‘Is that real?’
‘Of course. Here, get up!’ She yanked on my hand and practically hurtled me over her shoulder. Fuck me … she definitely has to be an alien of some kind.
‘What are you doing with a shotgun?’
‘Protecting myself … what else?’
‘Do you have a licence for that thing?’
She pointed to my jocks. ‘Do you have a licence for those?’ Shit!
Tash burst into laughter. ‘They’re very purple, aren’t they? I love them.’
‘They were a present,’ I huffed, cupping my hands in front of my junk.
‘They are hurting my eyes,’ Trixie said, raising her arm to her forehead.
‘I’d say that’s your spotlight. Anyway, I best be heading back home.’
‘Wait! You never said why you were in my yard. Fess up.’
‘He was trying to steal me a bit of your aloe vera plant, Trix. Apparently it bit him.’ Tash burst into laughter again.
‘Ha fucking ha. It did bite me. That plant is vicious.’
‘And squashed!’ Trixie exclaimed. ‘What have you done to it?’
‘I’m sorry. I fell and then Buster kinda pushed me onto it.’
She bent down and assessed the damage, which was fairly extensive. I felt awful. I’d trespassed and ruined her property. Plus, she was bearing a firearm.
‘Is it dead like Leo?’
She glared at me. ‘Leo is not dead. And no, neither is this. It’s salvageable.’
‘Good. Sorry. Can I have a leaf … please?’ I held out my hand and offered her a smile.
‘Depends. What do you want it for?’
‘Yeah, Dean,’ Tash giggled. ‘What do we want it for?’
I ran my tongue over my teeth to calm my shit, because if that vivacious wife of mine wasn’t careful, I’d handprint her other arse cheek when I got home.
‘We would like it for skin inflammation,’ I explained calmly.
‘What type? Sunburn? Rash? Herpes?’
‘No. None of that!’
‘Then what?’
‘Why do you need to know?’
‘Because I need to know what we’re dealing with here.’ She broke off a leaf.
Just. Like. That.
‘Are you sure it’s skin inflammation? Aloe is also an excellent sex lubricant.’ Trix held it out to me and waggled her eyebrows.
I took the leaf from her and said ‘Thanks,’ then headed back to the fence.
‘Wait!’ she called out. Trixie broke another three leaves and handed them to me. ‘Here. It also assists with penis enlargement.’ Her lips pursed and her eyes flicked to my package. ‘Thought you could do with some more.’
Trixie slapped my back.
Tash nearly fell off the fence.
Leo walked into my leg.
And I just closed my eyes and hoped that when I opened them there really would be a UFO hovering above me to take my neighbour — and Leo — far, far away.
CHAPTER
23
TASH
My poor, poor husband. But seriously, what the hell had he been thinking? In the morning when we woke it was one of those rare occasions that we were both up and getting ready for work at the same time, and to say we both looked like collateral damage … well, that was an understatement.
I was limping; Dean was limping. His hand was bruised; my arse was bruised. I had a bump on my head; he had a splinter in his hand. But hey, we had several aloe vera leaves and one of the longest laughing sessions we’d experienced in a very long time.
It had been nice.
I’d also had a nice drive into work that morning for having skipped the peak-hour traffic, and as I stood at the base of the staircase in the atrium, overseeing the Easter festivity decorations being put together and hung, I couldn’t be more excited.
Easter was fun.
Easter was chocolate.
‘Ms Jones, the giant carrots, Easter eggs and bunny ears have just arrived.’
I looked up from the design layout on my iPad and met Dylan’s frazzled face. ‘Thanks, hon. What delivery dock? Please tell me it’s seven. I don’t want them carted through the shopping precinct.’
‘Yeah, it is. Dale and Reed are there now, carrying out the security checks.’
‘Did you say Dale?’ I asked, shocked but hiding just how shocked I really was.
It had been four weeks since I’d seen him, and during those four weeks he hadn’t texted me once. He’d respected my wishes not to do so and, although I was grateful for his compliance, the distance had drilled a new hole in my chest.
