I Go Where You Go

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I Go Where You Go Page 14

by Jaelyn Hardin

My instinct was to say ‘nothing’, but a small percentage of me wanted to be honest. I didn’t think I was ready to be vulnerable again, but my gut told me I should give it a try.

  “Just different,” I whispered back to him. We held eyes for an instant, neither of us ready to move.

  “Becka,” Rhylie said in a nervous voice.

  “Yea, Bug?”

  “I see the boy that gave you bad vibes.”

  I turned around and she was very right. Aiden and Austin were coming up the street behind us along with Ashleigh and Madison. Lovely.

  “Hey, that’s okay, Bug. We are just going to ignore him, okay?”

  “Okay.” She looked over at him one last time before turning back to Dani. That was when I started to get nervous.

  “Are they coming over here?”

  Matt nodded. “It looks that way.”

  Damnit.

  This needed to stop. The last thing I wanted to do was deal with them, especially in front of my sister, but it had to be done. I got up from my spot and got to them first.

  “What the hell is your problem?” I snapped at the group.

  “Excuse me?” Ashleigh said.

  “We were just coming over to say hi,” Madison chimed in.

  “I don’t want your hi. Just stay the fuck away from me.” My hands were shaking but I couldn’t stop.

  “I still can’t believe you are friends with the dread girl. It was funny at first Becka, but now it’s just sad.” Ashleigh side-eyed Dani as she made Madison laugh.

  “What is the point in this? To make yourself feel better? Tear down other people so you don’t have to sit and think about what a selfish, bitch you are?”

  That shut them up.

  “What?” Ashleigh snapped.

  “You are a selfish, bitch who tears down other people to make yourself feel worth something. You think that people are scared of you when really no one wants to deal with you or your bullshit. You are just as sad and pathetic as the rest of us. Just back the fuck off.”

  Silence. Almost complete silence.

  “I think she might still be on her period.” Of course, coming from Aiden. That made them all erupt with laughter.

  “Coming from the guy that can only get a girl by lying and paying for it, sure, let’s blame it on my period.” More silence. I exhaled. “Just leave me alone.” I took a few steps backward, hoping this was over.

  “You really think you can do this without me?” Ashleigh spat her words out with such condescension. I took my seat back, welcoming my sister onto my lap. I felt Matt scoot his body closer, making our legs touch, and this time my knees didn’t twitch. I finally embraced the warmth.

  “I’d say it’s working out pretty damn well so far.”

  After we got home, I wanted to spend time with Rhylie. I needed to make sure she understood what happened. We used couch cushions and sheets to make a fort in the living room. Once the fort was set up, we got all of Rhylie’s coloring books and crayons, put on a princess movie and we were set to go.

  “Hey, Bug, do you know why I had to yell at Ashleigh today?”

  “Because she’s mean to you, right?” she asked, still fully occupied by her picture.

  “Right. And because she has been so mean to me, I needed to stand up to her.”

  “But isn’t yelling at people mean too?” She put her crayon down to ask, so I knew she was listening.

  “Kind of. I wasn’t yelling at Ashleigh for no reason. I was yelling at Ashleigh because she is a bully, and you have to stand up to a bully.”

  “But what if the bully is scary?”

  “The bully will always be scary, but it is up to you to stop it. What do you think would have happened if I didn’t yell at Ashleigh?”

  “She would keep being mean to you?”

  “Exactly, and do we want that?” Rhylie shook her head. “No matter how scary the bully is, you need to be strong and stand up for yourself.”

  “Is that what you did?”

  I nodded. “Ashleigh wasn’t letting me be myself. Ashleigh wanted me to be just like her, and I didn’t like that, so I stood up to her.”

  “I just want to be Rhylie.”

  “And that’s all you have to be. And if anyone ever tells you what to do or what to wear or what to say or makes you feel bad, you remember who you are and you stand up for yourself, okay?”

  “Okay Becka, I will.”

  “Pinky promise?” I held my pinky out for her.

