Bound by Hatred

by Cora Reilly

  “We’ll be there in ten minutes,” Luca said. “How’s Matteo?”

  I didn’t reply. I pushed harder against Matteo’s chest and then he drew in a shallow breath. I froze, almost scared I’d imagined it. I quickly leaned over his face and felt the gentle breeze of his breath against my cheek. I brushed shaky fingers over his throat, finding his pulse. It wasn’t as fast and strong as usual, but it was there. I closed my eyes for a moment, squeezed a few annoying tears away and then I opened them. I sank down on my butt and stretched out my legs. I wanted to cradle Matteo’s head in my lap but worried about hurting his neck, so I merely rested my palm against his chest to reassure myself of his steady heartbeat. His blood was starting to soak my pants but I was beyond caring.

  “Gianna? Are you still there?”

  “Yes. Matteo is breathing again.”

  There was a pause. “Good,” Luca said quietly. “Stay where you are.”

  “Don’t worry.” I tilted my head back and stared up at the sky littered with stars and hazy with smoke. The gentle rise and fall of Matteo’s chest was almost like a lullaby and my eyes started to droop. My headache had gotten even worse. I probably had a concussion.

  The roar of an engine made me turn my head. Two cars were racing in our direction. The one in the front was Luca’s Aston Martin and the one in the back belonged to his crony Romero. I quickly pulled my hand away from Matteo’s chest and rose to my feet, even as my vision swam.

  The Aston stopped with fuming tires and Luca jumped out. He stormed toward Matteo, barely sparing me a glance as he knelt beside his brother and felt his throat. He did a quick scan of Matteo’s injuries and then Romero and Sandro were already beside him.

  Someone touched my shoulder and then Aria appeared in my field of vision. She wrapped her arms around me and I sagged against her, feeling drained. “Are you hurt?”

  “Maybe. Probably. I don’t know.”

  “Get her away,” Luca said. “Take my car and drive her to our apartment.”

  I pulled back to look down at him. “Where are you taking Matteo?”

  “To the hospital. This is too serious for our doc,” he said, then smiled coldly. “Don’t worry. I’ll honor my promise. When I return to the apartment, we’ll make the necessary arrangements to ensure your freedom.” His eyes were hard. I had a feeling he wouldn’t have minded much if I’d died in the crash.

  “Maybe Gianna wants to go to the hospital with Matteo,” Aria suggested softly as Luca and Sandro lifted Matteo carefully and carried him over to the jeep. Romero was talking to soldiers on the phone, making arrangements to keep the police out of this.

  “She doesn’t,” Luca said firmly. “Help her gather her things from Matteo’s apartment, so we can get her settled in her new life before my brother returns home.”

  Why didn’t I protest? Why couldn’t I admit my feelings even now?

  Aria gave me a searching look but I shrugged, ignoring the heat behind my eyeballs and the tight feeling in my chest as I watched them take Matteo away. “We can follow them in our car,” she whispered.

  I swallowed, then shook my head. “No. Luca’s right. I need to pack up my things.”

  Frowning, but without protest, Aria led me toward the Aston Martin.

  Matteo

  Every inch of my body hurt and my head felt like it was filled with cotton. Groaning, I tried to open my fucking eyes, which seemed to be glued shut. Resisting the urge to peel them open with my fingernails, I slowly opened them a tiny bit, then finally fully. Luca was sitting in a chair next to my bed. A fucking hospital bed. “Don’t tell me you took me to a fucking hospital?” I rasped, then coughed. Fuck. I felt like death warmed over.

  Luca leaned forward, a wry smile on his face. Did he have to look so damn worried? I wasn’t a kid who needed his protection anymore. “Now that you’re swearing again, I’ll consider moving you to my penthouse. Romero is already looking forward to playing nurse.”

  I was reaching for the needle in the back of my hand to pull it out but paused when his words sunk in. “Your penthouse?”

  “You’ll need to rest a few days. And I know you, so there needs to be someone to keep an eye on you.”

  He was watching me carefully. As if he was trying to gauge if I could take the bad news. “Did something happen to Gianna?”

  “No. She’s fine.” He paused.

  “Spit it out. Damn it!”

