Hers to Forget

by Avery Samson

  He eyes me wickedly before snatching me up and throwing me over his shoulder.

  “Oh good, we can kill two birds with one stone.”

  I reach down, slapping his ass with vigor.

  “Darling, you know you doing that just makes me harder.”

  I giggle as he carries me into the bathroom.

  Teddy leaves me at the entrance of the Leicester Square tube station with a kiss. He is already running late for a group project because of our romp in the shower.

  I was instructed to check into our London office for an informational meeting before I leave according to the email from the foreign office. I’m shaking when I enter the office, not sure if it’s from nerves or excitement, probably both.

  I’ll be assisting the senior foreign correspondent with interviews and scouting filming locations. If it goes well, I’ll be assigned as a junior correspondent, traveling the world, reporting on the latest news.

  They give me my travel paperwork with a suggested list of clothing for Syria.

  I’m so excited when I walk out of the office, I can’t wait to tell Teddy about it. The thought makes my stomach seize. This is exactly what I was afraid of happening. I’ve breezed through Teddy’s life, promising things I can’t deliver and now I’m sweeping right back out again. This is the very reason I stayed away so long. The thought of breaking his heart tonight as I board the plane makes me sink to the step.

  “Excuse me, I’m looking for the newest, most gorgeous foreign correspondent on this planet.”

  I look up into the most beautiful blue eyes. Teddy takes my hand, pulling me up into his arms.

  “I thought you had some classes today or something?” I look up at him through shimmering eyes that threaten to spill at any moment.

  “No, I had a group project meeting today. As in one, singular. I texted you, but when you didn’t respond, I assumed you were still in your meeting. Thought I’d pick you up for lunch.”

  I reach in my purse, pulling out my phone.

  “Apparently, your text wasn’t the only one I missed,” I say with a wince. I had set my phone on silent while I was inside. “There’s several from Izzy asking if I’m okay. There’s even two from Grayson.”

  Teddy looks up, slapping his forehead.

  “Oh fuck, that’s my fault. I called them when I was trying to find you. Those two really don’t like being woken up in the middle of the night. I was supposed to call Grayson back.”

  “Teddy! Please tell me you didn’t freak them out.”

  He looks over my head behind me, avoiding meeting my eyes.

  “Umm, you might want to give Izzy a call. You know, just to tell her about your new assignment.”

  How can somebody so frustrating be so adorable at the same time? We walk toward one of the local pubs for lunch while I dial my sister. The second she picks up, I get an earful.

  “Sophia! What is going on there? Are you okay? I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for hours. Do you know how worried Grayson is? Honestly, Soph!”

  “It’s good hearing your voice too, Iz. I’m good. I got a promotion to foreign correspondent.”

  Izzy doesn’t say anything for several beats.

  “Are you with Teddy?”

  That’s fine, just skip right over the biggest thing to ever happen to me.

  “Yeah, he’s right here. We were just heading for lunch.”

  “No, Sophia. I mean, are you with Teddy? As in, are you sleeping with him?”

  My eyes widen as I look over at Teddy. Well, maybe the news thing is the second biggest thing.

  “What?” he mouths at me, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk.

  “Why would you think that, Iz?” I ask, giving him my best stink eye.

  “Do you really think I’m that easy to fool?” Izzy snaps at me.

  Teddy leans down near my phone to start making static noises.

  “Sorry. Going...tunnel...call...soon.”

  We both high-five as I hang up on my sister, although we both know there will be hell to pay later. The only problem with having older siblings is their need to govern your life.

  “You know we will both catch hell for that later, right?” I ask.

  Teddy just grins at me. “Yeah, we can never set foot back in the U.S. I’m not even sure that Syria will be remote enough.”

  “By the way. She knows we’ve slept together, or she’s guessed, anyway.”

