Twist of Faith

by Kelly A. Purcell

30

  Refuse the expected

  The sunlight streamed through the fluffy white clouds like celestial arrows and the blue sky masked the earth like a shroud of hope, it seemed to reflect the mood of everyone seated in the massive auditorium. Their gazes locked admiringly on the VIP’s of the day.

  Alex looked over at the many students sitting about her, their faces beaming and she couldn’t help feel that this could be one of those fairy tale endings. Of course she knew that this wasn’t some story, this was her life, her reality and to think that she’d almost ruined the ending... of this chapter. That she might not have made it to this day, sitting in this chair, wearing her blue gown with her silver cord of honour around her neck. Her eyes fell on Nicka’s face, and she felt the bitterness of guilt burn her chest, some things weren’t so easy to fix.

  She couldn’t believe that sitting in that massive crowd, with the bright flashes emanating from it every now and then, was her entire family and then some. She smiled to herself as she thought of all that had led them to this place. She wasn’t sure about her CSEC exams because of her state of mind coming down to the end and she’d performed way under her usual ability on some of her in school exams but that didn’t bother her so much, considering she’d gained something way better.

  A year ago, she might’ve broken down and cried, called herself a failure, but now she was just happy to have made it with her sanity and family intact. It also helped that she’d been voted this year’s valedictorian, she had been an A student all the way up to the accident, had a flawless record so one month of discrepancies didn’t hurt her overall average too much. And as far as anyone knew, she’d just had an unfortunate time and survived a terrible accident and it turned out that she was a bit more popular than she’d thought.

  As she made her way to the podium, she could feel so many eyes on her, the more important ones beaming with pride. She looked down into the crowd and held her mother’s glistening gaze, her fingers clasped against her lips.

  “Today is a very important land mark for us, we’ll probably remember this for the rest of our lives along with all the experiences we’ve had together as classmates...”

  Her voice resonated throughout the auditorium and for a moment she was intimidated by it, she took a deep breath and continued, “...the competition, the fights, the broken noses and skinned knees at games, deliberate or otherwise. And our faithful teachers who’ve worked with us, day in and day out to ensure that we did our best and reached the peak of our potential...”

  “Most of us will move past today and add to these memories, we’ll learn again, hurt again, win and lose again but I’ve learnt so much these past few months, these past five years, from friends and from rivals,” she turned back and looked at Nicka who was coincidentally sitting right next to Tracy, “and from strangers and family. I’ve learnt that whatever we do, whoever we are and where ever we go, there will always be expectations. Some will expect you to fail, some will expect you to lose, but expectations should not cancel our chances of rising above our situations. We can choose to be mastered by our parent’s failures, we can choose to be mastered by the expectations of the world or we can refuse the expected.

  There are many of us sitting here today who have risen above the logics of our future. People may look at us and think, based on where she comes from, she could never amount to anything worthwhile. We call that, logic or human reasoning. But as one author puts it God doesn’t build sky scrapers, men do... and they have the touch of human genius. But you can’t find a man who can make a star. And when God steps in, it’s like the difference between a skyscraper and a star.”

  She took a deep breath and looked down into the faces of the crowd, parents, teachers, honoured guests, and she wondered how many of them felt as lost as she did less than two months ago, how many of them were being stifled by life’s tragedies, how many of them thought her valedictory address sucked.

  “Sometimes refusing the expected has some very hopeless options, and in our human minds there’s never a way out. There’s never a way out of addiction, poverty, abuse, there’s never a way out of the lion’s den, huh Miss Bowdeen?” She looked at the voluptuous woman sitting in the front, smiling proudly. She’d remembered that lesson from her early years at this school, but she’d never seen it that way until she opened herself to the power of God’s word.