  “I made a deal with her.”

  “Stop fucking around. Tell me the fucking truth. I can take it.”

  “When she called me, you weren’t breathing. I was worried she’d use her chance to run.”

  “My life against her freedom,” I said with a dark laugh.

  “She agreed. Now she’s home with Aria, packing her bags.”

  “We need to protect her from the Outfit. Her Father won’t accept it.”

  “You want to protect her?” Luca asked incredulously.

  “She’s still my wife. And I’ll protect her as long as she’ll let me.”

  “She’ll leave as soon as I’ve set everything up. You better forget about her sooner than later.”

  I glared. “Would you just forget Aria because someone told you to?”

  “Aria wouldn’t need bribing to save my fucking life.”

  I jerked the needle out of my hand and sucked the blood away that welled up before I swung my legs out of the bed, despite my splitting headache. My eyes scanned the table beside my bed for my knives and my gun holster. They weren’t there. Damn it. I felt fucking naked without them.

  “Fuck,” Luca muttered. The bastard grabbed my shoulders to stop me from standing. “I didn’t mean to get you all riled up. You’re supposed to stay in bed.”

  “I don’t give a damn. I’m not a fucking toddler. Stop patronizing me. I’ve dealt with worse shit than a headache.” I shrugged his hands off and slid off the edge of the bed. Big mistake. The moment my bare feet hit the floor, I swayed. Luca steadied me. With a groan, I sank back down on the bed. “What did they give me? I feel as if someone put Roofies in my drink.”

  Luca gave me his most patronizing expression. “I told you to stay in bed.”

  “Shut up.” I blinked a few times. It did nothing to banish the dots from my vision. “I want to get the hell out of here. I’m fine.”

  “You’re fine when I tell you. I’m your Capo.”

  I opened the drawer in the bedside table, but my weapons weren’t in there either. “Where are my knives?”

  “In the car. I could hardly roll you into hospital armed to the teeth.”

  I clenched my jaw, then pushed myself to my feet again. This time I hardly swayed at all.

  Luca glowered at me. “Goddammit, Matteo. Why can’t you listen for once?”

  “Don’t give me that bullshit. If our situations were switched, you’d be out of the fucking hospital already.” He didn’t bother denying it. I knew him. “Let’s go.”

  Luca thrust a bag at me. “Sandro picked up a few clothes for you. The ones you were wearing during the crash have to be burnt.”

  I got out of the embarrassing hospital gown and slipped into clean jeans. “What about underwear? Maybe Sandro likes it if his junk jiggles around in his pants, but I prefer another barrier between my balls and the zipper.”

  Luca snorted. “I wonder what it will take to shut your big mouth. Almost getting killed and having your wife leave your sorry ass obviously isn’t enough.”

  I stopped buttoning my shirt. I knew he was joking. And he was right. Nothing ever got me down. Not when our mother died, not when Father beat the crap out of me, not when I was bleeding like a pig. Then why the fuck did mentioning Gianna feel like a fucking punch to the gut? Damn it. I was turning into a pussy. I sent Luca a forced grin, but he was already scrutinizing me with a frown.

  “Don’t tell me you’re so eager to get out of hospital because you hope to walk across Gianna and talk her into staying with you. She won’t. The selfish bitch wants freedom.”

  I
stalked toward him, getting right in his face. “Don’t call her bitch.” Then I fucking swayed and had to grab Luca’s shoulder to stop myself from making a faceplant. So much for being threatening. Damn it.

  Luca only stared.

  “I swear if you don’t stop giving me that fucking pitying look I’m going to beat you to a bloody pulp,” I muttered.

  “I don’t pity you. Pity is for people who got into a bad situation with no fault of their own, but you chose Gianna. You saw how volatile and fucking annoying she was and you still wanted her. You were turned on by her bitchiness. You got yourself into this mess. Now you have to deal.”

  “Cold-hearted bastard,” I said, glad he didn’t try to console me.

  Luca smirked. “Always.”

  I shoved my shirt into my jeans and slipped into my shoes. “Sandro is a fucking asshole. No socks either? Is he a nudist or what?”

  “He probably thinks you are.”

