Tapping out

by Ash, Nikki

  “Tristan!” I shout then remember I insisted he meet Mason for drinks. I consider driving myself to the hospital when the pain shoots through me again. Instead, I dial 911.

  I barely make it to the door to unlock it so the paramedics can get in, when the pain comes at me ten-fold. I stumble to the couch, holding my belly and pray everything will be ok.

  Remembering I need to let my mom and Tristan know I am going to the hospital, I send a quick text to both of them. Immediately my phone rings but at the same time, the paramedics come in and my phone is an afterthought.

  The minute the paramedics take control, everything happens at lightning speed. I am put on a gurney and raced to the hospital. On the way, I am set up with an IV and asked a bunch of questions I have no answers to.

  They pull right up to the labor and delivery ward and nurses are there waiting for me. I am rushed into a room where the on-call doctor assesses me. “We need to prep her for an emergency C-section. The baby is in fetal distress.”

  Then everything is just a flurry of chaos. A nurse helps strip me of my clothes and puts me in a gown. She covers my hair with a net and then I am whisked to a freezing cold room.

  “Because we didn’t have time to give you an epidural, we are going to give you general anesthesia. I want you to count down from twenty for me and you will fall asleep.”

  The thought of not being awake when my little girl is born causes me to panic and the nurse notices. “It’s only going to be for a short time. The baby will be taken to get checked out and before you know it, she will be in your arms.”

  I nod my understanding but I can feel the tears dripping down my face, hitting my temple and ears. She places the mask over me and I begin counting. “Twenty… nineteen… eighteen… seventeen… sixt—”

  Sixteen

  Marco

  “Fuck, man! I hate this shit so much! I shouldn’t have let you drive. I should have insisted we take a taxi. I should have been looking at the road instead of down at my cell phone.” I’m sitting on the side of my best friend Logan’s bed for the first time since he’s been moved to San Diego.

  “I’m sorry it took me so long to come and visit. I’m a shit friend. I chose drugs and denial over being here. Damn it! You need to wake up. I haven’t trained since the accident. I need you to wake up and train with me. I can’t do this alone. I don’t even think I want to do this anymore. Please. Please wake up.” I grab my friend’s hand and squeeze it, my head falling to the side railing.

  “I’m so sorry, man. I’m so sorry.” I start to sob, not being able to control my emotions any longer.

  “You have nothing to be sorry about.” A soft voice says. I whip my head around to find Logan’s sister, Reese, standing in the doorway.

  “I didn’t mean to overhear. I didn’t realize anyone was in here.”

  “I wipe the tears from my face and stand to give her a hug. “It’s good to see you, Reese. I’m so sorry…”

  “Stop saying sorry. He tested negative for alcohol. The only thing in his blood were muscle relaxers, which he had a prescription for. He didn’t cause that accident and who’s to say, had the drugs not been in his system, he still would have reacted the same way. There’s no point in thinking about the ‘what ifs’.”

  “I know that but if I would have insisted…”

  Reese cuts me off. “What? The accident never would have happened? You don’t know that. The taxi driver could have gotten into an accident and killed you both. Nobody can predict anything.”

  I know she’s right, and I’ve discussed this at length with my counselor, but sitting in front of Logan makes me question every decision I made leading up to that moment. I want my best friend back.

  My phone vibrates in my pocket and I see my mom has sent me a picture text. I click it open and see the most beautiful baby I have ever seen complete with naturally olive skin, black curly locks, and eyes as dark as a midnight sky.

  Mom: She looks a lot like Chloe when she was a baby doesn’t she?

  She knows. I’ve seen the looks she’s given me and chose to ignore them. And if she knows who else knows?

  Instead of texting her back, something comes over me. I look at Logan and it hits me how unpredictable life is. It can end today. Tomorrow. We never know.

  “I need to go.” I give Reese a hug and run out the door. I’m on the other side of the hospital but I make it to the labor and delivery ward in record speed.

