Love's Deadly Masquerade

by The Author- Yani

  The fall semester wasn’t going to be starting for a couple of more weeks so she wasn’t sure if Arianna was home or if she had company, so she text her phone: “hey chica, you busy?” Moments later, her phone was ringing.

  “Ting-a-ling-a-ling, school bell ring, LSU seniors up in this thing!” Arianna sang into the phone to the tune of Shabba Ranks reggae hit “Ting-a-ling-a-ling”. She burst into a loud laughter. “Heyyy sis!”

  Vanessa smiled as she grabbed her purse and her keys. Hey, sis. What are you doing?”

  “Nothing girl, just watching that episode of Grey’s Anatomy when dude had the bomb in his chest. You gotta love Burke. He hit that floor mad quick when ol’ girl snatched her hand out of that guy’s chest.” Arianna laughed again.

  “Yeah, that was always my favorite episode, too. Hey, is it okay if I hang out over there today?” Vanessa asked.

  “Oh, I guess you and Eric got tired of fucking like rabbits and now you want to adopt me,” Arianna said sarcastically. “This is still your home, baby-girl. I’m not going anywhere, today. Come hang out. We can gossip about these little mid-west White girls moving into the La-Salle dorms plotting on some big black cock. You better watch your man, girl!”

  Vanessa chuckled lightly. “Okay, I’m on my way.” She disconnected the call and left a note for Eric letting him know where she was in case he got in before she got back. She threw her sunglasses on to hide the bruises on her face planning to stop at Rite-Aid and grab some foundation to cover up the bruise near her eye and on her cheek. She knew if Arianna saw her bruises, she would be ready to draw blood and Vanessa could not handle that drama today.

  She dabbed the make-up on while sitting on the back of the bus trying to be discreet while grateful that it wasn’t crowded. She didn’t have a clue on how to wear make-up but tried her best to make sure the bruises were covered well.

  She was shocked to see Arianna waiting in the doorway for her as she walked up the street. “Hey chica!” she said with a huge smile on her face.

  Arianna looked at Vanessa crossly wondering why she would be wearing sunglasses on a cloudy day. “Hey boo, what’s up with the shades?”

  Vanessa touched them tentatively. “Oh, Eric bought them for me and I couldn’t wait to wear them so… sun or no sun, I was wearing these bad boys today,” she laughed nervously.

  Arianna chuckled with her suspiciously. She knew something was up and hoped it wasn’t what she thought it was. She opened her arms to hug her best friend and was more than slightly mythed when Vanessa winced and cringed after she squeezed her. Arianna backed away and looked her bestie over. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I just called myself working out with Eric yesterday at the gym and I’m feeling it today, that’s all,” Vanessa lied.

  Arianna knew she was lying and she was now positive that there was something more going on. “Take the glasses off, Vanna.”

  “You know I hate when you call me that,” Vanessa replied, refusing to take the glasses off.

  “Never mind that shit. Take off the glasses,” Arianna said more sternly. “Take them off, now.”

  Vanessa was moving too slow with taking the shades off so Arianna snatched them off of her face. Her mouth hung open and she gasped. “Vanna… seriously?! SERIOUSLY!”

  “Ari, it’s not that deep, really I’m fine,” Vanessa said as she reached for her sunglasses.

  “The hell you are?! What the hell kind of work-out were y’all doing yesterday? Because judging by that black eye and your sore ribs, I’m going to guess boxing and you were the punching bag! Did Eric do this to you?”

  “I’m fine,” Vanessa replied, avoiding the question.

  “You are not fine!” Arianna snatched her friend by the arm and pulled her into their apartment and slammed the door behind them. “Why the fuck is he putting his hands on you? Don’t he know I will put two in him with no fucking regards as to where they bury him?!”

  “It was an accident, Arianna. He didn’t mean it.”

  “Oh!” Arianna said sarcastically. “Forgive me for thinking the worst! Tell me more about how you tripped and your face hit his fist!”

