by Lily Kay
“We don’t have to do that yet.”
“But I want to. You’ll have to tell me what to do. It’s not fair I get to come, and you get blue balls. Er, do you get blue balls?” Served me right for hiding out in the girl’s bathroom in high school, and overhearing other girls talk about sex.
His head shook. “It can be uncomfortable but nothing I can’t handle. And nothing a man should ever say to guilt you into getting him off. That’s total bullshit.”
“Oh. Okay.” I pondered his response for a moment. Glad Gavin didn’t pressure women. At least not this post-gigolo version of Gavin. “I still want to.”
He lifted my chin. “You sure?”
I nodded. “I’m sure.” To show him how sure I was, I unbuttoned his jeans, undoing the zipper and peeling the material, including his underwear, down by his feet.
I gasped because size this big mattered. His was huge. Intimidating. Weird looking and arousing all at the same time. My body didn’t know if it should dry up, shrivel, and run away, or try and jump him.
“Don’t laugh at me. Promise you’ll tell me if I’m doing anything wrong.”
“I promise.” His eyes danced, watching as I sized him up.
I released a deep sigh. “Some guidance would be awesome, right about now. Anything I should or shouldn’t do?”
“For me? Not a fan of teeth. Other than that, there’s not much you can do wrong.”
“Right, no biting.
“You don’t have to do this. If you’re uncomfortable, we can wait.”
I hesitated, because his size did freak me out a little. I had an idea of his size based on when he brushed up against me. But to see it? It made my breath catch. I swallowed hard.
“Are they all this big? Or did you win the genitalia lotto?”
“I don’t know. It’s not like I measure it or anything.”
“And none of the other girls you’ve serviced have ever said anything?” Maybe I shouldn’t have asked. Did I want to know about his past lovers?
He tilted his head to the side. “No one’s ever complained.”
“I think my vagina’s complaining.” My eyes still glued to his member.
Gavin brushed a finger along the frame of my face, starting at the edge of my eyebrow and finishing at my chin. He grinned in an attempt to comfort me. “Trust me. It’ll fit. And I’ll make sure you’re ready. I promise, it’ll feel good.”
“Okay, David Copperfield.”
I took a deep breath and wrapped my hand around it, not squeezing too firmly for fear of hurting him.
“Now what?” Still thinking I would screw up, I froze, unable to move closer.
He sensed my hesitancy. “Babe, I’m telling you. Whatever you want to do, I’ll love.”
“Yes, but. What do I do?”
He covered my hand with his and stroked them up and down his length. His strong grip and the softness of his skin surprised me.
“It feels even better when the skin rubs over the ridge of the head like this,” he explained. He released his grip and I took over.
I don’t know why it surprised me, but I felt myself getting even more turned on. Maybe because I finally pleasured Gavin. And by the look on his face, he liked it.
Thinking about how much my body craved his tongue, I leaned down to lick the tip, still watching his reaction, making sure I didn’t mess this up. “Was that, I mean...?” I still had no clue what I was doing, but I wanted to try this.
I should’ve watched porn before today. Emmy had a colorful stash I could have borrowed.
His lips turned up. He groaned. “Fucking feels amazing.”
So, I got a little more adventurous and put my mouth around him, careful not to rub my teeth. Maybe I wasn’t bad at this after all? I loved being able to give back to him. To know I determined his carnal bliss. And I liked the feel of him in my mouth, my tongue now getting in on the play, giving a little sweep across the head.
Gavin leaned back and hissed before stopping me and steadying my head.
“Shit, I totally suck at this.” I moved away from him. Insecurity enveloped me with the realization I could be doing this all wrong. I averted my eyes, staring at his bedpost.
He tipped my chin again, forcing me to meet him. “Babe. It was too good.”
My brows wrinkled, not understanding what happened. “Why did you stop me, then?”
“I didn’t think you wanted me coming in your mouth,” he explained.
“Oh.” Yikes, I hadn’t thought through this whole BJ experience. Maybe I should’ve had girl talk with Emmy and Sierra about all the things I would and wouldn’t do. Instead I sat there like an idiot, yet again.
“Hey, don’t over think it.”
I didn’t want to overthink it, but sometimes I didn’t know how to prevent the synapses firing in my brain.
“Come here.” He pulled my face toward his, seizing my mouth. His kiss effectively ended my over-analysis of future blowjobs and sent me back to my happy make-out place. Being here with him felt right, felt safe.
I snuggled up closer to him. “Gavin?”
“Hm?” Still kissing me.
“I’m ready. I want this.”
Gavin pulled away from me. “Ready for?”
“I’m ready. I want you.”
“You have me,” he reassured me.
“No, I mean, I’m ready. And I’m falling in love—”
Before I could finish, he kissed me again.
Chapter 25
Gavin kissed me like I was his oxygen, our lips bruising each other, our tongues colliding. Cupping my ass, he pulled me closer.
“Lou, are you sure?” He searched my eyes for any hesitation.
But I wouldn’t show him any. Because I wanted this, I yearned for this. He was the one. At least the one for right now. Good enough.
