by Kat Mizera
“You need to put clothes on,” he told her, leaning down to kiss her. “Or we will never get out of here today.”
“Whose idea was it to bring our kids on our honeymoon?” she asked with a playful grin.
“Not mine! It just worked out this way.”
She laughed and pulled on jeans and a top. They were going ice skating this afternoon with some of his friends from the KHL. They’d never been skating together and Tessa felt a little nervous about getting out there with him. She’d grown up ice skating since it got so cold in Chicago, but Toli did it for a living and she didn’t want to look stupid in front of him. She knew it was silly, but a tiny part of her wanted him to be proud of her and not see her as the helpless woman who clutched at his hands to hold her up.
“Has Raina ever been on skates?” Anton asked as they arrived at the rink.
Tessa shook her head. “No. I was waiting for her to walk better before teaching her to skate.”
“This is the perfect time,” Toli said. “She’s almost three. I learned at three and Sergei as well. Anton was five, but that was only because I didn’t live in the same city, so my time to teach him was limited.”
“I think I’m doing okay,” Anton laughed.
Toli’s friends had rented private ice time for them, and Tessa was surprised to see not just friends, but family and fans. Word had apparently gotten out that Toli would be here today, and there were dozens of people wearing the different jerseys he’d worn over the years. She felt him stiffen and looked up at him curiously.
“You okay?”
“I didn’t think this many people would be here,” he said. “I’m sorry—I’m going to have to sign autographs and take pictures.”
“It’s okay. It happens at home too.”
“It’s not supposed to happen on our honeymoon.”
“You made up for that last night and this morning,” she giggled, coaxing a smile from him.
He kissed her. “Okay, let’s find skates for you and Raina.”
They were immediately pounced upon by his friends, shaking hands and exchanging greetings. Anton put skates on Raina while Tessa tied the laces of hers. Toli’s friends had brought special skates for him and Anton and she watched in amusement as they took pictures of him putting them on. She wondered what was so special about him here—there were tons of Russian players in the NHL. Toli never complained about his popularity at home, but it definitely made him uncomfortable here and she made a mental note to ask him specifically why at some point.
“The first few minutes are with my wife,” Toli said firmly, reaching out a hand to her. He pulled her towards the ice and turned backwards as he stepped onto it so he could reach out his good arm to help her. “Okay?” he asked as she slid forward.
“I’m good,” she said, trying to relax and remember how much fun skating had been as a kid. She could skate just fine; she didn’t know why she was so anxious.
“Why are you nervous?” he asked quizzically.
“Because everyone here is a freakin’ hockey player and I’m the dumb blonde who can barely skate around in a circle.”
His face softened. “Oh, baby, you’re far from a dumb blonde and I don’t give a damn if you can skate or not. I’ll teach you if you want; if not, that’s the last thing in the world I care about.”
She forced a smile. “I know. I just don’t want to be the silly girl who screams and giggles every time she falls down so the big strong men can pick her up.”
“You will never go down with me.” He pulled her out into the middle of the ice. He continued to skate backwards so that they were facing each other and he laced the fingers of his right hand through hers. “Is this okay?”
“Yes, it’s wonderful. I can skate, just not very fast.”
“I can make you skate fast!” he chuckled, speeding up and pulling her along with him.
She laughed as the wind caught her hair and whipped it behind her. “Oh! This is amazing!”
Toli moved faster, taking her with him and enjoying the happiness on her face as they circled the ice. They skated for ten minutes, laughing and holding on to each other as Anton entertained Raina and everyone else seemed to just watch. Finally, Tessa noticed that everyone was focused on them and she looked up at him curiously.
“Why is everyone watching us?”
“Because I’m me and this is Russia,” he sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s kind of creepy,” she admitted.
He skidded to a stop and bent his head to kiss her, long and deep. She was surprised at first, but then her mouth opened of its own volition and she kissed him back.
