Far From Home

by Val Wood

  She stared at him, her lips apart. ‘But – I can’t,’ she breathed. ‘She doesn’t know me. I don’t know her. Besides,’ her voice became stilted and she stammered in her confusion, ‘wh-what about my life? I came to this country to be independent, to do what I wanted. And then – then there’s Lake.’

  She told him about Lake, who he was and what he did.

  ‘All the more reason,’ he softly persuaded. ‘When your mountain man is away, she would be a great comfort to you.’

  ‘You don’t know what you are asking of me, Edward.’ An uncalled-for tear trickled down her cheek. My dreams are vanishing, she reflected miserably, as they seem to do. I don’t want to be responsible for anyone else.

  ‘I do know,’ he answered. ‘I really do. But you know, better than most, what it is like to lose your parents. Can you imagine how Jewel will feel when I am dead? She has never known her mother – and with her father gone—’ He swallowed hard and blinked away his own tears. ‘My friends would do their best for her, but she would be alone.’ He wiped his eyes with pale thin fingers. ‘And God alone knows what will happen to her when she’s older. She’ll be so vulnerable.’

  He covered his face with his hands. ‘And I won’t be here to protect her,’ he wept.

  ‘Please, Edward. Don’t upset yourself.’ She could no longer control her own tears and she reached out to him.

  He squeezed her hand, took a great breath and leaned forward. ‘I’ve been a terrible person, Georgiana,’ he snuffled, and rubbed his nose with the back of his hand. She silently handed him her own wet handkerchief. ‘But I can’t bear to think that Jewel will suffer because of what I have done. The sins of the father and all that.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ He blew his nose on the dainty scrap of linen. ‘Of course I shouldn’t have asked you. You’re quite right. You have your own life to lead. You were fettered for so long by your relatives. You must have been pleased to have your freedom.’

  ‘It wasn’t all bad,’ she murmured. ‘I was treated well enough.’ She thought of May’s parents who had provided for her, and of her Aunt Clarissa with whom she had lived. A single woman who had been kind to the orphaned child and did her best for her. But Aunt Clarissa had lived a quiet sheltered life and didn’t know anything about the outside world. Not as I do, she pondered. I could teach a child so much more, especially a girl. A small girl like Jewel would grow up with different expectations. She could have hopes and dreams that could be realized.

  She took a shuddering breath. ‘I’ll think about it, Edward,’ she said at length. ‘I promise. I will think about it.’

  She visited every day for nearly a month, talking to Edward about the past, for he could no longer talk about the future. When he wasn’t too tired, he told her of the journey from the Mississippi swamps, of being buried in the snow, and of the long journey across the plains, fording rivers and creeks and crossing mountains.

  ‘I came across a trapper in the mountains once,’ she said to him. ‘He told me he had met an Englishman travelling to California. He said this la-di-da Englishman was with some swampsuckers who were stuck in the snow!’ She laughed. ‘I could never have dreamed that it might have been you!’

  She told him of her journey to Dreumel’s Creek with Kitty, and of Wilhelm, whom she described as a very dear friend. He nodded thoughtfully when she said that Wilhelm still grieved for his dead wife, and told him of the mining shaft which had produced gold.

  ‘So you’re a rich woman, Georgiana,’ he said one day. He was in bed, too weak to get up.

  ‘Yes, I suppose so. A woman of independent means, at any rate!’

  ‘Jewel will be well provided for,’ he said. ‘I’m giving Dolly the saloon. She’s worked hard on my account. The least I can do is give it to her. But I’ve made plenty of money and I too have some gold.’ He reached into the drawer at the side of the bed and brought out a small leather bag. He threw it across the bed towards her.

  ‘Gold dust,’ he said. ‘It’s for May, in return for her dowry.’

  ‘For May? How do you propose to get it to her?’

  He gave her a droll glance and shook his head.

  ‘You’re not expecting me to take it?’ She asked the question in a teasing voice.

  He raised his eyebrows. ‘Only if you decide to take Jewel to meet her English relations. Her grandmother – her uncle.’

  She gave an exasperated exclamation. ‘I haven’t yet said I will take Jewel into my care!’ She had played with her, read to her, taken her shopping. Walked hand in hand with her around the streets of San Francisco and eaten pasta with her and Lorenzo.

