“If you did, you probably would’ve bailed on me by now.”
“It’s not that bad. I mean come on, you are hot as hell, why even let it bother you?”
I chuckled. “You need to stop with that.”
“You have got to know how sexy you are. Seriously, the way you show off your legs. You know what you have.”
I shook my head with a smile. He was strangely making me feel better. “I’m just self-conscious I guess.”
“I wouldn’t be here if you needed to be.” He looked back at me with his sexy smolder. “Are you glad that you are here with me?” he asked, scooting closer.
I nodded, taking a deep breath in. “Yea, I am.”
“Me too.” He leaned in closer, sliding his hand up my leg. I closed my eyes and before I knew it there was no more distance between us and Aiden’s lips were touching mine. He did two gentle kisses before he reached his hand in my hair and kissed me harder. I put my hands on his biceps and pulled him into me.
We continued kissing and he was excited about it. I was nervous to go further, but I was in the moment. He started kissing my neck and my breathing was getting heavier.
“I like you,” Aiden whispered hot breath in my ear as he kissed me.
“Yeah?”
He nodded. “Definitely. I like your legs.” He squeezed them as he spoke. “And I like your neck.” He kissed me deeper. “And your lips.” He roughly poked his tongue in my mouth and squeezed my body. Even with all the sensations he was putting me through, I didn’t feel anything anymore. He didn’t say anything about me, just the parts he could touch. Yes, it was super flattering, but that wasn’t me.
A few seconds of panic went through me when he didn’t slow down, but his intense passion lessened to soft kisses.
“So?” he asked.
“So what?”
“So, am I going to be able to take you out again?” He smiled and kissed me again.
“That depends, what will we do?”
“Hopefully, more of this.” I’ll admit, it made me laugh, but that gut feeling never fully went away. He didn’t know me, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t give him a chance to learn.
“So? What do you say?” He curled my hair behind my ear and looked back at me with a smile. “Can I take you out again?”
He was smooth, we both knew it. “Yes, I would like that.”
“I thought you might.”
Four
Things with Aiden were good. He kept things interesting and always showed me how much he wanted me. I learned that he was really into PDA. Like extremely pro-public affection. I would be at my locker in between classes and he would turn me around and kiss me so fiercely I would lose my balance. Or I could be in the middle of a conversation and he would insist on making out with me. It was difficult to get used to, but at least someone wanted to kiss me.
Ashleigh took all the credit for Aiden’s sexual bursts. I did thank her because it was her idea for him to ask me out, and he did make me smile from time to time, but I couldn’t shake this feeling in my gut that something was off. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I just had a feeling. I tried to ignore it as best I could. If someone liked me, especially someone like Aiden, I couldn’t just ignore it.
I went for a run after school to try and shake off these feelings. I couldn’t tell if it was something I had conjured up in my head or if my concern was real. Either way, I didn’t like it. I just wanted it gone, and running was the only way I knew how to do that.
My feet pounded the sidewalk step after step, matching my heart rate. The wind blowing in my face was helping me breathe, and not just from exhaustion. Aiden was stressful. He told me he liked me, but it wasn’t me he liked, not the real me. He only liked what he could see, or rather touch. I think that is where my gut feeling came from. I just needed to keep running.
Back in the house, Mom was stirring something over the stove. She turned at the sound of my heavy breathing.
“Wow, you look gross.”
I smiled. “What every girl longs to hear.”
She rolled her eyes and kept stirring. “Dinner is just about ready.”
“Okay.” I sat at the table and rolled my water bottle around in my hands. My run helped, but it didn’t cure me.
“You okay?” Mom asked.
“I can’t tell if something is off about Aiden, or if I’m just overthinking.” I assumed she would take it and run with it, so I tried to stay calm and not be overpowering with my concern, but if I knew my mom, she would already have enough to say.
“Why?”
“He only talks about me in a physical sense. And I like it, what’s not to like, right? But still, I can’t tell if it’s a good or a bad thing. I hope he actually likes me and isn’t just trying to use me.”
She nodded her head slowly while continuing to stir, but she didn’t say anything. I thought something was wrong with her.
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
“Did you hear me?”
I saw the corners of her mouth go up. “Oh, I heard you. Did you hear you?”
“Yes?” I didn’t get it. What was she getting at?
“Becka, come on.” She put her spoon down and gave me her famous look. “Your gut feeling is there for a reason.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I know.”
“You are beautiful, and he would be an idiot for not seeing that. But he would also be an idiot for not seeing everything else that is so great about you. We both know a relationship is much more important than just physical, so if he can’t see that, boy bye.”
I laughed. “Mom, stop trying to be cool.”
“I don’t have to try.” She shot finger guns and winked, making me roll my eyes with laughter. “But seriously, you know better than this. You know how you are supposed to be treated. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. Trust your gut.”
She made a lot of sense. I wasn’t sure about the way Aiden treated me. I had never had someone talk to me the way he did, but did that mean I wasn’t supposed to like it too? Was I allowed to be picky?
