“I’ll have to remember that.”
“I can always help you.” She smiled back at me. “We can be friends and we can work through it together.”
“I don’t want to get anyone else sucked into my problems.” I couldn’t believe how honest I was being with her. “Almost seems easier to just be alone.”
“I get it, I’ve been there, but it helps with people. I wouldn’t have gotten through it without Matt and James.” She thought before she spoke again. “All I’m saying is I’m here for you, and I think you need me, or someone at least, you just don’t want to admit it.”
“How do you know so much?”
“Just a hunch,” she smiled.
“Well thank you for the advice. And thank you for saving me from the bathroom. Having lunch with you and the guys has been the best part of my week. I really needed it.”
“Don’t even worry about it.” She sipped her beer before putting it down quickly. “Oh! Have you ever listened to Lizzo?”
I scrunched my eyebrows. That wasn’t an artist I recognized. “No, I don’t think so.”
“She’s pretty new, but I think you need to listen to her. Get you in the right frame of mind.”
“And what’s that?”
“Female empowerment. And knowing that you are the shit, regardless of other people, or boys.”
I laughed. “Sounds right up my alley.”
“Why don’t you come to the gym with me?”
I felt nervous. “I don’t know, I haven’t been to the gym in a long time. I just usually run outside.”
Dani made a face like she was going to puke. “No, I lift weights. Like bench, squats, stuff like that. You want to come?”
It was worth a shot. “Sure, I don’t know how good I’ll be, but I’ll try.”
“It takes practice. But we need to get some weight on you.” She pointed at my bean pole of an arm.
Laughter shot out of my mouth. I was in shock. “That’s a new one!”
“Well for real, if you want to put on weight it might as well be muscle. I’ll help you. And Matt will too, he coaches me when I lift. He is in freaky good shape.” Her body froze after her sentence. “I hope you don’t mind me coming at you like this with my opinions. I’m a very open person and I like to help people. I hope I didn’t offend you.”
I smiled again. Apologies were new to me too. “You’re fine, Dani. If anything, I appreciate it. You are doing it nicely.”
“I try to stay as positive as I can. And that includes keeping the people around me positive. And I don’t know, I have a good vibe about you.”
Six
I woke exhausted and wrapped in a jumble of blankets in Dani’s bed. It felt too early to be awake, but I was grateful for the night I had. It had been a long time since I had laughed so much, but I loved every second of it.
Dani’s room was unlike anything I had ever seen. Her walls were splattered in all different colors. It looked like a paint bomb went off. There were clothes laid out everywhere along with art supplies and hair products. It was crazy, but it was a perfect representation of her.
My reflection took me by surprise in the mirror behind the door. My hair was insane. It was straightened the day before, but it had curled its way out during the night. I attempted to pull everything back into a messy bun. It wasn’t great, I didn’t normally wear my hair up, but it was better than the alternative.
The bathroom was down the hall and I needed to brush my teeth and wash my face. I took my makeup bag with me and tried to fix my appearance as best I could. I searched through my belongings, but I realized I forgot my face wash. I figured the messier side of the sink was Dani’s, so I started looking through those drawers. They were crammed with a lot of things, but face wash was not something I found. There was no way a girl with that perfect of skin didn’t own face wash.
“You okay?”
Matt was standing in the doorway, looking at me confused.
“Just looking for face wash.”
He reached down to the bottom drawer on what I believed to be his side of the bathroom and pulled out a bottle. “Will this work?”
“Yea, thanks.” I took it from his hands.
“Do you mind if I brush my teeth real quick?” He stood in the doorway. “Or I can just wait until you’re done.”
I shook my head. “No, go ahead.”
He grabbed his toothbrush and we continued in silence. I reached for Dani’s toothpaste, but it was disastrous to say the least. Matt handed me his clean, freshly opened tube without missing a beat.
