The Widower's Wife

by Prudence, Bice

  “NO!” Both Dalton and Jillian protested at the same time. Aunt Betty was taken aback, but noticed the determined look in their eyes. Something had changed and not for the better.

  “I mean, Jillian’s right, Aunt Betty,” Dalton began quickly. “The children are tired, and they would be better off sleeping in their own beds.” He looked over at Jillian for support.

  “Yes, I’m feeling a bit tired as well.” Jillian feigned a yawn. “If you wouldn’t mind bringing my dishes home with you when you leave, I’d be grateful.” She looked over at Dalton and spoke. “Maybe you should see if you can find Jenny and Uncle Ned. I’ll get the other children over to the wagon and wait for you.”

  “But—” was all Aunt Betty could get out. Sometimes even the best- laid plans got foiled.

  They rode in silence back to the house. Both Brenn and Lisa were sleeping and Jenny was brooding. Jillian looked back at her. When would all ever be right with the world for her?

  Jillian pondered on Dalton and his strange reaction on their walk back to the picnic. They had been casually strolling arm in arm when she had spotted Miss Sarah Bingham eyeing her—the woman was fairly glaring at them. Then all of a sudden Dalton had let go of her and put his arm around her waist, pulling her intimately close. The next thing she knew, he leaned in and whispered in her ear, “Don’t ask any questions, but I want you to laugh out loud like you just heard something very funny.” Too amused at his odd behavior, she complied with his request and randomly laughed out loud, which he followed up with a laugh of his own. Without warning, he turned her to face him, his eyes twinkling, and kissed her soundly on the lips, in front of everyone. She knew she must have looked shocked, but he just put his arm back around her waist like it was the most normal thing in the world, and they had continued on to join their family.

  She still didn’t know what he’d been up to exactly, though she suspected it had something to do with Sarah Bingham by the way he waved enthusiastically over at her immediately after they’d kissed. She had intended on questioning him about it until they’d found out about Jenny running off, and then it just slipped her mind. Now, it seemed too awkward to talk about.

  The wagon turned past the gate and into the yard. Jillian was glad to be home. Home, she thought. Despite everything that happened, or perhaps in spite of some of it, this still truly felt like home.

  Twelve

  Jillian looked out at the storm clouds mounting and sighed. She wouldn’t be able to work in the garden today. By the time all the chores were done, it would surely be raining. The rain would be good though. The crops had become drier by the day from the lack of rain. She could see that Dalton was worried. The corn wouldn’t make it if they didn’t get some moisture soon. Well, their prayers were about to be answered.

  It had been a week and a half since the picnic. She and Dalton had hardly spoken to each other, and he seemed to be particularly bent on avoiding her. A few nights after the picnic, after Jillian had put Lisa and Brenn to bed, she had gone to Jenny’s room and knocked on the door. There was no answer, so Jillian opened the door a crack.

  “Jenny.” She paused and waited for her to reply. “Jenny, can I come in and talk to you?” There was still no answer, so Jillian opened the door and slipped inside, leaving the door open a crack. Jenny was lying on her bed, just staring at the ceiling. Jillian sat beside her on the bed, and Jenny turned away from her and faced the wall.

  “Jenny, I know this has been hard on you, and I understand why you’re upset with me.” Jillian tentatively reached out, placing her hand gently on Jenny’s back. She hadn’t touched the child in the five weeks she’d been here, and her arms ached to hold and comfort her. “You know, I just wish we could at least be friends.” If only she knew what Jenny was thinking. What ideas and thoughts were milling around in that young head of hers? Maybe she was just as confused as Jillian and didn’t know what everyone expected from her. Maybe she really didn’t mind having a new ma, but just had forgotten how to act with one. Could Jillian help her remember? Suddenly, she had a strong impression to try something different.