Would we be together two years from now? Maybe. But at this moment, what I felt for him shifted from like into love.
“Please,” I mustered.
In between kisses, he entangled a handful of my hair through his fingers, while he caressed my breast. His mouth followed suit as he nipped with his teeth. A soft wet touch grazed the tip, making my hips spontaneously buck toward him. Before Gavin, I had no idea my nipples were sensitive, sending ripples through my core with the lightest touch.
He moved his fingers further south, skimming the skin above my hips, whispering back and forth from side to side. He slid one finger inside me, and another jolt envelope me, coaxing me toward something more. He joined another finger and stroked until I cried out, my body convulsing at his will, my fingernails digging into his lats.
“You’re fucking gorgeous.” He pulled his fingers out, opened the top drawer of his nightstand and pulled out a foil packet.
As he rolled the condom on, my body tingled with anticipation. The longing in my body took over, and my temperature rose a notch or two, unsure of how he’d fit.
“I’ll take this slow, babe. Let me know if it hurts.” I felt the tip of him brush against my entrance.
“You ready?”
“Mmm-hmm.” I gulped. Anticipation made every muscle in my body tighten.
“Lou,” he breathed into my neck, “you gotta relax, babe.”
I nodded, willing my body to let go.
“That’s my girl.” His lips, soft and gentle on mine, delivered light kisses as he swept his tongue across my bottom lip.
Gavin eased himself in, and I gasped. The size filled me more than I imagined, and my muscles clenched around him, willing him to pause.
“Take a deep breath.” Gavin lingered where he was, one arm balancing the weight of him, while he stroked hair away from my forehead.
He absorbed every movement and sound I made, ensuring I
was in fact still breathing. Ensuring I wanted to continue. He leaned down and kissed me. “Are you ready?”
“I think so. Maybe, go slow.” His eyes never left mine, as he entered halfway, coaxing me to open for him.
“Goddamn, you’re tight.” Gavin’s face strained. “This might hurt a little.” With his focus glued to me, I felt him push all the way in, causing a quick jolt of pain. Gavin stayed for a moment, now completely buried to the hilt, as my body accommodated his size.
“You okay?” he asked.
I nodded again. “Mmm-hmm.”
The initial shock quickly dissipated, followed by yearning for more.
He must have sensed it because he began to move again. “I’m going to move now. You have to tell me you’re ready.”
I squeezed his upper arms, reveling in the hard muscle under the pads of my fingers. “I’m ready.”
A look of relief and then something else, consumed him. I told myself it illustrated a look of love or desire or a little of both. Because how could it be this intense without those emotions?
I groped him, feeling his lats tighten as he advanced inside of me. A new building sensation of rippling pleasure replaced discomfort.
“You feel so amazing.” He pumped faster, and the hormones possessed my body because I met him stroke for stroke, craving an ultimate high, building slowly with each thrust until I shattered beneath him.
“Holy shit.” My body convulsed as the spasms ripped through me, while he drove into me, wringing my body of those lingering mini-gasms.
“Fuck.” Gavin collapsed on top of me, his face curled into the crook of my neck.
“How was it?” He dotted my neck with soft kisses, making his way toward my mouth.
“Perfect.” And I chuckled, a smidge baffled I lost my virginity to this amazing, gorgeous, gentle man. He made it better than I ever imagined during my many nights of self-induced love.
Don’t get me wrong, I am forever indebted to the inventor of vibrators. But holy shit, having sex with a guy with experience, and could play my body like he does a piano? My body hummed with happiness.
I breathed a sigh of relief because I didn’t feel any festering in my gut whenever I thought about being intimate with someone. Not a throw-away, not a victim. Wonder filled me because I was safe, safe with a man. But more importantly, safe with me.
“Hey.” Gavin wiped the thin streak of moisture escaping the corners of my eyes with his thumb. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No. You were incredible.” I stopped a moment and nuzzled against the curve of his neck, filling my senses with soap and sweat and Gavin, not wanting to forget this memory.
“I guess I got emotional. I thought it would be a long time before I would be able to feel comfortable around a guy. I feel good. More than good.”
“Good.” Gavin leaned toward me and kissed my forehead before getting up and disposing of the condom in the bathroom. “You sure you’re all right?”
“I’m a little tired and sleepy now. Cuddling might be nice, though. And one of your T-shirts?”
“Coming right up.”
Gavin opened the top drawer of his dresser and tossed me one of his white tees. I welcomed the remnants of his scent still absorbed in his shirt and pulled it over my head. He strolled back toward the bed, spooning against me.
“I think I love you.” It was the last thing I said before I welcomed sleepy-time.
He squeezed my body closer to his and twirled my hair around his finger. It didn’t escape me he didn’t say it back. I could wait because he loved me even if he couldn’t say it.
We spent the next day in bed repeating the night before. And it got easier for me to accommodate him. He worried I might get too sore, but the endorphins blasting through my body made it hard not to jump him every chance I got. I did convince him to ravish me one more time Sunday afternoon, before we left for campus.
