The First Guests

by Cathy Bramley

  ‘Sometimes.’ Theo shoved a heap of jumpers aside and sat down on the bed. ‘Other times it makes me feel like I’m living on the edge of the world. One false move and I could be over those cliffs and whoosh. Gone for ever.’ His eyes dropped to his lap. ‘Like everyone else in my life.’

  I crouched in front of him and took his hands, forcing him to make eye contact briefly before he lowered his eyes again.

  ‘Look, Theo, I’m your friend, let me help you, whatever it is …’

  He withdrew his hands from mine. ‘You don’t know me any more. You haven’t seen me for five years.’

  ‘I know,’ I said, making room for myself on the bed beside him. ‘Hardly surprising, given my behaviour.’

  One corner of his mouth lifted in a smile. ‘I didn’t know what had hit me. One minute I was having a quiet moment by myself outside the church, the next you appear from inside, throw yourself at me and beg me not to marry Kate.’

  I winced, glad that he hadn’t mentioned the kissing part. ‘Talk about drama queen. I’d had a silly crush on you for years. And seeing you about to marry someone else brought it all to a head.’

  ‘It was a bit of a shock, but I must admit, I was flattered.’ Theo’s eyes glazed with the memories of his big day.

  ‘Archie was furious with me, saying he wished he’d never brought me. I’m so sorry.’

  Archie had been Theo’s best man. He and his girlfriend had split up the week before the wedding and so I’d stepped in at the last minute to be his ‘plus one’.

  Theo shrugged. ‘Apology accepted, as indeed it was at the time. You were young.’

  ‘I was twenty-four,’ I said, still mortified at the memory.

  ‘It could have been worse; you could have stood up in church at the crucial “does anyone have just cause or impediment” moment. I probably wouldn’t have forgiven you for that.’

  I bit my lip; the idea had crossed my mind, but I hadn’t wanted to make a spectacle of myself. As it was, Kate’s wedding car had pulled up at the church gate at precisely the worst time and she had caught me with my arms around her husband-to-be, kissing him for the first and only time.

  Footsteps crunched across the gravel outside, breaking the moment, and I stood up to go back downstairs to Archie. I’d be glad to be on our way. I was looking forward to settling in at Archie’s house and tackling what I was going to do about the remaining shreds of my career.

  ‘Theo’s in the kitchen, do come through.’ Archie’s voice travelled up the stairs.

  Theo frowned. ‘Who’s he talking to?’

  He launched himself off the bed and descended the stairs and I followed.

  Archie turned to see us both coming from upstairs and I suddenly felt very underdressed in my vest top.

  ‘What were you doing upstairs?’ he muttered in my ear as I pushed past him to retrieve my hoody from the kitchen.

  ‘Nothing!’ I replied, my cheeks aflame.

  ‘Mr and Mrs Fletcher?’ A short man stepped from the shadows of the hall and held out his hand to Theo. He was dressed in long linen shorts, a soft-knit jumper and deck shoes. ‘Joe Bird.’

  Theo shook the outstretched hand and dropped it again. Joe perched his hands on his hips and looked around.

  ‘I say, this place certainly lives up to the website description,’ he said with a whistle. ‘You’re not kidding when you say “off the beaten track”; the kids are going to love it. Oh, by the way, your sign’s hanging off the gate.’

  ‘What kids?’ Theo looked confused. ‘What sign?’

  ‘I think Joe means the carved driftwood on the gate,’ I said with a growing sense of doom. Whoever Joe was, he certainly wasn’t expected, although something told me he thought otherwise.

  ‘That’s the one.’ Joe rubbed his hands together and stepped out into the courtyard. ‘Right, better get back to the pub or Mary will kill me. Feeding our brood in public would test the patience of a saint.’

  ‘Joe and Mary? Tell me your real name’s not Joseph,’ said Archie with a chuckle.

  ‘It is. I had to stop her arriving on a donkey for our wedding – great sense of humour, my wife.’ Joe shook his head, grinning to himself. ‘Happy days.’

  ‘So …?’ I smiled encouragingly at him. ‘Did you call in for something in particular?’

  He slapped his forehead. ‘Silly me. Must be all this fresh air after Surrey. Yes. I wanted to apologize for arriving so late when I did promise you we’d be here for our welcome afternoon tea at three.’

  I thought back to the stale biscuits that had been the only edible thing in the kitchen; perhaps there was a secret stash of fluffy homemade scones lurking in a cupboard somewhere. But judging by the blank look on Theo’s face, I doubted it.

  ‘I tried to call,’ Joe continued, ‘but I haven’t been able to get a signal since leaving the motorway.’

