she should wear her cheer uniform as foreplay. But if she really liked them, and they didn’t mention it, she would introduce them to her ‘modified cheer uniform’, which meant an old skirt that left her ass cheeks hanging out and a low cut tight cheer top, sans bra and underwear.

  “I’m so sad that I am not going to be near you in the city anymore, if you guys became a couple you could move to Chicago and be closer to me!” The alcohol and my current state of happy daze had made things seem so simple and easy to solve.

  Shauna looked at me like I was crazy and then broke down laughing. “You are so funny drunk and in love. I used to love drunk Hope, but I think drunk in love Hope is even better!”

  ***

  It was after midnight by the time we returned back to Kennedy’s apartment, and I felt like I was floating. Kennedy poured me a glass of wine and I watched him build a fire. I could see the muscles in his back flex as he reached in to pile the wood and I was sure that there wasn’t one part of him that I didn’t find sexy. We sat on the floor in front of the fire with only the Christmas tree and fire lit.

  “Thank you for the best Christmas I ever had.” I whispered as I settled in between his propped up knees in front of the fire.

  He kissed my forehead lightly. “You’re welcome, but I didn’t do anything. Garret and Lauren did all the work.”

  Was he serious? “You cleaned out a closet, bought me a new wardrobe, gave me a new job with an amazing memory in my new office and brought my best friend to Chicago.”

  “Those have nothing to do with Christmas. I would have done all of that if it was August and you agreed to move here.” He gently stroked my hair, pushing escaped tendrils behind my ear and a soothing motion. “So now that I think about it, I really didn’t give you a Christmas present.”

  The man was crazy. “Your logic is a little warped there Mr. Jenner.” I laughed and tilted my head into his touch on the side of my face.

  “As long as we are on the topic of my logic, I’m buying you a car. We can call it your Christmas present if that makes you feel any better.” His voice was stern.

  “I can’t let you buy me a car too Kennedy.” I turned and leaned into him. “It’s very sweet of you to want to, but it’s too much.”

  He contemplated my words with narrowed eyes. “What I have is yours now, Hope. I live a certain way. I work hard for it, and I enjoy my lifestyle and a certain amount of indulgence. We can’t exist in two different worlds. I want to take care of you. I need to take care of you. Let me.�
�

  With just his few simple words and the look in his eyes, I realized it was important to him. He needed to take care of me. He didn’t just want me, he needed me. I understood what he meant. “Okay.” I whispered lightly, his eyes not releasing mine.

  Chapter 27

  I was a nervous wreck on the drive to Dad’s house from the airport, because I hadn’t told Dad I was moving to Chicago yet. Moving in with Kennedy.

  “You okay?” He squeezed the hand he was holding as I stared out the window watching the city fall into the distance and the small town on the horizon.

  “Yes, just tired.” I lied.

  “Hope.” His tone was authoritative and I wondered how he knew I was lying so instinctively.

  I leaned my head against the cold window glass as my face flushed giving away my lie. “I might also be a little nervous about telling my Dad that I’m moving in with you.”

  He pulled our linked hands to his mouth and gently kissed the back of my hand. “I’ll talk to him about it.”

  “You will?” Even though I was 26 years old, I still felt like a little girl when I was around my dad.

  “Of course I will. I should have probably spoken to him about it before now anyway.”

  ***

  Candace did her usual gushing over Kennedy and touched me as little as possible while pretending to be happy to see me too. I left Kennedy in the attentive hands of Candace and her awe struck daughters and went to settle in and put our things away. A few hours later, my Dad still wasn’t home yet, so I thought it would a perfect time to go visit Mom. I hadn’t been able to spend more than an hour or two in the house with Candace without Dad home in years. There was only so much that I could take of her, and watching her flirt with Kennedy was pushing me to my limit.

  “I need to get out of here for a while.” I whispered to Kennedy quietly. He nodded.

  “Candace, we are going to go over to the cemetery, we will be back in a few hours.” I saw her jaw flex and anger flicker from her eyes and wondered if Kennedy saw it too. The man didn’t even have to look at me to know if I was lying, I was certain he would be able to see through Candace’s fake exterior.

  We stopped at the florist and I picked out flowers for Mom and Kennedy picked out flowers for Lilly. As we were about to walk out of the shop, I walked straight into Coach Fitz. There was no way to avoid him. “Umm…Hi Coach Fitzsimmons.” I uttered and a sudden awkward feeling settled in.

  “Hello Hope. Nice to see you.” The awkwardness between us was thick. He looked to Kennedy and Kennedy extended his hand.

  “Kennedy Jenner.” They shook hands.

  “Mark Fitzsimmons.” An uncomfortable silence for a moment. “Umm..I was a Coach at Hope’s high school.”

  I felt flush and wanted to run out of the store. Kennedy looked to me and then to the Coach, assessing the situation.

  “Is that so.“ His face was a mask of stone and his tone icy. Kennedy put his hand on the small of my back and steered me around Coach and out the door.

  Neither of us said a word the short drive to the cemetery. I was glad that he suggested we drive, because the walk in the cold would have been frigid with the ice between us. We cleared off the ground in front of Mom and Lilly’s headstones in uncomfortable silence and rested the flowers on the brown frozen grass.

  Kennedy sat on the bench, watching me as I fidgeted with the flowers, stalling for time before I had to face him. “You and Coach have a past.” More of a statement than a question.

  I continued to clean the brown grass and pick at imaginary weeds. “Yes, but it’s not what you are thinking.”

  He reached out and took my hand and let out a deep breath. “Jealousy is not something that I am used to feeling. I know you must have had boyfriends, but I saw the tension between you and him and I wanted to beat the crap out of him. I had to get out of there.”

