by Tessa Teevan
“I will always need you.”
A soft whimper escaped my lips. Relief overwhelmed me as a flood of emotion attacked my senses, tears spilling onto my cheeks. Jeremy wrapped his arms around me as I cried into his chest.
The crying, something I tried not to do often, surprisingly felt…good. No. It wasn’t just good. As Jeremy held me close, it was therapeutic, and I felt safe enough to let it all out. I cried for Ty. I cried for my sister. I cried for my unborn angel—for both Jeremy and myself. The entire time I cried, Jeremy kept me enveloped in his embrace, whispering soothing words of love.
When I was finally all cried out, I sniffled and lifted my head. His eyes were tight with concern as they studied mine.
“I’m so sorry, Jeremy. I’m so sorry,” I chanted. “I’m so sorry for shutting you out when I should’ve been in your arms all along. This didn’t just happen to me. It happened to us, and it wasn’t fair for me to act the way I did.”
He briefly closed his eyes, and when they reopened, he was holding back tears. It was nearly my undoing.
“It’s okay, baby,” he whispered.
I whimpered in protest. He brought a finger to my lips, silencing me, then brought his forehead to mine. Our lips were so close, but I was focused on his eyes. Eyes that, while full of grief, still shone with all the love in the world.
“As much as it hurt, you pulling away, I understood. The thing is, I’m hurting, too, Sierra. Can’t we do it together? Grieve together? We’ll be feeling this loss for the rest of our lives, but we can’t lose ourselves or each other in the process. This has been nearly unbearable, losing the baby then feeling like I’ve lost you, but we’re both still here. Ava is still here. We have to keep on living, as hard as that may feel at times. We’re still a family. We always will be. That doesn’t mean we have to forget. It means we keep going. We live. We love. And, baby, it’s okay if we still laugh.”
The reminder of our vows was the salve I needed to put the pieces of my heart back together. “I love you, Jeremy. And you’re right. There’s a hole in my heart, and it may always be there, but with you and Ava, my heart is still so incredibly full.”
He smiled. The first real smile I’d seen from him since that fateful date our baby had been taken from us. It was beautiful.
“Thank you. For sticking with me.”
“Always, baby. We’re a family. I’m not going anywhere unless you’re with me. Got that?”
“Got it.”
His expression softened, causing my heart to beat wildly. “And, now, we need to be there for Lexi. She’s going to need us.”
My heart threatened to shatter at the reminder of my sister’s loss. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. “God, Jeremy. What do we do?” I asked.
His hand tightened on the back of my neck. “We love, Sierra. We live, we laugh, and we love. We surround her with it but also give her the space she needs. It’s not going to be easy, but she’s one of us. It’s going to take time for all of us to heal. We just have to make sure we do it together.”
When my eyes fluttered open, he was still intently watching me. “I’d be lost without you, Jeremy,” I said.
“Then it’s a good thing we made that spit pact all those years ago,” he responded with a small smile. “Where you go…”
“I go.”
2012
HELPING LEXI THROUGH HER grief actually allowed me to overcome my own. Still, it was a tough road to navigate. Every day spent with her, whether she was crying or staring numbly at the television, I felt guilty. It was a reminder that, while I still had my husband and my daughter, Lexi had just lost the love of her life. It made me hug them tighter every single night when I got home. Eventually, Lexi went back to work and told me that she needed space, something Jeremy insisted I give her.
Nearly two years later, I was finally healing. I could walk by a baby in the store and not have the sudden urge to cry. I didn’t hold on to Ava’s former favorite teddy bear and sit in the rocking chair, wishing I had a baby in my arms. I was even opening up to the idea of trying for another one. A small part of me would always mourn our loss, but instead of dwelling on the pain, I learned to cherish what I had.
And I wanted Lexi to have it again, too.
That’s why, when I opened the mail, I knew exactly what I had to do.
“Jeremy!” I yelled as soon as I read the words in front of me.
He walked into the kitchen, Ava riding on his shoulders. I reached up, took her, and set her down on the ground. Then I thrust the letter into his hands.
