I Go Where You Go

by Jaelyn Hardin

  “You don’t have to be sorry for anything.”

  He looked at me and wiped the worry from his face. “I just…I didn’t know how to go in there and talk to him.”

  “What did you want to say to him?” I closed my journal and gave him my full attention.

  “I wanted to yell. I wanted to be mad at him for all of his bullshit.” He rung out his hands again. “But I can’t do that now. He’s in rehab, he’s getting help. I can’t yell at him. I’m not allowed to be pissed anymore.”

  “Yes, you are,” I insisted. “No one said that just because he is getting better that you have to forgive and forget.”

  He sighed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

  “Are you going to read the letter?”

  “Do you think I should?”

  I nodded. “He wrote it post-alcohol, after therapy. I think that whatever he has to say is probably the closest to the truth you have ever gotten. It might help you figure out what to say to him.”

  He nodded again, thinking still. “Yeah, okay.”

  “You don’t have to read it today, but I think you should at some point. I think it will help.”

  “Thank you, Becka.” He smiled back at me like he used to. “Thank you for everything.”

  “I go where you go.”

  “Come here.” I put my journal on the table and curled up in his arms, laying my face on his chest and breathing in his scent. “I love you, you know.”

  I smiled to myself. “I know. I love you too.”

  “And I know that things haven’t been the smoothest lately, but I hope you know how important it is that you trust me again.” He planted tiny kisses on my head, making me feel tingly. “I still want a future with you…more than anything.”

  “Will you tell me about our future?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “What does our future look like to you?” I felt his heartbeat quicken underneath his sweater.

  “Can I show you?”

  I leaned back to meet his eyes; my crease fully activated. “Show me?”

  His smile was the biggest I’d seen since we got back together. He kissed me quickly before unraveling from me and hopping from the couch to the front door. “Meet me at my house at seven-thirty.”

  “What?” I sat up in bewilderment. “What are you talking about?”

  “I want to show you something. My house, seven-thirty.” I stared back at him, totally unsure about what was going on. “Hey,” he cut off my thoughts. “Just trust me. I love you.” He closed the door and he was gone.

  I showered, washed my hair, and shaved my legs. I didn’t know what he was planning, but I was almost excited. I knew what he was capable of when it came to surprises. Hopefully, old Matt would show up and sweep me off my feet one more time. Dani found me in my closet looking through clothes after her nap.

  “Hey, sleepy.” I laughed, looking at her mess of dreads.

  “What’s up?” She spoke through a yawn and a giant stretch.

  “You’ve been asleep for a while.”

  “I was dead from that drive. Over six hours in a car and we got up so early. I needed it.” She finished her stretch before nodding at the clothes in my arms. “What’s with the clothes?”

  “Matt told me to meet him at your house in a little bit. So, I’m trying to find something to wear.”

  “My house?” She crinkled her eyebrows. “Any ideas?”

  “Not a clue.”

  She shrugged. “Find something to wear and I’ll do your hair.”

  It took me a while to decide, but I figured that if Matt was going to try and do something sweet for me, I could do the same for him. I threw on the black dress with the green flannel. It had been a long time since I’d worn it, but I felt the magic in the dress when I slipped it on. Dani noticed too when I re-entered the bathroom.

  “You guys are gonna get it on,” she sang loudly.

  “Dani,” I groaned.

  “I mean, it’s about time. Have you guys had sex since he got back?”

  “There’s just been a lot to deal with. But we are working on it.”

  “Well, I hope you guys figure it out. You are too perfect for each other to not be together.” She smiled. “And I don’t mean like that stupid, fairytale love that’s full of butterflies and rainbows and bullshit that doesn’t last. I mean like…you guys are like what everyone wants in fifty years. That real stuff that you don’t have to pretend or fake. The stuff that is genuine and just…real.”

  “Are you trying to make me cry?”

  “I’m just saying. You guys were made for each other, in the best way possible.”

