She rears up, a couple of inches away from me to look me in the eyes, but I keep my hand firmly wrapped around the back of her neck, keeping her close.
“What happened isn’t your fault. You know that, don’t you? You know you saved us, right?”
“I don’t like that a man died because I pushed him the wrong way. I could have done a number of things, and he’d probably be alive right now.”
“Shane, don’t—”
I stop her words by pulling her back down and pressing my lips to hers again.
“Let me finish.” She rises. My hand releases her but keeps her eyes locked on mine. “Who’s to say if he hadn’t died that you wouldn’t have gotten hurt, or me, Ev, or even all three of us.” I sigh and run my hand through my hair. I need to tell her. I need to say it out loud. I need to come to terms with the truth. “I felt relieved too. And I’m conflicted by it. I hate he’s dead, but I also feel relief because he’s out of our lives. Emersyn never has to go to his house alone again. The worry I felt that somehow I’d lose you all over again—lose all of you—is gone. And that feels good, if I’m honest.”
When I ran down those stairs, raced to his body, with the instinct to save him—or try to save him—I dropped to my knees, checking for a pulse only he didn’t have one. All that worry vanished in an instant. That peace I was seeking settled into my bones. Sure, I felt guilty for my part in his life ending, but the peace that settled inside me knowing he no longer had an ounce of power in our lives outweighed that guilt.
And a part of me feels like those feelings are wrong to have.
I shouldn’t feel relieved a man is dead. I’m supposed to save lives. Not take them.
“I feel horrible for . . .” Ah, fuck. I do. I feel like shit for feeling glad he’s dead.
“Babe,” she sighs, then bites down on her bottom lip.
“That’s fucked up isn’t, Love? That I get enjoyment out of a life ending?”
“It’s not enjoyment, Shane.” She shakes her head. Then she leans back down where her lips are centimeters from mine. Her forehead presses into mine, and her eyes bore into mine. “I thought he was a thorn in our sides. Would always be there, not allowing us the pure happiness we deserve.” She just looks at me. “But he wasn’t a thorn. He was a knife waiting to gut us. He was a bullet in a chamber waiting to go off and end us.” She waits, and I know she wants her words to sink in. They do. “Now he can’t hurt us. He can’t hurt us ever again. Baby, you didn’t kill him. He killed himself. He took our daughter. He was going to hurt her. And I can’t even utter the words that are rolling around in my head that I know deep down he was really going to do.” Kill Everly is what she can’t say. I know this because I can’t say them out loud either.
Her lips take mine. Kissing me. She’s trying to make me feel her words. Trying to make me take them in as the truth.
I know she is right. I do feel it.
“Love,” I start to say, but she shoves her hand between us, over my lips, and then she rises back into a seated position on my lap.
“I have something I need to tell you.”
Her smile, a smile that shows excitement and happiness, makes me smile back.
“Yeah?”
“Blake told me things.” She lets out a breath. “He told me things before you got there. And . . .”
Her brows knit together like she’s searching for the right words. Her smile confuses me. Why would something he told her make her happy?
“Why are you getting upset?”
I hadn’t realized I was. I guess subconsciously the thought of something he said could cause her joy angered me. “Sorry.” It’s the only thing I have to offer her.
“Shane?”
“You’re happy, and I don’t know why. I don’t know how you can be happy over anything that man said.”
A huff of air exits her mouth. “I’m not happy over what he said. Just give me a sec to explain. I’m happy for another reason, and I know you will be too.” She leans down quickly, giving me a reassuring kiss.
“All right, Love. What is it?”
“Emersyn was never planned. I knew I didn’t love Blake. I certainly didn’t want another kid by him.” I cringe at those words. “Hey, I didn’t know Everly was yours. But I did know I didn’t want another baby. Well, that’s not exactly true. The thought of another baby was awesome up until I factored Blake in. Anyway, you get my point, right?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Well, Blake wanted a baby. I understand why now. But I wouldn’t get off my birth control. Not even when he kept pressuring me to. Apparently, he was determined, because he switched my real pills with fake ones somehow. Oh, and he did blackmail that judge to get joint custody of Em, by the way. But that’s a topic for later. So, I got pregnant with Emersyn because he made it happen.”