  Jillian lay down on the bed next to Jenny and put her arm around her. She felt Jenny stiffen slightly, but she ignored it. Jillian started to hum softly. It was a lullaby she had heard somewhere. She couldn’t quite remember the words, only the melody that was playing in her mind and in her heart. Maybe it was a song her mother had sung to her when she was a child. She stopped trying to analyze it. It didn’t matter where the song had come from, only that it felt right. She just kept humming and caressing Jenny’s head and hair with her hand. All of a sudden, the words came to her and she began singing them softly over and over again. Before long, Jillian could tell by Jenny’s slowed breathing that the young girl had fallen asleep. Jillian did not get up immediately, but stayed there thinking, and it wasn’t long before she had dozed off herself.

  When Jillian woke, she was sure it was past midnight. Jenny still lay sleeping soundly. She gently rose from the bed, tucked Jenny’s blanket around her, and for the first time kissed her forehead softly, whispering “I love you, Jenny.” She crossed the room and closed the door quietly.

  Jillian paused outside of Dalton’s room. She assumed he was inside, even if she hadn’t heard him come in. She hoped he was sleeping as soundly as Jenny. He worked too hard not to get a good night’s sleep. She quietly opened the door to her own room, went in, and silently closed it behind her. Quickly she undressed, climbed into bed, and fell immediately asleep.

  Things were better with Jenny after that night. Jenny even silently helped a little around the house and with the cooking. A few days later, when Jillian was weeding in the flower garden, Jenny came up, knelt down in the dirt, and started working right beside her. She didn’t say anything, just worked. She seemed to know what she was doing too. Then, just as quietly as she had come, she got up and left. Jillian said a special prayer of thanks that day.

  The more progress she made with Jenny, however, the more distant she and Dalton seemed to become. She had barely seen him in almost two weeks, and the children were missing him terribly.

  Jillian saw a flash of lightning, just over the north fields, and it jolted her back from her thoughts. A few moments later, she heard the clap of thunder that followed. The storm was moving faster than she thought it would. She would need to hurry to get her chores done.

  About fifteen minutes later, Jenny came stumbling into the house out of breath. School must have let out early because of the impending rain.

  “Ma, come quick!” Jillian was startled. Jenny had just called her “Ma” for the first time. She would have liked to ponder on that and what it meant for their relationship, but the next words out of Jenny’s mouth caused an immediate fear to well up inside, stifling any good thoughts.

  “Ma, the fields are on fire!” Jenny cried desperately.

  Jillian ran to the door to look out. She could see a billow of black smoke rising up in the distance behind the barn, but her view of the north fields was blocked. Immediately, a vision of Dalton possibly caught in the flames crossed her mind.

  “Jenny,” she said, reaching for the coat that hung by the door and putting it on. “Watch your sister and brother for me. I’ve got to go help your father.”

  Jenny ran into her arms and began to cry. Jillian wished she could stay and enjoy holding her, but instead she broke the embrace, knelt down, put her hands on Jenny’s shoulders, and looked into her eyes. “Jenny, everything is going to be okay, but listen carefully to me. You are in charge. You need to stay in the house. The fire is not close. You, Lisa, and Brenn will be safe. I will come back and check on you or send someone as soon as I can.”

  Jenny nodded her understanding. Jillian stood and walked over to where Lisa and Brenn had been playing minutes before. They now sat watching intently what was going on between her and Jenny. They didn’t quite understand it, but they could tell something unusual was happening. Jillian quickly hugged them both and said, “Lisa, I want you to
mind your sister and help her watch Brenn, okay?” Lisa nodded and put her arm around Brenn protectively, sensing her great responsibility. Jillian stood and hurried out the door.

  As she headed across the yard, Uncle Ned and Aunt Betty came barreling up the road in the buckboard. They jumped down and quickly retrieved a number of different sized buckets that had been haphazardly thrown into the back.

  “Quick, Jillian,” Aunt Betty hollered. “Find any containers that will hold water, as many as you can carry. We can’t take the wagon any closer because fire will spook the horses.” Jillian immediately obeyed her, grabbing anything she could find.

