Composing a Family

by Sean Michael

  “Nothing. I just need a hug. I need to say thank you for being here.”

  He wrapped his arms around Daniel and hugged him tightly. “You’re welcome, although no thanks are necessary. Thank you for letting me a part of their first hours.”

  “They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

  “They are the most beautiful babies I have ever seen.” He didn’t even care if he was biased; he believed it wholeheartedly. He gave Daniel a kiss on the cheek. “See you in the caf.”

  “I’ll be right there.” Daniel walked away, phone to his ear already.

  Ten headed down to the cafeteria, mind full of blue eyes staring at him intently.

  Chapter Ten

  By the fifth day of the girls’ lives, Harmony and Kyrie were home with Matt and Tenor, and Daniel was still sitting with his tiny girl, praying and singing and hoping that she’d be okay.

  He was exhausted and scared and feeling like he was disconnected from the world at large. The nurses all knew him by name and how he liked his coffee, but they and the doctors who came daily to check up on things had all merged into a blur.

  Someone touched his arm, startling him out of his daze.

  “Hey, Daniel. I brought you a hazelnut latte with extra foam.” Tenor smiled down at him, hand staying on his shoulder, warm and comforting.

  “I—Hey! Hey, I’m sorry. Is Matt with the girls?” He reached for the coffee with shaky hands.

  “Yeah. And Elle and Tish came to visit. Britt’s with her grandparents. They oohed and aahed appropriately.” Tenor watched him for a moment. “You need to go home and get some sleep. Let me spell you for tonight.”

  “I’m okay.” Mel’d been doing fine, and then the one night he’d gone home, she’d had a little crisis.

  Tenor pursed his lips. “Are they letting her come home soon?”

  “I hope so. I want her to. I’m ready to be home.” He wanted a real meal, his bed, his piano.

  “Then go home and let me stay overnight. I’ll be here for her same as you, I swear. You need to have some time in your own bed—and to see your girls. They’re already changing and you need to see some of that.”

  “Is it always going to be like this?” Was he always going to be screwing two over for the one that needed him?

  “Nope.” Tenor sounded so sure, so confident about his words. “They are going to run you ragged, but it’ll be different all the time. Come on, man. Drink your coffee and tell me all about her and then go home to your other two girls.”

  “She’s still on oxygen, but I got to hold her today. She’s back up two ounces.”

  “There you go. I don’t suppose they’d let you bring her home if you bought one of the preemie-tanks they’ve got her in along with the oxygen? That would make your life a lot easier.”

  “I don’t know. I mean, what if something happens and she’s not here?”

  Tenor shrugged. “Yeah, I don’t know. But we should ask, huh?”

  “I guess so. Maybe if I hire a nurse, someone experienced…”

  “Yeah. Money is no object, right? What’s important is your family and bringing them all home.”

  “What’s important is making sure she’s safe.”

  “Mr. Daniel, she’s safe here. We’ve got her. Please, one night with me will be fine.” Penny, the head night nurse, smiled down at him. “Tenor, take him home. Get him a long bath, a beer, a steak.”

  “I was going to stay in his stead so that he’d go.”

  “Take him home. In a couple days you two will have three at home. He needs a whole night’s sleep.”

  “You do,” Tenor told him. “Come on. Let’s give her a last look and go. We can stop at the steakhouse and bring home supper for the three of us, you can cuddle the other two and then go to bed.”

  “But…”

  “Mr. Daniel. Shoo. She’s doing great. Seriously great. She’s gaining weight. She’s eating. She’ll be off the oxygen in a day or two.”

  “They’ll call us if anything goes wrong and I can get you back here in ten minutes,” Tenor promised him.

  He shook his head, but he stood up anyway. “I’ll leave my phone on.”

  “She’s going to be fine, Mr. Daniel. You know we love her too.”

  Tenor went over to her incubator and talked to her, reaching through one of the holes in the side. “Hey, beautiful girl. We’ll be back to see you in the morning, okay? And then you’ll be one more day closer to coming home with us. Your sisters miss you, so get bigger fast.”