  I headed for the door, trying to walk as tall as possible despite my wobbly legs. Luca walked too close. He probably thought he might need to catch me if I fainted. “Stop hovering. People will think you’re my sugar-daddy.”

  Luca ignored my comment. “What do you remember before you woke up?”

  Back to business, thank God. “A bunch of cock-sucking Russians chased Gianna and me. I got rid of the first car pretty quick. A bullet between the brows got rid of the driver and the resulting crash of the other fuckers. The second car was more trouble. I don’t remember what happened to them.”

  “They burnt in their car. Charcoal all of them.”

  “What about my car?”

  “Charcoal.”

  “Great.”

  “Could have been worse. You didn’t look good when I first saw you.”

  I reached for the tender spot on top of my head. A few nurses watched us as we passed them, but they didn’t stop us. Luca had probably already settled everything in advance.

  “You’re lucky they didn’t shave your entire head. Knowing how vain you are, you wouldn’t have stopped bitching about it.”

  “You know how to cheer me up,” I said.

  Luca was busy texting someone. He barely glanced up.

  “You’re warning Aria that we’re coming, aren’t you?” I couldn’t help but wonder if Gianna was still with Aria, if they were making plans for Gianna’s future without me. Luca had offered Gianna freedom on a golden platter. She’d be stupid not to go through with it. A life away from the mafia was something she’d always wanted. Away from me. She’d finally get her wish.

  Luca spared me the barest glance. “It’s for the best, believe me.”

  Annoyance zipped through me. Luca had always tried to dictate my life – look out for me as he called it – and it had only gotten worse since he was also my Capo. “I can handle Gianna. I’m not a pussy, Luca. I won’t break down and cry because my wife wants to run as far away from me as possible.”

  “I know.” He stuffed his phone back into his jacket. Of course I knew he’d already told Aria everything she needed to know.

  We arrived at Luca’s car. He opened the door for me. “Don’t think I’ll put out just because you’re being a gentleman,” I told him as I half fell into the seat. I hoped Luca thought I had done it on purpose and not because my legs had gone on strike.

  “Don’t worry. Your backdoor is safe.” Luca shut the door in my face before he rounded the car and slipped behind the steering wheel. He started the car and slid out of the parking lot. “Do you want me to organize someone who can distract you? Maybe not today because of your head. But in the next couple of days.”

  I snorted out a laugh. “You mean a hooker?”

  Luca gave a one-shoulder shrug, not taking his eyes off the street. He had his poker face on and it annoyed the crap out of me, because I wasn’t sure if this was a test or if he was being serious. A few years ago, I’d have said he was dead serious. Luca had never had trouble moving from woman to the next, but that had been before Aria.

  “First of all, I might have a concussion but I’m not dead, and that means I don’t need a pity fuck. If I want a woman, I can find one myself and don’t need to pay someone.”

  “You haven’t seen yourself in the mirror yet.”

  I checked my reflection in the rearview mirror. “Okay. Maybe I’d have more trouble than usual.” I had two black eyes, both of them swollen and bloodshot, and there was a bluish lump below my hairline. Not to mention that my hair was a matted mess.

  “You’ll scare the shit out of every woman you’ll approach.”

  “So what? It always worked for you.”

  Luca chuckled. “So is that a no?”

  “A big fat one. I don’t want to fuck anyone but…” Realizing the fucking trap I’d just walked in I snapped my mouth shut. Damn it.

  “You’re not going to give her up, are you?” Luca said in a resigned tone.

  “No.”

  “I swore on my honor to grant her freedom but I can break my promise if that’s what you want. It’s not like I haven’t done worse before.”

  “No. I don’t want you to break your oath. And it would only make her hate me more. You can’t force Gianna to do anything. She needs to come back to me freely. That’s the only way.”

  Luca shook his head. “Matteo, even you must realize how futile it is to hope for that. She’ll run and never come back. Are you willing to risk that?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then you’re a better man than I am. I would never let Aria go.”

  I glared out of the window. It sounded easy: letting her go, giving her the chance to find her way back to me, but I wasn’t sure I could go through with it. I wasn’t better than Luca. But I was a hunter and sometimes a chase was useless, sometimes you had to wait for the prey to come to you. I wasn’t a patient hunter, but this time I would try.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Gianna

  Aria kept throwing glances my way, her pale brows drawn together in concern. “Are you sure you don’t need to see the doc?”

