I Go Where You Go

by Jaelyn Hardin

  “Come on, let’s go see your man.”

  I followed her down the stairs and answered the door, finding my favorite person. He was wearing a dark blue short-sleeve button-up, khaki pants, and white vans. He hadn’t shaved in a few days, so he was looking a little scruffy, but mixed with his dark eyes looking back at me, I thought he was the epitome of sexy.

  “Woah,” he spoke before I could.

  “Hi,” I smiled. I watched his eyes start with mine and work their way all the way down to my shoes. They came right back up but stopped at my lips for a few seconds longer. “Matt,” I whispered to him, trying to get his attention.

  “What?” he snapped out of it.

  “Hi,” I laughed.

  “Hi. Sorry, you just…woah.” His smile caused a sparkle up my legs. He enlaced his fingers with mine and leaned in to kiss me. “You look beautiful, Becks.”

  “Thank you.” He kissed me softly, almost making me blush. “You look so handsome,” I whispered on his lips.

  “I tried.” He kissed me again, deeper this time. Any time he put his lips on mine a flurry of excitement rushed over me. It was electric.

  Not a moment too soon Rhylie came flying down the stairs. “Matt!”

  “Rhylie!” he hollered back just as high pitched. He picked up my jumping sister and hugged her tightly. “How are you?”

  “I’m great! I got a star on my spelling test!” She was so proud of herself. Her enthusiasm hadn’t dropped a single gear from when she told me the same news hours ago.

  “That’s great!” He reached his hand up and smacked a high five with her. “I’m so proud of you!”

  “Mom put it on the fridge! Do you want to see it?” Her eyes dropped quickly, almost nervous that he wouldn’t want to share in her joy.

  “Of course, I do. To the fridge!” He swung her onto his back like a cape and together they flew to the kitchen. My heart was fluttering inside my chest and my cheeks already ached from smiling. Man, I loved him.

  Mom watched the two of them over her wine glass at the kitchen table. She was trying to be quiet about it, but I knew she was just as entranced by him as I was.

  Matt awed about Rhylie’s test, making Rhylie feel on top of the world. But she wasn’t ready to say goodbye quite yet.

  “Sorry Rhylie, but Becka and I are going to go have dinner with my dad tonight.”

  She pouted immediately. “Can I come?”

  “Not tonight, sweetie.” Mom let her down for him. “This is just for them.”

  “Aww, but I want to go.”

  Matt squatted down so he was eye level with her. “Hey, how about me and you hang out this weekend?”

  Her smile came back just as quick as it was gone. “Really?”

  “Absolutely!” Rhylie draped her arms around his neck so fast I thought Matt lost air.

  “I’m so excited!” she squealed. “It’s going to be so much fun!” He smiled down at her so genuinely, the rest of us were melting.

  “Alright, you guys don’t want to be late,” Mom interjected. “You should get going. But…” she dragged out her last words like she was singing a song. “Don’t hate me, but can I please get a picture of you two?”

  “Mom,” I groaned. She was being cheesy.

  “Oh, come on. You both look so nice. It will only take a second.” She held up her phone, just waiting for us to cooperate.

  “Sure.” Matt immediately moved to my side, having no objection. He was such a trooper. He wrapped one arm around my lower back and pulled our sides together. We fit together perfectly.

  “Smile!” Mom’s flash went off and I was really smiling. It felt nice.

  “My turn!” Rhylie ran over to Matt and jumped in his arms. Her blue tutu was enveloping most of the space, but with Rhylie on Matt’s hip, while he held me close, I knew this picture would be one of my favorites.

  Matt squeezed my hand tightly as he spoke on our way to dinner. “I talked to Dani after school. I told her not to say anything to my dad about college. Hopefully, she doesn’t forget.”

  “I think you might be overthinking this.”

  “Yea?” I nodded. “Why?”

  “I just think that you are nervous about your dad, which you have every right to be. But I just don’t think he will do anything in public.”

  I heard him take a deep breath. “I hope not.”