“Babe, look at this!”
“What is it?” he asked.
I grinned and pointed to the Navarre High School letterhead. “Our ten-year reunion. Oh my gosh,” I exclaimed, clutching my chest and holding a hand over my heart. “This. Is. Perfect.”
Taking Ava’s hands, I whirled her around and danced around the kitchen. Her four-year-old smile lit up, and she bounced around right along with me. When we stopped, Jeremy had a hand on his hip and one eyebrow lifted in my direction, unaware of the reason for the impromptu dance party. I was breathless and beaming.
“What’s perfect?” he asked. “What’s with the face? Should I be worried? Why are we getting mail from Navarre High School? Oh, dammit, did they finally find the time capsule I buried at the edge of the football field?” His face brightened, one corner of his mouth lifting into a coy smile. “I would like those panties back.”
I dropped Ava’s hands and walked over to him. Then I slid my hands up to link around his neck. Excitement was coursing through my veins, and I couldn’t help the dreamy smile that crossed my lips when I stared up at my gorgeous husband. His pupils were dilated, probably from the memory of how he’d gotten those panties for the time capsule. God, I loved him. I had half a mind to let him wrestle me out of the ones I was currently wearing, but first things first.
“Jace, Jeremy. Jace and Lexi,” I told him.
His eyes widened. “What?” he asked, clearly not catching on to just how perfect this was.
“Jace and Lexi! Back together again!” I squealed.
His furrowed brow ruined my happy mood. “You’re forgetting one thing, Sierra. Lexi’s here in Ohio. The reunion’s in Florida. Not sure how you’re gonna get them together.”
I gave him a wicked smile. “You leave that to me, babe.” I turned to Ava. “Ava, baby, want to go to the beach?”
“The beach?” she asked, her eyes widening and full of awe. She clapped her hands. “Can I swim with the fishes?!”
“Absolutely,” I said, to which she squealed with delight. When I spun back to Jeremy, he was chuckling and shaking his head. “Looks like we’re going to need a nanny for the reunion. Any ideas?”
He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Back to where it all began?
“I know it might be a long shot, but it just feels right. My gut instinct tells me that, if anyone can bring Lexi back out of her shell, it’s Jace. And according to Facebook—”
As one eyebrow row in piqued curiosity, he inclined his head, giving me a knowing look.
“Yes, I stalked. And, apparently, he’s single.”
He laughed. “You know what, baby? I think you’re right. Those two have unresolved issues, and if getting them back in the same place helps push them in the right direction, we’d be doing them a disservice if we didn’t invite Lexi along.”
“I love the way your mind works in complete sync with mine.” I leaned up on my toes, giving him a kiss. “Now, I have some work to do.”
“Work?” he asked, his brow furrowing.
“It was an official invite to be on the committee. I have calls to make, invitations to send, and a certain soldier to stalk… Not to mention a sitter to find. Think Lexi would be up for the job?”
He glanced over to Ava, who suddenly walked up to him and jabbed her finger into his stomach.
“Give me fruit snacks or you’ll be swimmin’ with the fishes, ya filthy animal!” she snarled.
&
nbsp; So our four-year-old had a thing for both mob movies and Home Alone.
He grinned at me over the top of her head. “How could she say no to that?”
He had me there, and he fell to his knees, my eyes were fixated on the scene. Father and daughter, Sopranos wannabes. They were silly. At times, they were utterly ridiculous. And they were all mine. My life rocked.
“I like the plan, babe,” he said to me before Ava started attacking again.
“I do, too,” I called. “Let me reach out and make sure he’ll be there.”
And that’s how the Banks family took care of their own. Sure, maybe with a little manipulation and a lot of wishful thinking, but I just knew—watching Jace and Lexi lock eyes for the first time in ten years was going to be so freaking worth it.
“Oh shit,” I muttered when I saw Lexi was calling me.
She’d agreed to come to the reunion, and just last week, I’d dropped the bomb on her, telling her that Jace was going to be there. And then I’d maybe done something a little more manipulative.