  “I need to see Bella Cooper,” I tell the nurse.

  “And you are?”

  “I-I’m a friend.”

  “I will need to approve you.” She picks up the phone and dials her room.

  “I have a…”

  “Marco Michaels,” I tell her.

  “Marco Michaels here to see Bella… Ok… I’ll let him up.”

  “She let me up?” I ask incredulously.

  “That was her mother. Bella is signing the birth certificate right now… with the father.”

  “Not if I can help it.”

  The nurse tells me the room number, and since I already have a visitor pass from visiting Logan, she presses the button to open the doors. Before they are even fully open, I am running toward her room, not even thinking about what it is I’m going to say.

  I probably should have thought about what I was going to say.

  Seventeen

  Bella

  “Here are the forms you need to fill out. This is for the birth certificate. This one is for the insurance. This one is for the application for a social security card.” I stare at each form and try to remember what each one is for as she continues her list.

  “I’m going to go check on a couple other patients while you are filling these out,” the nurse says before leaving. The entire staff here have all been wonderful. The data processing woman continues to explain the forms to me when the phone rings next to the bed for the millionth time.

  “Mom, can you answer it?”

  “Sure, honey.”

  I take the forms from the woman and hand Tristan the baby so I can fill them out. The baby. That’s what everyone keeps calling her because I haven’t decided on a name yet. Only I have decided, but I’m afraid to say it out loud. The minute I woke up from surgery and they wheeled her into my room, I almost had a nervous breakdown. She was literally a spitting image of Marco. It’s almost like I wasn’t even a part of conceiving her. I’m sure other people have noticed, how could they not? But nobody has said anything.

  “Marco?” Someone says his name and I look up and see Marco standing in the doorway glancing from me to Tristan.

  “I need to speak with Bella,” Marco says, his eyes locking with mine. He looks good. Nothing like he did the last time I saw him when he told me I was dead to him. He’s a bit less built than he used to be. It looks like he’s lost some muscle mass but he looks good nonetheless.

  “Son, I don’t think right now is the best time.” Caleb puts his hand on Marco’s shoulder.

  “I understand that but it’s important.” Marco’s eyes plead with me.

  “Bella, I think something is wrong with the baby,” Tristan says. I drop my pen to take a closer look at her. It looks like she is having a difficult time breathing.

  “Mom, get the nurse!”

  My mom rushes out, and a few seconds later she is back in with the nurse.

  “It looks like she’s have a difficult time breathing,” I say starting to freak out. I attempt to get out of the bed but my dad stops me. The nurse takes the baby from Tristan, puts her back in her rolling bassinet, and says, “I’m going to get her checked out.”

  “Can I go with her?” Tristan asks.

  “It’s best if you stay here. I will come back in and update you once we know something.”

  “Oh my god!” I start to breakdown. “What could be wrong with her? She looked perfect.” My mom comes around to the side of the bed and holds me tight. “Don’t freak out, Bella. It could be nothing.” The room is silent for what feels like an hour
, everyone worrying about the baby. The tension in the room is so palpable that it’s beyond uncomfortable.

  Finally, the nurse and doctor walk back in.

  “After running a battery of tests, we have concluded she will need a blood transfusion.”

  “What? What’s wrong with her?” I cry out.

  “It appears she is anemic and the lack of red blood cells are what’s causing her to have trouble breathing. The issue is she has a rare blood type. Her blood type is O and only another person with an O blood type can donate. There was an accident a couple days ago, and that patient required the same blood type, so we have put a call to the hospital closest to us for them to send some over; however, if one of the parents or a family member could donate it, it would speed things up.”

  “Mom, what am I?” I ask.

  “You’re blood type is B, Bella.”

  “Ok, then the father has to be O,” the nurse states matter-of-factly.

  “No, that can’t be right,” Ashley says. “Tristan is AB.”