  Dani finished my hair and helped me with my makeup. I applied lotion to my legs and added the burgundy lipstick. Whatever Matt had in store, I was ready.

  Rocky and I went to the porch and knocked. Normally I would’ve just walked in but knocking felt most appropriate.

  Matt opened the door quickly, showing me that perfect smile. His beard was gone, and his hair was pushed back nicely. He wore a dark blue button-up and khaki pants. He looked fresh from the shower.

  “Hi, honey, welcome home.”

  I couldn’t help but smile, but the smile didn’t hide my crease in the slightest. “Hi?” Rocky bolted into the house, clearly happy to be home. “I hope it’s okay I brought him. He doesn’t do too well if you or I am not there.”

  “Of course, come on.” He held his hand out to me and brought me back in. Our first stop was to the living room where I found two wine glasses filled with something light and bubbly. “How was your day?” Matt’s voice was so charming, I almost believed him.

  “It was fine?” I couldn’t have been more confused. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m greeting you with a nice glass of wine after your day.” He handed me a glass and clinked them together before taking a sip as if he did this all the time.

  “Okay?” I sipped my wine carefully, unsure of how to feel. But the bubbles were delightful. “This is really good.”

  “I’m glad you like it. Now come on, dinner is ready.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek lightly before taking my hand and dragging me to the other end of the house. He opened the door to the kitchen and my jaw dropped.

  The table was set with two place settings, a bouquet of white tulips, a pizza box, and two enormous plates of macaroni-and-cheese, all glowing by candlelight. I had no words. I clung my hand to my mouth, in complete disbelief to what was in front of me.

  “Matt…” I mumbled through my palm.

  “What do you think?” he asked, looking nervous too.

  “You didn’t have to do this.”

  “Yes, I did.” He brought my hand to his lips and kissed my palm. This was the most amazing thing anyone had ever done for me. It was beautiful and thoughtful and just plain perfect.

  We sat down together, full of smiles. I was curious to see what kind of pizza tonight called for. When I opened the box, I couldn’t stop laughing.

  “Oh my god!” I hunched over and held my stomach, the hysteria getting to me. He ordered a pepperoni pizza with the pepperonis forming a perfect heart.

  “Too much?” he asked, laughing with me.

  “Just a little, but I love it.” He took my plate and put two pieces down for me, just like always. I stared at the bowl of noodles before it clicked in my brain. “Is that the same macaroni-and-cheese from Lucy’s Place?”

  Matt nodded quickly. “Couldn’t do tonight right without the best mac-and-cheese in town.”

  “Matt, what is all this?”

  He reached for my hand and took a deep breath. “Okay…so…I know things haven’t been the greatest. I messed up, and I know you say you’re fine, but I need to make sure you can trust me again and trust us again. So, I want to give you a glimpse of what our future could look like.”

  Tears did well up this time. “This is setting a pretty high precedent. Every day I’m greeted at the door with wine and given pizza and macaroni-and-cheese? You sure you wa
nt to start with the bar so high?”

  He tried to suppress his smile, but it didn’t work. “Okay, so maybe not every day, but coming home to me, who will always be happy to see you? Absolutely.”

  I eyed the flowers on the table. “How’d you know I like tulips?” The arrangement was gorgeous.

  “I know things.” He smiled, not meeting my eyes. I knew he was hiding something. I stared back at him until he gave in. “Fine, your mom told me.” I laughed again, covering my mouth with my hands. “But in my defense, that should’ve been something you told me sooner. As the boyfriend, it’s kind of my job to know these things.”

  “You could’ve just asked, dork.”

  “If I ask you your favorite flower, then it’s too obvious I’m about to get you flowers. But if you had been a girl and dropped a hint or something, I wouldn’t have had to ask your mom.”

  “If I had been a girl?” I furrowed my eyebrows, showing him my crease.