“Oh shit,” Ava parroted.
Jeremy grinned as I sighed.
“Oh shit what?” he asked.
“Really?”
“Hey, we just got her to stop calling the neighbor a dickhead. You’re the one who just said shit in front of her.”
“Shit!” Ava exclaimed, collapsing in a pile of giggles.
“I have to take this. You deal with her,” I told him.
When he rolled his eyes, I blew him a kiss. He caught it then crossed the room, scooping up Ava for another rendition of “Don’t Ever Repeat What Mommy and Daddy Say.”
As soon as they left the room, I swiped to answer my phone. Before I could even say hello, my sister’s screech had me taking the phone away from my ear.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”
Well, what a nice greeting. Not that I’d been expecting any less. She was fuming, which was a good sign.
"At the moment, I'm trying to make my four year old eat something other than mac and cheese. What the hell are you doing?" I responded, my voice sugary sweet and pure innocence. So I lied, but whatever. Maybe the mention of Ava would soften her up.
“I’m wondering how in the hell Jace McAllister got my number and why the hell I just got off the phone with him!”
I wanted to clap my hands with glee. Jace had played right into them. Freaking perfect.
"He called? What'd he say? How long did you guys talk? Is he coming to the reunion?" Sure, I knew the answer to that last question, but I wanted to gauge her reaction.
“Yes, he called, and I think we were both shocked as hell. He is coming to the reunion, but you already knew that. You told me yesterday! And he even said he’d already RSVP’ed, so he had no clue as to why he got another reminder. Seriously, Sierra, what do you think you’re doing?”
The urge to squeal was hard to resist. Still, I couldn't hide the smile in my voice. “Umm, yeah, I may have accidentally put your number on there. Oops. My bad."
She scoffed at my snicker, but there was something in her tone that told me she wasn't as pissed as she was pretending to be.
“It’s not funny. I was already reeling from the thought of having to see him, and then you go and do this? I thought I’d have months to prepare, but now, I feel like that stupid seventeen-year-old girl again, excited and breathless just by the sound of his voice.”
Bing-freaking-go. “Exactly. You can thank me any time now,” I said. God, my work here was practically done, and the reunion was still months away.
“Thank you? I’m freaking pissed. What were you thinking?”
Even though she couldn't see me, I rolled my eyes. “Did you not just hear yourself? Excited and breathless? You’d been void of any positive emotion for far too long. And, in one phone call, you felt something else. Sure, be pissed at me, but at the end of the day, you’re going to be happy about it,” I told her.
Silence hung in the air between us. I was right. More importantly, she knew I was right. I was feeling pretty brilliant right about then. Finally, she sighed, but it sounded more dreamy than exasperated. At least, that's what I told myself.
“Whatever. Stop meddling. I mean it. We haven’t spoken in almost ten years. One phone call is nothing. He’s probably forgotten all about little Alexa Sullivan,” she said, a hint of sadness in her voice.
This was perfect. I finally had my in and could tell her what I'd never told her before, because of Ty. “Oh, no, he hasn’t. When we went to visit before Ava was born, we met up with him. All he did was ask about you. He wanted to know everything—what you were doing, where you were working. He even asked about Ty, and he seemed genuinely interested in knowing if you were happy.”
Her breath caught audibly. “You never told me that. You didn’t even tell me that you saw him." Her voice was accusing. I loved it.
“I didn’t think you’d be interested. And I’m sure Ty would’ve just loved knowing your high school love was asking about you six years later.”
I winced, thinking about the night Jeremy had had a little too much whiskey and done a little too much reminiscing while telling embarrassing childhood stories. Of course, Jace's name came up, and Jeremy seemed in awe of him over his military career. Ty looked uncomfortable as Jeremy went on and on about Lexi's crush. He even went so far as to mention the similarities between Ty and Jace. That's when I cut Jeremy off and practically threatened his balls if he ever brought Jace up again.
