From Commander Braque:
I don’t care how it appeared to you, Kragash, our experts state categorically that a beast of the type you have described simply cannot fly by flapping its auditory appendages, even if its bones are hollow.
I don’t think it’s worth your time to study the creature any further. Since it has no natural or artificial armaments, it’s difficult to see it doing us any harm, even if it can fly.
My suggestion is that you go back to studying their transmissions, and continue reporting any unusual talents or behavior that you observe.
Diary entry #34:
I have spent the day watching ancient records, captured even before this race knew how to instill color into their visual files. Thus far I have been concentrating on two humanoids who possess no extraordinary powers, but seem to emerge triumphant against overwhelming odds. I suspect they are the precursors to the Kirk and Picard things, and since they are not aboard any Enterprises I must assume they have elected (or perhaps been ordered) to remain on Earth to protect it should any of us get past their defenses.
Their titles are Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers, and while their weapons are primitive compared to those I have been observing all along, they seem to be every bit as efficient. I would not be surprised to learn that one or both were progenitors of the Solo thing; they have much in common.
—Kragash
Diary entry #35:
I was about to stop studying the transmission and ingest some food. I am so glad I decided to watch one last one.
The Flash Gordon and the Buck Rogers were formidable, to be sure, but they had nothing unusual in their arsenal except for luck.
But then I was introduced—via the transmission; I still have not set foot outside my ship—to Lamont Cranston. He resides in a city populated by literally millions, and from what I could tell about 80% of them belong to the criminal class. And it is Cranston who is single-handedly bringing thousands of these criminals to justice, filling the jails with them—not as Cranston, but as a creature known as The Shadow, a sobriquet which makes no sense since he is quite substantial and clearly exists in three dimensions.
How does one lone biped go to war with the criminal element that pervades his municipality and emerge triumphant? The answer may shock you. He does it by clouding their minds.
I personally have no idea how he clouds their minds, or what the ultimate effect will be, but it is clearly related to The Force, and may even be a variation of it. If I can study The Shadow and learn the methodology by which he “clouds” men’s minds (by which I mean the means by which he applies The Force), perhaps we will be able to negate the Skywalker and the Yoda when we launch our all-out final attack.
It is absolutely essential that we learn more about this, because thus far I have not seen a single biped who has been able to retain an unclouded mind.
—Kragash
From Commander Braque:
Curse it, Kragash – don’t you ever have any good news?
Does the Shadow ever leave his municipality?
From Kragash:
Not that I am aware of, but you must understand that thus far I have only seen a single transmission about him.
From Commander Braque:
I half-suspect that he is clouding your mind.
The asteroid hits in 22 more days. In most cases, the mere anticipation of being hit by such a body causes the inhabitants to call off their warships and surrender. I hope that will be the case with Earth, though if there is any truth at all to your observations we will probably just let the asteroid do its damage while we prepare to fight all the Enterprises.
Diary entry #43:
Still nothing untoward or unusual since I last observed The Shadow. There are only a few days left for Commander Braque to divert the asteroid or claim what very little will remain of Earth after it hits. What I cannot understand is why, given the awesome power I have observed, the Earthlings have done nothing to destroy the asteroid.
—Kragash
From Sub-Commander Bloor:
Kragash, quick – what is a Texas Chainsaw?
From Kragash:
I have no idea. Why?
From Sub-Commander Bloor:
Another observation post mentioned that due to audience demand they will be transmitting the Texas Chainsaw Massacre this afternoon. What kind of perverted creatures consider a massacre to be entertainment? Who are the Texas Chainsaws? If we come to their aid, do you think they might be willing to come over to our side and act as our agents?
These are diabolically-twisted beings, these Earthlings. Take care of yourself, Kragash. If you spend enough time watching these psychopaths, you might start thinking like they do. The day you don’t find them both horrifying and disgusting is the day you should request an immediate transfer back to the flagship, or perhaps the mental hospital back on Chezona VII.
From L’Osservatore Romano, March 2, 2012:
The asteroid is due to collide with the Earth in just a matter of days. The most optimistic estimates are that three percent of the population will survive. If you have not confessed and made your peace with the Lord, this would be a good time to do so.
From Kragash:
I believe I have finally found a serious flaw in the Earthlings. Do you remember our concern over Data, the totally competent android in the Picard thing’s Enterprise?
Well, I couldn’t help wondering why they used living beings at all in the military. I mean, why risk a single life if you can create an army of artificial beings, identical in almost every way, to take all the risks for you?
I believe I have found the answer.