“Thanks.” I tried not to laugh, realizing we both knew what a messy girl Dani was. I used his toothpaste and we continued our silent paths to clean teeth. I was trying not to look at him in the large mirror, but I snuck a peek. He always looked so serious, but his resemblance to Shawn Mendes was still uncanny. Rocky trotted into the bathroom and laid his face on the countertop, staring back at both Matt and me.
“I think Rocky has a crush on you.”
“I think I’m reciprocating.” Matt’s laugh was muffled through the toothbrush, but it was a nice sound.
Matt left the bathroom first, leaving me to wash my face in silence. I wasn’t sure what it was about him that made him so mysterious, but he was almost elusive. He kept to himself and he seemed to like it that way.
I got back to Dani’s room and she was already up with her clothes changed, tying her dreads in a large bun.
“Hey, Dani.”
She threw her head back up and looked at me with wide eyes. “Morning! I was wondering where you went.”
“I went to brush my teeth.” I nodded toward her new clothes. “Why’d you change?”
“We are going to the gym, remember?”
I was confused. “No, I don’t remember.”
“We talked about it last night.”
“We talked about the gym,” I recalled. “We didn’t talk about going now.”
“Oh, my bad.” She grabbed a black headband and stretched it over her hair. “We usually go to the gym on Saturday mornings.” She turned back around and stared at me, looking sad. “Are you okay with going with us? I shouldn’t have assumed you wanted to go!”
This made me smile. Ashleigh made decision after decision for me and never asked for or valued my opinion. It was refreshing to be around someone who was the complete opposite.
“Dani, it’s okay. I’ll go to the gym.” Relief washed over her. “I probably won’t be any good, I haven’t been to the gym in a really, really, long time.”
“Don’t even worry about it. We will help you along the way.”
Matt and Dani finished getting ready before they followed me back to my house so I could change. I explained that I could just meet them at the gym, but Dani insisted on meeting Rhylie and Mom; something else I wasn’t used to.
I opened my front door and found Mom in her chair with a cup of coffee and a book. Rhylie was still in her pajamas at the coffee table with a box of markers and coloring books.
“Hey, guys.” I opened the door and held it open for my guests.
“Becka!” Rhylie jumped off the floor and came flying at me, letting me catch her in my arms. “I missed you!”
She squeezed her arms around my neck and made me laugh. “I missed you too, Bug.”
Rhylie peered around my head and saw my friends. She freed herself from my arms and went straight to Dani.
“Hi, I’m Rhylie.” She held out her hand to introduce herself. I thought Dani was going to pee from Rhylie’s cuteness. “Who are you?”
“I’m Dani. I’m friends with Becka.”
Rhylie stared at her for a few seconds, almost sizing her up. “How did you do that to your hair?”
“I twisted it and twisted it until it ended up like this.” Dani got down on her level so Rhylie could take a closer look.
“Did it take a long time?” Rhylie pondered, eyeing Dani’s bun very thoroughly.
“A really long time. It took me two days I needed so many breaks.”
<
br /> “Two days?” Rhylie yelled in shock. “That’s a long time to do hair.”
“You’re telling me.” Dani smiled back at her and showed my sister the same kindness she showed me in the school bathroom.
“Do you want to color with me?” Rhylie was sold.
“Of course, I do.”
Rhylie’s smile was the size of her face, she was elated. She peeked behind Dani and met Matt’s deep eyes. She didn’t say anything to him at first, she just stared, almost unsure.
“Hi, Rhylie. I’m Matt. I’m Dani’s brother.” He knelt to her level and smiled gently back at her.
“Hi,” she smiled right away. “Do you want to come color with me too?” I had to take a step back from my shock this time. She didn’t interrogate Matt like I had expected, it was like she could already tell he was okay.
“That sounds awesome.” Matt reached his hand out and Rhylie took it without hesitation. She pulled her new friends to the coffee table and got them all set up with coloring books. It was like I wasn’t even there.
“Uhm... hi.”
I had completely forgotten Mom was even in the room.
“Hey! Sorry. Mom, this is Dani and Matt. Dani and Matt, my mom, Maggie.” Red flooded my cheeks.