Unfortunately, homework, lessons, and performances hung over our heads. If we didn’t take a break from our new favorite pastime, I’d probably flunk out of school.
Gupta would be disappointed with me if I came to my weekly piano lesson unprepared. I practiced twice as hard in this studio, to compete with the performance majors.
We returned to the music building to practice. The air turned cooler as we welcomed November, lucky it hadn’t snowed yet.
Gavin’s recital would soon be upon us later in the week, and decided a few practice runs on the grand in the performance hall were warranted. And me? I needed to practice in general. Juries and finals would be here before I could blink.
“Hey, I’ll see you tomorrow.” My knees wobbled with his kiss, making me wish we didn’t have to part. “After practice and dinner, I’m meeting Nick here to go over some more songs.”
“Sounds good. Lunch tomorrow?”
“Sure. I’ll pick you up after class.”
I sat in the practice room trying to rehearse Beethoven’s “Pathetique Second Movement” to sound smooth and effortless, with sensitivity.
“Don’t get caught up on the notes,” Gupta would say to me. “Let your fingers float. Feel the music.” Easy for him to say. He’d been doing this for longer than I was alive.
After an hour and a half of practicing, I gathered my things in my backpack, and readied for the outdoor elements.
I’d meet my roommates and Emmy for dinner for some much-deserved explanation about my relationship with Gavin. Although I had a sneaking suspicion Nick and Sierra already knew more about Gavin from the events Saturday night. They might have clued Matty and Emmy into the mix, since I hadn’t received any text messages from Matty threatening Gavin’s life.
I sighed, not quite sure what to make of my relationship status. Lust was a no-brainer. Well, let’s be honest, it wasn’t just lust. I loved Gavin.
Oh lordy, though, the man knew how to use his fingers and mouth and hips. I attached a smile to my giggle, thinking of how I became the sole recipient of his expertise.
I gathered my stuff and pit-stopped at my locker, storing my sheet music before exiting the building. I surveyed the bare trees and decided snow would appear soon.
I inhaled deep, loving the smell of crisp cool air and wood burning in fireplaces. Grabbing the ends of my backpack straps, I ambled toward the house, knowing I only had about thirty minutes of light before the sun went down.
As I skipped down the path away from the music building, I heard a young woman’s voice.
“Are you Louise?”
I stopped and peered back, now noticing the young woman approaching me, her arms crossed behind her back.
“Yeah, I’m Louise. I’m sorry, I don’t think I know your name.” I stood, still holding on to the straps dangling from my backpack.
She was pretty, a few inches taller than me. Curvy. Sandy-blond hair with dyed strips of purple on one side. A glimmer of recognition passed by when her lips closed into a smile.
“It doesn’t matter, now, does it? Because he’s mine.” And then she swung something at me. The sound cracked the air, and pain ripped through my skull as darkness encased me.
Chapter 26
The scent of sterile latex and cleaning supplies infiltrated my sinuses, before my eyes opened. The beeping of a monitor rang to my left, and someone held my hand. One eye opened, and I stopped and blinked several times, because Jamie sat next to me on the side of the bed.
This must be a dream because he was supposed to be in California, not enacting the little pigs to the market children’s rhyme with my fingers.
“Jamie?” I slurred. He didn’t hear me. I gathered my strength, took a swallow, and tried again.
“Jamie?” This time a bit clearer with more volume.
“Louie?”
“Hey.”
“Hey, sis.
You’re awake.” His hands warmed mine.
“I guess I am.” I attempted a smile. “What are you doing here?”
He mimicked my smile. “Well, I heard my baby sister required my assistance, like always. I flew here to get your butt out of trouble again.” He followed his wink with a squeeze.
“How nice of you.” I stilled, failing to retrieve any memory explaining my current hospital visit. “What did I do again?”
He cleared his throat. “Well, how much do you remember?”
“Uh.” I closed my eyes. “Last I remember I’d finished practicing the piano in one of the practice rooms and then I left to walk home.”
“Nothing else?”
“No?” With my left hand, I rubbed the stylish hospital gown covering my body, and studied the pulse monitor on my right pointer finger. An I.V. popped out the top of my wrist.
Somehow, I transported from the music building to the Newsom Community Hospital. “How long have I been here?”
His eyes averted mine. “A few days.”
“Oh.” And my head suddenly felt like an anvil. “Why does my head hurt?” A dull pounding developed in the few minutes I had gained consciousness, coupled with a tinging in my ears.
“Well, you were attacked, Louie. She whacked you pretty hard.”
“Who did?”
Jamie snorted. “Your boyfriend’s crazy stalker friend.”
I creased my brows together. “Shannon?”
“Yep, that’s the one.”
So, Shannon went ballistic on me? My hazy brain processed this conversation. I closed my eyes. “But why would she hurt me?”
“I don’t know. Because she’s bat-shit crazy, and in love with your boyfriend. And you didn’t even wait for me to issue my pre-dating smack-down.”
“Uh . . . We talked about that.” I paused, noting how parched my throat was. “I already told you there would be no threats or smack downs.”