There is a physically perfect android called Terminator, and far from serving Earthlings, its sole function seems to be to kill as many of them as possible. Clearly this was not its intended purpose—after all, why would you create a perfect killing machine and then turn it loose upon your own populace? I think it is obvious that this Terminator was meant to fight against Earth’s enemies—it is conceivable that it is an upgraded model of the Data android—and yet something went wrong with its programming, and it turned into a deadly killer of the humanoids it was created to defend.
From Commander Braque:
Interesting. Where is this Terminator now?
From Kragash:
Oh, didn’t I mention that? A young female biped destroyed it.
From Commander Braque:
The greatest killing machine you’ve yet seen, and a single female destroyed it? You are not making my job any easier, Kragash.
Diary entry #46:
I have delved further into the Data/Terminator situation, and my conclusions are discouraging. Terminator was not the first such construct to turn upon its creator. It seems that a scientist named Frankenstein had the same experience long ago: he created an artificial biped, which immediately upon activation ignored all of its directives and began killing humanoids wherever it encountered them. I suspect there have been other experiments that have gone equally wrong, but somehow, despite their overwhelming strength and the fact that they seem impervious to pain, these experimental creatures, be they android, robot, or humanoid, never survive. They are killers, but eventually they are overwhelmed by even greater killers—the race we have chosen to face in combat.
I must report this to Commander Braque. He has to be made aware of what we’re up against.
—Kragash
From Commander Braque:
They make their own warriors in laboratories???
From Kragash:
It would seem so, Commander. I suspect the reason so few are in the military is because the humanoids are simply more efficient killers than their artificial constructs.
From Commander Braque:
Kragash, you are giving me a terrible headache.
Diary entry #47:
I am shocked and depressed to learn that the Drag-You-La wasn’t unique. He is what the humanoids term a vampire, a creature that can appear to be one of them (except for the
canines, that is) or can morph into a bat. I already knew that, of course.
What I didn’t know is that there are thousands of them, almost all of them males, and that humanoid females find them irresistible.
This can cause us serious problems should we attempt to occupy and then colonize the planet. These Drag-You-La creatures are far stronger and more formidable than the normal humanoid, they can blend right in with any crowd, and once we figure out how to identify them, half the populace—the female half—will hide them, tend to their wounds (if any), and feed them for as long as the food supply, which is to say the female, lasts.
As nearly as I can ascertain, garlic and objects shaped like a plus will hold the Drag-You-Las at bay, but I have yet to find anything that will kill them. There was some mention of running a steak through the creature’s heart, but that is a very vaguely-worded suggestion. Does one use a tenderloin, a sirloin, a rib-eye, or some other cut of meat? I must delve further into this.
—Kragash
From Commander Braque:
Forget about the Drag-You-La creatures, Kragash. We have much more important things to worry about.
For example: the asteroid is only five days away from smashing into the planet. Why aren’t the humanoids reacting? Are their weapons so powerful that they can vaporize the asteroid at the last second? And if so, an asteroid is a lot bigger than even my flagship; what can their weaponry do to us?
And while I’m thinking about it, what is the origin of the asteroid belt? It has been suggested by some of our crew that the asteroids are the remains of a planet that either went to war with Earth, or (more likely) did something in all innocence that annoyed the humanoids and brought forth a cataclysmic retaliation.
I am starting to understand why Fleet Admiral Vreem elected to remain in the Crab Nebula and chose to send us instead. I suspect he is still bitter about that innocent little incident between myself and his thirteen wives while he was busy winning the Battle of Orion.
Diary entry #48:
The more I learn, the more I find cause for alarm. I had thought, or at least hoped, that the androids and the Drag-You-Las were the only aberrant humanoids to be found on this planet, but further captured transmissions have proven me wrong.
For one thing, there is an entire sub-species known as werewolves, humanoids capable of morphing into carnivorous quadrupeds as easily as the Drag-You-Las can morph into flying creatures.
This so unnerved me that I found a new transmission source, one aimed at the humanoids’ young, one that I was sure would prove restful and allow me to regain my composure.
I was wrong again.
Every time I think I know the limit of the horrifying aberrations we will find on this world, I discover still more. For example—and for reasons unknown, these transmissions do not frighten the young, but delight them (which may explain why they become such fearsome warriors in adulthood)—there are rodents and rabbits and birds that actually talk! Some of them even wear clothes, similar in all ways to humanoid clothing.
Worse still, these creatures are virtually indestructible. Let one of them get pushed off a cliff and fall thousands of feet to land with a deafening splat!—and he immediately gets up and brushes himself off as if nothing out of the ordinary has transpired. Another holds a bomb in his hand, watches the burning fuse with an expression of horror, and flies into a hundred pieces when the bomb explodes . . . and seconds later the pieces all join together and the creature is none the worse for his experience.