  Daniel reached into the bed, stroked her hand, and she grabbed hold, squeezing him.

  “She knows you,” Tenor said. “Sweet Melody girl.”

  “She ought to. I’ve been singing and talking for days.”

  “And now it’s time for Daddy to take care of himself. You’re no good to her if you’re dead on your feet.” Tenor rubbed his back. “I’m taking him home. He’ll be back in the morning.”

  “Good deal.” The nurse made shooing motions.

  Tenor grabbed his hand and tugged him out of the NICU.

  “But…” What if she took a turn for the worse?

  “No buts. We are ten minutes away, and they are going to call you if anything goes wrong. You’re exhausted, and you are seriously no good to her this way.” Tenor’s arm stayed around him, moving him steadily down the hall.

  They went all the way to the elevator, then down to the main floor. Tenor just kept moving him along, not giving him a chance to turn back. Somehow he was in the car, strapped in, and they were driving.

  “I sent a text to Matt. He’s ordering from Moxie’s through Uber Eats. Sushi cones and salads and steaks. And we’ll have a wine from your amazing collection.”

  “Oh…” That sounded delicious. “Oh God, I’m hungry.”

  “Have you been eating at all?” Tenor asked, giving him a look that said I don’t believe it if you say yes.

  “I guess. They have peanut butter and coffee in the nurse station.”

  Tenor shook his head. “No wonder sushi cones and steak sound amazing. And no wonder you’re hungry.”

  “I’m worried. I want Mel home.”

  “We all do. She’s getting stronger, though, right? Putting on weight. And she’s bright, you can see it in her eyes.”

  “I think so, yes. She seems to be listening to me now. She hears me.”

  “That’s really cool. You sing to her all the time, don’t you? She’s gonna know your voice forever.”

  “I hope so.” It was the best of him.

  “I’d put money on it.” Tenor pulled into the driveway and shut off the engine. “We’ll go in and play with the girls. Don’t let your worry for Melody keep you from the joy of the other two.”

  “She’s going to be okay. She was just tiny.” Right? Right?

  “That’s right. She was tiny—hell, she still is tiny, isn’t she? But she has all the right parts and she measured high on the Apgar scale. It’s not her fault her sisters hogged the nutrients.”

  Daniel chuckled, but it was true. Melody was just the littlest. The doctors assured him that in a few months, it wouldn’t be a problem.

  “Come on. Food’ll be here soon. Or maybe it’s already here and Matt has everything set up and waiting for us.”

  “Yeah.” Suddenly he wanted to see Harmony and Kyrie, so bad it was like a pain. Matt too. He needed a hug.

  Tenor actually came around and opened his door for him, offering him a hand to help him out of the car. “Your family awaits.”

  “Yeah.” He stumbled into the house, his heart pounding. Matt was sitting in the kitchen, fixing bottles, music playing as the girls sat in their swings.

  “Oh God, you look exhausted.” Matt frowned and came over to him, arms wrapping around him.

  “Matt.” He began to cry, the world spinning around him
.

  “Oh, I recognize this.” Matt patted his back. “Someone is overtired.”

  Tenor chuckled softly. “He’s been spending his energy on Miss Melody.”

  “I—I’m fine. Really.”

  Two babies set up equal howls as soon as he spoke, like they knew he was there.

  “Sit,” Matt told him. “I’ll give you the babies.”

  “It’s like they know.”

  “I’ve been playing them your voice. They know.” Matt grinned. “I swear, Kyrie is going to be a football player. That little one is fierce.”

  “She is,” Tenor agreed, pushing him into a chair. “In fact, I bet a bottle will quiet her down.” Tenor grabbed one of the bottles Matt had been prepping and handed it to him, then the baby.

  “Yeah, baby girl. I’ve missed you, so much.”

  Kyrie turned her head, searching for him, for the nipple, and he gave it to her, laughing as she latched on.

  “She still eating like a champ. Harmony’s not doing badly either. I think they both put on several ounces each. They almost fit into the newborn clothes without swimming in them.”

