Forbidden Lover (The Diamond Club Book 7)

by Elizabeth Lennox

  “But you don’t like being left behind, is that it?”

  “I’m…I’m fine,” she whispered, but her lips were stiff and it was hard to get the words out.

  “Is this also why you won’t tell Oz and Jayce that you’re in love with Ryker?”

  Carly jerked backwards so quickly that she toppled over the stack of files labeled “Decorating Ideas”. “I’m not in love with Ryker!” she hissed sharply.

  Charlotte nodded encouragingly. “Okay. Not in love with him. Can you tell me how you feel about him then?”

  “Not love!” she snapped, shaking her head vehemently. “I don’t love him!”

  “But you…get excited when you see him.”

  “I get excited when I see my brothers come home too.”

  Charlotte smiled. “It’s not the same, is it?” She glanced at the stack labeled “Gardening Ideas”. “When Oz walks into my office at the end of the day, or when I wake up and feel his arms holding me close, my heart speeds up. When he smiles at me, I feel as if the world is a better place.” She looked over at Carly. “Do you feel that way when Ryker smiles at you? Or when he walks into your house at the end of the day?”

  Carly gulped. “That doesn’t mean anything,” she replied, her fingers flicking the tabs of the file folders repeatedly. “And even if that does happen, I’m not…I won’t be in love with him. I won’t!”

  “Because you’re afraid he’ll leave you.”

  The words hung in the air between them. Carly sat there looking everywhere but at her friend, feeling foolish for her stacks of files. “I don’t…”

  “Of course you do,” Charlotte whispered softly. “Oz found you when you were just a young girl, hiding in your closet with a broken arm and ribs that were so badly bruised, you could barely breathe after your father beat you.”

  Carly blinked, then struggled to take in a deep breath. “How did you know that?” she whispered, closing her eyes as the memories of that nightmarish day hit her.

  “Oz told me,” Charlotte replied. When Carly’s eyes widened, Charlotte lifted her hand. “He wasn’t telling me secrets about you, Carly. He has nightmares about the day he found you like that. There are some nights that he wakes up in a cold sweat, groaning and breathing hard.” She laid a comforting hand on Carly’s arm. “Oz wasn’t breaking a trust with you. He was sharing something from his past that was troubling him, talking about it.”

  Carly’s lips pressed together and her hand moved from the stack of file folders to that spot on her arm, rubbing the place where her father had broken the bone. The place still ached at times, even after all these years. “He was my hero,” she whispered. “I didn’t know that he was still upset about that day.”

  “He told me that your father’s neighbor gave him a call, told Oz her suspicions about what your father was doing to you. He was on a flight that night, coming to find you because…he’d gone through the same thing at the hands of your father. Until Oz was big enough to fight back, your father used him as a punching bag during his drunken nights. Unless Oz could find a good enough hiding place, that is.”

  “Yes.” Carly swallowed again, closing her eyes against the tide of memories that threatened to overwhelm her. She took several deep breaths, then opened her eyes again to look at her friend. “My father was brutal when he was drunk.”

  “Oz found you. Took you to the hospital, right?”

  “Yes. He was wonderful,” she replied, smiling at the memory of him lifting her carefully out of the closet. She’d been terrified at first, but as soon as Oz assured her that he was her older brother, Carly had trusted him completely.

  “He took care of you until you felt better.”

  Carly nodded, smiling. “Yeah. He was amazing.”

  “Then he left you.”

  Carly stiffened. For a moment, she stared down at the files, then shook her head. “No. He didn’t leave me. He had to go back to his unit. The military only allowed him a certain amount of time off. And he came back for every holiday and every one of my birthdays. Plus, he sent me things in the mail all the time. Jayce did as well, as soon as we discovered his existence. They are great brothers. The best!”

  Charlotte smiled, tilting her head slightly. “As a small child, I’m sure that you understood that intellectually. But emotionally, all you knew was that your big brother had left you with a stranger.”