  “Fuck!” Teddy moans. “Grayson is going to kick my ass. I guess London it is then. Hope some of those offers are still good.” Teddy takes my hand as we walk into the pub, my stomach rumbling the second I smell food cooking. “Sounds like we made it just in time.” Teddy laughs, holding my chair out before he heads to the bar to order.

  He knows me so well, he doesn’t even check to see what I want. Returning, he slumps down into a chair, handing me an ale.

  “What time is your flight?” he asks, avoiding my eyes again.

  I never noticed this tell before when he wants to avoid a painful subject.

  “Teddy. This is why I told you we shouldn’t be together.”

  His eyes cut to mine. Leaning over, he cups my face in both hands.

  “I don’t think you believe that. I love every minute I get to spend with you, even if it is just forty-eight hours!”

  Our food arrives with a second round of ale. Teddy has ordered me my favorite, grilled haddock with chips. He digs into a shepherd’s pie with gusto, changing the subject. “So have they told you where your base office will be?”

  “They told me it will be a couple of days before they decide. I’ll let you know when I hear.”

  We eat in silence for a while. I feel like time is speeding up as we sit here. Teddy keeps watching me as I push my food around my plate.

  “Not hungry after all?” I jump when he cuts into my reverie.

  “Oh, sorry. I guess not so much.”

  “Soph, what’s on your mind?” Teddy sighs, putting down his fork. He leans back in his seat, crossing his arms. “Let’s hear it.”

  “So how do we handle this?” I make a vague gesture between us. “I don’t know how often I’ll be in town, but I would like to see you when I can.”

  Teddy rolls his eyes.

  “I knew it. You just want me around as your fuck buddy. You know I’ll expect to be kept in the style in which I’m accustomed to living. But don’t expect me to be waiting in fancy lingerie when you show up.”

  I laugh, catching the twinkle in his eye. “Damn it, Teddy. You know what I mean. Always a smart-ass.” I smirk.

  “Soph, we’ll figure this shittin’ mess out.” He reaches over to take my hand as he sobers. “Do you trust me to make this right?” he asks me as he rubs his thumb over my knuckles.

  “I really do, Teddy. I trust you with everything,” I whisper as he leans in for a kiss.

  5

  Teddy

  I’m staring out at the London drizzle from my window with a cooling cup of tea in my hand. She’s gone. Just like she blew in so many times before, she blew out just as quickly. I put her in a cab outside my apartment to Gatwick last night.

  I can still feel traces of her in the apartment, her outline in my bed and the smell of her shampoo in my bathroom. I have to go to class soon, but I’m having a hard time caring about school when I feel like a piece of my soul is gone. She said she trusted me to figure this out. How can I figure us out when I can’t even decide what direction to go in my own life?

  I’m staring out at a city teeming with life and activity seeing nothing. All I can see is her smile in the back window as the cab took her away.

  Shaking myself out of my reverie, I take a sip of tea. Blah, it’s grown cold. Tea can only be two ways, scalding hot or iced, not the lukewarm piss I’m holding. With a sigh, I take my cup back into the kitchen, placing it in the sink. Right now, there is at least one thing I can control, pulling in top marks on my exams.

  Grabbing my bag, I head out to my first class of the day. This i
s my busiest day of the week. I have two exams and a review lecture. I’ll have to find a quick lunch between classes since I won’t return to my apartment until later this evening.

  Returning a text promising to pop into the pub for a pint with some of the guys, I head out of the apartment. Getting lit this evening sounds like a pretty fucking good idea right now.

  By eleven that evening, I‘ve managed to finish both exams successfully, review for my next one at the end of the week and make it to the pub. Actually, I’ve already been at the pub long enough to put away an ale and four shots of whiskey. We’ve played billiards where I won several pounds, thanks to Lily, and had the darts taken away from us by the bartender.

  “I’m calling a cab for you, mate. You are way over your limit to walk home.” The manager is a good-natured guy from Cornwall who I’ve gotten to know during my four years here. He hails a cab, pouring me in and giving the cabbie my address.