  “Pinky promise.” She wrapped her baby finger around mine and smiled. I had never been prouder to have her as my sister.

  “What are you two doing down there?” Mom appeared at the front of our fort.

  “We made a fort!” Rhylie hollered. “Isn’t it cool!”

  “It’s super cool!” she expressed. “We should take a picture.” Mom pulled out her phone and held it up to the two of us. I scooped my sister next to me as we laid on our stomachs and smiled. “Say cheese!”

  “Cheese!” Rhylie yelled through her smile.

  “Beautiful,” Mom said. “I’m sorry to break up the party but you need to get to bed, Rhylie.”

  “Mom!” she sighed. “We just started coloring.”

  “I’m sorry but we all have to get up early for school. But tomorrow is Friday, which means French toast!” Even the notion of morning breakfast didn’t brighten Rhylie’s mood.

  “Hey Mom, what if Rhylie and I sleep in the fort tonight?” I knew she would say yes if I offered to sleep here too.

  “Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Can we? Can we? Can we?” Rhylie clasped her fingers together and was ready to beg all night long.

  Mom smiled back at me and shook her head. “Alright, but just for tonight.”

  “Yay!” Rhylie rolled on top of me with a hug. “We get to sleep in the fort!”

  “I know! Go get your PJ’s on and brush your teeth, okay?” Rhylie wiggled her way out of the fort and flew up the stairs.

  “That was nice of you,” Mom said softly. I looked over at her and she had this look on her face.

  “What’s with the face, Mom?” I knew something was bothering her.

  “I was listening to what you were talking about before I came over.” She smiled. “You are so good with her.”

  I shrugged, “she’s my bug.”

  A tear ran down her face. “I don’t know what she is going to do without you here.”

  “Mom, is that what this is?” I crawled out of the fort and hugged her. “Don’t start thinking like this. I haven’t gotten in anywhere. As of right now, I’m not going anywhere.”

  “We are just going to miss you so much.” I could feel her tears on my shirt. “And I’m just so proud of you and the person you’ve become. It took you a while, but you have finally found you, and it is going to help your sister find herself, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted as a mother.”

  I hugged her harder. “I love you, Mom.”

  “I love you too, Becka.” She released from the hug and wiped her tears. “You better go get something to do for after she passes out. Or else you are just going to be stuck in this fort watching princess movies by yourself.”

  I laughed. “Good point.”

  I headed upstairs and changed into some sweats, grabbed my journal, my phone, a book and my notebook for school.

  Twenty minutes into the movie, I looked over at my little bug as she was already fast asleep. The movie screen was flickering over her eyelids and I was hit with inspiration. I picked up my notebook and reread the prompt for the thousandth time that day. Pick an experience from your own life and explain how it has influenced your development. Here goes nothing.

  Nine

  The sun was beating down on the day and Rhylie’s little laugh was carrying in the wind. Her and her friend, Emily, were galloping around the playground and I was mesmerized by their wholesome delight. I tried to focus on the notebook and pen in front of me, but Rhylie’s laugh was too much. When she asked if I could take her and Emily to the park, I didn’t ha
ve to think long. I wanted Rhylie to take advantage of her time being a kid before reality takes over and attempts to kill her spirit.

  “Becka! Look!”

  I looked up to see the girls dangling upside down from the monkey bars, their hair blowing in the breeze. They were all smiles and so was I.

  I brought my supplies to work on my essay, but I found myself more focused on the moment. I was taking in the sun and the trees, but also my sister. I’d been so engrossed with my schooling, it hadn’t hit me that if this all worked out, I’d miss Rhylie’s laugh. I didn’t want to miss that for anything.

  “Becka?”

  I turned around from my picnic table and came face to face with Matt.

  “Matt?” He caught me off guard.

  “I thought that was you.” He lightly smiled, removing headphones from his ears. “Pink hair gave you away.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I run through here.” He pointed toward the other end of the park where a trail juts out from the woods.