  Tears stung my eyes and I closed my eyes and squeezed his hand. I knew I had to tell him the truth. No lies, not ever. “You should have beat the crap out of him.” He looked up at me and I saw pain in his face. “It’s a long story. Could we go for a walk while I tell you, it’s not something I’d like to tell you here.”

  He nodded and took my hand. We walked through the cemetery, and around town, for almost two hours in the cold. I told him the whole sordid story, from Candace’s affair to the years of living with a stepmother that hated me and pretending everything was okay for Dad. I told him how she blamed me for Dad finding out and the ensuing difficulty in their relationship. I watched his jaw tighten as I told him through tears that, after so many years, I started to believe the things that she said, and that my move to New York was to get away and reinvent myself.

  He wiped the tears from my face and cupped my cheeks. “She was jealous of you.”

  “Why would Candace ever be jealous of me?” Shauna had said the same thing a few times before, but I thought she was just trying to make me feel better.

  “Jesus Hope, you really have no clue.” His face was serious as he searched my eyes. “You are beautiful, from head to toe. And not just on the outside. The fact that you don’t see it or use it just makes you that much more gorgeous.“ He kissed my lips gently. “She’s an aging beauty queen that is desperate for attention and you don’t even notice all the attention you get.”

  My heart swelled at his words. I wanted so badly to believe him. To see myself the way he saw me. I was so afraid to admit who I was to him, but he didn’t see me any different after knowing. I loved him for understanding me and for giving me back a part of who I used to be.

  ***

  Dad was in good mood all night and really seemed to enjoy sitting with Kennedy. It was odd seeing him relaxing with a man that wasn’t his friend. He was always surrounded by girls. Me, mom, the twins, Candace. I found myself wondering if maybe dad regretted never having a son. Maybe him and mom would have tried for a boy if she hadn’t died so young. He and Kennedy laughed like old friends, and it warmed my heart to see the two men that I loved getting along so well. I noticed that Kennedy seemed to appear whenever I was alone with Candace, and I wasn’t sure if it was a coincidence or he was being protective.

  Candace had drunk an entire bottle of wine herself, and I could tell it was bringing out a mean streak. We were just finishing cleaning up after dinner in the kitchen when her claws came out. “Your father tells me you are moving in with Kennedy. You know, men don’t like women that make it that easy for them.” She slurred her words and tilted her head back to empty her glass. “I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that you have no idea how to keep a man’s interest.”

  I felt my face burning with anger as I continued to put away the last of the dishes.

  From behind me, his calm and cool tone, sent shivers up my spine. “Hope has more than my interest.” I turned and could tell he was keeping his voice down so that Dad wouldn’t hear.

  His appearance had Candace flustered, but she was a pro at masking the evil within. “I was just telling our little Hope that sometimes men don’t buy the cow, when they get the milk for free.” She trailed her perfectly manicured finger flirtatiously across Kennedy’s back as she passed him on her way out of the kitchen. Watching her touch him made me sick to my stomach. I watched as his whole body tensed at her touch.

  I walked to him and put my hands flat on his chest, leaning into him. “You okay?” he asked as he ran his hands up and down my back.

  I did my best attempt at a smile. “I’m not going to let her get to me.” I lied. Honestly, the woman knew how to zone in on my biggest fears. Would he get bored of me? He was gorgeous and worldly and rich. Men like him didn’t belong with boring small town girls like me.

  He squinted at me, as if he wasn’t sure I was telling the truth. “Really, I’m fine. Let’s go back to Dad before he realizes that anything is wrong.”

  He squeezed me and led me to the living room. I wasn’t sure he believed me, but he was giving me a free pass.

  Dad had made Candace and the twins
keep one present unopened from Christmas, so that we could all open gifts together, since I hadn’t exchanged with them yet. Dad and I were giving out gifts to everyone when I noticed Candace take a seat on the small loveseat next to Kennedy. It was a small loveseat, so normally people had to sit close, but Candace looked like she was sitting extra close. When I looked at Kennedy I could see his jaw was tight and he had noticed it too.

  I walked over to Candace and held out a gift to her without saying a word. She smiled a sugar coated plastic smile up at me and snatched it out of my hands. I made a point of ignoring her and turned my face to Kennedy and handed him a gift.

  “You already gave me gifts.” His voice was calm, but I knew he was controlling anger sitting so close to Candace.

  “I saved one to open here.” I smiled at him and watched as his face untensed.

  He gave me a little smile back. “I saved one for you too.” One eyebrow arched and my knees quivered at his naughty dimpled smile. I felt my face flush

  Candace made a loud fake cough, bringing us back to the room. I opened my eyes wide to Kennedy in a silent, playful “stop it” face and walked back to Dad.

  I opened one of the gifts dad had given me. It was a pretty keychain with a large dangling silver star.

  “Thanks Dad, it’s very pretty.”

  “I don’t care if it’s pretty baby girl, it’s got a secret alarm built in.” He took the keychain and pressed the sides of the bottom and it emitted a high pitched, ear piercing, loud alarm sound.

  I smiled and laughed. “Thanks Dad, I’ll use it. But I told you I am fine.”

  He kissed my forehead. “I know you are, I trust Kennedy to take good care of you.”

  You do? My dad trusts Kennedy to take good care of me? When did that happen?

  “I’m sure you will be alone an awful lot living out there in Chicago. I mean Kennedy is a busy business man and I’m sure he has a lot of functions and travel that monopolizes his time. Your daddy and I just want to make sure you are safe, Hope.” Candace’s words came out an odd mixture of slur and sugary.