  Carly tried to deny Charlotte’s words. She’d never thought about her past in that way, but…No! Her brothers hadn’t abandoned her! “Oh, I was fine!” Carly waved away the issue, trying to sound casual. “Oz left me with Ms. Carlson and she taught me to make cookies and sew and I could finally study for my tests without fear of some drunken idiot coming in and using me as a punching bag.”

  “I think the key phrase in that whole statement is ‘Oz left me’. I get that her house was a safe place to grow up. Ms. Carlson watched out for Oz as well. She’s pretty famous for her baked goods, from what I hear. Oz makes the best chocolate-peanut butter cookies I’ve ever tasted.”

  Carly frowned at Charlotte. “Oz took care of me, even if he wasn’t close by.”

  “I know. But he still left you. You were a young girl trying to heal from the trauma of her father’s brutality, and your brother abandoned you.”

  Carly shifted uncomfortably. “I was fine.”

  Charlotte looked into Carly’s disturbed, green eyes. “Carly, you weren’t fine. You survived.”

  “Exactly!” Carly smiled and picked up another stack of files, straightening the edges so they were exactly aligned.

  “Honey, there’s a huge difference in being fine and surviving.”

  Carly’s fingers stilled. “I’m fine,” she whispered, although her throat felt tight.

  “You are. You’re fine now. But perhaps with a few abandonment issues to deal with?”

  Carly’s head lifted. “I don’t have abandonment issues, Charlotte. And I’m not one of your patients.”

  Charlotte smiled gently. “No. You’re not one of my patients. You’re my friend.” She paused for a moment. “And I think that you’re madly in love with Ryker. You have been for a long time. But he wants more, doesn’t he?”

  Carly blinked again, looking out the window to the barren trees. “He’s…pretty amazing.”

  “You love him, don’t you?”

  A tear fell. “Yes,” she admitted. “I love him so much. And he…” she wiped away more tears with the back of her hand, her fingers clenching the stack of folders. “He wants me to tell Oz and Jayce about us.”

  “And that would make things real, wouldn’t it? Telling your brothers would make your relationship with Ryker a real thing.”

  Carly nodded, her back stiff as the fears filled her heart. “Yes. If I tell my brothers, they might…” she paused, because she had no idea what her brothers might do to Ryker. Hurt him? No, Oz and Jayce were like brothers to Ryker.

  “They already know, Carly,” Charlotte whispered.

  Carly’s gaze swung over to her friend. “They know what?” she demanded, panic rolling over her like a heated wave, spreading over her body. “No! They can’t know! I didn’t tell them!”

  Charlotte smiled. “Do you think your brothers miss anything when it comes to their little sister?”

  She laid the file folders down carefully. “Okay. Well.” She wasn’t sure what to say. “That means that…”

  “If I’m understanding things correctly, I suspect that Ryker still wants you to tell your brothers.” She watched Carly as she picked up another stack of folders, straightening the edges carefully. “But if you say the words to your brothers, that makes your relationship real, doesn’t it?”

  “What I feel for Ryker is real enough.”

  Another pause. Another stack of files straightened. “If you keep your relationship with Ryker a secret, then it’s not real. If it isn’t real, then…you’re not vulnerable.”

  “Stop!” Carly begged, closing her eyes as her shoulders curled inward, as if she were tr
ying to protect herself.

  “And if it isn’t real…then if he leaves, it won’t hurt as much,” she finished anyway.

  Carly sobbed. “He can leave anytime he wants to,” she whispered, but the words were strained. Painful to even speak.

  “I won’t leave you,” a deep voice announced.

  Carly jumped, wiping the tears away as she stumbled to her feet. Unfortunately, they weren’t cooperating very well. “You…!”

  “I’ll just…” Charlotte stood up as well, as surprised as Carly. “Go,” she finished, even though neither Carly nor Ryker seemed to remember that she was around.