“It’s nice to meet you both,” Mom smiled at them, clearly impressed by how they charmed Rhylie.
“Thanks for letting us steal Becka,” Dani smiled.
“Anytime.” Mom waved. “What are you guys up to?”
“We were going to go to the gym. We just need Becka to change and then we can go,” Dani explained, not giving me a chance. Dani looked back at me with confusion. “We just need her to change…”
“I’m going, I’m going.” I held my eyebrows up to Mom, making a face I knew she would recognize before barreling up the stairs. It wasn’t long before Mom was in my room too.
“So, last night went well?” She sat on my bed with a smile.
“It was a lot of fun. Dani is good people.”
“She seems like it. I’m glad it all worked out.”
I grabbed some leggings and a tank top before changing in the bathroom. I noticed that Mom had a face on her face. “Mom, everything okay?”
“What’s up with the brother?”
“Matt?”
“Yeah, Matt.” She had a sly smirk on her face. “What’s his deal?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s nice. Quiet. Why?”
She lifted her brows at me this time. “You know why.”
I snorted out a laugh. “Mom, stop it.”
“Oh, come on! He’s so cute! You are telling me you haven’t noticed those eyes?”
“Clearly you have. Do you want me to tell him you’re interested?” I chucked my shirt at her head.
“Ha, ha.” She folded the shirt I threw. “All I’m saying is he’s not bad to look at. You might want to open your eyes.”
“I’m no longer listening to you!” I turned the water on in the bathroom and attempted to drown her out.
I tried my best to fix my hair into a normal ponytail that wouldn’t embarrass me. It wasn’t my best work, but it would have to do. I was so used to only going for runs, I didn’t know what to expect, but that almost made me excited. I was starting to like the unexpected.
Back downstairs, my sister’s new friends were engaged with the coloring books. I stopped on the middle of the staircase and just took it all in. I hoped this would happen again.
“Alright guys, I’m ready to go.”
“No!” Rhylie stood up and yelled. “Don’t leave yet! We aren’t done coloring!”
“Hey, we will come back and finish another time. Don’t even worry about it.” Matt smiled back at her and ruffled her head softly.
“You promise?” Rhylie was on the verge of believing, she just needed the certainty.
“Of course! We promise.” Dani opened her arms out and received a giant hug from Rhylie. I couldn’t help myself, I smiled too.
I felt intimidated walking back into the gym. It was fairly empty, but there was just something about being there that heightened my nerves. I hadn’t been back since I had a trainer, and once I realized I didn’t have to run on a treadmill, I started doing it outside. I didn’t care much for weights, having it programmed in my brain that muscles on females were wrong. But looking at Dani in her tank top, her shoulders and biceps were defined and impressive. Her back was sculpted, and I was jealous. My noodle arms and my hot dog legs were not weightlifting material.
“Matt is going to work with you this morning,” Dani cut into my thoughts. “I offered, but he thinks I’ll work you too hard and you’ll get hurt.” She waved him off.
“Alright,” I agreed, unsure of how to feel.
“Good luck!” She punched my shoulder and sent me wobbling backward. She shot her hands over her mouth and gasped. “Are you okay? I didn’t think I hit you that hard!”
“I’m fine.” I tried to act like it was nothing, but it kind of hurt.
“That’s what I was talking about,” Matt cut in with a smile. “Come on, let’s stretch.”
I followed him over to some blue mats in the corner of the room. We began stretching and lightly talking. We still hadn’t spoken much to each other; I didn’t know what to expect.
“So, you’ve never really lifted before?”
“I did a couple of years ago,” I admitted, not trying to get into the details.
“Why’d you stop?” He switched arms, so I did the same.
“Got more into running than weights…I love running.”
He nodded. “Me too.”
“Really?” I was surprised.
“Yeah. I still lift because they are just as important. But I am not opposed to a good run.”
I had never had anyone to run with me. Ryan didn’t like to, Mom preferred yoga, Rhylie rode her bike which wasn’t so bad, and Ashleigh said she was already skinny so there was no point.