  ‘Sounds about right,’ Archie agreed. ‘I’ve been trying to organize transport for the Triumph, but the only signal I did get was so weak, the guy on the other end thought I was ringing from a call centre in Mumbai and hung up.’

  ‘And I called the landline from the phone in the pub but it just rang out,’ Joe continued. ‘So Mary asked me to pop up in person.’

  Theo scratched his head. ‘Damn. Don’t tell me I haven’t paid that bill either?’

  Joe, probably thinking Theo was joking, gave a bark of laughter. Archie’s shoulders sank.

  I spotted the pile of small electricals that the bailiffs had piled up on a velvet chair under the stairs. There were two phones amongst them, and no one had got round to plugging them back in.

  I laughed heartily and tucked my arm through Theo’s.

  ‘Oh, darling, you are funny.’ Adding to Joe, ‘We’ve just had our electrical appliances checked, and the phone is unplugged, that’s all. Sorry you couldn’t get through.’

  ‘Not at all,’ Joe beamed again. ‘All part of the charm.’

  ‘Unless you’re trying to run a business,’ Theo muttered. ‘Not so bloody charming then.’

  ‘Oh, do look on the bright side, Theo, for goodness’ sake,’ I burst out, suddenly frustrated, confused and quite frankly tired of whatever game it was that we were playing.

  ‘Bright side! Ha!’ Joe pointed at me delightedly. ‘Good one. And talking of business …’ He paused to remove his wallet from his back pocket. ‘We didn’t get a reply to our email so we haven’t paid the balance yet. Here it is.’

  He counted out several fifty-pound notes from his wallet and handed them to me.

  ‘Er …?’ I looked at Theo, who made a noise somewhere between a yodel and a groan. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘As I say, we’re having an early supper at the pub,’ Joe continued, ‘and then we’ve promised the kids a play on the beach. So should I collect a key now or will you be in later?’

  ‘Oh crap,’ Theo whispered, having turned an odd shade of yellow. ‘Oh Kate. Oh crap.’

  Joe’s worried eyes flicked from me to Theo and back again.

  ‘Later is perfect,’ I said, plastering on a smile. I steered him back through the front door and into the courtyard. ‘You go and enjoy yourselves. Take all the time in the world. I’d even stop for ice cream if I were you.’

  He beamed. ‘Good idea, where would you recommend?’

  I looked to Theo for guidance. After all, how would I know? But he looked like he might be on the verge of throwing up.

  ‘They’re all good, you can’t go wrong,’ I said, vaguely. ‘See you later.’

  Or at least Theo would; Archie and I would be off. I watched Joe jog off towards a family estate car complete with a roof rack and over-stuffed boot and then went back into the house to find the men in the living room, Archie perched on the edge of one sofa and Theo lolling on another, his feet dangling over the edge.

  Another lovely room, I thought, taking in the open fireplace, low beams, squishy buttery leather sofas piled high with fluffy cream cushions and windows that let light in from both sides of the building
.

  ‘What was that all about?’ I asked, sitting on the arm of Archie’s sofa.

  ‘Which bit?’ Archie asked drily. ‘That bloke asking for a key or you two disappearing upstairs the moment my back was turned?’

  ‘Nothing to worry about on that score, mate,’ said Theo, pointing at his crotch. ‘This soldier hasn’t been into battle for months.’

  ‘Oh, please,’ I said, resisting the urge to jam my fingers in my ears. ‘We were just looking at the sea, that’s all. Well, I was, Theo was just staring at his lap …’

  Archie coughed pointedly.

  ‘Anyway, Theo,’ I continued. ‘You look about to be sick, what’s going on?’

  ‘For weeks I’ve thought life couldn’t get any worse. Then the bailiffs arrived and I just thought, well, I’ve finally hit rock bottom.’ He lay back and clamped a hand to his forehead.

  ‘But we’ve fended them off,’ said Archie encouragingly. ‘Theo Fletcher lives to fight another day. And with the money from the car, which I’ll transfer just as soon as I’ve got an internet connection, you’ll be solvent again.’

  But Theo wasn’t listening. He hugged a cushion to his chest and gave a shuddering groan. ‘Turns out rock bottom is lower than I thought.’

  ‘You’re not making sense,’ I said. ‘Whatever Joe Bird wants—’

  ‘A holiday,’ said Theo, cutting me off. I could hear the tremor in his voice. ‘Joseph and Mary must have booked to come here on holiday.’

  ‘Bloody HELL, Theo.’ Archie pinched the bridge of his nose and looked incredulously at me.