  “Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego must’ve felt really hopeless going into that furnace, but the difference between sky scrapers and stars is something called faith, it can’t be seen or touched, but rather it exists beyond the expected. As poet Patrick Overton said, when you come to the edge of all the light you have and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid to stand on, or you’ll be taught to fly. Class of 2012, we are on the threshold of the unknown today, when we step out those doors, life as we know it... will change, regardless of our plans. We’ve been each other’s reality check for the past five years whether we like it or not, but now we’re saying goodbye to each other and we have to face the question, what is life really? Some of us will keep in touch, some won’t. But as we go, let us remember to stand up to the expectations and say, I may be poor, I may be weak, I may be fatherless, but by faith and God’s grace I refuse to be mastered by it, I refuse the expected.”

  She looked down at Reuben and James sitting next to Mike and grinned, they were both smiling back at her proudly, her family had gotten bigger.

  “No matter what anyone says, I know who I am. I am Angel Alexis Moore and on behalf of the graduating class of 2013, I say thank you to our parents, who have supported and believed in us, to our teachers, who we will miss and would probably always remember. To our principal, we hope that the pride you have in us now will continue to fuel the pride we have in ourselves in our future. God bless you.”

  The room erupted in applause, there were some glistening eyes, some surprised expressions, some indifferent frowns. But the most memorable sight of all to Alex was the sight of her mother standing in the midst of the crowd clapping her hands with all her might, tears streaming down her face. Some people might think she was crazy, that she was probably overreacting a bit, but she knew what they’d been through and what this all meant for the Moore family. If Alex forgot everything else she would never forget that sight.

  As they exited the building the sun warmed them with joy, and everyone seemed to have become infected with the happiness that this accomplishment brought.

  “Well congratulations graduate!”

  Alex looked around for the familiar face, until her eyes fell on James wheeling toward her, a broad grin on his face.

  Once he reached her, he stopped, leaned his wheel chair backward and did a spin.

  Alex laughed, “You’re getting good at that.”

  “Yeah well you know what they say about lemons and lime juice,” and he winked at her, Alex couldn’t resist planting a kiss on his cheek; her angel.

  The rest of the family followed after him, Michael dressed in his dress shirt and jeans, Sherry in her turquoise suit and Nicole with her protruding stomach and dazzling smile.

  They all crowded Alex with hugs and kisses, telling her just how proud they were of her. She was still caught up with the excitement of her family when she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder and she turned around to find Nicka looking at her with an awkward smile. She waved the camera she held in her hand and gave a small shrug.

  “How about a picture?” she asked, “we wouldn’t want to regret anything about today when we’re friends again.”

  Alex smiled broadly; she couldn’t imagine that Nicka knew just how much she needed to hear that.

  “So you’re not mad at me anymore?”

  Nicka leaned her head to the side thoughtfully, “Nah” she said finally.

  “I’m sorry by the way.”

  Nicka smiled, and turned to Michael, “hey Mike, do us
a favour nuh.”

  Michael reached for the camera in her hand, “sure, anything to get me hands out of me pocket.” He took the Camera and snapped the two friends – cheeks pressed against each other, big grins, arms holding each other like they were glued on, with no intention of ever letting go again.

  “Hey look over there,” Nicka pointed to where Sherry stood, “I didn’t know Ryan came.”

  Alex followed her finger, “me neither.”

  He seemed to sense her eyes on him, for he turned to look directly at her, surprising her own self, she smiled and nodded. He grinned and turned back to his conversation with Sherry.

  Nicka looked at her with a frown, “Gurl what happened to you? You’re all... happy and... you’re practically glowing.”

  Alex smiled, “I... it’s a long story, but I will tell you, a lot has changed for me Nick and I can’t wait for you to taste it.”

  “Okay then, I’ll hold you to it. I’m gonna go mingle.”

  Alex took a deep breath, she felt so relaxed, it almost felt like the days with her father, a thousand times amplified. She lifted her head to the sky offering up a prayer of thanksgiving.

  “I’m really proud of you, umbrella girl.”

  She turned around to face Reuben, he grinned, “You’re all grown up.”

  “Reuben you of all people know I still have a lot of growing up to do.”

  “You’re right... and it’s not gonna be an easy road but you’ll have a lot of support,” he placed his hands on his chest then lifted his finger to the sky and smiled.

  “Thanks...” she paused, looking thoughtful. He was so beautiful, she thought lowering her gaze.

