The Widower's Wife

by Prudence, Bice

  After handing the sleeping babe back up to her, Dalton did something she hadn’t expected. He walked back to the porch where Aunt Betty still stood watching and gathered the older woman up into a loving embrace. He held her for a long moment before he began speaking softly. His back was to her, and Jillian could not make out what he was saying, but as he whispered into Aunt Betty’s ear, she could see a pool of emotions ripple across the older woman’s face. The first was love. Jillian already had a deep sense of how much Aunt Betty loved Dalton and his children, so she was not surprised. The next were worry, understanding, and then sorrow. Jillian’s apprehension returned. She wished she could hear what Dalton was saying. The last emotion to float across Aunt Betty’s face was one of peace, and its afterglow was not wasted on Jillian.

  Dalton didn’t know why he had such a strong impulse to go back and hug Aunt Betty, but suddenly he felt an overwhelming need for the comfort and reassurance he knew he would find in her warm embrace. She understood his pain and his loss. She and Uncle Ned had raised Laurellyn since she was a small child. When Laurellyn’s father had died during the war, she and her mother had come to live with her mother’s sister, Betty. Her mother, who had never been able to get over the loss of her husband, had succumbed to a lingering illness the following winter. Uncle Ned and Aunt Betty had loved Laurellyn as their own, and he knew they now loved him like a son too. He needed any strength he could glean from his aunt right then. He had almost lost control of his emotions a moment ago. Why was this woman he hardly knew challenging his resolve to never love again?

  He had made the right decision, hadn’t he? Though he was torn and frustrated, he knew he shouldn’t question his choice. It would be the same as questioning his faith in God. He had received an answer to his prayers, a confirmation that marrying this woman and bringing her here was the right thing to do. He could feel in his heart that she was a loving woman who would nurture and care unconditionally for his three young children. They needed her love and compassion—especially Jenny. This was what he had prayed so earnestly for. It was all that he wanted. He wasn’t looking for love himself. He had long ago become resolved to the fact that though he had only been given such a short time with Laurellyn, it had been enough to sustain him until they were together again in the next life. Why then was he being assaulted today with one emotion after another—challenging his commitment to his departed wife?

  Before he released Aunt Betty, a new sense of resolve came over him. He would be stronger. It wouldn’t be hard. He had many memories to call upon. If he kept Laurellyn alive in his mind and in his heart, this arrangement would work. Now he needed to comfort Aunt Betty. She worried about the children and him too much. She and Uncle Ned were getting older, and maybe now, with Jillian here, she wouldn’t have to worry so much.

  He leaned back a little and whispered in her ear. “I know you worry about me and the children, but you need to know I am sure I have done the right thing . . . for them anyway. I have felt that much in my heart, and my prayers have been confirmed. Laurellyn will be pleased I have fulfilled my promise to her. The only part I intend to fulfill, anyway.” He paused, sighing deeply, and then continued, “I know you don’t agree with our arrangement, but you know how it was with Laurellyn and me. She will always own my heart. I have nothing else to offer another woman. If it weren’t for the children—” he paused again. He was about to say that if it weren’t for the children, Jillian wouldn’t be here, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. Why? He was tempted to look back at her, but he forced himself to remain as he was. “Aunt Betty, you’ll see. It’ll work out as I have planned. . . . All will be well.” A feeling he didn’t understand washed over him, and he felt compelled to say the words again, this time a little more reverently. “All will be well.” He then turned, walked back to the wagon, and climbed in.

  They were just exiting the gate and heading for home when Dalton saw Uncle Ned approaching in his own wagon. Dalton felt compelled to stop momentarily, out of respect, to offer a polite greeting. He reined in the horses.

  “Good evening, Uncle Ned. It’s good to see you.” Ned had been good to him and his parents over the years.

  “Well, hello there, Dalton! I expected you would have fetched those young’uns and been long gone by now!” Uncle Ned exclaimed.

  Dalton answered, “Had a bit of trouble at the station, I’m afraid. I was late getting there, and it caused us quite the mishap.”