  “Arianna, please. I didn’t come over here for this. I don’t want to talk about it. We had a misunderstanding last night but we’re going to work it out. Everything will be fine.”

  “Everything will be fine when you leave that woman beating bastard where he is and get as far away from him as possible. Tell me you didn’t fall for the bullshit apology routine.”

  Vanessa sat down in a chair and covered her face as the tears slid out of her eyes. She was confused and an emotional wreck. She came to her best friend with the hopes that Arianna would take her mind off of what happened the night before, not to be badgered and ridiculed for something she felt as though she had no control over.

  “Vanessa, you’re like a sister to me. Cradle to the grave, sis. Cradle to the grave! There is no way I can sit by while you let this happen. You’re better than this! You deserve better than this. And just because he has a few dollars and showers you with fancy shit and fucks like a porn star, that does not give him the right to beat on you! His wallet ain’t made of gold and neither is his dick!” Arianna preached angrily.

  “Will you just drop it, Arianna!? Damn, that’s why I didn’t want to say anything to you because you always go off on some ghetto, Shakespearean monologue, and I can’t deal with that right now. So please, just drop it. I just want to hang out today like we used to, watch re-runs of Grey’s Anatomy or Law & Order SVU, eat popcorn, pizza and ice-cream and gossip about the new White girls moving in on campus. Can we just do that, please?” Vanessa asked her best friend with tears in her eyes.

  Arianna thought Vanessa was being stupid. But if she didn’t want the stress of talking about whatever happened between her and Eric the night before, she would grant her that pass. But eventually they would talk. Arianna would see to that.

  “You’re terrible at putting on make-up,” Arianna said flatly with a half-smile.

  Vanessa smile with her. “I know…”

  Arianna cleaned up Vanessa’s face and gave her a heating pad to put on her side to ease the pain from the bruises on her ribs. They sat together talking and laughing as though nothing had happened. Vanessa’s phone went off quite a few times with phone calls and text messages from Eric but she ignored them. Even though the night before she said she would forgive Eric and they could work on fixing whatever had been broken so their relationship could last, hearing what Arianna said brought her back to her senses. She decided that she would leave Eric. She didn’t want to be one of those weak women who constantly went back to her abuser. One time was enough.

  Vanessa had fallen asleep but was awakened by the sound of Arianna’s very loud and angry voice.

  “Hell no, you can NOT come into my damn apartment. Now you better get your ass out of here before I call the cops on you!” Vanessa heard Arianna saying. She knew that it was Eric and jumped from her bed with her heart racing. She was afraid to leave her bedroom but she didn’t want the argument between Eric and Arianna to escalate nor did she want the nosey neighbors to start peeking out of their doors.

  She swallowed past the knot of fear in her throat and took a deep breath before going into the living room.

  “Vanessa, what happened babe? I thought you said we were going to work things out last night?” Eric asked, sounding sad and confused.

  Vanessa opened her mouth to speak but didn’t know what to say. She looked at Arianna, who was staring at her as if she would go upside her head if she even thought about bringing Eric into their apartment, and then she looked at Eric who looked heartbroken. He looked as though he was under a lot of stress and just needed someone in his corner to reassure him things would be okay. She was his woman and it was her job to be in his corner and have his back.

  Vanessa sighed and shook her head. “It’s okay, Arianna. Let him in.”

  “What!? Are you fucking…? SERIOUSLY!” Arianna stoppe
d talking abruptly and laughed sarcastically before opening the door wider for Eric to come in.

  Eric walked over to Vanessa and held her hands. “When I got home and you weren’t there, babe I was so worried. I was scared in fact, because I thought that you changed your mind and decided to leave me after all.”

  Vanessa shook her head. “I thought about it and what happened last night was…” she paused as she tried to find the words to say. “I can’t even find the words to describe what happened last night. But I can’t do this again. I can’t let what you did to me slide like it’s okay because it’s not.”

  “It’s not okay, V-Dot. I understand, I fucked up last night. I messed up, but I promise you, it won’t happen again.”