I tried to have a conversation with Aiden before our second date. I just wanted to see if there was more to him. I didn’t know what I was going to get, but my mom’s words kept replaying through my brain. I had to trust my gut.
Aiden came and sat next to me during lunch, I took that as my chance to learn a little more.
“Hey, you.” Aiden leaned in and kissed me roughly.
“Hi, how was your morning?” I was hoping to get anything to break out a real conversation.
“Better now that I’m seeing you.” He put his hand on my thigh and squeezed tightly. Sweet, yes, but not what I was going for. I even wore jeans to keep his attention on my words and not on my legs.
I smiled to hide my annoyance. “For real though, how has your day been so far?”
He shrugged. “It’s fine.” He took a long sip of his soda, leaving an awkward silence.
“That’s good.” I tried to think of anything. “I have a math test coming up I should study for soon. What about you?”
He picked at the food on his plate with his fingers. “Yea, I don’t know.”
It was going nowhere. School definitely wasn’t the answer. Ashleigh slid down our table and sat in front of us.
“Would you look at you two.” She smiled like we were super cute, but I knew it was all fake. “So, when is date number two?”
“Saturday,” Aiden put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him, kissing my cheek this time. “Taking my girl out to dinner.” A feeling of warmth went up my spine. He said, my girl.
“How sweet,” Ashleigh said sarcastically. “Any plans for afterward?” She winked at me, obviously hinting at sex.
“Ashleigh.”
“What? I’m just asking?” She acted like she did nothing wrong. “Aiden, have anything planned?”
He looked down at me with a smirk and lifted his eyebrows, “I guess we’ll see.”
My hands were star
ting to sweat, I needed this conversation to stop. I knew what Ashleigh was insinuating, but why was Aiden reciprocating?
I knew something he would be able to talk about. I didn’t want it to come to this, but I was desperate.
“How was practice last night?”
He didn’t take a breath, he just kept talking. Word after word, all about football. Even though it was boring for me, he was cute when he talked about it. His eyes lit up and you could tell that it was his passion. Maybe I just needed to show more interest in his stuff, and hopefully, he would do the same for me.
My mind was going in circles all day. Class was useless, I couldn’t pay attention to lectures even if I wanted to. It didn’t look like Aiden could have a conversation that didn’t involve his football career or sexual innuendos. But the way he lit up when he talked about the game, I could appreciate it. And he called me his girl, that certainly didn’t happen every day. But my gut was still there, buzzing away, telling me to acknowledge it. I noticed it; I just didn’t know what it meant.
The final bell rang, and I needed to run. My blood was pumping, and I was filled with a desire to pound my feet to the pavement. There were too many people around me, I just needed to be alone with the wind.
Aiden slid his arms around me as I packed my bag from my locker. His touch sent goosebumps up my arms. “Where are you off to in such a hurry?”
“I’ve got some stuff to take care of at home, just trying to beat the rush.” The sweat filling up in the pores of my hands was causing me to panic. My nerves were flaring, I just needed to be outside.
Aiden squeezed my body closer to his and whispered in my ear. “I can’t wait for Saturday.”
I’ll admit, it made me smile. How could it not? He was beyond charming. “Me too.” He turned my body around with his strong hands and brought us face to face. I felt the tickle of his fingers on my skin as he combed my hair back. The way he was looking at me with his winning smile, I felt my cheeks rise in color. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
His smile enlarged with confidence. “Because I can.” He crushed his lips to mine so quickly, I had no time to process. He continued to kiss me so strongly, almost forcing my lips apart with his tongue. It was the last way I wanted to be kissed, especially in public.
“Get a room, lovers!” Ashleigh swung her locker door open and flipped her golden hair over her shoulder.
“I’m trying too,” Aiden laughed with her, winking back at me like I got the joke. I most certainly did not. He quickly kissed me one last time before letting me out of his grasp. “I’ve got to get to practice. I’ll see you later.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me, and my mouth flooded with saliva, but not in a good way.
“Look at you, making out in the hallway. I’m impressed.” Ashleigh’s look of approval surprised me. I didn’t recognize it right away.
“He’s very…passionate.”
“It wouldn’t hurt for you to do the same.” She turned her phone’s camera to her selfie screen and reapplied her lip stain. “You might actually enjoy it.”
“Yeah, I got it, Ash.” Her sex motivation was beyond annoying.
“I’m just saying. Saturday is almost here, it’s now or never.” She slammed her locker door, blew me a freshly glossed kiss, and sauntered off, letting her heels echo after her.
I sprinted the final stretch home with nothing left in my lungs. My thighs had turned to mush, and my calves were crying for salvation. But I made it. I collapsed on the front lawn, only the setting sky above me. I traced the different colors with my eyes as I caught my breath. Something about the sky always got me. No matter what time of day, it was a constant relief that I found myself needing more and more often lately. My mind was a mess, but at least I had the sky.
Rhylie pedaled up to the house a few moments later, too tired to sprint with me at the end. We had done six miles together. I was so proud of her for sticking with me.
“Becka, are you okay?” She stood over my breathless body, nerves filling her full.
“I’m great. Just trying to catch my breath.”