  “Already, huh?” He looked for Harmony, smiling at the sight of her in her grandfather’s arms. “How are you enjoying them, Grandpa?”

  Matt smiled at him. “The nanny’s doing all the diaper changes, so I am enjoying them grandly.”

  Tenor laughed. “Yeah, yeah. At least they’re not terribly gross yet. Solid food is when things get really icky.”

  “Listen to them talking about you two. So mean.”

  “Just wait until you’ve changed a few dozen of their diapers and we’ll see how you talk about them.” Tenor set the table for three.

  “Uh-huh. I’ll still adore them, I bet.”

  “Oh, make no mistake, I adore the shit out of them.” Matt cackled at Tenor’s words.

  Daniel couldn’t believe how fast Kyrie sucked that bottle down. Damn.

  “She’s something else, eh?” Tenor leaned over his shoulder and rubbed her cheek with one finger. “So hungry.”

  “Is Harmony the same?” He eased Kyrie onto his shoulder for burping, the act still so weird.

  “She eats about as much, but she doesn’t guzzle it like she’s never eaten before.”

  “Mel is beginning to cry for her bottle. Once an hour. She’s trying to get home.”

  “That’s great. I can’t wait to have them all home. They need it too. I think they’ll be less fussy once their big little sister is home.”

  The doorbell rang and Tenor headed out. “I’ve got it!”

  Daniel looked over at Matt. “I’m doing okay?”

  “You’re doing great, Danny. I swear.”

  “Okay.” He needed to hear that.

  Tenor came back with takeout bags and he stopped at the door. “Oh. Wow, you guys look amazing.”

  “Huh?” He looked up at Tenor, surprised.

  “You’ve got a beautiful family, Daniel. I’m really glad to be a part of it.”

  “I am too. Very glad.”

  “Once they’re fed, supper is here. And it smells amazing.”

  Daniel inhaled, sucking in the scent of steak, of butter. Tenor emptied the bags, setting the food up on their plates so they looked like they’d come straight from the restaurant. A sushi cone each, salad on one side and filet mignon on the other, pats of butter melting off them.

  Tenor added wineglasses, then grabbed a bottle from his stash. “This good?”

  He looked over, nodded. “That’s a great Merlot. Absolutely.”

  “We’re going to make a connoisseur of you yet,” Matt noted, moving Harmony to his shoulder to burp her.

  “I don’t know about that. I’m still more a beer guy.” Tenor took Kyrie from him and laid her in her swing. He strapped her in and set the swing to moving gently. His girl was already asleep, not waking at any point. She was something else, already she had so much personality.

  “I love that she just falls asleep after she snarfs down her food. And this one…” Tenor took Harmony from Matt and stuck her in the other swing, turning the swinging a little higher. “She stays awake for a while after eating, but it’s a quiet, contented awake.”

  Mel fought everything—from the bottle to sleep to her little body. She was something else.

  “They’re all so different, aren’t they?” Tenor grinned as he sat. “Time to feed Daddy.”

  Daddy. Wow. That was just still so new.

  Tenor picked up his sushi cone and took a bite. He moaned as he ate. Wow, that looked really good. Certainly better than anything he’d had at the hospital. He took a single bite, eating slowly, but once he’d primed the pump, his belly growled with hunger and he ate more quickly.

  “Matt even got dessert,” Tenor told him as he worked on his steak. “Looked like three different kinds so we can each have something different. Or we can share.” Tenor stabbed his fork into his salad.

  “Uh-huh.” He began to blink over his wineglass.

  “Don’t make me come over there and feed you,” murmured Tenor. “Because I will.”

  “Huh?” He didn’t follow.

  “You stopped eating. You need what’s on your plate.” Tenor pointed to his steak, which wasn’t even half finished.

  “It’s good.” The wine was better.

  “Then you should keep eating it. You need the sustenance.” Tenor grinned. “That steak is the adult version of a bottle.”

  “Oh man. Babies get the short stick.”

  “It’s not like they have teeth,” Matt said.

  “He’s got a point, Daniel. No teeth, no steak.”