  “Oh.” He took me by surprise, I didn’t know what to say. “I’m here with Rhylie and her friend.” I pointed over to the swings to the girl rocking back and forth on her belly.

  “That’s cool.” He pointed at my table. “Mind if I sit?”

  I shook my head quickly and he joined me on my bench. We both watched Rhylie wind the swing up and then let go, sending her body in quick circles.

  “That girl is something else,” Matt laughed.

  “She sure is.”

  He nodded in the direction of my notebook. “You working on your essay?”

  “I’m trying to, but I’m paying more attention to Rhylie.”

  “She is more fun to watch, I’ll give you that.” He eyed her on the swings again. I could see his smile from the corner of my eye. “Does she know you might be leaving for school?” His voice was soft, and I was grateful. Rhylie wasn’t anywhere near us, but it was almost like we couldn’t say it quietly enough.

  “No. I don’t know how I’m going to tell her. If I get in, I mean.”

  “She’s stronger than she looks, she’ll be okay,” Matt spoke sympathetically.

  “I hope so.” I was looking at Rhylie, but I could feel his eyes on me. “What?”

  “Nothing. You’re just a good sister.”

  “You said that already.”

  “And I meant it.” I couldn’t stop the blush from creeping into my cheeks. “Can I ask you something?” I nodded, unsure of how my voice would sound if I spoke. “The other day, when I told you I wanted to get to know you, what were you thinking?”

  I had to take a deep breath. That was a simple question for him but heavily loaded for me. I looked back at him and saw so much sincerity in his eyes, I didn’t feel afraid to talk to him. Nervous as hell, but not necessarily afraid. I combed my hair away from my face and went for it.

  “I didn’t know why.”

  “What do you mean why? Like, why would I want to get to know you?” I agreed. I could tell a million things were going through his mind. I wanted to try and explain.

  “My old friends didn’t know me. They knew things about me and used it to their advantage, but they never truly knew me. So, when you said that, I didn’t understand.”

  “Wow…I did not see that coming.”

  “What did you think I was going to say?”

  “Honestly, when I told you I wanted to get to know you, this look came across your face. Like you were worried almost, but I couldn’t figure out why. I assumed I was going to get some answer like I just got out of a relationship and I’m focusing on me right now,” his female impression made me snort. “But you questioning why I would want to know you is…different.”

  “I guess I’m just full of surprises,” I joked, trying to lighten the mood away from my differences.

  “I guess so.” He looked back at me like he was trying to read me.

  “I’ve just been through some stuff. I wasn’t around the best people, so I’m not used to people caring.”

  He nodded. “I get that. But just so you know, whether it’s good or bad, I care.”

  I didn’t have time to blush because a high-pitched wail cried out from the playground, causing everyone to catch their breath.

  I don’t know how I got over there so quickly, but I was knee-deep in the sand before anyone else.

  “Rhylie, what happened?” My bug was on her back as tears streamed down her face with each cry, her left arm clutched to her chest.

  “Becka! It hurts!” She was losing her breath as she cried, her words coming out in syllables. “It hurts so bad!”

  “What hurts, Bug? You gotta tell me what hurts.” I assumed it was her arm but I wanted her to tell me so I knew she was okay. Her friend Emily was standing over us in shock.

  “Rhylie, calm down, sweetie.” Matt appeared right next to me, smoothing her hair from her face. “Try to breathe, it’s okay.”

  It was like magic. Rhylie met Matt’s eyes and it was like an assisted breathing machine. Her tears continued to flow but there was no sound, just matched inhales and exhales.

  “Better?” Matt asked her. She nodded her head as best she could. “Good, now can you tell me what happened?”

  She used her right arm to point at the swings. “I was swinging really high, and I jumped off and landed on my arm.” Her hiccups were coming back. “It really hurts.”

  “I bet it does.” He was so calming. I couldn’t look away. “Can I look at your arm? To see if it’s hurt?”

  Rhylie looked suspicious about it, but she agreed. “Okay, just don’t touch it!” Tears started coming again. “Please, don’t touch it!”

