by Lily Kay
We handed the gate attendant our tickets. “Komapsumnida,” she said.
Gavin verbalized something else in Korean before we trotted down the jet way to our plane.
Freaking Korea.
I remember we had talked about visiting, but I didn’t think I would be able to go for several more years. Money being one of the issues. Fear being the other.
Gavin made a “nice chunk of change,” as he put it, from the soundtrack, and had another director asking him to write the score for this rom-com coming out next year. They gave him an advance and would pay the remainder when he finished.
When we arrived at the airport in Incheon, signs of “Welcome home, Gavin ☺.” and “Welcome to Korea, Louise ☺” greeted us. Gavin’s aunt, uncle, and a couple of his cousins received us. I was told to call them Aunt Sunny and Uncle Won, to make it easier for my lack of Korean pronunciation.
Gavin impressed me with his proficiency in Korean, though he claimed he still lacked speaking abilities. Could have fooled me.
His cousins were teenagers, girls, and giggled a lot. But they were sweet. One said to call her Monica, the other Madison. They both had English and Korean names and the English ones were easier to pronounce.
We drove to an area called Bundang, near Gangnam district. Gavin whispered to me they did quite well in finance and this was the “upscale” part of the city.
When I entered their apartment complex, my mouth dropped. Modern architecture, granite designed murals, and rippling waterfalls welcomed us in the foyer. As well as a doorman, who was our second point of security after we made it past the first gate. The elevator climbed to the fortieth floor and my jaw dropped. It was huge. And the bathrooms. No shitting around, they had a floor made of little colored stones arranged into a circular flower design.
“My mom designed the floor in the bathroom.” Gavin noticed my opened mouth and how I was on my hands and knees, feeling the texture.
His cousins whispered something to him and he cackled. “My cousins think you’re weird and they’re wondering why you’re rubbing the floor.”
“For real, I’ve never seen a bathroom floor this nice before.” I wiped my palms against my pants. It was weird but who cared. I was in Korea in a gorgeous apartment with Gavin and his extended family.
Totally surreal, seeing all these people who resembled me. Yet out of place because my appearance said I belonged here, but my culture and language were entirely different. I wondered if I would always feel like I was grasping to find some way to ground my identity between two vastly different cultures. For now, I’d enjoy my time with Gavin, getting to know my birth country.
We relaxed in the evening, eating some kickass Korean food. First thing on my shopping list? A Korean cookbook. I intended on grilling his aunt on how to prepare and cook every dish. “Nonsense, you have Gavin to teach you. Our mother taught him everything she taught me and my sister,” she said.
How Gavin’s aunt landed in Korea? She met Uncle Won when he was on business in California. She followed him back to Korea.
The next day, Gavin took me on a hike. His cousins had a swim meet in the morning, and we would meet up in the afternoon.
“Where are we?”
“We’re headed to Bukhansan. The thing I love about Korea and hiking is there’s a Buddhist temple pretty much on every summit.”
“No kidding.”
“It’s beautiful and peaceful, and something I wish we had in the States.”
After almost three and a half hours of sweating and navigating up the mountain, we sat in awe on top, overlooking parts of Seoul. I smiled, appreciating the view and the impeccable weather devoid of the humidity found in later summer months. And this emotion erupted in me, where I thought, this is my home. This feels right. This is peace. Here with Gavin.
“Lou?”
“Mmm-hmm?”
He descended on one knee and reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a little blue box.
“Oh, my God.”
“I still love that term of endearment. But right now, in front of Buddha or God and all these hikers, I love you with all my heart and want to spend the rest of my days loving you. Will you be my partner in crime and marry me?”
“Um, yes and yes.” He stood up, planted a kiss on my lips, and lifted me in his arms, swinging me around. A bunch of applause erupted around us as the hikers wished us well in Konglish, as Gavin called it, a smothering of Korean and English. Who knew this many Koreans loved to hike?
Gavin faced me again after my feet found the ground. He embraced my head and cozied his forehead against mine. “You’ve made me the happiest person on earth.” Impossible, because the title already belonged to me.
Author’s note
After years of research on identity formation of adult intercountry adoptees, it became very apparent the search for one’s identity is an ongoing process. I think it’s safe to say this is true for all of us. Rather than a linear progression various identity models illustrate where a person starts out in denial and ends up in complete acceptance and/or integration, I have found identity to be dynamic. Significant events in one’s life can influence exploration, negotiation, denial, and redefinition of one’s identity. There isn’t a right or wrong place within the process and each individual has their own story and journey. Louie was created out of the many stories of adult Asian adoptees I have met and/or interviewed over the past 20+ years.
Similar with how I approached the intercountry adoptee experience, I gathered stories from multiple women and one male who identified as having an eating disorder. Pieces of their stories are embedded in Louie’s experience.
Finally, many of the Korean adoptees mentioned instances—both brief and long term—of being bullied. Unfortunately, bullying is a problem that can affect anyone.
If you or someone you know would like more information and support with an eating disorder, you can begin here: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support
For more resources on bullying and prevention, you can find info here: http://www.pacer.org/bullying/
I love hearing from readers, you can find my author page on Facebook at http://facebook.com/AuthorLilyKay and come friend me.
Thank you for reading. ☺