  “I don’t want to think about three babies teething.” He’d seen his goddaughter deal with that.

  “It won’t be easy, but I have tricks up my sleeves,” Tenor assured him while reaching over and cutting a piece of his steak, then offering him the small chunk on a fork.

  He opened up, the move instinctive.

  Matt chuckled as Tenor slipped the steak into his mouth. Tenor didn’t say anything, though, simply scooped up some salad and offered that to him next. “Good man. Once you’ve eaten, it’s up to bed for you.”

  His eyes went wide. “Hey!” He wasn’t a baby.

  Tenor grinned. “You tell me that you aren’t exhausted and that the idea of your bed doesn’t sound like absolute heaven.”

  “Well…” He couldn’t do that. He wanted to curl up in bed and just snooze.

  “So, once you’ve eaten, you can go to bed. I’ll even tuck you in if you want.”

  “Butthead. Are we going to… Are the girls going to be okay?”

  “The girls are going to be fine. We’re going to put them in their bassinettes at the bottom of your bed, and when they wake up and need to be fed, there won’t be far to go. Now finish your steak already.”

  “Yes, boss.” It was easy, though, to follow instructions, to listen to Tenor. He had to admit that once he’d finished eating, he felt better. Still exhausted, but less panicked and stressed.

  “You wanna save dessert? Though I have to admit, if they go in the fridge, I’m likely to come down after a late-night feeding and snarf them all down.”

  “I’m tired, Tenor. Please. I want a shower.”

  “You good to get up the stairs on your own? Or you want me to give you a hand?”

  “Do I need to carry a baby?”

  Tenor chuckled. “No, you do not need to carry a baby—just yourself.”

  “Okay. Bath. Right.” He pushed away from the table. “Love you, Matt.”

  “Night, Danny-boy. You make sure you get some sleep.”

  “I’ll be up with the babies soon,” Tenor assured him.

  “Okay.” He stumbled up the stairs and into his bath. He got the water turned on, then simply sat.

  There was
a knock on the door and Tenor called out his name. “Daniel? Are you okay? I’m coming in.”

  “Uh-huh.” He let the water beat down on him.

  Tenor peeked around the curtain at him. “Do you need a hand?”

  “I was just… sitting.”

  “You’re supposed to get clean and then go to bed.”

  “I’m getting clean. Right?”

  “Have you done the bit with the soap yet?”

  “Huh?”

  “Washing. Soap and water. Scrubbing your skin. Any of that sound familiar or have you just been sitting there with the water running over you?”

  “Shut up.” That was an effective answer, right?

  Tenor laughed at him, then stripped down before joining him in the tub. He leaned into Tenor, cuddling in. Oh. Oh, he needed contact. Tenor wrapped both arms around him and dropped a kiss on the top of his head.

  “Hey. You good?”

  “I’m good. How are you doing, really?”

  “I’m tired. I’m scared for Mel. I want to have her home.”

  “Yeah, we all do. It’s so hard when they’re sick. You want to take it for them. Turn around.”

  The change of subject was startling, but he found himself doing it. As soon as he had his back to Tenor, hands slid over his shoulders and then dug in, Tenor giving him a massage.

  “Jesus, Daniel. You’re like a rock.”

  “I can’t help it.”

  “Yeah, but this isn’t helping her any. Babies can totally pick up on your anxiety.” Tenor continued to work his shoulder and back muscles. He was so tight the touches were painful.

  “It’s a catch-22, then, isn’t it?” How did you not be tense when your baby was sick?

  “For sure it is. This should help, though. Along with the food and a good night’s sleep.” Tenor’s fingers stilled for a moment, then began digging in again. “You want me to sleep with you?”

  “Please. Unless you don’t want to. Please.”

  “I’d love to—I just wasn’t sure if you thought you’d sleep better on your own or not.” Tenor kissed his left shoulder. “I brought the babies up here already. So we won’t have far to go when they wake up to be fed again.”

  “Sounds good. Seriously. I don’t want to be alone.” He wanted to be held.