  “You know what I mean. A simple, oh my gosh I love tulips they are my favorite would’ve done the trick.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I’ll get right on that.”

  We ate our pizza and noodles and laughed for what felt like the first time in a long time. We’d laughed since he’d been back, but this time it felt more than genuine. It felt good for the soul.

  “You look beautiful, by the way,” he spoke out, staring back at me over candlelight. “I think I forgot to mention that.”

  I felt the blush creep onto my cheeks. “Thank you.” I memorized his face, unable to look away. “Why did you shave?”

  “Wanted to get cleaned up. Been feeling pretty scruffy.”

  “I like the beard.”

  “Really?” He looked surprised. “You never told me that.”

  I shrugged. “Yeah, I like it. I like scruff.”

  “Good to know,” he looked back at me, sexiness in his eyes.

  “Thank you for dinner, it was perfect.”

  “Of course, but I have more for you.” He put his napkin on his plate and scooted back his chair. He reached under the table and pulled out a large, wrapped present. “I come bearing gifts.”

  “Another precedent I don’t think you want to be setting.”

  He tilted his head with a smirk. “Do you want the present or not?”

  “Yes, please.”

  My hands shook as I took off the wrapping. Underneath the wrapping I found a frame. My eyes set on it and found a night sky full of stars. The sky looked beautiful, as I always thought it did when the stars were out, but I still didn’t understand. Underneath the stars were coordinates, a date, time, and the name of our town. I didn’t catch it right away, but eventually, it clicked. The coordinates on the frame matched the coordinates on my necklace.

  “What is this?” I whispered.

  “This is what the sky looked like at the exact moment we first kissed at our spot.”

  My breath caught in my throat and my tear ducts were on fire. He managed to take something I loved so much and combine it with who I loved so much.

  “I know it’s a little cheesy, and I know it’s not technically the day we started dating, but—”

  “It’s perfect,” I whispered, unable to look away from my sky. “It’s absolutely perfect.” I looked back at him with tears in my eyes. “I can’t believe you did this for me.”

  “You deserve it, Becka. You deserve all of this and so much more.” He unclasped my hand from the frame and kissed my palm just how I liked it. “But don’t start crying yet, we have more to do.”

  I chuckled through the last of my happy tears. “What do you mean?”

  “I want to show you what our future can look like.” He took the frame from me before clasping our hands together and taking me back into the living room.

  “I don’t have to do dishes in the future either? I’m liking this.”

  “Hilarious.” We entered the living room, but he made no attempt to sit down. “So, I’m thinking this is our living room. We can entertain, have game nights. I also want to do a Super Bowl party every year, like tradition.”

  I loved his enthusiasm. “Okay.” He dragged me through the house to the dining room.

  “This room has always bugged me because it never gets used. We have this huge table, but we have a kitchen table too, so no one eats in here.”

  “I know, my house is the same way.”

  “Exactly, so I suggest we do one or the other. Only a kitchen table, or only a dining room. What do you think?”

  “If I say just kitchen, then what would we use this room for?”

  His smile lines hit his eyes his smile was so grand. “You know, I’m so happy you asked. I was thinking if this room is empty, maybe we could make it an office for you. Maybe office-slash-library?”

  Now my smile was huge. “Uhm…yea!”

  He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me into his side. He pointed out into the room, describing its future layout. “I could build shelves into the walls over here for all your books. We could put your desk over there.”

  “And a chair in that corner,” I pointed next to the window, “so I can read while the sun goes down.”

  “Get you some nice fake plants so you don’t kill any real ones,” he teased me, making me throw my head back and laugh. “It could be good, Becks.” We continued on our tour and ended up back in the kitchen. “Now that we’ve decided the table stays, I propose breakfast, every Sunday. And not stupid cereal, the whole nine yards.”

  “Waffles and bacon and eggs and toast?” I asked.

  “And pancakes and sausage and bagels and everything you could think of. What do you think?” His eyes were wide with hope, he looked so sweet.

