I Go Where You Go

by Jaelyn Hardin

  “I’m sorry,” he said softly.

  “Stop, you don’t have to be.” I looked back at him and touched his face. “Just be careful, please. I can’t lose you.”

  “You won’t, I promise.” He leaned in and kissed me softly, putting his apology in his kiss.

  We kissed for a while, not ready to say goodbye. People were walking all around us, finding their cars and leaving the school, but we were kissing like we were alone. Matt’s hands were entangled in my hair and my fingers were pulling on his belt loops, pulling him closer as I had flashbacks of the night before in the auto shop.

  The cars slowly disappeared, and Matt and I were left alone, finally.

  “Looks like we cleared the place out,” I joked, making him laugh. He looked down at me sweetly. I knew the goodbye was coming.

  “I hate to do this, but I have to get going.” His smile slowly disappeared.

  I nodded and smiled, trying to show him I was okay. “I know, it’s okay.”

  “But I have something for you!” He quickly reached in the car and came back out with a light gray hoodie with Murphy’s Auto Shop printed on the front.

  “You brought me a sweater?” I was unable to hide my smile. He was too sweet.

  He shrugged like it was nothing. “I thought you might want it since you like to steal my clothes.” I laughed, holding the sweater to my face to hide my smile. “Plus, my clothes look better on you anyway.”

  “Thank you, Matt.”

  “Of course, Becks.” He kissed me quickly and held me close. “I’m sorry, I have to go, but I will let you know when I get there, okay?”

  He was the sweetest. “Okay.”

  We kissed one more time before I stepped back and let him get in his car.

  “Drive safe!”

  “I will, I promise.”

  “Bye.”

  “Bye.”

  The house smelled of turkey and stuffing, filling everyone’s noses and rumbling their stomachs. The bird was cooking, dishes were warming, and the pies were almost finished, the scene of Thanksgiving was set.

  The night before, Mom and I made a last-minute run to the store, grabbing anything extra we might need for dinner. I was trying to keep my mind from missing Matt too much. He had been gone for thirty-six hours, and I was struggling. I dove straight into helping with Thanksgiving to take my mind off it.

  As we strolled the aisles, Mom asked what I was trying to avoid.

  “How are you?”

  Of course, I lied. “I’m fine, a little tired.”

  “Doing okay with Matt not being here?” She was being calm with her words, and I appreciated it.

  I nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s only for three days.”

  “That’s true,” she agreed, grabbing jars of corn from the shelf. “So, what are they doing for Thanksgiving? Dani and Michael?”

  That was an excellent question. “I have no idea.” I felt bad for not knowing. I was so preoccupied with Matt I hadn’t even thought to ask. I clicked Dani’s contact on my phone and waited for the ringing to subside.

  “Hello, my love.” I heard her smile on the other end.

  “So, I feel like an asshole.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’ve been so wrapped up in Matt not being here for break, I didn’t even ask what you were doing.”

  “Psh, it’s okay. It’s what? The first time you guys have been apart longer than twelve hours?” I couldn’t help but laugh. “I get it, don’t even stress.”

  “But for real, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

  “Dad and I will be home, probably watching football.”

  I looked over at Mom who was waiting for an answer. “Hold, please.”

  “Okay?” Dani laughed.

  I covered the phone and relayed my information. “She and Michael are staying at home and watching football.”

  Maggie shook her head violently. “No. Tell her they can come over anytime tomorrow.”

  “Michael too?”

  “Of course, Michael.” She looked at me like I had gone insane.

  “Okay, okay.” I retook my call and invited my best friend to dinner. “What do you think about having Thanksgiving with us?”

  She paused. “That’s okay, we are good staying home.”

  “Come on, Dani. You and your dad are more than welcome over at our house.”

  She paused again. She wasn’t one to pause when she spoke, it felt like something was wrong. “No, really, it’s okay. Thanks though.”

  “Are you sure?” I didn’t understand why she was turning me down. “It isn’t a big deal at all. You are more than welcome.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks though, Becka. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “Okay? Bye.” And with a beep, she was gone.

  “What’d she say?” Mom asked, showing off a crease of her own.

  “She said no thanks.” I didn’t understand. “I guess she and Michael have other plans.”

  “Oh, okay.” Mom and I could both feel the awkwardness in the air but chose to ignore it. It clearly wasn’t our business.

  Thanksgiving was fine, the house as it usually was. Ryan was watching football; Rhylie was coloring on the floor and Mom and I were preparing the food. I tried to stay as focused as I could on anything else around me, but all I wanted was to see Matt. I had no idea I was so needy when it came to distance.

  Dinner was ready and we all sat around the table, ready to devour the feast my mom prepared.

  “At my school, my teacher said that we can talk about what we are most thankful for while we eat,” Rhylie announced with a smile while shoveling potatoes into her mouth. “She said that being thankful means being happy about something or someone.” At that moment I missed Matt so much. He would have reveled in her brains.

  “What are you thankful for, sweetie?” Mom asked, feeding into her. She took another bite of her food and thought carefully, as she always did. I pulled out my phone and started recording her speech.