  “I won’t touch it; I’m just going to look.” Matt leaned over her body to look at the arm still clinging to her chest. It was already swollen and shiny. We both knew it was broken, we just had to keep her calm.

  “Is it okay?” Rhylie’s words were shaky.

  “I think so,” Matt smiled down at her, “but I think we might have to have a doctor look at it, just in case.”

  “I don’t like doctors!” Rhylie squealed.

  “Bug, it’s okay. They just have to look and see if it’s okay. It will be fine, I promise.”

  “Will you go with me?” Her eyes were pleading.

  “Of course, I will, Bug!” I leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be with you the whole time, I promise.”

  “Can Matt come too?”

  I didn’t want to answer for him, but it was okay because he didn’t even give me a chance.

  “Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss it.” He smiled again, calming her once more.

  Matt gently picked her up and out of the sand. Rhylie flinched at first, but once she was in his arms, she was calm and secure, resting her head on his chest. I was entranced. I was worried about my sister, but Matt: Holy crap.

  “Come on, sweetie.” I took Emily by the hand and went back to my car. “I’m going to take you home, okay?”

  Emily nodded slightly, still scared from what happened. “Is Rhylie going to be okay?”

  I nodded. “She’s going to be fine.” I opened the passenger side door for her. “Ride up here with me.”

  Emily nodded again and hopped in the seat, ready to go home. Matt was already in the back, holding Rhylie close to him.

  I knew I needed to call my mom and let her know what happened. She was teaching an art class at the community college. I was hoping and praying she still answered. But it rang six times and went to voicemail. Damnit.

  “Hey Mom, I know you have a class, but Rhylie fell at the park and I think she broke her arm. I’m taking Emily home and then I’m bringing her to the hospital. She’s okay. Call me.” It would have to do.

  I drove faster than I should, but I was worried about my sister. Matt continued to subdue her tears, but I knew she was in pain, I could feel it. I just wanted to take it away.

  Dropping off Emily took thirty seconds thankfully. Her mom understood and sent me off to take
care of Rhylie, and I was very grateful for that.

  “How you doing, Bug?” I asked during the drive.

  “I’m okay,” she said through sniffles. “It still hurts.”

  “I know, we are almost there, and the doctor is going to make it feel tons better.” I tried to sound as cheerful and as not panicked as I could.

  The ER was buzzing. People were everywhere, nurses running around, it felt like chaos. A strange smell was in the air and the lights were far too bright for comfort, but the situation was far from comforting. I went straight to the desk where a lady in teal scrubs was typing on the computer.

  “Excuse me,” I said loudly. “I need some help for my sister.”

  “What’s the problem?” Her eyes didn’t move from the computer screen as she spoke.

  “She fell and I’m pretty sure she broke her arm. She’s in a lot of pain and she needs a doctor.”

  Like a robot, she grabbed a clipboard to her right and handed it back to me, eyes still glued on the screen. “Fill this out with her information and insurance and we will see you when we can.”

  I was trying to keep my cool, but I was barely hanging on. I didn’t bother to move, I filled out the forms right there, not losing my spot.

  “Miss, please have a seat while you fill out the forms,” the robot spoke again.

  “It will just take a second.” I was already halfway done.

  “Miss, there are other people in line that need my assistance, so could you please have a seat and get back in line when you are ready?”

  I shook my head as I filled out the forms. “I’m almost done, then you can have the forms and my sister can be seen.”

  “Miss, don’t make me tell you again.” Her tone changed quickly. I looked up at her and she was standing up from her chair, finally meeting my eyes. “Please, have a seat.”

  I turned around and the line behind me grew within seconds. But toward the back I saw my girl, fear in her eyes and an arm buried in her chest, changing color like the sunset.

  “Please,” I looked at her nametag, “Heather, do you see that little girl back there?” I pointed to Rhylie and Matt. “She is scared and hurt and needs help and she is only going to get that if I am up here. Please just let me fill this out so she can be seen. That’s all I’m asking.”

 

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