  Uncle Ned raised his eyebrow but didn’t inquire further. Instead, he looked over at Jillian and gave her a warm grin. “You must be the new missus, I presume.” He winked. “I didn’t think our Dalton would ever get around to marryin’ again. I’d be pleased if you’d be helpin’ to put some of the fun back into him. He’s as sour as an old pickle most of the time.” He chuckled softly to himself. “Well, seein’ as you’re so late gettin’ back, I suppose I ought to let you be on your way. It was nice makin’ your acquaintance, dear. I’m sure we’ll be seein’ a lot of you.”

  As Dalton was pulling the wagon the rest of the way through the gate, he heard Uncle Ned insist, “Now, Jenny Bugs, don’t you be givin’ your new ma a hard time now. You make your Uncle Ned proud, ya hear?”

  Dalton thought to himself, It’s a little late for that.

  Uncle Ned parked the wagon and joined his wife on the porch. He stood next to her, and they both watched Dalton’s wagon turn the corner up the road until it was eventually out of sight.

  “That there new wife of his sure is a looker,” Uncle Ned commented.

  “Poor Dalton,” Aunt Betty answered her husband absentmindedly. She was still thinking about what Dalton had said to her before he left. “He’s been havin’ a real hard time of it today. I imagine he got the worst of it at the train station . . . wasn’t expectin’ such a pretty thing to come steppin’ off the train, that’s for sure—the stubborn boy.” She suddenly smiled knowingly. “He thinks he can keep his heart sealed up and closed off by gettin’ married this way. Has it all planned out, I imagine—sleepin’ in separate rooms and everything. He doesn’t realize that it’s hard to keep from lovin’ a woman who loves your children so. She’d never even met those babes until today, and she’s already endeared them in her heart. I have a real good feelin’ about this right now, a real good feelin’.” She put her arm through her husband’s and gave it a squeeze. She reverently added, “I wouldn’t be surprised if our Laurellyn had a hand in this.” With that, she wiped a tear away with the corner of her apron and went into the house to serve her husband his dinner.

  Little Brenn had snuggled into Jillian’s chest as they rode away and fallen asleep immediately. What a special feeling it was to mother a child. Jillian had tended other people’s children many times, but at the end of the day, she knew she would go her way and leave them with their mothers. Even though she had loved them, it wasn’t the same. There was always that separation and lack of belonging. She was the mother of these children now, and their faces were branded onto her heart already. She couldn’t explain the joy that filled her bosom. She smiled down again at the little boy in her arms. She thought of little Lisa and her whimsical ways. Last, she turned to look at Jenny. She could tell the child was straining to hold back a flow of tears. Oh, Jenny, she thought. Please don’t lock me out. Just let me love you. I won’t try to replace your mother but . . . please, please . . . just let me love you. Jillian then sent a fervent plea heavenward and turned back to face the road. She missed the single tear that escaped its confines and traveled slowly down Jenny’s face.

  Six

  We’re home! We’re home!” Lisa exclaimed. “Pa, hurry, help me out!” Just then, a scrawny little brown and white pup came bounding from around the corner, barking out his welcome.

  Dalton set the brake on the wagon and climbed down. Lisa, in her anticipation, began jumping enthusiastically, consequently shaking the wagon and waking her little brother.

  “Now hold you britches, Lisa.” Dalton lifted her out and set her on the gr
ound. She sat down at once and gathered the puppy into her arms, letting him lick her face.

  “Digger! I missed you so much. Did you miss me? I wish Pa would have let me take you to Auntie Bet’s. Jenny was no fun at all.” She held the pup up and turned him to face the wagon. “Look, Digger, that’s our new ma. She’s come all the way from Masse . . . Masse . . . from far away.”

  Jillian sat watching in amusement. What a character Lisa was, but she wasn’t finished. Lisa held her lips to the dog’s ears and whispered as he wiggled and squirmed about.

  “I can’t let you sleep on my bed tonight ’til I know if our new ma will let ya. So wait outside my window and if I’m not allowed, I’ll let you in when everybody else is asleep, okay?”