  ‘But you will, Georgiana, won’t you?’ His voice was pleading. ‘There isn’t much time left,’ he whispered.

  She pressed her lips together. She had grown fond of the child. She was sweet-natured and merry, ready to do anyone’s bidding, eager and intelligent. She could, she knew, grow to love her as her own.

  She put her hands into his. His were cold, his fingertips blue. ‘Will you do this for me, Georgiana?’ His voice was so low that she had to bend her head to hear him. ‘In the name of our new friendship and the bond, tenuous though it was, that we once had. Will you take my child and love her? Will you do this for me?’

  ‘Yes,’ she vowed, her mouth trembling. ‘I will.’

  The following week flew past as arrangements were made. Georgiana booked a passage on a clipper ship sailing to New York around Cape Horn. During that long three-month voyage she knew that there would be plenty of time for her and Jewel to get properly acquainted. But they hadn’t yet told the child that she was leaving.

  ‘You must tell her, Edward,’ Georgiana said. ‘You must tell her yourself, for she will always remember, young as she is, your final words of farewell.’

  He wept. ‘I can’t. How can I look at her and know that I will never see her again? It’s breaking my heart, Georgiana!’

  ‘You must be strong for her sake,’ she said gently. ‘Be brave. That is how she will remember you.’ And then she wept with him.

  ‘Jewel, my darling,’ he said to her. ‘Papa has to go on a long journey.’

  ‘Can I take my new coat and bonnet?’ she asked, for she and Georgiana had been shopping for clothes.

  ‘I’m afraid you can’t come with me.’ He shook his head. ‘This is a journey only for grown-up people. But Aunt Georgiana has said that you could go on a journey with her! On a ship! To see where she lives and stay with her for a while.’

  ‘Will you bring me back, Aunt Gianna?’ Jewel piped up at her. ‘Or will you come for me, Papa?’

  ‘I will be away a very long time, Jewel,’ he said huskily. ‘Aunt Gianna has said she will look after you until you are old enough to travel alone.’

  ‘I’m nearly big enough now,’ said the tiny girl, and Edward blinked away his tears at the realization that he would never see her grow into a young woman. He leant towards her and Georgiana bent to pick her up and place her on the bed beside him.

  ‘I will always love you, my darling,’ he whispered. ‘Even when I’m far away. Will you remember that?’

  She nodded and as if she realized that there was something momentous happening that she didn’t understand, she put her arms around his neck and hugged him.

  On the day of departure, Edward managed to get out of bed and go to the door. Larkin and Jed stood at each side of him propping him up. Dolly, sniffling and crying, came to say goodbye to the little girl.

  ‘We’ll write,’ Georgiana promised them. ‘We will, won’t we, Jewel? You can learn your letters and write a letter to everyone.’

  ‘And one to Papa,’ she said. ‘A special one for Papa.’

  Edward kissed her on her cheek and hugged her, then kissed Georgiana on both hands, pressing them to his lips. ‘I can’t tell you what this means to me,’ he whispered. ‘You will reap your reward one day, Georgiana.’

  As they crossed the yard and turned for one final wave before they climbed into the waggonette, he called weakl
y. ‘When you write to May, tell her – tell her I’m sorry, and wish her well in her new life. I trust that she gets a better second husband than her first!’

  Georgiana gave a trembling smile. ‘I will tell her that she didn’t really know him, that none of us did.’

  ‘And my brother – and my mother,’ he called breathlessly and urgently, as if he had to pack a lifetime of words and sentiments into the last few precious minutes. ‘Tell them—’

  ‘I will tell them, Edward.’ She came halfway back across the yard. ‘I will tell them everything they need to know and nothing that they don’t. I’ll tell them that you made a good life and found happiness here with your friends and your daughter.’

  He nodded, hardly able to speak. ‘Yes,’ he whispered. ‘You will know what to say.’