  Reuben’s smile had faded, his hands itched to reach out and take hers. He balled them into a fist in his pocket and took a deep breath. Now or never Reuben.

  “I don’t know if this is the right place but... I need to clear the air about some things,” he swallowed hard, feeling his heart thundering against his chest, was he really going to do this?

  Alex nodded, “me too...”

  “Oh...okay well you should go first,” he folded his hands behind his back, to hide how sweaty they were, it was beginning to frighten him, that he hadn’t thought this through.

  She took off her cap and smoothed her hair, settling her captivating eyes on him. All he could think about was how beautiful she was and how much he wanted those eyes to always look at him like he was something special.

  “Okay...um...I want to apologize for acting like a jerk. I mistook your friendship for something else and I almost lost the best friend I could ever have. I’d never met anyone like you and maybe I confused my admiration of you for something else, I’m not sure. I care about you a lot, like a lot, but this friendship is really important to me...”

  “Alex...”

  Reuben couldn’t believe the effect her words were having on him; he’d tried so hard to convince himself that it was okay for him, but it wasn’t. He had to force himself to remain upright, when all he wanted to do was double over. How could he tell her now that he loved her, that he’d never met anyone who made so much sense to him, who understood him, who cared about him, who respected him, who made him laugh? But looking into those blue-grey eyes, he saw that juvenile confusion and fear there, she didn’t even understand it herself. She was right, she was young, in a lot of ways. What she needed now was his frienship and if he really loved her, he would be that friend.

  He grimaced, his face flushed, “yes, you’re right, that’s good. I’ll be here for you Al.”

  She smiled, “thank you,” she reached up and hugged him.

  He closed his eyes as he held her, swallowing his disappointment surprisingly well. But this time he would wait.

  “What did you want to tell me?” she asked when they’d separated.

  “Uh... congratulations and um... I wanted to clarify some things with the dates for um... bible study next week; we moved it to Monday so... oh and am really proud of you is all.”

  “Oh... okay. I know you are,” she was looking at him so strangely, that he was worried everything was written on his face.

  “Miss Moore, Valedictorian!”

  She released his hand, turned and a broad grin burst from her face as she ran into the outstretched arms, of a neatly dressed, well-groomed young man, with perfect white teeth, Reuben noted. The boy embraced her and half twirled her, Reuben couldn’t help scowling for a minute. She grinning from ear to ear.

  “Julien, I’m glad you came.”

  He gazed into her eyes, “you know I wouldn’t have missed it. You did promise to go to my graduation ball with me after all.”

  Reuben looked on with wide eyes, “God you’ve gotta help me through this, help me do what’s best for her.”

  “Don’t worry man,” James had wheeled up next to him and placed a reassuring hand on his lower back, “As far as I see God’s got to take the two of us through some really rough patches,” he looked down at his legs and pursed his lips, “and it’s been real worth it so far.”

  Reuben smiled, “that’s right bro, and he’ll take care of us like he always does.”

  The smell of barbecued pork and chicken rose from the Moore yard like a beacon, drawing most of the neighbours to the celebration.

  Alex was leaning up against the door frame; her arms folded across her chest, smiling at the sight of her mother dancing from one end of the yard to the next, a glass of Mauby drink in one hand a foiled up barbecued chicken drumstick in the next. As far as Sherry was concerned her daughter’s success wasn’t complete without a barbecue.

  Reuben was wheeling James across the road toward the festivities, they were both laughing, how Alex had grown to love those guys. She turned just in time to see Julien coming toward her, that easy smile of his lingering on his lips. She held her breath against the strange somersault her stomach did, and then looked about her guiltily, Alex Moore did not have butterflies.

  “Nice party,” he said, as he climbed the steps toward her.

  Alex smiled and stepped down to meet him, “thanks, it’s all my mom’s though. It’s not really my thing, never has been... but seeing that I didn’t get to go to my ball, she wanted to throw a little something for me. Of course only a few of my old classmates are here, so most of the guests here are old enough to have made me.”