“He was not my high school love. We never even dated! It was just a stupid crush." Her protest fell on deaf ears, and I was now even more convinced something had happened between them before Jace had left.
“Whatever you say, sis. All I know is you two were as close as two friends can be, and then he left town and you never talked to him again. I’ve always wondered why that was."
“You’ve never asked.”
“Would you have told me?”
“Umm…no, but bring over a bottle of wine for this week’s episode of The Vampire Diaries and maybe, just maybe, Elijah and you can convince me to spill,” she said.
“Yeah, right. You’ve waited ten years, so I have a feeling getting anything out of you will be damn near impossible. Guess I better bring two bottles to get those lips loose." I laughed, but I was secretly wondering how much wine it would take to get it out of her.
"You're on," she said, a smile in her voice.
I probably should’ve felt guilty for being so manipulative. I didn’t. The truth was I’d have done anything for Lexi to be happy again, even if it meant I had to push her in the right direction. When we hung up, I was more convinced than ever that I was doing the right thing. And I couldn’t freaking wait to see how it would pan out.
I wasn’t sure how I’d gotten stuck with giving Ava another lesson about bad words, but I had. Sierra should’ve known better. That girl had me wrapped around her tiny fingers so tight.
Even still, when Sierra blew me a kiss and went to get her phone, I scooped my baby girl up off the floor, pulling her into my arms and tickling her as I carried her down the hallway to my room.
Once I’d set her down on the bed, I grabbed the chair from Sierra’s vanity and set it in front of her. Sitting down, I was eye level with Ava, giving her my stern dad face. Her lower lip was already trembling. Fuck me. She knew I was a sucker for her tears, but I was determined not to fall for it that time.
Good luck with that, right?
“I love you, Daddy.”
Damn, she was already breaking out the big guns.
I tried to mask my grin, but it was no use. Her big, blue eyes were staring at me so intently, so earnestly, that I couldn’t help it. I beamed at my precocious, conniving little girl.
“I love you, too, baby.”
“Is Mommy mad at me?” she asked, looking as forlorn as a four-year-old possibly could.
“No, of course not. Why would you ask that?”
She let out a deep sigh and studied her tiny h
ands. “I said a bad word.”
This girl.
I placed a finger under her chin and lifted it until her eyes were on mine. “Mommy’s not mad, Ava. She just doesn’t want you to say the bad words, okay?” I leaned in close as if to tell her a secret. “She’d be in trouble with Grandma if she heard you saying bad words.”
Ava’s eyes gleamed. “It’s gonna cost ya, buster!” she said, wiggling her eyebrows then holding her palm out. “Gimme a buck or I’m gonna rat you out.”
I groaned. Sierra’d been right. Letting her stay up and watch those mob shows with me had ended up biting me in the ass. Still, I was up for negotiations.
“I’ll make you a deal, Ava. Every time you hear me or Mommy saying a bad word and you don’t repeat it, you’ll get a buck. How does that sound.”
She tilted her head to the side as she mulled it over then nodded. “I’m in,” she replied.
“No repeating ever. Capisce?”
She stuck her tiny hand in mine, and we shook on it.
“Capisce!”
After pulling my wallet out and handing her dollar over, I gave her a kiss. She scrambled off the bed, and I followed as she ran down the hallway to where Sierra was just hanging up the phone.
“Mommy, look! Daddy gave me a dollar!” Ava held the bill up, waving it in front of Sierra’s face.
My wife’s eyebrows drew together as she gave me a curious look.
I sighed. “She hustled me, baby,” I said, placing my hands on her hips and pushing her back against the counter.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“When we fu—uh, mess up and she doesn’t repeat it, she gets a dollar.”
Sierra’s eyebrows rose.
I held my hands up. “She threatened to rat me out to Grandma. What could I do?”
“Jeremy, she’s four.”
“Yeah, and if you and I don’t start biting our tongues, she’s going to be the richest four-year-old on the block. That or your mom’s going to kick my ass.”
I felt a tug on my jeans before I even realized what I’d said. When I looked down, Ava was standing there with her hand out.