Wade turned to Dee, laughing. “Ready to play another round? Maybe you’ll get a chance to redeem yourself.”
“Hey!” She reached over as if to give his arm a playful swat, but stopped in mid swipe and drew her hand back as though she’d been stung.
“What’s wrong?” Wade asked, wondering at the stricken expression on her face.
She shook her head, almost imperceptibly. “Nothing.” She turned to look at the clock over the desk. “If you want to play outside…with the kids…maybe we should go now. It’s getting late.”
Wade followed her gaze to the clock. It was almost eight-thirty. Sensing her need to escape––for a reason he couldn’t fathom––he scooted back his chair and gathered up the playing cards. “Let’s go outside, kiddos…before our time is up.”
Thankfully, the kids didn’t protest. They climbed off their chairs and raced through the kitchen, calling Shadow’s name before they’d even opened the back door.
The back door slammed, and the kitchen was suddenly uncomfortably silent. Dee pushed chairs up to the table, stacked the spoons in a neat pile, and put them on a kitchen counter.
Wade waited to catch her eye, but when she refused to look at him, he put a hand on her arm. “Hey…is everything okay?”
She nodded and moved away, still not looking at him. “Fine.”
“You…you act like something is bothering you…”
“I’m fine, Wade. It’s just…” Her voice trailed off, and she turned and started out the back door.
Wade followed her out onto the stoop. “It’s just what?”
The children were romping on the hill, Shadow barking joyfully at their heels. Dee took a step back and looked at Wade, her mouth set in a firm line. “Wade, I think things are getting a little too––familiar. I’m supposed to be here as an objective observer. Not a friend. I’m sorry. I’ve not respected that like I should.”
He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans and leaned against the railing, eyeing her. “I’m glad you feel welcome here,” he said. “It…makes it easier. For all of us. I couldn’t stand it if we had some…spectator…watching everything we did.”
“Yes, but I think we’ve––I’ve carried it a little too far.”
“What do you mean?”
She looked down, rubbing the toe of her sandal on the rough boards of the stoop. She crossed her arms. “I…I really can’t explain it. We just…” She held up a hand. “I’m sorry. I just need to take my time here a little more seriously.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Is this about you singing?”
She looked up. “What?”
“Are you upset because you had to sing? You know”––he pointed toward the house––“Spoons? I’m sorry if we embarrassed you, Dee.”
She waved him off. “No, Wade. You’re missing the point.”
“Then could you kindly draw me a picture, because I’m apparently not even close.”
“Wade, do you understand that at some point I have to make a recommendation to the judge about where your kids––Darrin Parnell’s kids––should be? I have to be able to make an objective, impartial statement.”
“What? You think I’m trying to sway you?”
She shook her head. “No. It’s not that.”
He threw her a hint of a smile and spread his arms in an exaggerated shrug. “Am I getting warm? Can you give me a clue here?”
“I think maybe I’m getting too close to the situation. We…I need to back off a little. I…I need to explain to the kids that I can’t play cards with you guys anymore. I should…just observe.”
“What? What does your playing games with us have to do with anything? That makes no sense to me, Dee. Everybody keeps saying this is all about what’s best for the kids, what’s best for the children. Do you honestly think it’s best for them to have you suddenly…back off like this?”
“Just look at us now, Wade. Here we are…” She threw up her hands. “You should be out playing with your kids. Your time is almost up and you’ve spent most of it––” She let out a little growl before leveling her gaze at him. “You’ve spent most of it flirting with me!”
He stared at her for a long minute, incredulous, trying to absorb what he thought he’d just heard her say. “Is that what you think? That I’m trying to…put the moves on you?”
She stared at him, not responding.
“What?” He fought to keep his voice low so the kids wouldn’t hear them. “You think I’m trying to coerce you into ‘voting’ for me or something?”
She shook her head vigorously, then brushed a hand through her hair. “I’m sorry…that came out wrong. And…I’m just as guilty as you are, Wade.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” As soon as the words were out, he felt sick. Here she was being honest with him, and he’d thrown her sincerity back in her face. Maybe he had been flirting with her, but was that such a bad thing? She made it sound like something terrible. Like the laughter and the warmth they’d shared were somehow wrong.
For him, it had felt like the most natural thing in the world. The most natural progression. They had become friends over the weeks she’d been bringing the kids here. Yes, he could admit he was attracted to her. Dee had brought back some of the light and laughter that had left his house when Starr died.
But he’d done nothing inappropriate. Until he briefly laid a hand on her arm a few minutes ago, he’d never touched her, never said anything that could be interpreted as improper. But how could he explain these things to her now? He knifed a hand through his hair. For crying out loud, it wasn’t like he was hitting on her.
“I’m sorry, Dee,” he finally blurted, “but I’m not sure what there is for either of us to feel guilty about.”
She pushed away from the railing and stood up straight. “Wade, there is a code of conduct I’m held to as a social worker. I can’t have a…friendship with you. I’m here as a professional, for the kids. My only job is to be an impartial observer while you spend time with your kids.”