  The pup licked her face again, and Lisa giggled in delight.

  Jillian noticed that Jenny had climbed down from the wagon and stood watching Lisa too. It was apparent that she wanted to say something to her sister but was struggling to bite her tongue.

  Jillian was the last one left in the wagon. Dalton had just claimed Brenn from her and set him down. He toddled over to where Lisa was and began to maul the pup with as much enthusiasm as his big sister.

  Dalton returned and held his hand out to her. She couldn’t help purposely avoiding looking into eyes when he helped her down. She worried about what she’d see there and didn’t want to spoil the fun she was having watching his two youngest children. She remembered the tortured look he had given her back at Aunt Betty’s when he had returned with Jenny.

  Dalton then finished unhitching the horses and started to lead them to the barn. Abruptly, he stopped and turned. “Jenny, help your ma carry dinner in and show her where things are.” His voice was firm. He looked at Jillian. “As soon as I’m done tending to the horses, I’ll be in to eat. Please, you don’t need to wait for me.” Dalton turned and led the horses to the barn. Jillian stared after him until the barn doors closed behind him.

  Turning back to the children, Jillian gathered her courage and spoke. “Well, I suppose it would be best to do as your father asks.” Abruptly, Jenny ran past her into the house and disappeared through the door. A moment later, she felt a small hand find its way into hers. She looked down into to the face of her other new little daughter.

  “I’ll show you,” Lisa said.

  Jillian picked up Brenn, and while still holding Lisa’s hand, walked toward the house. As she neared the steps, she noticed for the first time the beautiful flower garden that framed the house. It started on each side of the porch steps and extended partially around the house on both sides. There was even a small white picket fence that acted as a border. The garden was sorely neglected and badly in need of some work, but it was filled with a large variety of flowers of different shapes and colors. Jillian knew the names of many of them, though some were unfamiliar. She felt another surge of hope rise within her, and her step felt a little lighter as she walked through the door of her new home.

  Dalton was having trouble sleeping. His glance finally wandered over to Laurellyn’s cameo, which was placed on his bedside table. He examined it a moment and recalled the day he had first seen it displayed in the shop window.

  Dalton had convinced Laurellyn to ride into Darlington with him that day. It was time to purchase supplies, and he dreaded making the trip alone. Auntie Betty was always offering to tend Jenny so the two of them could have some time alone. They hadn’t had a good long time to spend together in awhile. So, after much coaxing, Laurellyn finally agreed to come.

  With Laurellyn by his side, the day seemed to fly by. They had just finished lunch at the café and were walking down the boardwalk, when Laurellyn stopped to look in the window of the small five-and-dime store. There was a wide selection of trinkets of all types and sizes on display, from small delicate pins and combs, to loud and obnoxious looking brooches and hats. Laurellyn admired a small, delicate cameo because it reminded her of the one her mother used to wear. Later that afternoon, before they started for home, Dalton slipped away from Laurellyn for a moment and purchased it for her birthday gift that year. She had worn the cameo every day from then on.

  When Laurellyn died, Dalton considered burying the cameo with her, but in the end, he couldn’t part with it. Now, he carried it with him daily in his pocket and at night he would place it on the stand next to his bed.

  “Well, Laurellyn,” he whispered, “your children have a new mother . . . .just like I promised.” He suppressed the twinge of guilt he felt about the other half of the promise he had made and rolled over on his side, closing his eyes. He couldn’t think about that right now. Morning would be here before he knew it. His last thought before closing his eyes was of Laurellyn, as always.

  Jillian took another look about her room. It was smaller than her bedroom back home, but it was warm and comfortable. She smiled. Little Lisa had been so excited to show her every little detail, running from this thing to that. Apparently, Aunt Betty had come over a few days before and thoroughly cleaned it, putting a new quilt on the bed and adding other homey touches. At the time the girls hadn’t known why.

  When Dalton had brought her trunk and other things in, Lisa had begged to help her unpack. Jillian had told Lisa that she was much too tired to do it tonight and promised her she could help when she got around to it in the next day or two.