  “Oh nigga, please. You heard what she said so get your woman-beating ass the fuck up out of here before I call the cops,” Arianna snapped as she snatched open the front door.

  “Ari…” Vanessa started.

  “Look shorty, I never had a problem with you before, but if you keep talking to me like I’m one of these nut-ass niggas on the street, you about to have a problem with me today,” Eric said with base in his voice as he glare at Arianna.

  “Yeah you talk real tough when you up against a female. Let’s get one thing straight, I’m not fucking Vanessa. You put your fucking hands on me, nigga…”

  Eric advanced towards Arianna and Vanessa tried to grab his arm to stop him as her heart raced, but he yanked away from her. Before Vanessa or Eric had a chance to react, Arianna had a knife at his throat. Vanessa screamed.

  “Arianna, no!” Vanessa cried out.

  “Now what, bitch. Take one more muthafucking step and I will cut a second smile across your throat, nigga. Try me!” Arianna said through clenched teeth. They stared daggers at each other for what seemed like an eternity to Vanessa.

  “Arianna, please…” she begged. “He’s not going to do anything.”

  “Oh I know damn well his punk-ass ain’t going to do anything except walk out of this bitch or he’ll be carried out of this bitch if he tries something,” Arianna replied never taking her eyes off of Eric. She saw the way he glanced from the knife back to her eyes as though he was contemplating who was faster. An evil grin crept across her face.

  “We’re going to leave, Arianna. Just please put the knife down,” Vanessa pleaded.

  “You are not leaving with him, Vanna.”

  “Ari, it’s okay. We’re just going to go somewhere and talk. I’ll be okay. He’s not going to hurt me.”

  “He already has,” Arianna grimaced. She held the knife to his neck a little longer before stepping away quickly. Eric straightened out his shirt and walked over to the front door. It was so tempting for Arianna to stab him in the back but she managed to restrain herself.

  As Vanessa was about to walk past her to leave out behind Eric, Arianna stopped her. “Vanna, listen to me. If you leave with him, he’s going to sweet talk you, wine and dine you, offer to give you the moon and the stars but never act on his promises. And as soon as you get comfortable, he’s going to beat you again. Trust me, honey. Don’t leave with him.”

  “We’re just going to talk, Arianna. That’s all.”

  “What is there to talk about?” Arianna asked hysterically. Vanessa huffed and folded her arms across her chest, shaking her head. Arianna threw her hands in the air out of frustration and waved her towards the door. “Fine, do what you want. But I’ma tell you something; when he whips your ass again- and he will- don’t come crying to me because I don’t want to hear it. It’s one thing for him to beat your ass by surprise. It’s another for him to beat your ass because you went back and let him.”

  “Whatever,” Vanessa said as she marched past Arianna. She slammed the door and left with Eric.

  5

  The night that Vanessa was reminiscing over, she made the second biggest mistake of her life, which was choosing a man over her best friend. The first biggest mistake was going home with Eric and allowing him to convince her to stay. Arianna’s words never rang truer at that moment. He did exactly what she said he was going to do; he wined her, dined her, and gave her the world. But as soon as she got comfortable and thought their relationship was moving in the right direction, the beatings started. At first it was once every few months. Then it turned into every few weeks. Now it was routine for her to get slapped in the mouth or popped upside of her head like an insolent child being scolded by a parent. She walked around as though she was stepping on glass, knowing that the smallest misstep could grant her an ass whipping that would leave her as she was at that very moment, sore and feeling defeated.

  Vanessa drank back the rest of her tea and washed the mug out, dried it and put it away. She turned out all of the lights and made her way upstairs slowly, grimacing against the pain in her back and ribs from his punches and kicks. She wished she had the courage to leave. But where would she go? He knew who all of her friends were and where all of her friends lived. And he had threatened her numerous times that if she even thought about skipping out on him, he would see to it that her body was never found. The only thing she could think to do was to try to co-exist with him as peacefully as possible to warn off anymore beatings. “Or you could always kill his ass,” the voice in her head said. This time the voice was so loud and clear that she stumbled as she made her way down the hall. She shook her head to clear it and made her way into the bedroom, hoping Eric was asleep.