He felt strangely deflated at her words. As hard as it had been for him to lose the kids, Dee had somehow made it easier. She had become the one bright spot in this whole mixed-up fiasco. And now she was telling him they couldn’t even be friends.
His heart felt like a stone in his chest. The things she’d said hurt deeply, but if he told her that now, it would only make things worse. Instead, he narrowed his eyes at her. “So what exactly does that look like, Dee? This ‘impartial observer’ thing? No more smiling at each other? No more laughing? Do we each just put on our poker faces as soon as you walk in the door? I mean, heaven forbid we should be nice to each other. Or accidentally have a moment of fun together.”
Her face fell. She hung her head and her chin quivered.
He winced. He hadn’t meant to make her cry. “Dee, I’m sorry. I think I…understand what you’re saying. I’m sorry if I’ve caused you to cross a line you’re not comfortable with. But please, I’m asking you not to change the way these visits go. I honestly couldn’t stand it if you sat back and observed the way you did when Sophie was here last week.”
“I don’t know, Wade. I…I’ll have to think about it.”
“Can I ask you something?”
She looked at him warily. “That depends…”
“Strictly business,” he said, attempting a smile. “I promise.”
She nodded.
“I––” To his chagrin, his voice caught, and he had to swallow back a lump of emotion. He stared out past the kids playing tag on the hill, to the calm waters of the Smoky Hill River in the distance. “I’m thinking about…giving the kids up. I’m not sure I have what it takes to do right by them. Especially with everything that’s going on with the business…” He turned his gaze to Dee. “Do you think they’re happy at the foster home? Do kids…can kids come out of that kind of situation…intact? They seem happy where they are. They seem to––”
“Oh, Wade. No.” An expression akin t
o horror clouded her features. “Don’t give up. Karen and Ben are wonderful foster parents. The kids are doing fine there, but…you understand that’s just temporary, don’t you?”
“Yes, but it could become permanent, couldn’t it? I mean, the judge could decide that, couldn’t he?”
Dee closed her eyes.
“What? What’s wrong?”
She looked around as though there might be spies behind the trees. “I can’t really discuss this with you, Wade. But you need to know there’s a huge”––she bit her lip, seeming to grasp for the right word––“push to get kids back with their natural parents. Unless there’s something I don’t know, that’s the direction this judge is going to be headed right from the start.”
Wade remembered what Frank Locke had said about Judge Paxton having lost his own son in a custody battle. “But they wouldn’t put these kids back with their father, would they? There are people who can testify to what he did to Starr––to their mother. Dee, you don’t understand what he’s capable––”
She held up a hand. “Stop, Wade. Please. We really should not be discussing this at all.”
He dared to ask one more question. “Are the kids’ visits with Parnell going okay?”
She merely nodded.
“You…you think he might actually get them back?”
She hesitated, and in her eyes Wade clearly saw the conflict waging inside her.
“I’m just saying…please don’t give up.” She turned and gazed out to where the children were playing. “These kids need you, Wade. Fight for them.”
Chapter 32
After leaving Wade’s house, Dee had several meetings, along with an after-hours visitation to supervise. It was nearly dusk before she pulled into her driveway. She parked under the carport and walked back down the drive to retrieve the empty trash cart at the edge of the street.
She waved at her neighbor as she rolled the cart up the drive. “Hi, Jewel.”
The elderly woman was bent over a pansy bed in front of the tidy little ranch-style home. Only Jewel Frederick could keep pansies thriving through the scorching heat of August.
“Your flowers sure look pretty,” Dee shouted across the yard.
Jewel straightened, patted her forehead with a white hankie, and turned to smile at Dee. “The secret is to water them three times a day,” Jewel said.
“Well, they’re beautiful. How’s Don doing? I haven’t seen him around for a few days.”
“Oh, he’s fine. He just wilts like a pansy in this heat. And he won’t let me water him three times a day.”
Dee laughed. “Well, tell him ‘hi’ for me,” she said, grabbing the evening paper off the lawn as she walked by. Pushing open the front door, she escaped into the cool of the house.
Phog sashayed into the kitchen to meet her, tail high. He looked up at Dee, meowed pitifully, then sauntered off to stand in front of his empty dish.
“You’re getting too fat, kitty,” she crooned, sliding one hand down his silky gray fur. But she poured some cat food into his bowl anyway.
The refrigerator yielded a small bowl of leftover tuna salad. She made herself a sandwich and plopped down at the kitchen table. She opened the newspaper and smoothed out the creases. The headlines melted together on the page, meaningless. All day, her mind had been consumed with thoughts of her conversation with Wade Sullivan this morning. Setting the plate with her half finished sandwich on the floor for Phog, she sighed and pushed the paper away. Maybe it had cooled off enough that she could take a walk. That always seemed to clear her brain.
She hurried back to the bedroom and changed into shorts and a T-shirt, then grabbed her sneakers and went out to sit on the front porch steps to put them on. Jewel had gone inside. The street was quiet.
She gave her shoelaces one last tug, then jumped up and started down the street at a brisk pace. The cicadas and crickets sawed out a monotonous chorus, and here and there a lawn sprinkler added to the summer symphony.