  “I’m thankful for my bike because I love to ride it. I’m thankful for my school because it is my favorite place. I’m thankful for Mommy, cause’ she’s my mommy. I’m thankful for Ryan for being a great big brother. I’m thankful for Becka for being a great big sister. I’m thankful for all my friends who are nice to me. And I’m thankful for Matt for being my bestest friend.”

  This girl brought me to tears. Mom wiped hers away quickly, but I let mine linger a little longer.

  “Matt is your bestest friend, huh?” I asked, angling my phone so she wouldn’t see the camera. She nodded her head dramatically. “Why is Matt your bestest friend?”

  “Because he plays with me and takes me on bike rides, and colors with me, and he’s nice.” Her smile was so contagious, we all felt it. I zoomed in on Rhylie’s nearly toothless smile before immediately sending it to Matt.

  Football had resumed and we were all filled to the brim on food. We left everything on the table, too stuffed on turkey to even think about packing everything up. Relaxation was needed. I took that moment to talk to my man. He had already responded to Rhylie’s thankful speech.

  Matt: Are you trying to make me cry?!?!

  Me: LOL Definitely not, but for real, how sweet was that?

  Matt: I love that girl.

  Me: I know you do :) How’s thanksgiving?

  Matt: It’s good, the twins are down for a nap so we are watching football. Hbu?

  Me: It’s good, we are all in food comas

  Matt: I miss you…

  Me: Needy!

  Matt: …

  Me: You know I miss you too…so much

  Matt: Did you dress up for thanksgiving?

  Me: If your sweatshirt and sweatpants count as dressed up, then yes

  Matt: Thank god

  Me: Why?

  Matt: Had to make sure you aren’t wearing that black dress without me

  Me: I might be able to wear it tomorrow… if you want

  Matt: I want that very much. I
won’t be able to sleep if you wear that dress

  I looked around the room to make sure no one could see me blushing. The air felt extremely hot, but I think I was the only one to notice. The feelings that Matt was giving me were not appropriate to have with my mom sitting next to me. I locked myself in the bathroom and sat on the floor.

  Me: What if I want to do more than just sleep?

  Matt: Then that dress will definitely do the trick

  I fanned off my face, trying to stop it from blushing too quickly.

  Matt: Are you sure? I have no problem waiting. I just want you to be okay.

  Me: I’m more than sure. Tomorrow?

  Matt: You, me, that black dress, and my bed? Gonna be the best Friday I’ve ever had

  Me: I can’t wait to see you

  Matt: I can’t wait to see you in that dress

  Me: What do you like about it?

  Matt: You really want to know?

  Me: Yes. Please…

  We were reaching dangerous territory. We had never sexted before. Nothing more than talking about kissing each other, but I was dying to hear him talk to me like that again.

  Matt: I like the way you can see every curve of your body. I like how it shows your legs.

  Me: You like my legs?

  Matt: I love your legs, Becks. They are so beautiful. I can’t wait to touch them. I’d give anything to just rub my hands up and down your legs

  My breathing had increased rapidly at reading his words. Just knowing how he feels about me was overwhelming in the best way. I couldn’t get enough of it.

  I got up from the floor, my blood pumping quickly. I slid off my sweatpants, only wearing Matt’s sweatshirt. I tousled my hair, trying to look sexy. I posed in the mirror behind the door, the sweater covering my underwear so it looked like I was wearing nothing, and I flexed my leg to show off my quad muscle. I snapped the picture and sent it to him before I could change my mind.

  Matt: Damnit Becka…

  Me: Tell me what you’re thinking

  Matt: I’m thinking that I can’t believe how beautiful you are. I’m thinking that I wish we were together so you could wrap those legs around me… would that be okay?

  Me: Maybe…

  Matt: Maybe?

  Me: Only if you kiss my neck

  Matt: I can definitely do that. I’ll do anything you want. Especially if you moan for me

  Me: I can do that for you

  Matt: I miss you so much. It’s barely been 48 hours and I’m about to drive back right now

  Me: Lol don’t do that. I wish you were here but I want you to spend time with your family

  Matt: I’ll make up for it tomorrow ;) Do me a favor?

  Me: What’s that?

  Matt: Put some pants on. Just the thought of those walking around bare is doing things to me

  I coughed out a laugh at his words, loving this side of him. I pulled my sweatpants back on and snapped another picture with just a smile this time. He replied quickly.

  Matt: Just as beautiful :) That might have to be my lock screen

  Me: I look messy! Don’t put that as your lock screen!

  Matt: You look perfect, how could I not?

  Me: Can I have a picture too? I’m in need of a new lock screen

  A little over a minute passed before a picture came through. His hair was messy, a shadow of a beard growing on his face. He wore a plain blue t-shirt, and his eyes were dark just the way I liked them. His jawline strong and smile bright. I couldn’t get enough of him. I immediately set it as my home and lock screen.

  Matt: Will that work?

  Me: It should hold me over until I get the real thing back

  Matt: LOL glad I can be of service. Video chat with me later?

  Me: Of course :)

  The house was quiet, every person dead asleep except for me. Even after all the food, I couldn’t find the feeling of sleep. I lit my desk lamp and sat in my window with my journal, my best thoughts spilling out.