  “Are you sure?” the nurse asks. Before Ashley can answer, Hayley says, “Marco is O. He got a horrible stomach virus when he was thirteen and was admitted to the hospital. Because I wasn’t sure, I asked the nurse when she took blood and she told me.”

  Everybody’s heads swing toward where Marco is standing.

  “Fuck,” Tristan says, “Bella…”

  “Ok, come with me,” the nurse says leading Marco out in a rush.

  “Wait!” I shout, Marco and the nurse coming to an abrupt halt. “He’s a drug addict. Can he give blood?”

  The nurse looks at Marco then to me. “It will go through a process. If it’s not clean, he can’t.” Then she turns to Marco. “When is the last time you did drugs?”

  Marco shakes his head in shame but I don’t give a shit. This is my damn baby and she isn’t going to be given blood from a drug addict.

  “It’s been ninety days since I have touched a drug,” he says causing me to gasp because holy shit! Marco is clean!

  “Then we are good, but all blood will get checked before they begin the transfusion. I will keep you updated.” Once Marco and the nurse are gone, the room goes silent for a beat and then there’s an uproar.

  “Bella, what’s going on?” my dad asks.

  “Bella, tell me this isn’t what I think it is,” Tristan says softly.

  “What’s going on?” my brother, Nathan asks. Suddenly, it feels like there are way too many people in this small room.

  “Ok, everyone needs to calm down,” Hayley says over all the questions and accusations. “There’s a baby who needs our thoughts and prayers right now. We can deal with this after we know she is ok.”

  “Why don’t we go down to the cafeteria and get a bite to eat?” Ashley suggests to Kaden, taking Nathan and Lilly with her. Mason is at the hotel watching the other kids but my siblings insisted on coming to see their niece.

  “We’ll join you,” Caleb says, him and Hayley following them out.

  “I need to go for a walk,” Tristan murmurs and walks out the door without looking at me.

  Once it’s only my parents left in the room with me, my dad says, “Bella, you gotta talk to us. My imagination is running wild here.”

  “Cooper, her baby is sick and getting a blood transfusion. This can wait,” my mom admonishes.

  I close my eyes and think about how I am going to handle this. I was so stupid to think I would ever get away with nobody ever finding out Marco is the father of my baby. I don’t regret my decision because I did what I felt was best at the time but now that it’s coming to the surface I need to handle this. I need to woman up and face this head-on. Marco said he didn’t want a baby. He recommended I have an abortion. There was no way I was going to tell him I was pregnant with his kid after the things he said.

  What I do regret, however, is lying to Tristan—even if it’s only technically by omission. He should have known Marco is the dad. He’s been nothing but supportive, and for him to find out I kept this from him is such a slap in his face. I can’t even imagine how betrayed he must feel. I need to explain things to him, make him understand why I kept this from him.

  I’m not sure how long I lay here, thinking about how bad I’ve fucked up, but when the door opens and I see Tristan and Marco walk in, the blood in my body goes cold.

  “I donated the blood. They said once they run it through the tests, as long as it’s clean they will do the transfer.”

  “Is it clean?” Tristan sneers.

  Marco’s nostrils flare and his fists clench as he tries to compose himself. “Yes, it’s clean. I’ve been clean for three months now.”

  “This is unbelievable,” Tristan booms. “I want the truth, Bella.”

  “Not now,” my mom pleads but Tristan ignores her.

  “Is Marco the baby’s father?”

  “Yes,” I say, done with the lies.

  My mom covers her mouth and my dad lets out a loud growl. My mom has hinted to me several times that she knows who the dad really is, so it doesn’t surprise me that she isn’t shocked. My dad, on the other hand, looks like he’s about to murder someone, which means my mom never mentioned her assumptions to him.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” Tristan punches the wall. “Wait a second, you said the father of your baby didn’t want the baby.” He turns to Marco. “Did you tell Bella you didn’t want this kid?” He stalks up to Marco and gets right into his face. “Did you?”