  By the time the ship anchored in New York, Georgiana had been away almost a year and had travelled twelve thousand miles. The whole of America from east to west was opening up with the advent of new railroads and canal systems, but the territory was so vast and funds so limited that debates and discussions delayed the start of projects, and companies and private investors fell into bankruptcy before new rail tracks could be laid or water routes diverted. Coaches, waggon or mule trains plied across the old dusty and rutted trails, and overland routes were still the favoured form of travel, difficult though it was.

  She had written to Wilhelm explaining the situation and saying that they were returning on the clipper ship Hope. She was not sure, though, whether the overland mail would have arrived in time for him to meet her. He wasn’t at the wharfside, so she took a horse cab to the Marius, where she and Jewel would rest for a few days and she would show her the city of New York.

  Jewel had cried for her father many times and sometimes couldn’t be pacified. Georgiana kept having to remind herself that Jewel was still little more than a baby. Edward had said that he thought she was four years old, though he didn’t know her exact birthday.

  ‘We will buy you a present whilst we are in New York, Jewel, and one for Caitlin,’ she said as they booked in at the hotel. ‘Caitlin isn’t a big girl like you, but she will soon be able to play with you.’

  Jewel jumped up and down in excitement at the prospect of having a new friend, for she had also cried for the little boy Lorenzo.

  ‘So glad to see you again, Miss Gregory,’ the desk clerk greeted her. ‘Mr Dreumel will be along soon, I reckon. He’s been expecting you.’

  She had been given accommodation with a sitting room next to the bedroom. They had lunch, then Georgiana put Jewel to bed for a sleep. She was repacking their travelling clothes when there came a soft knock on the door.

  ‘Who is it?’ she called.

  ‘Wilhelm,’ the familiar voice replied.

  She rushed to open the door. ‘Wilhelm! Oh how lovely to see you after so long—’ Her voice trailed away, her enthusiasm diminished. He was thinner and although his face was weather-browned and he smiled, he had an aura of tension and a deep worried furrow on his forehead.

  ‘Come in. Come in. Wilhelm!’ She put out both her hands to his, and he bowed low, then kissed them.

  ‘It is good to see you, my dear Georgiana,’ he murmured. ‘So very good. It has been such a long time.’

  She ushered him towards a chair, but he declined, shaking his head. ‘No. No. I will stand. Thank you.’

  ‘What is it, Wilhelm? Something is wrong?’ She searched his face for the reason for his reticent manner. ‘Are you ill? Please say you are not!’

  ‘No.’ Quickly he reassured her. ‘I am not. I – I would have met you at the wharf, but—’

  ‘Did you not receive my letter?’

  ‘Yes. I have been here for some time, checking the arrivals, waiting for the ship.’

  ‘So why did you not come to the wharf? Not that it matters,’ she added quickly. ‘We managed perfectly well.’

  ‘I did come,’ he said. ‘But I saw the little girl – I had forgotten that she would be with you and – I – so I went away again and waited for you here.’ He took a deep breath, then put out his hands to hers. ‘I have something to tell you, Georgiana, and I didn’t want to tell you in front of the child.’

  ‘What?’ she whispered. ‘What’s wrong? Is it Kitty? Caitlin?’

  ‘No. They are both well.’ He drew her towards him. ‘There is not an easy way to tell you this. It’s Lake! I’m so very sorry, my dear. Lake is dead.’

  CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

  He held her close as she trembled with shock, though she didn’t immediately cry. Then he gently placed her onto a sofa and left her, returning a few minutes later with a glass of brandy and hot water.

  Her hand shook as she lifted the glass to her lips, and he steadied it as she sipped. ‘How?’ she whispered. ‘How did he die?’

  ‘He was killed,’ he said softly. ‘He died in the mountains.’

  ‘Killed?’ She stared at him, her face blank. ‘A wolf? A bear?’

  ‘No. By another trapper. They were old enemies.’

  Georgiana thought of the trapper who had appeared when she and Kitty were travelling in the mountains, and wondered if it had been him.

  ‘How do you know this?’ she asked, her voice thick as tears began to well in her eyes and clog in her throat.

  ‘Horse and Deken found him and came to tell me. Lake had been expected back at No-Name, but when he didn’t arrive they set out to look for him. When they found his body they sent out a search party for his killer. Lake’s gun and knife were missing. When they found the trapper he had them both. He was also injured with knife wounds to his arms and chest.’