She still looked scared. “I saw you run, and then I saw you fall down.”
“Oh, Bug.” I got up and put my sweaty arms around her. “I just needed to rest once I made it home. I’m okay, I promise.”
She let go of her handlebars and held out her tiny pinky for me. I wrapped it in mine and held on tight.
After everyone went off to bed, I stayed up for a while, needing time for myself. My run was great, I already felt so much more relaxed, especially mentally. I just wanted to take some time and do something for me, instead of worrying about everything else.
I took a book from my shelf, a well-read one and started from the beginning. The book took me from my head and into someone else’s, and that was all I could ask for.
Hazel was about to enter the heart of Jesus when my phone dinged, taking me back to reality.
Aiden: Hey sexy ;)
Me: Hey
Aiden: I know it’s late, but I did great at practice today and it was all because of you and the good luck kiss I got. I can’t wait for Saturday. Any chance I have to be with you, those legs and those lips I’m game for ;) Goodnight babe
Wow.
Me: lol, goodnight Aiden :)
That feeling in my stomach was back. That stupid buzzer.
Saturday night came and it was time for the second date. I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Aiden wasn’t a bad guy. Charming? Sweet? Attractive? Absolutely. But could I actually talk to the guy? About anything besides football? No, it didn’t seem like it. He was focused on his future, and I couldn’t blame him for that. I just didn’t know where else our relationship could go.
I wore skinny jeans, a black and white striped t-shirt, a green army jacket and ankle boots for the date. I hoped the jeans would keep him at bay and more focused on me. I did my makeup and tried to prepare myself. I still wasn’t immune to nerves, no matter how many times Aiden kissed me. I remained anxious but hoped for the best.
I waited in the kitchen for Aiden to show up, trying to calm myself.
“What’s up, Becka?” Ryan came from his room and was rifling through the fridge. “You look lost in thought.”
“About to go on my date with Aiden.”
He nodded as he drank milk from the gallon. “Why don’t you look more excited?”
“Just nervous, I guess.”
“Good nervous or bad nervous?”
I shrugged. “I can’t tell the difference at this point.”
“Why don’t you just cancel?”
“I can’t do that, I agreed to the date.”
“So? You can do whatever you want, especially if you aren’t sure you want to go.” My phone buzzed on the table, alerting both of us of Aiden’s arrival.
“He’s here, I have to go.” I got out of the chair and grabbed my bag.
“Are you sure, Becka?” Ryan looked concerned. “You don’t have to go.”
I nodded. “I’ll be fine, I promise.”
“Call me if you need me.”
The second date contained a dinner for two. It was actually impressive. I figured he would have wanted us to do something with his friends, but he kept it between us. He scored points.
We sat at a quiet table in a very busy restaurant, the two of us across from each other. He looked good, a black t-shirt and jeans. So far so good.
“How was your day?” He scarfed down the chips and salsa that were brought to the table.
“Quiet. I hung out at home, went for a run this morning, but other than that I just relaxed.”
“Must be nice, I had practice at seven this morning. Coach worked us so hard. It was rough.”
We ate, and he talked. We drank, and he talked. I left for the bathroom, and when I came back, he talked some more. This was not a date. This was a talk show called Saturday’s with Aiden.
When it was time to leave, I was grateful. I just wanted to go home. I tried to understand him and his love for
football, but he didn’t need me for that. I was ready for the night to be over.
“What do you say we go for a drive?” he asked as we left the restaurant hand in hand.
I shrugged, trying to let him down gently. “I’m pretty tired.”
“Come on, Becka. It’s still early. Let’s go hang out some more.”
I sighed internally. “Where to?”
“Not far, I really just want to spend more time with you.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into him. “Please don’t make me say goodnight.”
Now I felt bad. He was being the sweet Aiden I responded well to. I couldn’t just be rude and go home. “Okay, sure.”
“Awesome.”
Aiden drove and drove until we ended up at the park he took me to on our first date. He shut the car off but played music lightly before turning and looking at me.
“Hey, cutie.”
“Hi.”
“Did you like dinner?”
I nodded with my lie. “Yea, it was nice.”
“I’m glad.” He looked out the window before continuing. “I know we don’t know each other that well, but I like you.”
“Really?” I asked, unsure of his words.
“Of course, I do.” He reached and held my hand in his. “You are sexy as hell. What’s not to like?” I forced a smile, but I don’t know if he could tell the difference. I wasn’t sure if I should say what was on my mind, but I went for it.
“Do you actually like me, or just the parts you can get your hands on?”
He stroked my face with his hand and smiled. “You. You for sure.”
His fingertips on my cheeks were making me swoon. “Really?”
“Of course, Becka. I just can’t help myself at the same time. But I do like you. You for sure.”
I felt like this was a different Aiden than the one from before. I liked this one more than the others. “Okay.”
He leaned in and kissed me softly, letting me take it in. But it intensified quickly. His hands were in my hair and he was pulling me to him. It was spastic. Aiden’s hands started roaming up and down my thighs. It wasn’t until he reached for the button of my jeans that I let my nerves take over.
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