  My pen was flying across the page when my phone went off and Matt’s name appeared on my screen.

  “Hi,” I smiled.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Nothing, just hanging out in my room.”

  “Are you alone?” he sang out, making me giggle.

  “Who else would be in my room? Dork.”

  “Fair point, would you like to video chat?

  I got all tingly and excited at the idea of seeing his face. “I would like that very much. But I have to warn you, I still didn’t get dolled up.”

  “Whatever, stop lying.”

  I laughed again. “I’m definitely not lying. I look a mess.”

  “I’ll be the judge of that.” Matt pressed the video chat button and within seconds my favorite face was in front of me, only a screen separating us.

  “There’s my girl,” Matt was lying on his side, his elbow propped up and holding his head. His smile lit up my screen.

  “Hi,” I grinned from ear to ear, so happy to see him. I tried to comb back my hair and get it out of my face. “I told you I look messy.”

  He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Definitely not. You look perfect. Especially in my sweater.”

  Blush rose to my cheeks. “Perfect, huh? Compliments like that and I may never dress up again.” We laughed together, feeling like normal.

  “You could wear whatever you want, and I’ll still feel the same. You look perfect as long as you’re smiling.”

  I felt my cheeks redden. “So magical this evening.”

  He shrugged like he always does. “I might miss you.”

  “Yea?”

  “Yea,” he gave me those eyes that made my knees weak, I was glad I wasn’t standing.

  “How is your visit so far?”

  The stress disappeared from his face and I found that genuine smile I adored so much. “It’s been great, honestly. Seeing my aunt again has been nice. She reminds me just enough of my mom to make it okay but not enough to upset me.”

  I nodded. “She’s like home.”

  “Yea, exactly. It’s been nice. I haven’t spent time with my Uncle Andrew in a while, not since I was a lot younger, so it’s good to see him. And their kids are so cute. Sierra is kind of shy, but those twins are a handful.”

  “Three-year-old twins? Uhm, yea. Sounds like it.” I laughed, glad that he was having such a nice time. “How many sets of twins are in your family?”

  He looked up to the ceiling, scanning his brain quickly. “Well, there’s me and Dani, Dylan and Emily…and then my mom’s mom, my grandma, she was a twin.”

  “That’s a lot of twins!” I hadn’t realized how genetic that gene really was.

  He nodded. “For sure, something to look forward to in the future.”

  A rush of heat went over my body like a morphine drip. He was talking about having kids in the future, but did that future include me? Could I have twins one day?

  “I’m glad you are having fun.” I tried to stay calm, even though I guarantee he saw my crease.

  “It’s been nice, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about you practically all day.”

  “You’re supposed to be spending time with family!” I laughed, still feeling special. “You get me when you get back, make sure you spend time with them.”

  “I am, it’s just different.”

  “What is?”

  “Missing someone this much.” His smile was contagious. “It’s been two days, and I already can’t wait to see you.”

  “One more day. What time are you getting back tomorrow?”

  “Probably around eight, if traffic is on my side.”

  “Then I guess I’ll see you at eight.” I smiled shyly, remembering what we talked about earlier.

  “I can’t wait,” he whispered. It was so close it was like I could feel it in my toes. “I can’t wait to be with you.”

  “Me too.”

  A nervous look came across his face. “I hope I didn’t come off too strong earlier…with
how we were texting.”

  I shook my head quickly. “I initiated it, remember?”

  He nodded with a goofy smile. “Oh, I remember.” Blush immediately rushed to my cheeks. “And it was awesome.”

  “You’re embarrassing me!”

  His laughter shot out. “I’m sorry, it was just…awesome.”

  “I’ve never done that before…” I admitted.

  “Me either.”

  My eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Really?”

  He shrugged. “I mean, the first girl I was with, I didn’t know her well or long enough to talk like that with her. And it wasn’t something I did with the other girl I dated. Or it wasn’t something I wanted to do with her. I told you I slept with her, but I didn’t feel nearly as good about her as I do about you.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I loved how honest he was with me about everything. It wasn’t something I had experienced before. But he constantly put everything out there, never letting me assume.

  “Well, I’m glad we got to do it together.”

  “Me too.”

  We talked for a while. Some of it was talking, some of it just staring at each other through the screen. Either way, it didn’t matter to me. It was our way of being together without actually being together, and I was grateful. We talked until I watched his eyelids fall and not pick back up.

  Friday had finally come, and I was peeing with excitement. My cheeks hurt from smiling, even though the day dragged on. But it didn’t matter what the day had in store for me, as long as I got to see Matt at the end of it.

  I straighten my hair and packed for my evening, including a black tank top with lace along the top and black boy short bottoms to sleep in. I decided against packing a bra, hopefully challenging Matt’s willpower. I put clothes for the next day in the bag and smiled, I was beyond ready to start my Friday.

  Rhylie, however, was not.

  “You are leaving again?” Rhylie hollered as I came down the stairs. She was wearing a blue princess dress and her turtle shell from Halloween.

  “It’s Friday, Bug. You know I go to Dani’s to watch movies on Fridays.”