  Ryker heard the front door click shut, but he take his eyes off Carly. She wore a sloppy pair of sweatpants, a shirt that…damn, it was his shirt! But it looked a whole lot better on her than it did on him, even though it was about ten sizes too big. She had no makeup on, her skin was blotchy from the tears, and her hair was piled on top of her head in a manner that could politely be called haphazard.

  She was gorgeous!

  “You’re back four hours early!” she gasped. “Why are you here?”

  “Because I missed you, Carly.” He moved forward, but paused as he looked down at the wide circle of folders surrounding her. He simply lifted her into his arms, reaching out over the file folders. He’d heard enough to finally understand why Carly wouldn’t talk about their relationship with Oz and Jayce and the details finally made sense. Damn, he loved her even more for what she’d gone through. And he felt like an ass for forcing her into a situation that caused her such pain.

  “Honey, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, holding her close as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Taking her hand, he led her over to her couch, sitting down and pulling her onto his lap. “I didn’t get it before, but now I understand.”

  “Understand what?” she asked, curling against him. Damn, he felt good!

  “You are afraid that I’ll abandon you, just like Oz did when you were a kid.”

  Carly jerked backwards, but his strong arms held her steady. “I’m not afraid of anything, Ryker!” she asserted forcefully.

  He rubbed a gentle hand up and down her back. “Perhaps afraid is the wrong word in this situation. Perhaps you don’t trust me to come back safely, with no body parts missing?”

  She shrugged. When he said it that way, it sounded pretty silly. “If anyone can get through those missions, it’s you and my brothers.”

  “I appreciate the vote of confidence, honey. How about this. If you tell your brothers about us, then our relationship becomes more real. And you worry about losing me.” He watched her eyes as she tried, and failed, to blink back more tears. “Sometimes, when I’m out in a war zone or when something on a mission goes wrong,” he felt her stiffen, “which isn’t very often, because we plan for things to go wrong,” he continued in a reassuring voice. “But when something unexpected happens, I think about you. About how devastated you would be if I didn’t come back. If you pop into my mind, I have to push you away.”

  “Why?” she asked.

  “Because thinking about you is distracting, love,” he explained gently. “I have to focus on fixing the problem and completing my mission. I have to concentrate on getting the hostages to safety or ensuring that the people who are…angry with me…don’t follow me and endanger others.”

  “How often does that happen?”

  His hand smoothed over her back. “Not as often anymore. I’m more experienced now and I know how to get in and get out without anyone knowing I was even there.”

  “Good,” she sighed, leaning her head against his shoulder.

  “The files over there,” Ryker began, nodding toward the piles of file folders and lists and…canned goods? Did he want to know why there were so many stickers on her cans of soup and beans? No, he thought quickly. He didn’t want to know. It would only worry him more if he knew that she was worrying. “Is that your way of concentrating on something besides our safety?” he asked gently.

  “Yes,” she sighed. “If I focus on organizing things, I can’t focus on where you or my brothers might be in the world, who might be shooting at you or trying to kill you.”

  Ryker didn’t point out that ‘shooting’ and ‘trying to kill’ were pretty much the same thing. That might be a bit irrelevant for this discussion.

  “And telling Oz and Jayce about us?”

  She pulled away, getting off his lap. “I…can’t do that Ryker,” she admitted, crossing her arms protectively over her chest. “Can’t we just…keep it a secret for a bit longer?”

  Ryker looked up at her, wondering how he could convince her that he wasn’t going to leave her. Charlotte’s comments about Carly’s abandonment issues made so much sense. “They already know, honey.”

  Her face paled, but he didn’t get up to pull her back into his arms, even though he wanted to. “Charlotte told you so a few minutes ago, Carly. They’ve known for a while now. In fact, you were trying to get over one of the obstacles one day and the three of us were watching you.”

  “Seriously?” she groaned and he chuckled.

  “You looked adorable, falling back on your cute butt several times. But we admired your tenacity. You worked at that wall over and over again.”

  “I hadn’t known the tricks back then,” she grumbled.