  Julien chuckled, “your mom loves you...” he paused as if to say something more but then frowned and turned to look at two men quarrelling over a portion of pork as if he was hunting for a distraction.

  “I have something for you,” he said suddenly, reaching into his pocket, “I stumbled upon this while helping Mom rearrange Mrs. Hartley’s room, I thought it might interest you.”

  He handed her a folded envelope, bent at the corners from being in his pockets, “I hope this isn’t another can of worms. Ryan has apparently forgiven me...” she looked across the yard where he was standing, deep in some kind of man-talk with the grill master.

  “It’s not about Ryan,” Julien said grimly, “I wish I could stay, but I’m needed at home.”

  Alex nodded; stifling the disappointment that she hoped wasn’t reflected on her face. Why did he have to leave so soon? She was just starting to warm up to the idea of him being here with her. The disappointment on her face melted into a blush though, as he leaned in for a hug and to her surprise, planted a light kiss on her cheek.

  “I can’t wait to see you all dressed up for my ball,” Julien said as he pulled away, “I’ll call you.”

  Alex nodded stiffly, “Okay.”

  Nicole came to stand beside her, both hands pressing on either side of her protruding stomach.

  “Umm hmm, girl where’d you find that fine boy,” she crooned.

  Alex blushed visibly, “he’s my friend.”

  Nicole chuckled, “yeah whatever you say,” and she waddled toward the food.

  Alex was still smiling when she looked down at the envelop
e in her hand; she smoothed out the edges and turned it over, Angel Alexis Moore jumped out at her, in Julien’s neat print. She turned away from the commotion and opened the envelope, tearing the flaps from the body.

  What it held confused her for a moment, until she looked at it closer. It was an old family photo of six, of which she recognized two, one was Mrs. Hartley, a smoother happier version and the other was a gentleman leaning over the old woman grinning broadly, his grey eyes piercing... It was hard to miss him, he was after all, her father.

  She gasped, and folded it haphazardly together with the envelope and stuck it in her back pocket.

  “Stay calm, stay calm,” she chanted, feeling a warmth envelope her whole body. Whatever this meant she had a feeling she was better able to handle it now than she was before.

  The party wound down into a quiet evening on the Moore’s front step, everyone had drifted off to their own corner of the neighbourhood. Reuben, James and Ryan were among the last to leave, all three lining up to tell Alex good night, with hugs and kisses and in Ryan’s case a firm handshake. Sherry got the warm hug with the long lingering kiss that made all her children gush.

  And then the three of them settled on the front steps, deep in their own thoughts. It had been a prosperous eight months but there were still specks of uncertainty lingering in the atmosphere. Michael was leaning against the gate looking up at the starry sky; everyone could understand that he was still a bit scared – no one knew where Giant had disappeared to. Nicole was tired and that was understandable, she was way into her sixth month and things hadn’t gotten any easier.

  Sherry joined them after she’d ended her long good bye with Ryan; she was beaming when she climbed the step.

  “How all yuh so quiet?” she said as she folded her long pepper seed skirt – they hadn’t seen her wear that in a long time, and sat down in front of the door.

  Michael sighed, “What do you think of when you look at the stars?” he asked dreamily.

  Nicole shrugged, “space ships,” she replied.

  “Connect the dots,” said Sherry, her gaze following his to the glistening blanket.

  Michael nodded solemnly, “I think of Chris.”

  They all grew quiet, “I’m really goin’ to miss him,” Nicole sad sadly.

  “Oh but he better off now than he ever was before,” Sherry said with a smile, “I am proud of my boy.”

  She reached over and ruffled Mike’s locks, “and I still have you.” Mike blushed.

  “Alright y’all I have something to tell you, and ah want all of all yuh to tell me honestly what you think I should do.”

  Nicole opened her eyes instantly, “seriously?” she muttered.

  “Yes, we a family and it a bit late but we gonna start acting like one,” she said her eyes going from one surprised face to the next.

  She sighed, “I know all yuh have what all yuh have against Ryan... but he ask me to give him a second chance, like a real second chance. He’s building his own house and moving on in spite of everything, but he wants to make a more… permanent commitment to me. So he asked me to think about being his wife.”