  “I think I can’t wait for Sunday.”

  Matt pulled us together, quickly kissing my forehead. “Come on, we’ve got one more stop.”

  We walked together through the house, up the stairs and down the hall toward his room. The butterflies in my stomach were erupting. I’d been there too many times to count, but this time was the first time in a long time. And with how sweet he was being, I couldn’t contain my feelings.

  Matt opened the door and I lost my breath. Tears immediately hit my ducts the same moment my hand flung to my mouth. Matt’s room was covered head to toe in candles. Every surface of his end tables, his desk, and his windowsill held stunning, flaming, white candles. Another bouquet of white tulips was displayed on the end table next to my side of the bed. I couldn’t form a coherent word. I was speechless.

  “So…” Matt hugged me from behind, whispering each word into my ear. “I’m thinking here is where we always find our way back to each other. No matter what kind of day we had, no matter what stressful thing is going on, no matter what, at the end of every day we make it back to each other here.”

  “It’s beautiful, Matt,” I whispered gently, still shocked. “I can’t believe you did all this for me.”

  “I’d do it a hundred more times just to show you how much I love you.” I turned around in his arms and hugged him deeply, burying my face in his chest. The amount of love he had for me was overwhelming but in the best way. He lifted my face and kissed me quickly before holding his forehead on mine. “I’m sure you think I’m crazy, running around here pretending like my house is ours. But I really just want to show you that it’s possible.”

  I smiled at his words. “I do think you’re crazy…but I love that you thought about this.”

  “I think about it all the time.”

  “Really?” I hadn’t realized how frequent of a thought this was for him. “What else have you thought about?” The look on his face changed. He had been so giddy and joyful, but now it looked almost nervous. “What?”

  “Nothing, I just…” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve thought about a lot of stuff, but I don’t want to scare you.”

  “Scare me? How would you scare me?”

  “Like how last time when I was so gung-ho about us going to college together, I came off
too strong. I’m not trying to do that again.”

  “Matt, you just presented your house to me like it was ours, I think it’s a little late for that.” He didn’t look convinced by my joke. I held his hands in mine and wove our fingers together. “Hey, I want to know.”

  “Are you sure?” I rarely saw him nervous; it was strange yet sweet.

  “Come on,” I sat him down on the bed and placed myself on his lap, giving him no chance to decline. “Tell me what our future looks like.” I could tell he was nervous; he looked uncomfortable. But once he lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed my skin, I knew he would be okay.

  “Well, if all goes as planned, you and I will go to Barnett in the fall, and we can get an apartment close to campus and move in together.” My smile was the size of my head. I couldn’t hold it in. “Then, after we graduate, you are going to find the best creative writing job, and I’m going to find the space to open my gym. And maybe by then, we can move into a bigger place. Whatever house you want.” I felt like a puddle, just melting in my spot.

  “Okay,” I sniffled, trying to fight back the tears from starting again. He held my hands tighter, peering at me with those dark eyes.

  “And then, I’m going to ask you to marry me.” He whispered so gently like he revealed a secret. I could already feel my tears welling up. “And I’m really hoping you are going to say yes.” The tears fell this time when I laughed. Matt reached and wiped them away, still smiling. “I’ll make you Mrs. Murphy, and hopefully, not long after that, if our jobs are secure, you can make me a dad?” He spoke softly again like he was checking with me. “Do you think that would be okay?”

  I reached for his face, stroking his smooth chin underneath my thumbs. “I’d love nothing more than to marry you and have kids with you.”

  His smile was by far the best one of the night. It matched the one when I told him I loved him. His hands clutched my back as he kissed me with so much love, I felt it in my bones.

  “I love you, so much, Becka.” He pushed my hair away from my face.

  “I love you too. But we are gonna have to talk about the five kids.”

  He laughed my favorite laugh. “How about four?”