  He shrugged, but Carly could see the smile in his eyes. “You’re horrible,” she grumbled, turning away from him. Then his words hit her and she swung back. “They know?”

  “They know,” he confirmed.

  If her brothers knew...! “Why didn’t they say anything to me?”

  “Because they wanted to respect your privacy?” he offered.

  She rolled her eyes. “Oz and Jayce don’t respect anyone’s privacy.”

  He laughed. “Good point.”

  “Do you think…?”

  “I think that they understand you a bit better than you understand yourself.”

  Carly couldn’t stop the inelegant snort. “Right. My brothers are…” she’d been about to say something about them not being particularly aware of people, but that wasn’t true. She stared at him, small things filtering through her thoughts. “That’s why they always text me to let me know when they’re on a flight home. And when they come back to the office, they come straight to my office before putting their bags away.”

  “Exactly. We all do.”

  She stared at him, stunned by this latest revelation. “So…?”

  “I’m not leaving you, honey. Your fears about your brothers finding out about our relationship is more about you accepting your…concerns…about my return than it is about your brothers beating me up for dating you.” He stood up and pulled something out of his pocket. “Or me marrying you,” he added. He took her hand, ignoring the trembling in her fingers, and slid a beautiful diamond ring onto her finger.

  She looked at the ring, her fingers curling into a fist as she stared at the beautiful stone. It was simple, but huge! And absolutely stunning!

  Carly looked down at her sweatpants and gave a startled laugh. “Ryker! Why couldn’t you have asked me later? When I’ve showered and look less like a bedraggled nutcase?”

  He laughed, pulling her into his arms. “I think you’re beautiful,” he told her, and lowered his head to capture her lips. When she kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck, he lifted his mouth briefly. “Is that a yes?”

  She half laughed, half sobbed. “Yes. I’ll marry you. And figure out how to stop worrying when you guys leave me.”

  “I’m not going to leave you, love,” he vowed. “I won’t leave you.”

  “It’s your job to…”

  “Oz and Jayce have slowed down on the travel. I told them before I left that I was going to pull back as well. We have more than enough teams now, so I’ll focus on bringing in more recruits. I might have to travel, but it will be in the US. Not around the world.”

  She smiled, wiping the tears from her cheek. “That sounds a whole lot better.”
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  “But even that will slow down. I want to bring recruits here, test them on the obstacle course. Meet the men and women so that I can see what they can do. We’re a well-known entity in our industry, Carly. We have the reputation to get people to come to us now.”

  “I agree,” she laughed.

  “I’m taking that as a yes for marriage, just so you know,” he warned her moments before he lifted her into his arms, carrying her into the bedroom.

  “Yes. I’d be honored to marry you,” she told him. And moments later, he kicked the door to her bedroom closed behind them. There was very little talking after that.

  Epilogue

  “We got another call,” Carly announced, waddling into Ryker’s office. Immediately, Ryker put his pen down and turned as Carly moved around his desk, reaching for her rounded stomach.

  “How are you two doing today?” he asked, bending to kiss her belly.

  Carly laughed, putting a hand on his shoulder because…because she loved touching him. The muscles in his shoulders tightened and shifted under her fingers and she smiled as his hands moved over her belly.

  “We are fine. He’s kicking here,” she told him, taking his hand and moving his palm over to her side.

  Ryker grinned, his hands smoothing along her stomach as their baby kicked. “That never gets old,” he told her.

  She smiled, thinking he was the most handsome and wonderful man in the world. Bending down, she kissed him. “I love you,” she whispered.

  “I love you too.”

  “Stop doing that!” Oz called as he walked into Ryker’s office.

  Ryker rolled his eyes, but kept Carly’s hand in his. “What do you want?” he grumbled.

  “Did Carly tell you?”

  “Tell me what?”

  Oz sighed as if quite put upon. “Another police station called to ask for information about building an obstacle course.” He shook his head ruefully. “I wish I’d thought about doing something like this. Building confidence courses is a great idea.”