  Everyone was quiet.

  Alex pursed her lips, “Do you love him?” she asked.

  Sherry smiled, “yes Alex, probably more than I ever love your daddy.”

  “Does he love you?”

  Sherry nodded, “so he says.”

  Alex frowned and turned away. Nicole reached over and touched her mother’s hand where it rested on the back of the seat, “I’m no expert on this, but this is the first guy that has shown so much commitment to you, even with us in the picture. I think you should give it a try.”

  Michael nodded, “straight!" They all laughed.

  Then Sherry frowned, “Alex yuh what you think? I know you didn’t get along with Ryan but...”

  Alex looked up at her, “it’s not about Ryan,” she said quickly. She turned away, staring across the road at the smoking drum near the wood stump, wondering if she should tell them about the photo. It seemed that Declan was closer than she’d thought, and why had he never mentioned his family here? Who was Mrs. Hartley to him? Nicole and Sherry were looking at her expectantly.

  Alex turned to look at them, her eyes dark with thought; she knew this would be painful for her mother. Alex now understood that her mother had been hurt too by her father’s decision and that just like her, it was going to be hard to face him again, and his secrets.

  She sighed and shoved the envelope deeper into her pocket, maybe it wasn't the right time, her mother looked so happy, as Nicole said it; she had a real shot at happiness this time. Alex got up and took Sherry’s hand, looking into her anxious eyes, eyes that showed desperation to do it right this time, even if it meant letting go of something she'd always longed for; a man who loved her enough to come back.

  “We’ll be fine,” she said, even as she said it, her hand slightly trembled, "and as for you and Ryan, I'm happy for you guys. Marry the man."

  There was something to be said about strength; it was her turn to be the strong one; for her mother, for her family and for herself. Sherry was smiling up at her, her eyes bright with tears as Alex leaned down to embrace her. Sherry held her and rocked her.

  She reached out with one hand to Nicole and Mike, the tears streaming down her face now, "I love all my children,"

  She sobbed as the three of them knelt before her, huddled together somewhat awkwardly in their mother's embrace, very aware of the part of them that was gone from this earth forever.

  There was a lot Alex didn’t know, she didn't know the results of the exams, she didn’t know what it would mean for her, she didn’t know if her brother and sister would submit to God and his purpose for them and she didn’t know that that moment, where they all covered their mother, soaking her with their tears, was the answer to a mother's desperate prayer. Standing in an empty room with her daughter’s clothes pressed against her bursting heart, realizing that she couldn't do it alone.

  Without realizing, they had somehow become each other’s angels. And who could forget those who cared without knowing, who saw without prompting, who loved with no expectations and those who remained unseen.

  ###

  Note from the Author

  To my readers, just the fact that you took the time to pick this book up and get to the this page is reason enough to thank you and urge you to continue to allow me to take you on journeys like this one, ‘cause trust me, there will be others. A little about myself: I taught literature for two years, I’m currently an undergraduate Psychology Major and I am from the beautiful Island of Grenada; the main setting of most of my stories, mostly because I believe in being true to where the story finds you. Alex’s story is very dear to me as I’ve been working at it since my secondary school days. The truth is, I just love to write and as much as my hope is to inspire, entertain and build the faith of others, I have been inspired, entertained and have grown immensely also because of these characters and their story. As a Christian writer and book worm I know the value of a good inspirational story as well as the deep sense of fulfilment that comes from accomplishing something you’ve always wanted to. I take this opportunity to not just thank my readers but those who have encouraged me, endured my chatter about fictional characters and most of all helped me grow in my faith. My family, friends, my Pastor, past teachers, blogsite followers and the youth at my church. I leave the last but most important lines to say how awesome God is. God is good guys, his love never fails, just ask Alex.

  For more information on this novel or upcoming novels or if you’d like to learn more about the setting (Grenada) or the author, subscribe to my my blog.

  Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/KellyAPurcell

  Connect with me on Goodreads

  Remember to leave a review at your favourite retailer, let me know what you think.

  Other books by Kelly A. Purcell

 

>