I must report this latest finding to Commander Braque.
—Kragash
From Sub-Commander Bloor:
I regret to inform you that our beloved Commander Braque suffered a nervous breakdown (right in the middle of reading your latest message, in fact), and has been confined to the Violent Ward of the Infirmary.
You will address all future communications to me.
From Pravda, Match 8, 2012:
The asteroid is due to strike the planet sometime tomorrow afternoon. The best estimate has it crashing down in central Europe. It is entirely conceivable that the only living humans 48 hours from now will be those few men and women who are currently in the orbiting space station. The government’s last official act will be to move Lenin’s tomb to a deep underground chamber, where it will hopefully survive the initial shock when the asteroid hits.
From Sub-Commander Bloor:
They have less than a day and they still haven’t vaporized the asteroid. What are they waiting for? I get the distinct impression that they are toying with us.
It seems that we will shortly find ourselves in a life-and-death conflict with a race that seems to provide a new distressing surprise every time you monitor it. You must stay at your post, Kragash, and search for any weak spots we have overlooked. The entire invasion, possibly the entire war, may depend on what you can find in the next day.
Contact me at any time. There will be no sleep for anyone in our armada until Earth is either conquered or destroyed.
Diary entry #49:
I can hardly believe the testimony of my own eyes. I have been monitoring transmissions non-stop, and I think I have uncovered the most disconcerting data of all, which is that there is a super-race living all-but-unnoticed among the bipeds. No two are alike, but all are able to easily pass as ordinary humanoids until circumstances require them to display their true persona and abilities. There is a creature that looks as if it is made entirely of stone, called The Thing. Another has the strength of a starship in its green, oversized body, and is known only as The Hulk. There is a false Drag-You-La, clad as a blood-sucking creature of the night, called The Batman. Yet another has the proportional strength of a spider (an eight-legged Earth insect), the ability to climb up vertical walls, and a weapon that immobilizes his enemies with a spray that is fired from one of his appendages.
I must do more research in the brief time remaining. Could there be something even more dangerous lying in wait for us?
—Kragash
Diary entry #49A:
I cannot find any data on him, but at least one member of the humanoid’s race seems to be immortal. It is something called an Elvis, and every report of its death has been disputed and discredited. I wonder how many other zombies are walking the Earth, and how can we fight something that cannot be killed?
—Kragash
From Kragash:
Sub-Commander, it is my unhappy duty to present the following transmission to you. As troubling as all my previous messages have been, they are nothing compared to this. I am so sure you would think I was exaggerating if I merely described what I have seen, that I have captured the operative sections of the transmission.
Briefly, you will be watching something called a clarkent, who seems normal in every respect. But watch what happens when the orderly life of the planet is threatened. He sheds his identity and becomes an invulnerable warrior, faster than a speeding missile and able to leap enormous mountains with a single bound.
It is my conclusion that the humanoids didn’t bother to blow the asteroid off course or vaporize it because they knew that the clarkent, which is known as Superman in his warrior incarnation, could push it out of the system, and even the galaxy, on a few seconds’ notice. Which is to say, Earth was never in danger—but they have had almost 80 days in which to study us, probe for weaknesses, and prepare for the coming conflict.
From Sub-Commander Bloor:
You are to be commended for your diligence, Kragash. You may well have saved the entire fleet. I have just ordered the asteroid to be diverted and aimed into the sun as a gesture of good will.
I must charge you with one final task, unquestionably the most important in the history of our race. You must contact the highest authority on the planet, present it with our unconditional surrender, and sue for peace.
Prague Daily Monitor, March 9, 2012:
Asteroid Misses Earth!
Melbourne Leader, March 9, 2012:
Aliens Surrender!
Los Angeles Times, March 9, 2012:
Elvis seen in Hollywood Nightclub!!!
Earth Saved (story on Page 27, Section B)
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Editing anthologies has quickly become one of my favorite things to do. All the more so, when four of my writing heroes headline for me. To be among the first to read stories from Mike Resnick, Kristine Kathryn Rusch and Nancy Kress is thrilling. To bring back a fantastic Robert Silverberg tale from faded memory is also an honor. So thanks to Bob, Mike, Kris and Nancy for trusting me with their stories and for working with me to create a special experience for all of us.
Thanks to the other writers as well: Maurice, Jennifer, Anthony, Jaleta, Autumn, Erin, Nancy, Jean, Simon, Cat, Jamie, Jason, Alex and Brad. One of the reasons I love doing this is that it allows me to pay writers and create opportunities for them as well as myself. I hope this will remain an opportunity you treasure well into the future.
Beyond the Sun Page 31