As she walked, Dee relived her day. She thought about this morning at Wade Sullivan’s and giggled to herself, remembering her pathetic rendition of “Mary Had A Little Lamb.” But she quickly swallowed back the laughter, thinking of the discussion that had followed. Did Wade understand what she’d tried to tell him? But how could he? She wasn’t sure she understood it herself.
In the five years she’d been supervising visitations for children in foster care, she’d never been placed in such an awkward situation. There had been a few families that made her feel more welcome than others. But never had she come to feel as she did with Wade and the Parnell kids. They had truly come to be friends. She felt almost like a part of the family. Why was that so wrong?
But that was just it. It didn’t feel wrong. It felt wonderfully right. And wasn’t that a problem in itself? This wasn’t supposed to feel right. There were professional boundaries she’d crossed today that could not be ignored. And if she were honest with herself, she’d have to admit it wasn’t just today. She had violated certain lines long before this day––at least in her mind.
The sun was dipping quickly below the horizon as she crossed Blakely Street and headed west down the shady brick-paved avenue. The air instantly felt ten degrees cooler. Dee quickened her pace to match the rate at which her mind was whirling.
She’d walked half a dozen blocks, barely aware of her surroundings, when the sound of a car’s horn startled her. She turned to see Clay Two Feathers’ rattletrap Chevy tooling slowly beside her. She waved, and Clay pulled over and rolled the window down.
“Hey there, need a lift?”
She laughed. “Believe it or not, Two Feathers, some people actually walk for exercise and enjoyment.”
“Yeah, but you’re a long way from home. You look like you could use a nice cold drink. Hop in. I’m headed to Sonic.”
“Yeah, right.” She rested a hand on her hip. “The nearest Sonic just so happens to be back that way.” She hooked her thumb in the direction from which Clay had come.
He had the decency to hang his head. But a second later he was looking at her with that eager puppy dog expression that always got to her. “You’ve got to admit an ice cold root beer float sounds pretty good,” he said.
“Oh no you don’t. Get thee behind me, Clay Two Feathers. I am not going to chase all these miles of exercise with ice cream.”
He rolled his eyes. “A Diet Coke, then.”
“Okay, sure. But I hope you’re treating because I don’t have any money on me.” She looked at her watch. “And I don’t want to be out too late.”
She walked around the back of the Chevy. He had the passenger door open and waiting for her.
“So how was your day?” he asked as he made a U-turn and headed back east toward the Sonic.
She shrugged. “It was okay, I guess. Busy.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. I don’t see how they can avoid hiring somebody soon. I put in almost fifty hours last week.”
“So what’s new? You’ve been putting in fifty hours a week ever since I met you.”
“No. Not fifty. It’s never been this bad.”
“Yeah, well, why don’t you just use your comp time?” She knew he wouldn’t miss the sarcasm in her question. Comp time was a joke. If any of them ever made up their overtime, their caseload would come crashing down like a house of cards.
He smirked. “I’ll use mine as soon as you use yours.”
Dee rolled her eyes and flashed him a knowing smile. They rode in silence for a few blocks. She debated whether to tell Clay about her encounter with Wade this morning. It might help to get his perspective on things. Clay always seemed to have a wise word when it came to professional matters. Yet, something kept her from sharing her thoughts with him––or anyone else.
The neon lights of the Sonic Drive-In flashed ahead. Clay pulled up beside the lighted menu board, cut the engine, and pushed the order button. “You’re sure you don’t want a float?”
“Diet Coke,” she said in her sterne
st voice.
He placed their order, then unbuckled his seat belt and casually angled his body toward her. She did the same.
“So how are things going with you?” he asked.
“Workwise?”
“Anywise. It seems like I haven’t talked to you for a long time.”
She fretted with a frayed edge of the seat’s upholstery, weighing again the consequences of telling him what was happening with Wade. What could it hurt? Maybe Clay would put her worries to rest. Maybe he’d tell her she was making a big deal out of nothing. She was aware of his eyes on her, waiting for a response.
“What are you thinking about?” he said finally.
“Oh…it’s not that big of a deal…” Her words were far from the truth. The whole episode with Wade was all she’d thought about today. She took a deep breath and plunged in. “There’s a…situation with one of my families. They’re different from anyone I’ve ever worked with.”
“How’s that?” Clay leaned closer, curiosity vivid in his hazel eyes.
“They’ve just made me feel…I don’t know––like part of the family.”
“What do you mean? Wait, who is this we’re talking about?”
She hesitated, unsure how much she wanted to reveal. “The Parnell kids. You know…the three siblings we placed with the Xaviers.”
He nodded. “I remember.”
“Their birthfather and their mom’s fiancé are both trying to get custody.”
“I assume it’s no contest. Dad will get them, right?”
“I’m not sure he should, Clay.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Really? Why? Is he abusive?”
She shook her head. “Not with the kids anyway. I guess he had a history of abusing their mother, but that was a long time ago. He’s been through anger management, and he seems like he really is trying hard with the kids.”
“But you still have reservations?”
“I do. They just seem so happy with Wade…Sullivan. The fiancé,” she explained.
“So you think they’d be better off with him? Are you going to recommend it?”
A Nest of Sparrows Page 22