  As she hurried out to the fields, Jillian saw two other wagons drive up carrying their neighbors—the Collins, the Flannigans, and some others she didn’t know. Quickly, she said a prayer of thanks for the additional help and asked for the rain to begin. So far, not a drop had fallen.

  Jillian’s breath caught in her throat when they reached the blazing fields. It appeared that close to half the crop was already burning. Her heart ached, and she searched anxiously until she finally caught sight of Dalton working feverishly, beating at the flames with a wool blanket.

  Almost immediately, those present formed a line from the well to the fire, and everyone began working, bringing water to the flames to help put out the fire. Jillian kept looking up at the sky, praying that the rain would begin, even as the sky darkened and the winds picked up. Nobody spoke a word to anyone else. They just continued to work and to pray.

  Jillian looked over at Dalton. He hadn’t taken his eyes off the fire, but she could see the pained look, even in the profile of his face. Her heart ached for the loss of all his hard work. It was a blessing when the skies finally opened up and poured their mercies out onto the fields, dousing the flames.

  Finally, when only small tendrils of smoke billowed up here and there, each neighbor came forward, one by one, and offered their sympathies to Dalton and then to Jillian, before slowly heading back to their own homes. Uncle Ned and Aunt Betty were the last to leave. Aunt Betty stepped in front of Dalton and gave him a heartfelt hug. He just stood, despondent, with his arms hanging at his side. She then walked over to Jillian and gathered her tenderly into her arms.

  “I’ll stop in at the house and check on the children before we head back home. Is there anything else we can do for you?” Jillian just shook her head. She didn’t trust herself to speak—her emotions were too raw. Uncle Ned gave her a tight hug next.

  “Everything will be all right,” he said. “We farmers are strong. When life knocks us down, we just pick ourselves up and get goin’ again. You both will get through this, and we’ll be here to help.” He grabbed her hand and squeezed it, and he and Aunt Betty headed back to the house.

  Jillian turned back to look at Dalton. His back was to her, and he stood motionless as the rain mercilessly poured down on them. She wiped the rain from her eyes that was now mixed with the salt of her tears. She walked up behind Dalton and placed her hand on his shoulder.

  It was as if she had just disturbed a castle made of cards. His knees buckled beneath him, and he sank to the ground. Jillian knelt down beside him and put her arms around his shoulders. Immediately, his arms came around her and he laid his head against her chest. She felt his body shudder as if the last remnants of the imaginary castle suddenly fell. She could feel his defeat in the way his body lay drained against her own. Her tears fell freely, lost in the rain that continued to fall as she tried to comfort him.

  Jillian didn’t know how long they sat that way. The rain had let up to a hard drizzle. Eventually, Dalton sat back up and they both stared at the blackness in front of them. Jillian had been struggling to control her body and keep it from shivering, but finally she couldn’t hold it back any longer and her body began to shake violently. Dalton stood up then, lifting her up with him, and looked into her eyes.

  “Thank you,” he said. “Thank you for staying out here with me for a while.” Jillian said nothing. She reached up and brushed away a wet strand of hair that had fallen into his face, until her hand began shaking again. He cradled it in his own and tried to give it some warmth. “We need to get you back to the house.” Without letting go of her hand, he turned and started walking. “Besides, the children are probably worried.”

  “Yes, I told Jenny I’d try to hurry. I hope we haven’t frightened her.” The thought made her walk a little faster. She remembered the miracle that had happened. Jenny had not only called her “Ma,” but had hugged her as well! In spite of all this devastation, Jillian found something to be happy about. She recalled Uncle Ned’s words. We farmers are strong. When life knocks us down, we just pick ourselves back up and get going. Was he right? Would Dalton be able to pick himself back up and get them through this? They would need to be strong—she needed to be strong, both for Dalton and for the children.

  Jillian suddenly remembered the money her mother had given her before she left. It was tucked safely away in her trunk. Her mother had said it would come in handy in good times and troubled ones. The fire would definitely bring troubled times, but would the money be enough to help her family through them? Yes, she knew it would. Everything was going to be all right. “Thank you, Mother,” Jillian whispered to herself as she and Dalton returned to the house and the waiting children.

