Will nodded. “I remember,” he said. “I was young at the time. I remember thinking that you did not want to be my father anymore.”
A look of pain washed over Scott’s face. “Never,” he said. “You and your siblings are my greatest pride. But I was certain I could have prevented your mother’s accident and, in the end, I simply couldn’t live with the guilt. It had nothing to do with you or your brother or my family. It had everything to do with me and my inability to handle the grief. Now… now, you are faced with something unimaginable. You must save your wife, but in a much different way. But know this… if you want me to be the one to knock her unconscious, I will gladly do it for you. That way, your hands are clean in all of this. You can look your children in the eyes and know that you had no hand in their mother’s death.”
Will looked at his father in shock. “You… you would do that for me?”
Scott nodded, his brow creased with distress. “Of course I would.”
“But why? This is not your duty, Papa.”
“I realize that,” Scott said. “But I spent so many years running from your mother’s death… and you were caught up in my behavior. I wronged you so terribly, Will. You were grieving the loss of your mother and the loss of your father at the same time, and I have always regretted that horribly. To say I am sorry is not enough. Let me do something for you when it comes to Lily. Let me help take that burden off of you.”
Will could see that Lily’s condition had stirred up the embers of grief in his father all over again. Since Scott had reconciled himself to Athena’s death, which was several years after she had died, they’d not spoken of that event. It was one of those subjects to be avoided because of the dark and terrible memories it provoked. And now, Will could see that the fire of grief was starting to flare again in his father, just a little. Reaching out, he grasped the man’s hands and held them tightly.
“Those were difficult years, to be sure,” he said, looking his father in the eyes. “But no one ever blamed you. I never blamed you. You have nothing to atone for, though I love you dearly for wanting to help me. That means more to me than you will ever know.”
Scott was emotional; that much was clear. He smiled weakly. “I want you to know that the offer remains until such time as it is no longer needed,” he said. “I am so sorry you must endure losing a wife, as I did. It does not seem fair.”
Will sighed heavily. “Nay, it does not,” he said. “But… Papa, I want to tell you something I’ve never told you before. I’ve not spoken of it, not ever, but I feel as if I should tell you so you know the situation for what it is.”
“Speak. I am listening.”
Will was still holding his father’s hands tightly when he lowered his head, struggling to come forth with the words.
“I cannot tell Matha this,” he finally said. “To help Lily… to ease her into the next life… is not because I have a great love for her, as my wife.”
Scott looked at him with some concern. “What do you mean?”
Will sighed sharply. “Papa, you know that Chris de Lohr all but tied me up and forced me to marry her,” he said, looking at the man beseechingly. “You know that the moment I showed any interest in her, he was hounding me for a betrothal. I told you that. I am not saying that Chris is a terrible man, because he’s not. I like him a great deal, but he wanted his daughter married to a de Wolfe no matter how Lily or I felt about it and the next thing I knew, I had a wife. There was no time for me to think about it and there was no time for me to fall in love with the woman. Suddenly, we were married and that was the end of it.”
Scott knew that. He knew it all too well. “Marriages are not always love matches,” he said. “You are surrounded by love matches, however, so that is what you know. You think that’s normal. But it isn’t always normal. Your marriage is an excellent one, bringing two major houses together. It is very important.”
Will nodded, struggling through the conversation. “I know that,” he said. “But Lily and I are friends. That’s all we are. I love her, but only as a friend and as the mother of my children. There is no great love match here, Papa. Matha says that if I love her, I will do this… this thing to ease her suffering when the time comes and I shall do it because it is the right thing to do. Not because she is the love of my life and I do this because of my great passion for her. My biggest guilt in all of this is that Lily is dying because of the child I planted within her and I cannot even say I am madly in love with the woman. It wasn’t a child conceived in love and that just makes it so much worse. That makes me a horrible man.”
Scott shook his head as he squeezed his son’s hands. “It makes you merciful and generous,” he said. “It makes you a man among men.”
Will refused to accept that opinion. “You must say that because you are my father,” he said. “But know that Lily and I have never had a love match. She has spent her entire adult life trapped in a marriage with a man she does not love and who does not love her in return. That is no life at all, Papa. It is my fault.”
Scott sighed faintly, watching his son go through the throes of guilt. He remembered those well when Athena died, but for much different reasons. He also remembered his father, among others, telling him that he had no right to feel guilty because the situation wasn’t his fault. He never believed them. Therefore, he knew it would do no good to tell Will that none of this was his doing.
All he could do was to try and soften the blow.
“I will not tell you not to feel as you do,” he said after a moment. “I will not tell you that you should not feel as if you are responsible for the state of your marriage, but I will say this. You made the best of it. You never disrespected your wife or this marriage, to my knowledge. You remained true to her no matter what you felt personally, and that makes you more noble than most, Will. That is something to be proud of.”