  I’m not that drunk, I think, as I try to stop swaying long enough to unlock the bottom door to my flat.

  The climb to the third floor proves to be an even greater challenge as I seriously debate just sleeping in the hallway, but I think I still have a beer in the fridge that needs addressing. If I’m already this drunk, one more can’t hurt.

  After what seems like an eternity scaling the equivalent of Mt. Everest, I make it to my door. Odd, I must have forgotten to lock it this morning in my fucked up state. That’s a new one for me. Opening the door, I fall to my knees right inside my flat.

  “Fuck!”

  Okay, I can hear myself slur my favorite cuss word. Maybe I have had more than enough for tonight. I still can’t chase the thought of Sophia leaving out of my mind though. There’s a slim chance if I pass out, she’ll stop haunting me.

  Using the coffee table, I hoist myself back up from the floor, drunkenly brushing off my shirt. Just one or two more pints should do me.

  “You’re a complete fucking dumbass.” I hear a familiar voice growl at me from the only chair in the living room.

  Staggering back a step, my heart feels like it might leap out of my chest. Staring at him like he’s an apparition that just appeared in the corner, the little brother voice in my head insists I play dumb. Not hard considering the state I’m in.

  “Grayson?” I ask.

  He sighs as he stands, crossing over to me.

  “Good lord. You smell like a fucking refinery. Apparently, you reached the distillery stage a while back and just kept going.” I grin at the dark shadow as it turns into my older brother or more like two visions of my older brother. A shiver runs through me at the horrific thought of Grayson as a twin.

  “Watzup?” I give him my casual chin lift I perfected in high school. I’m still slurring pretty bad, but I think I might get away with it.

  “Fuck, Teddy!” he says as I belch in his face. It’s fine. I can still bluff my way through this.

  Then I feel my stomach start to roll, looking up at him in desperation. Grayson, always the smarter brother, is more astute at judging my condition than I am. He spins me around, grabbing me by the back of the collar. In about two strides, I find myself face down in the toilet as the ale makes its reappearance.

  All I remember after that was throwing up forever, being forced to drink water, someone taking off my shoes, and a really terrifying scowl on Gray’s face.

  “Wake up, you stupid douchebag.”

  Oh fuck, I wasn’t dreaming. Grayson really was here last night. I so desperately hoped it was just a bad dream. I crack my eyes open to searing pain as my stomach tries to roll itself out of my body.

  “What smells of rotting donkey ass?” I moan.

  “It’s eggs, you little shit. Now get up and come eat.”

  “Grayson. I’ll puke if you make me eat that. I swear I will.” Raising my hand in some form of a surrender sign, my eyes remained clamped shut.

  “Good. This time I’ll hang you out the window by your ankles while you do.”

  Grayson is a big guy, bigger than I am anyway. I’m not sure he wouldn’t do it just to prove his point.

  I drag myself over, dropping into the closest chair, managing just barely to pry at least one eye partially open. Grayson plops a plate of ham and fried eggs down in front of me before starting on his own plate of breakfast. Desperate to quell the automatic gag that rises up in me, I chance a glance at him.

  “Why are you poured into one of my t-shirts?” I can’t even muster a convincing smirk as I study him in the Ed Sheeran concert t-shirt he has managed to squeeze into. Judge me if you want, the man puts on a damn good concert.

  Grayson looks up from his plate, glaring at me.

  “Because you puked down the front of my dress shirt and I didn’t want to leave you to choke on your own vomit to go to the hotel and change. Now, shut up and eat.” He points to my plate, reinforcing his skills at tough love.

  I pick up my fork, scooping up a piece of egg to stare at it.

  “Now,” comes out in a growl.

  I shove it into my mouth, trying to fight the war with my own stomach to keep it down. When I finally gag it down, I sit back. Okay, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I pick up another piece of egg, putting it into my mouth.

  I’m starting to feel slightly better as I put the last of the ham in my mouth when Grayson stands before crossing to the bathroom. Returning, he hands me three aspirin.