  It was Saturday—just a few days after the fire—and Dalton came home for lunch at the house for the first time in two weeks. He sat watching as Jillian patiently showed Jenny just how to knead bread dough. Jenny laughed out loud as a cloud of flour burst from the table and into her face as she plopped the dough back down.

  Jenny, laughing? he thought. That was a sound he hadn’t heard in over a year. Something wonderful had happened, and he sensed which night it had begun.

  Dalton came in one evening after making sure the chicken coop was secured. Some critter had been getting at the chickens. It hadn’t taken one yet, but already two had broken their necks scurrying around in the dark, trying to get away from whatever was after them. He didn’t know what it was, and he would be on edge until he eliminated the threat. The idea of some unknown animal running around attacking things didn’t sit too well with him, especially knowing his children often played in the area.

  When he came back inside, the house was quiet. It appeared that everyone had gone to bed, even Jillian. He had been avoiding her lately. He didn’t know what else to do. After Jenny had gotten so upset at the picnic, he was afraid his actions would ruin any progress Jillian had made with her. In order to avoid any awkwardness, he spent most of his time in the fields, repairing fences, or working out in the barn. He’d leave early in the morning, taking his lunch with him, and return home late at night, eating what Jillian had set aside for him.

  It had been a difficult time for him. He missed playing with the children at night and spending time with them in the mornings. He had hardly seen them at all the last two weeks. He checked in on them every night before he went to bed, but that didn’t fill the void.

  He finished his supper and headed to his room. He wasn’t getting enough sleep by rising earlier and getting to bed later than everyone else. As he walked up the hall, he heard a soft melody drifting from Jenny’s room. He recognized the tune immediately—it was the one Laurellyn sang to Jenny and Lisa as she rocked them to sleep when they were small babies. The door was open a crack, so he peeked inside. Jillian lay on the bed next to Jenny, caressing her hair as she sang the melody. He stood mesmerized, watching the scene before him as he listened to the familiar tune.

  Gracefully the dove spreads her wings

  And upon the wind she glides.

  Sweetly the meadowlark starts to sing

  Her beauty she cannot hide.

  Butterflies go dancing by

  And bring color to the skies.

  Wildflowers, a bloom in the meadows,

  Are rainbows to our eyes.

  And you, my child are the greatest of all,

  For you live within my heart
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br />   And where’er we be, either near or far,

  We will never be apart.

  Dalton couldn’t bring himself to walk away but instead leaned against the wall outside the room and continued to listen as she sang the words over and over. Was it a coincidence that Jillian would know the same tender lullaby that Laurellyn used to sing?

  Eventually, Jillian stopped singing. Dalton slipped off to his own room. As he lay down in his bed, he felt a peace settle over him. With the lullaby still playing in his head, he fell into a deep, untroubled sleep.

  Jenny laughed again, and Dalton was startled from his memories. Lisa and Brenn had wandered over to where Jillian and Jenny were working, and Jillian gave each of the younger children a small piece of the dough. Lisa rolled hers around on the table, and Brenn shoved his piece into his mouth. Jenny laughed because more of it was sticking to his face than he was getting in his mouth. Dalton leaned back in his chair, sighing quietly, and contentedly watching his family for a while longer.

  Things had worked as he’d hoped. By keeping his distance from Jillian and thereby not causing Jenny any more upsets, his family was healing. He watched Jillian for a moment. He couldn’t help but feel he’d made the right decision because of the change in Jenny. The laughter and happiness that filled the house was a blessing that helped temper the tragedy they had experienced.

  They had lost over half of the crop to the fire. It was too late in the season to replant, so he busied himself tending the surviving corn, cleaning up the debris, and getting the fields ready for planting next year. He looked over at Jillian as she smiled down at Jenny. He recalled the surprise she had given him the morning after the fire.