  The restaurant was local and very popular, especially for a Friday evening. There were a lot of people waiting outside for tables, but Matt assured me that Dani called ahead and got a table so we should be fine. We made our way through the pack of hungry people and followed the maze of tables and chairs until we finally found Dani and Michael sitting side by side in a booth. Dani was sipping silently on a glass of water with lemon. Michael had a shorter glass in front of him, the kind of glass that only held liquor.

  “Hey guys, sorry we’re late,” Matt said politely as we sat down.

  “Don’t sweat it, we sat down like five minutes ago,” Dani insisted.

  “Hi Becka, how have you been?” Michael asked me with a smile. His smile was more like Dani’s than Matt’s. He looked good though. His hair was combed back, able to see the gray coming through the brown. He had more wrinkles on his face than I remembered, but I hadn’t seen him in a while. He too wore a button-up like Matt, looking nice and handsome. I looked at him and saw Dennis Quaid for some reason.

  “I’ve been great,” I smiled back, trying to keep everything light and happy. “How about you?”

  He shrugged a little before answering. “Doing good, just been busy working. Same ole, same ole.” He picked up the short glass and took a sip. Matt started gripping his kneecaps with his hands. I knew it was from stress because his veins were doing that pulsing thing. I reached for his hand and held it in mine. This was going to be okay.

  The waitress came by and got our drink orders.

  “I’ll just have water, please,” I asked.

  “Water is fine for me too. Thank you,” Matt agreed.

  “Sounds good.” The tiny blonde waitress smiled over at Dani and Michael. “Are you two still doing okay?”

  “I’m fine, thank you,” Dani said.

  “I’ll have another when you get a chance.” Michael picked up his short glass and downed the rest of the brown liquid.

  Tiny blonde typed it on her iPad. “I’m on it. I’ll be back in a little bit to take your order.”

  The table was silent. Matt and Michael were staring each other down so intensely, I didn’t know who was going to break first.

  “I’m starving,” Dani spoke up to break the silence. “Anybody know what they are having?”

  “Steak, probably,” Michael said. “They make a mean steak here.”

  “I’m thinking the alfredo. I’m in the mood for carbs.” Dani smiled, hoping someone would get her joke. I laughed, knowing her humor. “Becka? Any ideas?”

  “Yes, but you aren’t allowed to yell at me.”

  Her eyes turned narrow. “If you say a salad –”

  “I’m saying a salad.”

  “Boo!” She threw her napkin at me from across the table. “You are not a rabbit, don’t eat rabbit food.”

  “Have you ever actually eaten a cobb salad?” I asked. “Do you have any concept of how delicious it is?”

  “I can’t hear you. I’m thinking about carbs.”

  I looked over at Matt to see if he was laughing with us, but again it was forced. The corners of his cheeks were up but not like normal, not like how I liked it.

  “What am I missing here?” Michael asked.

  “Do you want to explain, Matt?” Dani asked him, trying to involve him and get him out of his head.

  He shook his head no. “That’s okay, you go ahead.”

  We were both disappointed, but she had to explain.

  “When we first met Becka, she was an all healthy, no fun type of person. She refused to eat carbs of any kind. We took her to the diner, and we told her all about the waffles and when it came tim
e to order, this girl orders an egg white omelet.”

  “I still really want to try that omelet,” I added.

  “Those waffles are too good. You would never disrespect them by ordering egg whites.”

  “I’m just saying.” I threw my hands up in defeat. I lost the waffle fight before; I knew I would lose it again. “I’m still getting a salad.”

  Things seemed a little better. I was waiting for Matt to get back in the game, but it hadn’t come yet. Tiny Blonde came back with more waters and the short, brown glass. The second it was on the table it seemed like all progress was lost.

  “Are you guys ready to order?”

  We went around the table, steak, alfredo, cobb, and a burger being ordered. Michael had already downed half his drink by the time Tiny Blonde was gone. We all noticed.

  “Oh, dude!” Dani yelled. “How was your meet?”

  “Came in second in the relay.”

  “That’s great! Good job!” She reached up and high fived me over the table. “Sorry I wasn’t there.”

  I waved her off. “It’s fine. It was just a meet. There will be plenty more.”