  “I’m fine, really,” I snapped, then felt bad for it. Aria was always on my side. She’d done so much for me in the last year, even gone against Luca. “Sorry. I’m exhausted.” The smell of smoke and blood lingered in my nose, a vivid echo of the earlier events.

  “It’s okay. You’ve gone through a lot,” Aria said gently.

  My thoughts drifted back to Matteo. I hoped he’d be fine. He was tough, but he’d lost a lot of blood. Maybe I should have let Aria drive me to the hospital to make sure he was alright. I wanted to be with him, wanted to be there when he woke and hold his hand while he was unconscious. I wanted to tell him that I was tired of the games, tired of pretending that I didn’t care for him, when I’d already lost my heart to him. It was futile trying to lie to myself. I knew I’d come to love Matteo, even his arrogance and shark-smile. He was still a bad man, a murderer and criminal, but I knew now that I wasn’t much better. I had no doubt that I would have been like Matteo if I’d been raised like him and not sheltered from life like all the women in our world. It was an ugly truth, one I’d prefer to deny, but it was the truth, and it was time to admit it and own up to the life I was obviously meant to live. The words lay on the tip of my tongue.

  “You can take a quick shower, and then I’ll help you pack everything.”

  “Oh, sure,” I said distractedly. Pride had always been my problem, even now when I knew it was only hurting me, and Matteo.

  Aria glanced my way. “Luca will keep his word. You don’t have to worry. He’s never broken his promise. And he knows I’d never forgive him if he’d lied. You’ll be free.”

  Free? What was freedom worth if it meant ignoring what my heart wanted? “I know.”

  “You don’t look happy.”

  I wasn’t happy. But why? For months I’d wished for nothing more than to figure out a way out of this marriage, out of this life, out of this world, and now that I finally got my wish, I didn’t feel anything. How could I have been
lying to myself for so long? And why couldn’t I admit it, especially not to the outside world? Why did it feel as if admitting I loved Matteo was the ultimate defeat? “I’m still recovering from the crash. That’s all,” I said on autopilot. I wondered how long that lie would work.

  Aria didn’t look convinced but she didn’t push the matter. I leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes, not in the mood for conversation. I needed to sort through my emotions as soon as possible, but the splitting headache definitely wasn’t making it an easy feat.

  I must have dozed off because suddenly Aria was nudging me awake and we were parked in the underground garage. She gave me an encouraging smile, and for some reason it made me feel horrible. I quickly scrambled out of the car, unable to meet Aria’s compassionate gaze. I rushed toward the elevator, a few times almost tripping over my feet. Aria caught up with me and called the elevator down with a press of the button. “What’s the rush? You don’t have to worry that Matteo will come home while we’re still packing. They’ll probably keep him in the hospital overnight. He looked really bad.”

  I leaned against the cool wall of the elevator. Did Aria really think that would cheer me up? Was I such a horrible bitch that people thought I’d be happy that someone was seriously injured?

  Of course they did. Luca had thought he had to offer me a ticket to freedom so I didn’t let his brother die. I was nothing but a heartless, selfish bitch in his mind. And judging from Aria’s words, she agreed with him.

  My throat corded up. Maybe they were right. “I’m not worried,” I said calmly. It was easier to play the part they all expected me to play.

  Aria nodded, but she didn’t stop watching me. We were leaning across from each other and I could see my reflection behind her in the mirror. We couldn’t have been more different. Aria with her kind expression, angel-like hair, porcelain skin and baby-blue eyes; the epitome of pureness. And I looked like I’d risen from hell with my messy red hair, blood covered clothes and skin, and dark shadows under my eyes. When we stepped into the apartment that I’d shared with Matteo since our wedding, I quickly rushed into the master bedroom, and from there into the adjoining bathroom. Maybe a quick shower would help me get a grip on my heart. Luca’s offer was my last chance, I knew that. If I followed my heart instead and stayed with Matteo, then that would be it. I had to let my brain make this decision.