‘Yeah, Dale.’
‘Oh, I didn’t know he was back.’
‘He’s been back for a week.’
‘A week?’ I exclaimed, immediately regretting my overreaction. ‘I mean, I wish I’d known. There’s been a few things I’ve needed his input on.’
‘Oh, well … sorry. Someone should probably have told you.’ Dylan shrugged and walked off to resume his work.
I’d thought of Dale often, even though I’d tried not to. I was only human, and it was hard to completely shut out a person who had come into your life at a certain time for a certain reason without knowing exactly what that reason was. Someone with such a strong presence in your life didn’t just disappear because you wanted them gone. They left a mark — one that couldn’t be erased.
During the weeks he’d been absent, I’d focussed the majority of my thoughts and energy on improving my marriage. That said, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to missing him. I missed our friendship, our chats, laughing with him and just having fun. And knowing that it was wrong, I also missed his attention and our flirtatious ways. How could I not? It was exciting. Regardless, that didn’t mean I wanted to rekindle the taboo, because I didn’t. I knew we could never go back to that kind of behaviour. That part of our relationship was over. But it also didn’t mean that everything else had to be too. We could still be friends. We just needed to talk.
I was ready to do that now. I just hoped he was as well.
Searching for Allison among the flurry of people, I spotted her blonde head at one of the chocolate-making workshops. She’d come in early to help set up.
‘Ali, the big props just arrived. I’m gonna head down and check that everything is good.’
‘Okay. No probs. I’ll stay here and keep an eye on things.’
‘Thanks.’ Turning on my heel, I headed through the City Towers lobby en route to dock seven.
I tapped my ID pass against the security lock and waited for the receiving door to open, a gust of wind hitting me as the glass panels parted to let me through. Dale’s unmistakable presence swam over my body, the surface of my skin alert and the hairs on my arms standing upright. But it felt different this time around. Less consuming. Instead, it just hovered in space before me, out of reach.
As if sensing I was there, Dale looked up and our eyes locked. So many emotions bounced back and forth: surprise, guilt, disappointment … uncertainty. But it was how quickly he diverted his gaze and deliberately chose not to greet me that sparked my anger. What’s his problem?
‘Morning, Tash,’ Reed said as I approached the back of the delivery truck.
‘Morning.’ I turned to Dale, my tone less welcoming. ‘You’re back!’
‘It would appear I am.’ His gaze flicked to me for the briefest of seconds before he continued assessing the items being lifted onto the dock by the receiving team.
His icy reception stung and I couldn’t match it. I just didn’t have it in me.
‘Did you enjoy your break?’ I asked, timidly, trying to probe him into talking to me. It was pathetic and I felt like an idiot, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed a reaction from him. Anything but the cold shoulder he was offering.
‘Yep. It was just what I needed.’ This time when he spoke he didn’t bother to look at me at all, instead stepping around me instead of politely asking I move out of his way.
He was being a childish jerk.
‘Do you have a minute? I need to talk to you about a few things.’
He stopped what he was doing, his stare meeting mine. ‘What things? You can talk now. Here.’
I noticed Reed from the corner of my eye pause and turn his head towards us, Dale’s curt and unpleasant attitude drawing unwanted attention. Screw you! I’m bigger than this bullshit.
‘Never mind. It’s not important. It was but not anymore.’ I turned my back to him and shortened the distance to Reed. ‘Is everything okay with this delivery so far?’
‘So far so good.’
‘Good.’ I made my way to one of the receiving team members and double-checked the details on the manifest. ‘If anything is different, please let me know before signing it all off. Our timeframe for adjusting errors is very tight. We may have to make do if there is any discrepancy.’
The burly young man nodded and went back to checking the inventory on his iPad.
‘Okay. If everything is good, then I’m good too,’ I announced, deliberately brushing past Dale as I headed back towards the lobby.