  Michael cut in. “What do you run? Long-distance or sprints?”

  Matt started squeezing my hand again, it was breaking my concentration. “A little bit of both, I guess. I do distance relays. It is longer distances, but I am sprinting them.”

  “She came in first at her first meet,” Dani chimed in, clearly trying to make conversation. “She blew everyone out of the water.”

  “That’s impressive. I know Matt likes to run. You two must have that in common.” I could tell Michael was trying to be cordial, but it wasn’t enough for Matt.

  “Yea, we go on runs together sometimes.” I looked back at him and smiled, but he only gave me a half one. I knew he wasn’t in it.

  “That’s good to hear.” Michael nodded in approval. He rubbed his hands together quickly before speaking, just like Matt does. “So, tell me about yourself. Do you have any siblings?”

  I nodded. “I have an older brother and a younger sister.”

  “Tell me about them,” he said and sipped again.

  “My brother, Ryan, is nineteen. He is going to school for criminal justice. And my sister, Rhylie, is seven.”

  His eyebrows touched his forehead wrinkles. “Nineteen and seven? That’s a pretty big age gap. How’d that happen?”

  Matt squeezed again, but this time I knew it was for me. “Just happened, I guess.” I tried to let it roll off. How was he supposed to know? No one but my family and Matt knew. It didn’t mean anything.

  “What do your parents do?” Another question and another sip.

  “It’s just my mom,” I wanted to make that clear. I hated when there was confusion. “But she is a painter. She teaches art classes at the community college and sells some of her paintings.”

  “You should see her paintings, Dad,” Dani with the assist. “They are so good. Her mom is super talented.”

  He nodded slowly, raising the brown liquid to his lips. “And your dad?”

  I looked at him in disbelief. I thought I made it clear.

  “It’s just her mom,” Matt spoke so sternly, you would’ve thought he was the adult in this now too-small booth.

  “Oh, my bad.” He looked down at the remainder of the liquid sloshing the glass and finished it off clean. The silence was back. I didn’t have anything up my sleeve to save it. Thankfully, for everyone, the food came. Tiny Blonde gave everyone their meals which included another short glass for Michael.

  “Thought you might be needing another one of those,” she smiled as she put it down.

  “You read my mind.” Together they laughed, and I sat with his children in a pool of uncomfortableness. Thank god the food was there to justify the silence.

  We ate quietly. Michael seemed to be eating normally, from what I could tell. The rest of us just felt awkward. Well, I was awkward. Matt was angry, and Dani was on the verge of becoming irritated with the whole thing. She had done a good job of trying to keep it all together, but I didn’t think it was going to last much longer.

  Just when I thought we might survive, Michael and his half a glass of brown liquid came back. “So, how long have you two been dating?” There was a look in his eye like he thought it was funny. I couldn’t tell if it was meant to be a joke, but I was extremely uncomfortable. He was drunk, or at least close to it.

  “Close to two months,” Matt spoke, just as stern as last time.

  “You seem pretty serious for not even two months,” Michael added. He looked back at us like it was a joke. I sipped my water in frustration, unsure of what to do.

  “Come on, Dad.” Dani nudged him with her elbow. “They’re happy, leave them alone.”

  “I’m just saying. How well can you really know someone in a few weeks?”

  “What does it matter?” Matt snapped, clearly agitated.

  “It matters cause you’re young.” He acted like the answer was obvious.

  “And?” Matt was done.

  “And you have your whole life ahead of you.” He rolled his eyes and cut another piece off his steak.

  “What does that have to do with anything?” Dani hit her annoyance meter as well.

  “I mean, think about it. You guys are seniors. Soon enough you will be going to college and meeting new people. What’s the point in settling down now when there is so much world to see? Putting all your eggs in one basket just seems like a waste of time.” He sipped his drink again with a chunk of steak in his mouth. “You know? Like, Becka, are you going to college?”

  “Yes, I plan on it,” I spoke beyond the realm of discomfort.

  “Where at?”

  I took a deep breath before speaking. “I applied to Barnett University.”