  I take them without any argument this time. Not even a mumbled curse word aimed at him. It goes completely against my nature not to kick up at least some sort of a fight with Grayson. Either I really am maturing finally or I just don’t have it in me today. He gathers up our dishes, placing them in the sink.

  “Go take a shower. You stink,” he says, turning to start on the dishes.

  With my proverbial tail between my legs, I slink into the bathroom. After taking as long as I think I can pull off drying off in the bathroom, I finally toss a fresh set of clothes on. I’m not looking forward to the tongue lashing I’m facing.

  When I come out of the bathroom, Grayson is sitting back in the living room chair watching me. Crossing to the couch, I slump down, ready to get this over with. It’s not like it’s the first time he’s lit into me. I was quite a handful in high school.

  “Okay, let me have it. I know you’re pissed.”

  Grayson doesn’t yell at me. As a matter of fact, he does something completely out of character for him, taking me completely by surprise. He starts chuckling.

  “Do you think you’re the first guy to get completely shit-faced over some girl?” he asks.

  I look over at him, narrowing my eyes. “Who are you and what did you do with my brother?”

  He shakes his head in amusement.

  “What? Did you think your sister-in-law didn’t send me to the bar on several occasions when we first got together? Colin poured me into bed more than once, trust me.”

  I grin at him. Colin was Grayson’s college roommate, remaining one of his best friends even today. Wherever drama was happening, Colin was guaranteed to be in the middle of it.

  The memory of that first Thanksgiving when Grayson was knocked off his feet by Izzy and their unexpected first pregnancy hits me. At least I’m not in that bad of a mess. Or am I? Shit, I don’t know anymore.

  Schooling his features, he studies me like I’m a drop in the stock market that should soon right itself.

  “You at least look like you feel better. For a while, I thought I was going to have to have your stomach pumped.”

  “Ack.” I gag, trying to not toss breakfast, thinking about it. When my stomach settles again, I take a deep breath before facing my brother. “Grayson, why are you here? Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to see you. But I can’t think you just happen to be in town?”

  He studies me for a few more minutes. It took me years to learn to stare him down without breaking into a sweat before confessing to things I did. I think I even confessed to killing Jimmy Hoffa once because of that stare. Finally he ro
lls his eyes.

  “I’m here to fix the latest shitstorm my little brother has landed in the middle of. The second Izzy hung up from Sophia’s phone call about her new assignment, she booked us a flight.”

  “Wait. Izzy’s here? You didn’t tell her I was drunk, did you?”

  As much as I love my brother, my sister-in-law was closer to me than our own mother had been. One disappointed look from her and my heart shatters.

  “What do you think I told her was the reason I was leaving her with four kids to wrestle on her own at the hotel last night?”

  “The kids are here too?” I look around like they might pop out of the walls at any second. There are a lot of them, you can never be too sure.

  “Yes, we’re all here, the whole unruly horde. And they bounced on my head for the whole fucking ten hour plane ride, excited to see their uncle Teddy. So pull your shit together, we’re meeting them for lunch.”

  I would try to bluff my way out of it with school until I felt better, but of course, Grayson knows I don’t have classes today. He has always kept up with my schedule and grades. He also insisted on keeping a spare set of keys to my apartment. I know he pays for it, but I might have to rethink that last one after last night.

  “Let’s go,” Grayson says as he stands. “We don’t want to keep the ole ball and chain waiting.” He turns, heading out the door.

  Grayson talks a good game, but I know he would walk through the fires of hell for Izzy. I was there when he did. He had been abandoned to a boy’s home at a much younger age than I was when he found me there. I watched as the man who wanted nothing to do with a family, believing he didn’t deserve one, freed himself from those chains.

  Grayson had met Izzy at a charity auction when he was bought as her birthday present. Now eight years later, he has survived raising a teenage brother and has four children of his own. When he decided to finally open his heart to a family, he did it in spades. He’s always adhered to the belief of go big or go home.