“That,” he whispered against her cheek, “is because I love you and now I have to pay attention to people other than you. Just come find me when you’ve had enough or think I need saving.”
“You think you’ll need saving?”
He shrugged. “As I’ve told you, everything here is about my success, how much money I make and what I can do for people. Not everyone—some of these guys are long-time friends—but the majority want something. That’s why I’m always on edge. Just remember I love you and I’m not ignoring you on purpose.”
“I love you more and I know that.” She turned and skated over to where Raina was laughing with Anton and an American player she’d met last night named Phil Meine.
“She’s a natural,” Phil said to her, referring to Raina. “She’s doing great.”
“She still can’t walk without tripping over her own two feet,” Tessa laughed. “Maybe this will help.”
“Can I go skate with my dad for a few?” Anton asked her, his eyes searching out his father.
“Sure! Thanks for letting us have some time.”
Anton skated off and Tessa took Raina’s hands, holding her in front of her as the little girl took long sloppy strides.
“Nice that you guys came out today,” Phil said, skating alongside them. “I know he hates this bullshit.”
“I’m okay with it,” she said.
“I’m sure that makes him happy. Tatiana never did shit for him.”
Tessa glanced up at him. “You’re not fond of her, I take it?”
He shrugged. “Toli’s a good friend, even though I’m stuck playing here and he’s gone home to the big leagues.”
“No place in the NHL for you?” she asked quietly.
“I’m a year older than Toli and my days are numbered. I’m divorced, with no kids, and no idea what I’ll do when I can’t play hockey anymore. I’m lucky I got to play this long—I’m nowhere near as good as Toli.”
“He’s pretty amazing,” Tessa agreed.
“I was bummed when he left, but I always assumed he’d come back for Tatiana. Having a kid in the U.S. forced him to stay there more than I expected, but now that Anton is older, I can see him coming home to settle down.”
She frowned slightly. “He has to play at least one more season in Vegas, and even if he’s hurt, he’s expected to be there for home games.”
“Since he’s going to retire soon anyway, a year won’t make a difference and it’ll be good for him to come home. I’m glad he found someone willing to move with him.”
Tessa cocked her head. “Toli hasn’t gotten any offers from teams here in Russia, playing or otherwise.”
“Yeah, but that’s always been the plan. Make money in the U.S. and retire to Russia. Has that changed?”
Before she could answer, another friend skated by and hip checked Phil, causing him to wipe out. Laughing, he got to his feet and chased after him, leaving Tessa a little bewildered.
She had no idea what he was talking about and felt somewhat nauseous as she ruminated over what he’d said. Since when was Toli interested in moving back to Russia? He’d never said anything like that and she wracked her brain trying to think of a time he’d ever shown any interest in leaving the U.S. Frowning, she looked down at Raina’s smiling face and decided to ignore Phil. Toli had warned her about people here who were jealous of his succes
s that might try to cause trouble for him. Based on the things he’d just said, Phil could easily be one of those people and she refused to engage in negativity.
Tessa bent to lift Raina. “Okay, time for a break.” She skated off the ice towards a bench where she sank down gratefully. Skating was fun but her feet were starting to hurt and Raina was getting bored without someone like Anton to pull her along.
She bent down to unlace her skates and slid them off. She rubbed her cold, sore toes and glanced over at Toli. Tatiana and Sergei had joined him and there was a group of six or seven of them skating and laughing. They hadn’t brought Nikolai today, leaving him with Tatiana’s mother, so they were free to enjoy themselves.
Unlike me, Tessa thought with a grimace. It occurred to her that she should tell Toli she wanted more of his attention, but it wasn’t like he got to see these people very often and he’d warned her it would be like this. She’d agreed to come to Russia and to come skating, so she was trying to be a good sport, but she was beginning to feel very alone here in Moscow.
“Mama, poo poo!” Raina said urgently, bouncing up and down.