What a twisted human being. Who the hell does that? And how?
“I have no words for that, Love. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder. I should have looked for you. I—”
“Stop that,” she scolds. “We were dealt a shitty hand. We can’t change it. There is no point in regretting what we had no knowledge of. So just stop that thought and let me finish.”
“Go on.”
“He wanted to do it again. That’s what he told me. He was going to get me pregnant again.” Vile bubbles up my throat. “But he didn’t succeed this time. We found our way back to each other. And you made me remember. You gave me back my past, and because of that, I have the future I was meant to have with you.” Her smile is larger than life, making my chest swell.
“I’m pregnant.” My breathing stops. “We’re pregnant.” Whitney grabs my hand placing it on her stomach. “I’m only a couple of weeks. I found out yesterday when I went to that doctor’s appointment.”
“You’re . . .” I lose my breath.
“No. We’re. We are having a baby. This is our baby. And Shane”—she lets out a big breath—“the pure joy I didn’t get to experience when I was pregnant with Everly or Emersyn because of the situation that was forced upon me . . .” She shakes her head. “I have that. I’m so happy because I’m having your baby. It’s a feeling I can’t even begin to put words to.”
I stare at the place my hand is resting.
She pulls up her shirt, the material sliding through my palms until my skin meets her skin. Her stomach is warm. The way it expands as she breaths . . .
My eyes shut. Feelings, emotions I can’t even process zip through me. Bliss. I think that’s what this is.
When I open my eyes the words fall from my lips, “Marry me, Love.” Her eyes sparkle. “You’ve already seen the ring.” I shrug. This was not at all how I’d planned on proposing. “Will you be my wife?”
“Braden,” she bends down. “I want foreverly after with you. Yes! I’ll marry you.”
Screw peace. Peace is overrated. I’m about to marry a woman and have three kids. I doubt peace will ever be in my life. And that’s okay. As long as Love is here, then that’s all I’ll ever need.
In a quick move, I rise and flip her onto her back. Her giggle washes over me, awakening my dick in the process.
“I need inside of you, Love.”
“Then I guess you need to get us out of all of these clothes.” She looks up at me, showing me the love and lust heating her up on the inside and promising me forever with those eyes.
When I finally slide into her warmth, I feel the shudder that ripples through us both.
We can never get back what was stolen from us, but we can walk into our future making up for lost time and creating memories that’ll last forever.
EPILOGUE
Shane Braden
Maybe all the tragedies in life are meant to happen to get us to the point where everything comes together at the right time. I don’t know if destiny is predetermined or if the choices we make daily are what forms them. I do know the woman walking toward me was always meant to be mine. My soul mate. My other half. Whatever you want to call it.
She is mine.
Seven months ago a man died. Maybe at my hands; maybe not. Whitney keeps telling me I didn’t kill Blake Lane. She calls it a fortunate accident. It’s not that she’s happy the man she was married to for ten years is dead. He was, after all, the biological father of our middle daughter. Our soon-to-be middle daughter anyway.
“That for me?” I ask.
“Sure isn’t for me.”
Whitney hands me one of the glass bottles of beer in her hand then leans over me, handing the other one to Shawn before settling herself on my lap.
“Thanks.” Shawn tips his head.
“Y’all both did an awesome job moving all the furniture where I wanted it, so I figured it was well deserved.”
We bought a house in my parents’ neighborhood a few blocks from them and just finished moving in. It took three days. Both my dad and brother helped, but my parents were tired and headed home half an hour ago.
When I finished my residency, I was apprehensive about moving back to my hometown and joining my mother’s practice, but now that we’re here? This feels right.
“You mean all fifty times I moved this couch? I think I deserve a twelve pack.” Shawn takes a long pull from the bottle.