  Jenny hadn’t come out of her room since she had raced into the house earlier that evening. When Dalton had come in from tending the horses, Jillian had sent him in to her with a small plate. He had returned with it untouched. She could tell by the look on his face that they had not smoothed things over. Jillian was a little worried about Jenny not eating at first, but then she saw Lisa sneak a roll and wrap it up in her napkin. The child tucked it under the table and into her apron before she asked to be excused from the table. Lisa had a soft heart.

  Jillian sighed and sank a little deeper into her pillow. It had been a long day. Her emotions had swung back and forth, over and over again, from one side of the pendulum to the other. But when she had laid little sleeping Brenn into his cradle for the night, she’d felt a feeling of peace settling within her again. She’d then stooped to pick up Lisa’s fallen blanket, tucking it in under her chin and bending down to kiss the little angel on her forehead. The child had stirred lightly and spoken.

  “ ’Night, Ma.”

  Hearing those simple words had caused Jillian’s heart to swell. After turning to take one more look at the sleeping children before closing the door, she knew how right it had been to come here. With these children to love and to nurture, and with poor Jenny who needed a mother so badly, her heart would not become cold and bitter, as it had tried to do over the last few months.

  Jillian blew out the lantern beside her bed. Rolling over onto her side, she gazed out the window for a moment at the stars that brightened the night sky. She felt soothed and calmed as she watched the limbs of the old oak gently sway back and forth in the slight breeze. She knew she would sleep well. Nothing would disturb her slumber—not even the tortured face of one Mr. Dalton McCullough that flashed across her mind as she drifted off.

  Seven

  Good morning.” Jillian smiled tentatively at Dalton as he walked through the door after his morning chores were through. After two weeks, they had settled into a relatively comfortable routine. Jenny still avoided Jillian as much as possible, but the other children were a constant delight, filling her days with laughter and surprises.

  Jillian set the platter of hotcakes on the table. After she had made them for breakfast the morning after her arrival, Lisa had begged for them every day since. She was going to have to find out from Aunt Betty what other things the children liked to eat so they could have a little variety. She pondered on Aunt Betty for a moment. The woman had been true to her word. She had come over for a visit a couple of days after Jillian arrived, bringing a blueberry pie and a loaf of freshly baked bread with her. Aunt Betty was a wonderful cook, Jillian had soon discovered. She enjoyed cooking herself and was
fairly skillful at it, but she looked forward to learning some new things and perhaps sharing some recipes with Dalton’s aunt. They had talked about how the children were adjusting to the change. Jillian knew Aunt Betty was referring mostly to Jenny, and it pained her that she didn’t have much improvement to report, other than that it appeared the cut on her leg had healed nicely. But all in all, they had a good visit.

  Jillian didn’t see too much of Dalton. He seemed to be working hard in the fields. In three months, he’d told her, it would be time for the harvest. Then, everyone would have more work than they knew how to manage.

  Jillian was anxious to get started in the flower garden. It had been neglected so long that the weeds had taken over, and it was going to take quite a bit of work to get them under control. She had brought a few seeds with her from home, and she knew they would make a beautiful addition to the garden. Hopefully, she would be able to find some time to plant them soon or she would have to wait until next spring.

  She was disappointed that it was too late to plant a vegetable garden this year. One afternoon, she had taken the younger children over on a walk to Aunt Betty’s and had found the dear woman working vigorously in her own vegetable garden. Jillian had been quite impressed. She had only ever planted flowers before and was looking forward to trying something new. Since growing their own vegetables was the only way to ensure that they had a healthy variety for the family’s needs, she was thankful when Aunt Betty had assured her that she had planted an extra large garden this year and would have more than enough to share with them.

  Just then, Jenny came trudging into the kitchen and sat down at the far end of the table, interrupting Jillian’s thoughts. Dalton’s oldest daughter had been attending school for two weeks now. Jillian hoped the girl would be more excited to go back, but she seemed to dread going more and more with each passing school day.