Tears pricked my eyes as I once again tapped my ID pass, but I refused to let them fall. I’d let far too many fall in recent times, and enough was enough. I wasn’t a crier. I didn’t do tears. If he wanted to pretend I wasn’t there, that I meant nothing … that four weeks apart could so easily obliterate anything and everything between us, then so fucking be it.
His choice, not mine.
My intent when fighting fire with fire was never to expunge him, just the situation.
‘Tash!’
Hearing the deep tone of my name on his tongue halted my movement, but I couldn’t bring myself to turn around and face him. Not without first taking a deep breath to calm every emotion that wanted to burst from me and bruise him.
‘You wanted to talk?’
‘Yeah, I did. But it’s fine. I get it. Go back to work.’
The doors slid open and I went to take a step forward.
‘Don’t you think the time for talking has passed?’
I paused, spun around and walked towards him, one hand on my hip, the other pointed directly at his chest. ‘No. I don’t. I think the time is perfect.’
‘Do you just? And what if I don’t?’
‘Bad luck. You’re gonna hear me out.’
The muscles in his face flexed. ‘You sure you wanna do this here?’
I stood my ground. ‘I don’t care.’
He grabbed my arm and led me through a door to a stairwell nearby, and as soon as we were safe from prying eyes, I shrugged free. ‘What’s your problem?’
‘I don’t have one. I just don’t think your attitude should be witnessed by the people we work with or the guests we serve.’
‘My attitude?’ I gasped.
‘Yeah. Yours.’
I narrowed my eyes and glared, fury and frustration bubbling to the surface.
Dale pursed his lips, leaned up against the wall and delivered his crinkliest eye crinkles yet.
‘Don’t you dare crinkle those eyes at me,’ I warned, stepping back and creating some distance, my butt coming to rest upon the railing.
‘You’re funny when you’re pissed.’
‘And you’re an arsehole when you’re pissed.’
‘Maybe so, but you were the one who didn’t want to talk to me, remember? You told me to leave you alone and not to contact you.’ He shrugged. ‘I did what you asked.’
‘I know,’ I sighed, my anger abating. ‘And I’m sorry. But that’s what I needed at the time. It was all too much, and you frightened me when you stopped that elevator.’
He cowered a little. ‘I never meant to frighten you, Tashy.’
‘Yeah, well I know that now, but that’s not the real issue here. The real issue was what we were doing. It was wrong. It needed to stop.’
He crossed his arms and nodded. ‘I agree.’
‘You do?’
‘Yes. I’ve thought a lot about you, about me … about us, and I’m pretty fucking disappointed in myself. You’re married. That’s sacred. I had no right entering that equation and trying to take you out of it.’
I sighed. ‘You didn’t do that. I let you in, so it’s not entirely your fault.’
There was a moment of silence, both of us finding spots on the ground to focus on.
‘Look, I never wanted to lead you on and hurt you. Never in a million years. But I do love my husband. He’s my yesterday, today, and tomorrow.’
‘I know. I didn’t realise at first how invested you were in your marriage, Tashy, but I do now.’
Surprised, I raised my eyes to find his stoic ones, a pang of guilt piercing my chest. ‘And that’s probably my fault, because when you and I got closer, Dean and I were in a difficult place. I was confused by him, confused by you and your out-of-nowhere feelings, and confused by—’
‘They weren’t out of nowhere,’ he interrupted.
‘Well, they felt it at the time. I was just so confused about the suddenness of it all, and about what I was feeling, what I wanted to feel, and what I was supposed to feel.’
‘And you’re not anymore?’
I shook my head slowly. ‘No. I’m not. And I’m so sorry.’
He managed a small smile. ‘Don’t be.’
‘But I am. I like you, Dale. Really like you. And if circumstances were different—’
‘No! Let’s not go there and have the “different circumstances” talk, yeah?’
I nodded. ‘Okay. But I just want you to know that I … I care deeply about you. And I want us to be friends. Do you think that’s possible?’
A stupid tear fell from my eye and trailed down my cheek. He stepped forward, the delicate touch of his finger stopping its descent. ‘Don’t cry. Of course we can be friends.’