“You’re such a drama queen,” Whitney throws at him.
“This is not the face of a drama queen.” Shawn points at himself. “This is the face of a scary mo-fo. Watch yourself.”
“Scary?” Everly questions my brother from the other end of the couch, where she’s sitting down from him with her Kindle nestled in her lap. Her nose wrinkles, and she cocks her head to the side as she looks over at him. “Like . . . funny scary, or are we talking clown scary?”
She’s doing great despite everything that happened. We did a few months of counseling for all of us. And I’m hoping I’m not missing anything, because it’s as though she wasn’t affected all that much. She says she understands. We tried explaining—the best we could—why Blake did what he did. But really, what exactly are you supposed to tell a ten-year-old in this circumstance?
“Like mother-lovin’ zombie world apocalypse scary. Clown scary, Jesus, girl.” Shawn scowls at her. Turning his head, he looks down at Emersyn shaking his head. She’s sitting in her favorite spot—my brother’s lap. “Can you believe your sister, Em?”
My brother and Emersyn are inseparable anytime they are together. Oddly, it isn’t weird.
“Uncle Shawny, you not scary.” Her small palms shake his head from side to side. “You pretty!” Emersyn beams. “Like a kitty.” She pets his beard, smoothing her hand down only to repeat the motion as if to hammer her point home.
I lose it. Laughter rips from my throat. Whitney and Taralynn follow behind me. Even Everly chuckles. But my brother looks horrified.
“Dude.” My brother trains his brown eyes on me. “Your kids are annoying me.”
“You’re annoying,” Everly counters.
“Bad Uncle Shawny.” Emersyn shakes her finger in front of him, as her head moves with the same motion. “You not make a good daddy talkin’ like dat.”
She’s four now. Her birthday was a few weeks ago, and the baby-talk was quickly going away a few months back until we told the girls that Whitney is pregnant. If anything it’s gotten worse, and she’s gotten clingier toward Whitney instead of how she clung to her sister all the time. Jealousy? Maybe. Probably.
“I’m not the one that’s gonna be a daddy, sugar. Your dad and mom are the ones having a baby.” Shawn’s been more forceful on making sure he refers to me as Emersyn’s father more so than anyone else. It doesn’t bother me, but I’m not so sure it should be forced upon her. She did, after all, have a father. A psycho twisted fuck, but he was still her father. But now, I’m her father. And I always will be even if she decides not to call me dad, daddy, or any word to suggest she sees me as that.
“I know that, funny Uncle Shawny,” she giggles. “But Aunt Tarry got a baby in her belly, too.” Shawn’s eyes freeze.
“How did she know that?” Taralynn asks as shock washes over her face.
“We gonna have lots of babies.” Emersyn claps her hands.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she is excited about getting a little sister.
“You’re . . . pregnant?” Shawn questions his girlfriend. I can’t tell if he’s shocked, happy, or scared; maybe a little of all three.
“Yeah,” Taralynn sighs. “I was gonna surprise you with it.” She sounds disappointed. Her face falls, confirming my thoughts.
“But we’re not married.”
“Yeah,” Love laughs. “Neither are we”—she points between the two of us—“but we’re having another baby.” Another baby. I missed my firstborn’s birth. And Emersyn isn’t really mine even though I’ve been given the chance to call her mine. I’ve missed so much of my daughters’ lives. The small things. I won’t miss Ella’s birth. I won’t miss her anything.
I tighten my grip around Whitney’s belly, and with my other hand, I sit my beer down on the end table, then I reach for her wrist, bringing it to my lips to kiss.
They are my world—my whole world. And that’s everything I’ve ever needed.
EPILOGUE
Whitney Lane
Shawn’s lips slowly tip up as he eyes his girlfriend’s belly. He’s shocked, yes, but his eyes have taken on a brightness I’ve never seen before. It makes him appear softer—less intimidating. The news that Taralynn is pregnant makes him happy.