Will lifted his head, looking at his hands as they intertwined with his father’s. “Do you want to hear something truly noble?” he said weakly. “Lily is determined to ensure I am happy after she is gone. She feels as guilty as I do about the state of our marriage, so she has selected my new wife. I have tried to refuse, but she is insistent. She wants someone who will be good to me and who will love my children. She says she must know I am taken care of when she is gone.”
Scott looked at him, brow furrowed. “Who is this woman she has selected?”
“Lady Adria.”
That brought some surprise from Scott. “Her lady-in-waiting?”
“The same.”
Scott mulled that over. “I seem to remember that she is quite pretty,” he said. “I think Matha has said that Lady Adria has been a true and faithful companion to Lily, though you would know more about that than I would.”
“She has been faithful and true,” Will said. “She is all of those things. She is a good woman. And… truth be told, if I were not married and never had been married, and I had just met Adria, I might very well pursue her.”
There was a hint in that statement. “But you feel that there is too much history with her? Being close to Lily as she is?”
Will lifted his shoulders. “I do not know,” he said. “She is beautiful and kind, she loves my children, and she is quite faithful and resourceful. She has many good qualities that I have seen over the years.”
“Then if it is what Lily wishes, what is the problem?”
Will looked at him. “That I might find happiness with Adria when I could not find it with Lily?” he said, more of a question than a statement. “That I could not love my wife, but that I could love a woman who was by her side through every hardship and every joy? Those concerns come to mind and the guilt is overwhelming. All I know is that I do not want to be forced into another marriage. That did not go well the first time.”
Scott’s gaze lingered over the man for a moment, trying to figure out where all of this guilt was really coming from. He was coming to the conclusion that it was too much for Will to adequately handle – a dyin
g wife, a dying child, and now being told that he had to marry again immediately after his wife’s death. It was more than the man could take.
But he also knew that Will was a strong man.
He was going to have to draw on that strength.
“Then you have a decision to make,” he said, quietly but firmly. “Either you respect Lily’s wish so that she can die happy and you follow through, or you lie to her and tell her you will and then forget about it when she’s gone.”
Will drew in a long, contemplative breath. “Is it better to lie to her and tell her what she wants to hear? Or is it better to actually do what she wants?”
“That is up to you,” Scott said. “Could you live with yourself if you lied to her?”
Will shook his head slowly. “Nay.”
“And could you live with yourself if you denied her dying wish?”
“Nay.”
“Then you have your answer,” Scott said quietly. “Does Lady Adria know of this request?”
“She does.”
“How does she feel about it?”
“She seems to be more hesitant than I am, but at least she is not running away.”
Scott scratched his head, thinking. “Then mayhap you should spend some time with the woman so you can both figure it out,” he said. “That would be my advice.”
Will simply nodded, giving his father’s hands a final squeeze before letting them go. “Thank you, Papa,” he said. “For your advice, for your skill… thank you.”
Scott smiled wearily. “That is what a father is for,” he said. “Now, I think I would like settle down in my chamber and mayhap even take a rest. We rode hard to get here.”
“Of course,” Will said, standing up. “I will have a servant take you to your bed. I suspect Matha may want to sleep in Lily’s chamber.”
“I am sure she will.”
“Lily will be happy to hear that,” Will said. “And before I forget, Lady Adria’s father is here, also. He is staying in the knights’ quarters where you’ll be housed.”
Scott cocked his head curiously. “Who is her father?”
“Lord Alcester,” he said. “He came to visit, although I do not really know why, but it is not my business. I suppose he missed his daughter, but he came at a very bad time.”
Scott cocked an eyebrow. “Mayhap not so bad,” he said. “Mayhap it is fortuitous if you must ask the man for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Do you know him well?”
Will thought of the conversation he and Adria had earlier about Gar and his ignoble manner. A gambler, a man out to find his daughter a rich husband. A man his daughter was clearly embarrassed about. He lifted his shoulders weakly.
“A little,” he said. “I just wanted to tell you should you see the man and wonder who he is.”
“And so you have. Does he know what is going on with Lily?”
“I’ve not told him and I doubt Lady Adria has,” Will said. “Other than you, Matha, Tarraby, Lily, Adria, and me, no one knows. But I also sent a missive to Chris when I first found out. I knew he would want to know.”
Scott nodded. “Of course he will,” he said. “I feel for the man, truly. His only daughter.”
Will nodded but he didn’t say anything more. Truth be told, there wasn’t anything more to say. With that, they moved out of the hall, each with a purpose now that the heavy conversation was finished. Now, they knew what needed to be done. It wasn’t the best outcome, but an outcome nonetheless.
Life, it seemed, was going to get worse before it got better.
*
“Do you always spend your time in the kitchen yard?”
Adria had been standing with the cook, discussing the stores they had because Lily was unable to attend to the duties that usually fell to her. She was an excellent chatelaine, but given her physical condition, she hardly got out of bed over the last few days much less came down to manage the kitchens and keep.
Therefore, it was up to Adria.
Not only was she tending to Atticus, but she was doing everything else Lily did and she really didn’t mind. Her management skills were excellent, as well. However, when she heard her father’s voice, she could feel herself tensing. He always had that effect on her. Taking a deep breath, she turned around to see him standing behind her.