His aftershave, his touch, the sound of his voice … it all came swimming back to me. My body wanted to meld into his, to seek comfort in it. And although that was all it wanted to seek, I knew I couldn’t grant the request, so I took his hand in mine and said, ‘Thank you.’
It was all I could say.
* * *
Several weeks passed, and nearly all aspects of my life had settled into a routine that I was incredibly grateful for. The boys were in one piece and thriving at school; the Easter festivities at work were in full swing and, so far, had encountered no setbacks; Dale and I, although innocently and uncontrollably flirty at times, were back to our normal pre-kiss friendship; and Dean and I were still spicing things up in the bedroom and communicating more than ever.
Things were almost perfect.
But then nothing in life was ever perfect, no matter how manicured the appearance. Paint would eventually peel. Layers would eventually shed. And walls would sooner or later crumble.
That was the side effect of masking reality.
And yet I still persisted to mask mine, because I had no doubt that coming clean to Dean would ruin everything we’d worked at building and improving, and I just couldn’t bring myself to destroy it. And because I couldn’t bring myself to destroy it, the guilt of keeping my secret was germinating within, sprouting apprehension and dread. I was terrified of how he’d react when he found out, but even more terrified of hurting him. That was my greatest fear: causing him pain.
We hurt the ones we love because they love us wholeheartedly, and where there’s love so immense, the pain of breaking or tarnishing that love is even greater. Which was why I’d made the harrowing decision not to tell Dean about Dale. It served no good purpose other than to rid me of the guilt of keeping it a secret, and if living with that guilt spared Dean pain, I would live with it. I would let it set up residence deep within me and somehow learn to coexist.
As we lay in bed after sneaking one in before the kids woke up, Dean’s finger lightly traced the contour of my hipbone. ‘So, what do you want to do for your fortieth birthday?’ he asked.
I smiled lazily, lost in the chocolate warmth of his sated eyes. ‘I don’t know. Lexi wants
to throw a big bash for me.’
‘Yeah?’
I nodded and screwed up my nose.
‘What’s the catch?’
‘She wants it to be a costume party.’
‘And you don’t?’
‘There’ll be balloons.’
He chuckled and shuffled closer, pressing the fronts of our naked bodies together. ‘You want a quiet get-together at home without balloons?’
I nodded, rubbing the tip of my nose up and down the bridge of his.
‘Then that’s what you’ll get. I’ll even organise the cake.’
My eyes lit up. Dean never organised foodish things other than dinner once or twice a week. ‘Really? You’ll arrange a cake to feed fifty or so people?’
‘Sure. I’m not hopeless.’ His fingers crept to my arse and squeezed. ‘And I know just what to get.’
‘What?’
‘Not telling.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I want it to be a surprise.’
Rolling me onto my back, he climbed on top of my body, and although our sex life had improved a hundred times over, I just wasn’t in the mood for another round. I was tired and my vagina wanted to sleep along with me.
‘Again? I’m so sleepy, babe,’ I whined.
His hand snaked down my side, his body lifting from mine before sliding his finger inside my pussy. ‘But you’re so wet for me.’
‘Uh … actually no, I’m not.’
A greedy, satisfied grin appeared on his face, and he slid in as deep as he could go, his knuckles pressing against my clit. ‘Oh yes you are.’
‘Nope.’ I shook my head and shrugged. ‘Ovulating.’
‘Ovuwhat?’
‘I’m releasing eggs.’
His finger paused and his eyes narrowed, so I nodded rapidly to prove my point.
‘Yep. I’m a motherfucking hen. Bok bok. Now get off.’
Wiggling out from under him, I pulled the sheets back and grabbed my robe just as there was a thunderous bang against our bedroom door.
‘Hey!’ Thomas complained. ‘I can’t get in.’
‘Turn the kno—’ I squealed, unable to finish what I was saying due to being hauled backwards onto the bed, Dean’s arms and legs wrapping around me in some form of wrestle hold.
Commitment Page 23