“Now?” Tessa stood up quickly, looking around for a bathroom. She couldn’t see one right away so she scooped Raina up in her arms and took off towards the main hallway. If she didn’t find a bathroom, hopefully she would find someone who knew where it was.
“Mama!” Raina’s face screwed up anxiously. “Now!”
“Hold on just a minute, baby!” She turned the corner and saw the universal sign for a ladies’ room. Breathing a sigh of relief, she rushed inside, hoping they would make it before there was an accident.
Toli looked around nervously, wondering what had happened to Tessa. He saw their skates on the floor but there was no sign of her or Raina. Always nervous when he was in Russia, he didn’t like not knowing where they were. He thought maybe they’d gone to the bathroom, but it seemed like they’d been gone a long time. He wandered in that direction and paused outside the ladies’ room. Finally, unsure what else to do, he opened the door an inch and called to her.
“Tessa?”
“It’s about time!” Tessa cried. “Could you come in here, please?!”
Toli hurried in, the annoyance in Tessa’s voice evident. “What happened?”
“Diarrhea,” she said with a grunt. “Everywhere!”
“Oh, no.” He looked down at Raina’s tear-stained face and the dirty leggings at her feet. “What can I do?”
“She needs clothes! I can’t bring her out naked! There’s a bag in the limo with a clean pair of panties and jeans, I think. Can you get it?”
“Sure.” He turned and headed outside, feeling guilty he’d left her alone for so long. He’d seen her leave the ice to go sit down and had been planning to join her but then he’d gotten caught up in conversation with his brother and friends. He felt a twinge of regret, reminding himself that these were not Tessa’s friends and she didn’t speak the language. He really needed to be more cognizant of that. Part of him wished he hadn’t brought her here for their revised honeymoon. They should have left Raina with Tessa’s parents and gone to a beach somewhere, but with the shootings at the wedding and his botched plan for extra security, this had seemed like a better idea at the time. Now he wasn’t so sure. Everyone here always wanted something from him, and with his quest to get some answers from Grisha, he got more and more tense with each passing day. He couldn’t shake the feeling something bad was going to happen and calls to Grisha had gone unanswered.
Grabbing the bag out of the limo, he hurried back inside. Raina was still crying and Tessa was trying to soothe her. There was no changing table so Tessa had to put paper towels on the floor and squatted next to her.
“I’ve got her,” Toli said quietly, putting his good hand on Raina’s stomach to keep her from rolling away while Tessa did her best to clean her.
“Where were you?” Tessa asked, frustrated. “I’ve been in here at least 20 minutes! I thought for sure you’d come looking for us.”
“I’m sorry. I saw you leave and thought you’d be right out. You should have called me.”
“My purse and everything is still out on the bench. I don’t normally bring a phone into the bathroom.”
“Want Jazzy!” Raina whimpered. “Home!”
“I know, baby, I’m sorry.” Tessa scooped up the dirty leggings, panties and paper towels and threw everything in the trash. “Can you put the clean clothes on her, please? My hands are filthy.”
Toli knew he wouldn’t be able to do it with just one hand, but Tessa seemed to think he could so he kneeled close to Raina and whispered, “I’ll give you a cookie later if you stand up and help me put your pants on.”
Raina’s eyes widened and she sat up, immediately jumping to her feet. Toli held out the panties and she stepped into them; together they pulled them up. They did the same with her jeans and by the time Tessa had cleaned up, Raina was dressed and patiently waiting, her hand in Toli’s. Tessa eyed them suspiciously.
“Ready to go?” she asked after a moment.
“I’m sorry, love.” Toli leaned over to kiss her. “I won’t leave you like that again.”
“Okay.” She gave him a faint smile.
“Come on—let’s find Anton and let him watch Raina. I want to skate with you again.”
Tessa wanted to say no, that her feet hurt, but she needed to be close to him, and if that meant skating, she would do it. “Okay.”