After a few more minutes of stretches, Matt decided on arms. We went over to the dumbbells and he handed me ten-pound weights.
“Start with these. You should be fine.” He dropped them in my hands. “Now hold them at your sides.” I listened and did as he instructed. “I’m going to hold your elbow down, and I want you to try and curl the weight up like you are bringing it to your shoulder, okay?”
“Okay.” Matt put a light grip on my elbow, holding it into my side. The second his fingertips touched my skin, my knees twitched. I don’t think he noticed. If he did, he didn’t show it. I ignored it and slowly curled the dumbbell into my bicep.
He let go of my elbow. “Now try the other arm. Once you get the hang of it, alternate your arms.”
“Okay.” I turned into the mirror and watched myself do it, feeling good with every curl. Matt walked away and came back with thirty-pound dumbbells. He started curling incredibly fast. His muscles tensed and his veins appeared more defined. I turned back to the mirror and looked at my noodle arms. If I could lose seventy-five pounds, I could lift some dumbbells. I put all my focus into it and ended up doing five sets of ten.
Matt congratulated me. “You got the hang of it back no problem.”
I smiled, feeling good. “What’s next?”
“Triceps.” He nodded towards a fancy looking machine. “This way.” He headed straight for it and I followed behind. “With this, you will grab the rope handles, and you are going to pull it straight down. When you get it down, you need to make sure you extend your arms, so you work out the triceps.” He did an example for me and his triceps were just as impressive as his biceps. “Got it?”
“Okay.” I pulled the weight down with the rope and felt the tightness in my triceps, just like he said I would.
“How’d that feel?” he asked. I nodded with a smile, but I kept going. I ended up doing ten. “Nice job.” He switched the weight to something much higher and knocked out his set, not giving me much time to rest. We continued taking turns until my triceps were on fire.
“You are not
too bad, Becka,” Matt complimented me. “I thought it was going to be a lot harder for you, but you are doing good.”
“I wish I could do more weight.”
“It comes with time. You just have to keep at it.” He nodded over to the mat again. “Next exercise.”
We continued for the next hour doing new workouts and going back and forth between sets. We didn’t talk much, and I didn’t mind it. I was so focused on lifting properly, I didn’t have time to be self-conscious or worry about what I was telling him. Matt wasn’t like “hanging out with a guy”, he was comforting and made it feel okay to just be normal and not what Ashleigh wanted me to be.
“How’s it going you two?” Dani found us toward the end, shiny with sweat.
“I’m wiped,” I sighed.
Matt smirked. “She’s not half bad.”
“I knew you had it in you,” Dani said. “You’ll be looking back to normal in no time.”
“Now I don’t look normal?” I asked her, knowing she was joking.
She shrugged. “Eh.”
My jaw dropped in a laugh. “Thanks.” I elbowed her back.
She pointed at me but looked at Matt. “She gets my sarcasm!”
Matt laughed and shook his head. “You guys all set? Cause’ I’m hungry.”
Dani nodded. “Yeah, let’s go get some breakfast.” She looked back at me. “You are going to love this place. Best waffles in the world.”
I looked down at my sweaty gym clothes. “Can I go back and change first?”
“Why?” She looked at me like I asked something completely out of the ordinary.
“I don’t want to go looking like this.” I knew better than to go to a restaurant without makeup on.
“Dude, you’re fine, trust me. We go there looking like this all the time.” She looped her arm around mine and off we went.
I sat in the booth of a diner feeling conspicuous in my gym clothes. My anxiety was high, believing that everyone was staring and judging my appearance.
“Becka, relax,” Dani assured me. “You were at the gym, it’s perfectly normal to look messy.”
“I’m just not used to it.” I was trying to hide in the booth. Since I had known Ashleigh, it was burned into my brain that you always look your best wherever you go. No sweatpants in public, no sweat ever, and makeup always. I felt naked.
I Go Where You Go Page 8