  She slipped her robe off and hung it on the back of the chair before easing into the bed with him praying that he was asleep and didn’t force himself on her again. She was just getting comfortable when he punched her in her back.

  “Watch your damn feet,” he grumbled in a sleepy voice.

  Vanessa put her hand to her mouth to muffle her cries knowing that if she disturbed his sleep anymore, he would surely beat her again. She hugged her pillow close to her face and scooted to the edge of the bed. Tears fell into her pillow and she closed her eyes praying for an escape… praying for death.

  Vanessa awoke the next morning to a bed filled with rose pedals. Instead of smiling at the romantic gesture, she grimaced. Next to the bed was a breakfast tray with her favorite, strawberry topped French toast with scrambled cheese eggs and turkey bacon. Though she was hungry, she wasn’t in the mood to eat. Just as she thought of dumping the food in the trash, her stomach rumbled and she felt sick, so she forced herself to eat the food.

  She was about half-way through her breakfast when the nausea became stronger. It hit her like a ton of bricks. She ran to the bathroom and vomited in the toilet. She was about to get up to rinse her mouth out when the need to vomit came again. She puked until she felt empty inside, fatigue and weak. After she was able to compose herself, she ran the cold water in the sink and splashed some on her face. She then looked at herself in the mirror and it was as though her reflection spoke back to her. “Jesus, look at you. You’re only 22 years old and you damn near look 40. Wouldn’t it be a shame if you were carrying that bastard’s child?” Vanessa stared at herself as that last statement echoed in her head. She walked back to the room and looked at the calendar on the wall.

  “My last period was…” Vanessa mumbled aloud as she tried to think back to the last time she used a tampon. She closed her eyes and then remembered it was more than two months prior when she and Eric had one of their episodes. She remembered when she went to the bathroom afterwards that she at first panicked thinking he had caused internal damage. But was relieved that it was just her menstrual. “…two months ago… that can’t be…” she panicked.

  She sat down on the side of the bed feeling sick. “Oh my God, no. Please God, no. I can’t handle this right now. I can’t,” she said almost breaking down in tears.

  “Can’t handle what?” she heard Eric ask from the doorway.

  Vanessa jumped when she heard his voice. “I… my um throat is hurting and I feel a little congested like I’m coming down with the flu or something. I’m just not in the mood to be battling anyt
hing like that right now,” Vanessa lied. She then averted her eyes to the floor.

  “I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Eric replied before kissing her on the forehead. “I have a meeting to go to. The keys are on the table for you to lock up when you go to the market. I bought some orchids from the flower shop for you to plant out front since you said you like the way they bloomed last spring. Is there anything else that you need?”

  “No, I’m fine,” Vanessa said softly. Eric kissed her on the head again and then left the room. When she heard the front door close, she listened for the sound of his car backing out of the driveway and peeling off down the street. She hurriedly got dressed before snatching her pocketbook from off of the hook in their walk-in closet and grabbed the keys to lock up the house. She had enough on her mind and on her plate. The last thing she needed to be worried about is whether or not she was pregnant with Eric’s baby. And if she was, then what? Apart of her believed that would be the golden light for him to see to make him stop beating her. “Or, what if he beats your ass while you’re pregnant and kills the baby? Did ya think of that lil’ possibility?” the voice in her head said.

  “Shut up,” she said aloud, jumping at the sound of her own voice. That was the first time that she answered the voice in her head out loud. Hearing her own voice in the previously quiet bedroom left a feeling of craziness floating around.

  “Great, now I’m talking to myself, answering voices in my head. I guess losing my mind is yet another thing I’ll have to worry about,” she grumbled as she headed downstairs to leave out of the house.

  “Oh no, honey. You lost your damn mind the minute you went back to Eric after he beat your ass the first time…”

  “Shut the hell…” Vanessa caught herself and shook her head as she locked the door. Before walking completely away from the house, she began searching her purse for her debit card.