Chapter 7
The next day was cool and sunny, so they went to Red Square and visited St. Basil’s Cathedral. Raina stayed behind with Sergei, Tatiana and Nikolai at Tatiana’s old condo and Tessa was relieved to have a day without the busy toddler. Raina wouldn’t understand anything about Red Square anyway, so although Tessa wasn’t thrilled with Tatiana being so involved in her daughter’s life, she was grateful to have an afternoon without her. Anton, of course, had his earbuds in as he trailed along with them, so Toli and Tessa had time to walk around holding hands and enjoying the city. It was fun for Toli too, because he’d rarely spent time in this part of Moscow even when he’d lived here.
“I’ve only taken about 10 pictures the whole time we’ve been here,” Tessa complained. “We have to take more!”
Toli nodded. “Whatever you want.”
“What’s wrong with you today? We’re finally alone, without people trying to get your autograph or Raina bugging us, and you’re moody.”
“It’s hard to explain,” he said quietly, wondering how to tell her the truth or even if he should.
“What do you mean?”
He stared off into the distance. “You know how complicated things are. We only recently figured out how much my father had to give up for Sergei and me to become professional hockey players. His own dreams, his life, everything—and it seems like everything wasn’t enough.”
“What do you mean?” She stared up at him worriedly.
“When I left for the States after the nine months I spent in the military, he was approached by someone—I don’t know who—who wanted him to get me to stay. They wanted me to play for the KHL. I don’t know the whole story because my father never told me, but somehow he managed to hold them off. Then I had Anton, so there was no question that I would be staying in the States. A few years later Sergei got accepted to Boston College and when I came home that summer, my father told me that he and I needed to stop speaking to one another. We needed to be very vocal about our dislike for one another. He would criticize my playing and talk badly about me whenever he could. My illegitimate son would be an embarrassment to him and I needed to act as if I disliked my Russian roots. He’s always been very careful with the details—but he was KGB most of his career. I don’t know what that has to do with me or where I play hockey or anything else, but this is what we’ve done for years to protect Sergei and me from any backlash.”
“What does that have to do with now?” Tessa asked.
“I don’t know.” Toli stopped walking and wrapped
an arm around her shoulders, wishing he could tell her everything but afraid it might endanger her. “When I’m here now, I don’t know who to trust, and that’s why I seem different.”
“But you moved back here after Sergei did, when you lived with Tatiana.”
He nodded. “And my father and I continued the charade, although we spent more time together, obviously. The whole reason we pretend to dislike each other is so that no one can try to get me to do something I don’t want to do in order to protect him. Everyone thinks I hate him and wouldn’t do anything for him anyway, which isn’t true, but this is the game that we play.”
“Protect him from what?”
“I don’t know.”
“Toli…”
“I know. It sounds like a bad movie, but this is a big part of the reason why I went back to the U.S. Tatiana wasn’t going to marry me and this nonsense with my father had gone on long enough. If he couldn’t tell me what was going on, and the woman I loved didn’t seem to love me anymore, there was no reason for me to be away from my son. So I contacted my agent and told him I would entertain offers from the NHL. Sergei was also tired of everything, and he followed a few months later.”
“Is that why Tatiana finally agreed to leave Russia?”
“I don’t know for sure, but I think so. I think Sergei finally told her what was going on and she knew the only way they would be free of whatever it is that goes on here would be by leaving.”
“So why did we come here?”
“Because they’re still my parents. This is where I grew up, my heritage, and I want Anton to know some of it too. I knew it would be stressful for me, but it doesn’t have to be for you. I just want you to know why I can’t relax when I’m here, and why I’m not as attentive as usual.”
A million things went through Tessa’s mind as she looked at his somber face. He was definitely hiding something from her, but he’d already warned her about the danger of knowing too much about his father’s government involvement, so it was scary to ask. Maybe she needed to relax and trust him to handle it. He’d been dealing with it his entire adult life, apparently, and she’d trusted him from the first night she’d met him so there was no reason to stop now.