  ‘What will happen to him?’ she whispered. ‘This killer?’

  Wilhelm was silent for a moment, then, with a catch in his voice, said, ‘Justice has been done. Lake was half Iroquois, and although the tribe is normally peaceable, vengeance for the death of a brother was exacted.’

  Georgiana shuddered. ‘What did they do?’

  ‘They killed him with Lake’s own knife.’

  There is more to it than that, Georgiana thought. But it is all I need to know, and it was then that she started to cry.

  He sat with his arm around her as she sobbed, and silently handed her his handkerchief. She leaned against his shoulder and wet his jacket with her tears and never once did he implore her not to upset herself or cease her crying.

  ‘It is a bad time, I know, Georgiana,’ he whispered into her hair, which had strayed from her chignon. ‘And nothing can ease the terrible pain. I remember that so very well. You think your world has come to an end, your dreams and hopes shattered when a loved one dies.’

  She nodded and blew her nose. Wilhelm above all people would understand that, having lost his young wife. ‘We had no plans,’ she sobbed. ‘How could we have? But we had our love and that was enough.’

  But was it? She searched her soul, even as she wept. Was it enough or did I want more? She knew that there had been no real future together for her and Lake, not in the conventional sense. He couldn’t leave his forests and mountains and she couldn’t live there. Was this what he meant when he said she couldn’t be with him? That they only had today and no tomorrow? He knew that death lurked behind every tree and every rock. And what would have become of her if she had been with him?

  ‘Dekan and Horse want you to go to No-Name,’ Wilhelm said. ‘For a special ceremony. I said I would take you if you agreed.’

  ‘Yes.’ She wiped her eyes and tried to compose herself. ‘I would like to see them and hear of what they think happened, and why – perhaps they would show me where he died?’

  Wilhelm entertained Jewel during the journey, telling her stories, playing tricks with a coin, telling her of the Indian people she was going to meet, whilst Georgiana fell into a silent reverie, wondering what life had in store for her now.

  ‘The mine, Wilhelm? Is it still producing gold? And the settlement? Are there any new people?’

  He seemed relieved that she was showing an interest i
n other things and smiled, first shaking his head and then nodding.

  ‘Your head will fall off, Mr Dreumel.’ Jewel laughed and shook her own vigorously.

  ‘No, it is tied on very firmly. Look!’ He bent his head to show her the back of his neck. ‘I have a very long string.’

  To Georgiana he said, ‘The mine has dried up. We dug three more shafts but there was a mere trickle of gold, barely enough to pay the men. Then word got out that we had found gold in the creek, and we were inundated with hundreds of miners swarming all over Yeller Creek. The upper valley was like a shanty town with shacks, tents, waterwheels and all the usual equipment.’ He smiled at her. ‘But most of them have now gone off to search elsewhere, some up north, some to Montana and Idaho.’

  ‘And the rest? Those who have stayed?’ she asked.

  ‘Farmers mostly, blacksmiths, wheelwrights, a haberdasher. They liked it there, and they’d heard about the railroad coming, so they decided it would be a good place to settle.’

  They were now approaching No-Name. For this last part of the journey they were riding on horseback, with Jewel up behind Wilhelm. Georgiana was painfully reminded of when she and Kitty had ridden out of the settlement with Lake. I can’t believe that I will never see him again. Never see his crooked smile or his dark eyes gazing on me.

  ‘Georgiana!’ Wilhelm interrupted her thoughts. ‘It may be difficult for you at the settlement. The tribe wish you to be their guest of honour at the ceremony.’ He looked across at her and said softly, ‘Where love has been, it never completely disappears. There will always be a place in your heart where Lake will live. Think of him with joy, not with sadness.’

  ‘Is that what you do with Liesel?’ she asked.

  He nodded and gave her a wistful smile. ‘Now Ido.’

  In the longhouse where the ceremony was to take place, the Indian women were wearing shawls over their heads, partly covering their faces. The men were dressed in cotton fringed trousers and tunics, though some were bare-chested. Silver bracelets adorned their arms and bright beads were strung around their necks. The older men draped coloured shawls over their shoulders and wore braids and feather headdresses in their sleek hair and carried long canes.