“It seems that way,” she said evenly. “Given that Lady de Wolfe is unwell, I have taken over her responsibilities. What are you still doing here?”
The cook, sensing trouble, discreetly slipped away, but Adria didn’t notice. She was still waiting for an answer from her father.
He pointed up to the sky.
“The weather has not been cooperative,” he said. “Too much rain and I do not travel well. I am waiting for it to dry up a little.”
“You are purposely delaying.”
“Think what you will,” Gar sniffed. “I did not come to fight with you. I came with some good news.”
“What good news?”
“You may have two possible suitors.”
Adria’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What are you talking about?” she said. “Who?”
Gar seemed pleased with himself. “There are two very fine young knights right here at Carlisle,” he said. “Sir Ronan and Sir Hermes. I have presented them with the possibility of a betrothal with you and now we will see who comes back with the better offer. A little competition is never a bad thing.”
Adria’s eyes widened dramatically when she realized what he was saying. “You did what?” she nearly shouted. When a few of the kitchen servants turned in her direction, she quickly closed the gap between her and her father, lowering her voice. “What did you do?”
Gar was cocky. “I did what I told you I would do,” he said. “If you will not marry de Brito, then you will marry someone else. I do not care who it is, but someone who will be part of our family and part of our fortune. Sir Ronan’s grandfather is the Earl of Warenton and de Norville’s mother is a de Wolfe. They are both part of the family and both part of that wealthy empire. If you marry one of them, your future is assured, as is mine.”
Adria couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She was so angry and embarrassed that she could feel the blood rushing to her face. In fact, fury didn’t even cover what she was feeling at the moment. Had she been any less controlled, she would have punched him straight in the mouth.
“How dare you humiliate me like this,” she hissed. “I always knew you were vile and low, but this goes beyond what I believed you capable of.”
Gar’s jaw ticked. “If you did your duty, as my daughter, we would not be in this mess.”
Adria shook her head furiously. “Not we,” she said. “You. You are the one who has spent all of your money. You are the one who drove the family into poverty. This has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you. You are in a mess – not me.”
Gar did something then that he didn’t normally do. Reaching out, he grabbed Adria by the arm. His fingers dug into her tender flesh as his snarling face focused on her.
“Is that what fostering has done to you?” he growled. “Has it taught you to be disrespectful to your father? Because if that is the case, you are going home with me immediately. I do not care if you do not want to marry de Brito – he is welcome to you. Let him deal with your insolence and I shall pretend I never had a daughter.”
He was hurting her and Adria tried to yank her arm free. “Let me go.”
Gar pulled on her so hard that he snapped her neck back. “Stop fighting. Stop fighting and obey me.”
There was something decidedly dark in her father’s tone. Adria had never heard that from him before, not like that. He often growled and grumbled, but the way he was speaking to her bordered on wicked. But her pause was only momentary.
“Let me go or I will scream my head off and you will have some explaining to do to the knights you have tried to peddle me to,” she hissed. “How are you going to explain damaged goods to them?”
Gar’s eyes flashed. “You ha
ve a mouth on you, Wench.”
“And your character is as dirty as a sewer.”
He yanked on her again, trying to pull her with him, but Adria reached out and slapped him across the face as hard as she could. It was enough to cause him to lose his grip and she dashed away from him, out of his reach, and picked up the first weapon she came across. Given that they were near the giant firepit where much of Carlisle’s meals were cooked in the open, there was an array of iron rods used to keep the fire neat. She grabbed the first one she came across and held it up, wielding it like a club.
“Touch me and I will beat you to death,” she snarled.
Gar came to a halt, eyeing her. Their fight was starting to attract some attention and that’s not what he wanted. He took a few steps back.
“Put the rod down,” he said calmly. “You’re causing a ruckus, Adria.”
She didn’t lower the rod. “And you’re not?” she said. “Did you think that I would just let you drag me around? I am not entirely sure you realize this, but I am a grown woman. I have a position and a purpose, neither of which include you. And since you are so insistent in marrying me off so that you can leech money from my husband, I am going to commit myself to the cloister at Carlisle Abbey. I’d rather be a nun than be your coin purse.”
Gar looked at her in surprise. “You wouldn’t dare do such a thing,” he said. “You are not prepared for life in the cloister, you little fool.”
“It is better than life as your daughter.”
Gar realized that he had to rethink his plans. Adria wasn’t making anything easy and that infuriated him. He glanced around, nervously, seeing that some of the soldiers were watching them from the wall walk above. Worse still, a knight was heading in their direction, urged on by the fearful cook. The tall, auburn-haired knight put himself between Adria and her father.
“I am not entirely sure what is happening here, but let cooler heads prevail, shall we?” he said, looking mostly at Gar. But he turned his attention to Adria. “My lady, surely you do not mean to use that against your father.”
WolfeLord: de Wolfe Pack Generations Page 18