  “There you go!” He pointed his fork at me and raised the volume of his voice. The entire restaurant was loud, so it wasn’t like anyone noticed, but going from silence to that was evident. “Barnett’s over in Cedar, right? That’s what? Five? Six hours away? And across state lines! How are you guys going to make it work with her being six hours away?”

  “It won’t be that hard,” Matt said, glaring at his father.

  “How’s that?” he laughed, not seeing how Matt could have any sort of plan.

  “Since I’ll be there with her, I don’t really see the problem.”

  My mind was frozen. I could still move, but my mind had gone completely blank. I couldn’t think. But I didn’t need to think to take his hand when he reached for mine.

  “What?” Michael snapped.

  “I got into Barnett.” Matt lifted our enlaced hands to his lips and kissed my portion of it. I squeezed his hand tightly and nodded, telling him that I believed in him.

  “When did this happen?” Michael wasn’t joking anymore, but I couldn’t tell his emotion. It was almost a cross of upset and hurt with anger.

  “I just found out.”

  “And you weren’t going to tell me?”

  “I wasn’t planning on it. But then you insulted my girlfriend and our relationship. You didn’t really leave me a choice.”

  Michael leaned back against the seat and crossed his arms over his chest. I didn’t think a smile was going to creep upon his face, but there it was. He reached for his glass and held it for a moment, almost enjoying the awkwardness. “So, you’re moving out of state?”

  Matt nodded firmly. “Yea, I am.”

  He chuckled, throwing me off again. “Well, that’s just great.” He lifted the glass to his lips, but it didn’t make it down the hatch this time.

  “Can you stop drinking for five fucking seconds?” Matt snapped at him, catching me off guard more than anything. The only other time I’d ever heard him snap was when he punched Aiden. I didn’t know what to think, but I couldn’t blame him.

  “I can’t have a drink now?” Michael snapped back, slamming the glass on the table.

  “A drink or an entire bottle?”

  “What does it matt
er to you?” He lifted the glass again. “You’re moving, remember?”

  “I wonder why.” Matt slammed his napkin on the table, more upset than I had ever seen him. I hated every second of this for him. This was awful.

  Out of nowhere, Michael got out of the booth. He lifted his glass like he was going to toast. “Well, congratulations Matt. Your mom would’ve been proud.”

  Michael downed the rest of his drink, dropped the cup on the table, and headed for the bar. The bomb had been dropped.

  Matt’s hand was shaking in mine. No matter how hard I squeezed, it wouldn’t stop shaking. His veins were at full capacity, practically on the verge of popping.

  “Matt.” I tried to get him to look at me, but he was gone. It was like when he hit Aiden except so much worse. “Matt.” There was no getting through to him.

  “Get him out of here.” I barely heard her through the restaurant, but I made out Dani’s words.

  “Are you okay to get home?” I didn’t want to leave her alone with Michael.

  “I’m fine. Go. Now.”

  “Matt, let’s go.” I tried to nudge him out, but his eyes were still on his dad who was now downing a shot at the other end of the bar. I knew he wasn’t in reality. I grabbed ahold of his chin and turned it to me. “Matt,” I whispered to him. His eyes met mine this time, finally. “Let’s go.”

  Matt slid out of the booth and went straight for the exit. I stayed right behind him as best I could, but he was moving quickly. When we made it to his car, I knew I couldn’t let him drive. He wasn’t in the right place mentally. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him, but it just wasn’t safe. He went for the driver’s side door, but I grabbed his arm. I held out my hand, waiting for the keys. He wasn’t in a place to fight me. He dropped the keys in my hand and went to the other side easily.

  I drove silently to our spot because I wasn’t sure where else to go. I don’t think I really forced him, but I made him hold my hand the entire way because I was determined for him to know I was there for him no matter what.

  I made it to the park and turned the car off. We sat silently for a long time. Matt stared straight ahead, but he held my hand tightly, letting his veins slowly deflate. I knew it would take time, I just had to wait.

  The moon set over the car and we still hadn’t moved. I couldn’t tell how much time had passed, but I would’ve stayed there as long as he needed me to. I rested my eyes and leaned my head back, ready to wait for him.