  “No, I didn’t know…” Marco begins to say and his lie sets me off.

  “You told me to have an abortion. You told me you didn’t want a baby.”

  “You did what?” my dad booms. “You knocked up my fucking daughter then told her to have a goddamned abortion!” My dad grabs Marco by the collar and shoves him against a wall.

  “I didn’t know she was pregnant with my kid, I swear. I was fucked up. I was on drugs and I didn’t know. I don’t even remember sleeping with her.”

  My dad’s fist cocks back and it lands straight on Marco’s jaw, his face jerking to the side from the impact. At that moment, Caleb and Hayley come in. Caleb rushes over to my dad and Marco to separate them but then Tristan is in Marco’s face.

  “I have spent my entire life loving this fucking girl and you had her and can’t even remember it. We have been friends for fucking years! How could you do this? Then, because you chose to get high instead of dealing with the accident, you told her to abort her child. And all of this was before you showed up at our apartment yelling and screaming at her because she tried to get you help!”

  Tristan doesn’t even cock his hand back when he sucker punches Marco. All the guys grab them, tearing Tristan away from Marco. Once he gets himself somewhat composed, Tristan looks me dead in the eyes and says, “You should have told me, Bella. You should have told me the father of your baby was our best friend. It’s one thing to raise a stranger’s baby but you were just going to let me raise our friend’s baby without me knowing.”

  My eyes close as I will the tears to stop. I know I’m wrong here; I know I don’t deserve to cry but the tears come anyway.

  “I’m so sorry,” I say out loud. It’s not directed at any one person.

  “Ok, we need to calm down. Bella just had a baby and that baby is getting a blood transfusion as we speak. All of this can be dealt with later. We need to focus on the baby right now,” Hayley begs.

  “I gotta get out of here,” Tristan huffs and walks out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

  “Bella, can I talk to you alone, please?” Marco asks.

  “Over my dead fucking body!” my dad roars.

  “Cooper, let’s give them a few minutes,” my mom says, pushing him toward the door.

  “What? No! He had sex with my little girl and knocked her up. He’s never going to be alone with her again.”

  “Coop, Bella is almost twenty-one years old. She’s not a little girl. Let’s go.”

  “We’ll give you guys a few minutes,”
Caleb says, and a few seconds later the room is empty except for Marco and me.

  We both stay silent for a few minutes, neither of us having any idea how to start this conversation. Finally, Marco breaks the silence. “She’s beautiful.”

  “You saw her?” I know he came in just before she was taken out but I didn’t think he was able to get a good look at her.

  “My mom sent me a picture. She looks just like Chloe as a baby.”

  “I was too young to remember what Chloe looked like but she definitely looks all yours.” I shake my head. “Funny how I carried her for nine months and she comes out looking just like you.”

  Marco chuckles. “What’s her name?” I guess we are going to ignore the important shit for right now.

  “I haven’t named her yet. I was scared to say her name; afraid people would put two and two together.”

  “What do you mean?” He has a seat in the chair next to my bed.

  “I wanted her to have a piece of you. So, I wanted to name her Micaela, after your last name. I remembered one time when we were talking, you said you loved your last name because it represented the best part about you…”

  “Hayley and Caleb,” Marco finishes, his eyes filled with unshed tears. “Even after everything I said and did, you were still going to name her after me?”

  “Of course, she is the best part of the both of us. I wanted to remember the good in you, the you before the drugs.”

  Marco comes around to the side of the bed and takes my hand in his. “I’m so sorry, Belles. I never should have said the shit I said. I was in a bad place and I wasn’t thinking.”

  “I know but it still hurt. You broke me, Marco.”

  “What do we do?”

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “I want to be a part of this baby’s life. I know you and Tristan are together but maybe we can work something out, someway I can be there as well. I know it’s going to take time to figure it all out but I’m here now.”