He slides Emersyn off his lap, beckoning Taralynn to come to him. I chuckle when Emersyn crosses her arms, pouting.
Warmth cascading through me pulls my attention away from everyone else as Shane peppers five kisses along the five roses tattooed over an infinity symbol on my wrist. I got it the night I asked Shawn to meet me at his tattoo shop. I never got to show Shane until the next morning. He scolded me pretty good too before he told me he loved it.
How was I supposed to know you really aren’t supposed to get tattooed while pregnant?
Chance was pissed when they came three weeks ago for Emersyn’s birthday party. He’s currently sulking like a two-year-old and not speaking to me. Eve said he thought I was going to let him—and only him—continue tattooing me. But right now, I think two tattoos are enough. I don’t plan on getting more. I don’t have the ink bug everyone else seems to have.
“How’s Ella?” Shane asks.
We only decided on a name this week along with a wedding date.
We wanted our whole family present, including the little girl that’s currently sitting on my bladder. Our wedding is planned for next summer. We aren’t in any rush. We’re already a family. Making it official is just the final step. We’re already whole. We have the rest of our lives upon us. And it seemed unfair not to allow Ella to be a part of our huge day—a day that’s been a long time coming.
“Active,” I tell him. “I’m trying to ignore her. I just went to the bathroom before coming in here, but she makes me feel like I need to go again.”
He laughs. Shane’s laughter is one of my favorite things. It does so many things to me all at once. He can make me smile just with that sound alone. And he can turn me on fire with it too.
I let my eyes roam back over to Shane’s brother. Taralynn asked Shawn to marry her earlier this year. And as happy as they’ve both been, I’m almost surprised Shawn hasn’t flown her to Vegas to make her officially his. Then again, she already is, the same as I’m Shane’s. No piece of paper can prove or show the amount of love we have for each other or the emotions swirling around in our hearts.
But we know. And we show it every day with each other and our girls.
This right here, this life with these people was what my soul was missing. This was what I’d been yearning for. At this moment, I’m content. There’s still a want inside me. And I’m still not a hundred percent sure what it is, and that’s okay because I’m happy.
Shane starts working at Pam’s pediatric practice in a couple of weeks. Everly starts a new school, and Emersyn start
s pre-school. And me? I’m going to college. At twenty-eight, I’m going to go to community college. For the first semester I’ll take classes online since I will be giving birth soon.
I at least want to get an associate’s degree. Maybe something in music. I don’t know yet, but that’s something down the road I’ll decide. For now, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’m happy, enjoying the life I have.
Kylie and I aren’t the best friends we once were, back in high school, because with her living in another state, it’s harder to get to know her again. We talk. I’m glad she’s back in my life again, but when it comes to best friends? Well, Shane is that person. He owns that spot. I think he always was, just a different kind of best friend than the one Kylie was.
“You need anything, Love?”
I twist to face him. “I have everything I’ve ever needed and wanted. I have my foreverly after. We have our foreverly after, Shane.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too. Always. You’ve always been the one I’ve loved.” His nostrils flare, and his eyes darken.
He brings my face down to his. His voice comes out low, telling me he doesn’t want the others to hear him. “Night cannot get here fast enough. I need my brother and Taralynn gone and the girls asleep.” A promising smile graces his face. “We have a new house to break in, Love.”
Shivers run up my spine, and my face grows hot.
Yeah, I can’t wait for that either.
“Could you two stop making out?” Shawn chastises. My cheeks flame. I’m not as bad as I used to be showing affection in public. I think my kids helped me with that, but occasionally I get embarrassed when I forget others are around. “I’m hungry. Someone needs to feed me for all the hard work I did today.”
Taralynn is nestled in Shawn’s lap and he doesn’t look like he wants to let her go. He keeps appraising her stomach and kissing her so he has no room to talk. She’s only six weeks along, so she’s not showing yet.
More Than Memories: A Second Chance Standalone Romance Page 30