  ‘I suppose there’s no way we could tell them that there’s no room at the inn?’ I said faintly.

  Archie snorted at my joke and I looked down at the wodge of notes that Joe had given me; Theo needed an injection of cash. But did he need it enough to put up with holidaymakers?

  ‘Let me get this straight,’ said Archie, pacing the living room. ‘Joe is descending on you in a couple of hours with his entire family. For a holiday?’

  Theo swallowed.

  ‘It was Kate’s idea; we were going to run a self-catering cottage business. That was what attracted us to this place. To keep us busy after …’ He pressed his hands into his eyes and groaned. ‘Brightside Holidays, we were going to call it. She threw herself into it, started having renovations done to the cottages, making plans and so on. But I couldn’t get motivated and she got fed up of waiting and left me. I didn’t realize she’d already taken a booking.’

  ‘Are we talking about those buildings across the courtyard?’ I asked, nodding to the window.

  ‘Yeah,’ said Theo woefully. ‘They could be quite nice but …’

  His voice tailed off and he sighed as if the effort of all this talking had worn him out.

  I caught the gleam in Archie’s eye. He’d love this sort of challenge, converting a row of run-down buildings into chic little holiday cottages. But Archie and Theo were not cut from the same cloth, at least not any more, and if Theo couldn’t even manage to put clean sheets on his own bed, I doubted he’d be up to running a holiday business.

  ‘There you go, then,’ Archie said, springing to his feet. ‘A ready-made revenue stream. You’re on the up, Theo.’ He glanced at his watch. ‘I’ll nip to the loo and then Nina and I had better get back to Exeter. I’ll be in touch about collecting the Triumph.’

  He strode from the room and began trying doors until he found the downstairs loo. Theo sat up and looked at me with fear in his eyes.

  ‘I can’t do it,’ he whispered. ‘I can’t look after a family of holidaymakers. They’ll be all jolly and I’ll want to punch them. They’ll want directions to places and tips on restaurants and stuff like when the tide is in. Or out.’

  Personally, I thought the most pressing issue was whether the cottages were habitable. I leaned forward to take his hand.

  ‘Can’t you call Kate? Perhaps she’ll come back and help out?’

  ‘She won’t, she—’

  ‘Right.’ Archie came back in, drying his hands on his trousers. ‘Nina, hand Theo that cash from Mr Bird, that’ll put a smile on his face.’

  Honestly, sometimes he could be so dim. ‘Money doesn’t always solve everything, Archie.’

  He shook his head affectionately as if to say, Of course it does.

  I hustled him back out of the door and into the hall. ‘We can’t leave him like this,’ I whispered. ‘Not until we’ve at least spoken to Kate and found out what this family are expecting.’

  Archie made a big show of looking at his watch again. ‘Fine.’

  ‘You can’t speak to Kate,’ came Theo’s muffled voice from the sofa.

  Archie and I popped our heads back round the door.

  ‘Why not?’ we both said together.

  ‘She’s gone to South America, a tour of Chile, Argentina and Brazil.’

  ‘Perverts,’ said Archie and I at the same moment and then smiled at each other.

  Theo blinked. ‘What?’

  ‘Private joke,’ I explained. ‘Mum saw the Rio Carnival on TV once with all the thongs and nipple tassels and branded all Brazilians perverts.’

  ‘I hope Kate will be wearing more than that where she is; she’s near the South Pole.’

  Theo went to the mantelpiece and retrieved a postcard from behind a framed wedding photograph. He handed the postcard to me. It was from Chile with a picture of penguins on the front.

  ‘She gave me an ultimatum.’ He shoved his hands in his pockets. ‘To set up Brightside Holidays ready for the school holiday season. If I haven’t done it by the time she gets back at the end of June she’s calling time on our marriage.’

  Archie and I exchanged looks. It didn’t exactly look like he was steaming ahead with it.

  ‘Right well, first things first, Archie and I can’t help you set up the business, but we can help you sort out your immediate problem,’ I said firmly, ‘and that’s getting one cottage ready for your imminent guests. Joe Bird mentioned a website. Do you know anything about that?’

  Theo scratched his head. ‘Kate set one up. I can look at it on my laptop, but I haven’t got any administrator log-in details, so I can’t see any messages.’

  ‘Well, can you at least go and find out how long they’re staying?’ I suggested, trying to stay patient.

  Theo nodded numbly and left the room.

  ‘No wonder she left him,’ Archie tutted. He grabbed a footstool and stood on it near the window, waving his arm in the air trying to get a signal on his phone. ‘He’s wetter than a mackerel’s bikini. I know he’s having a tough time, but he needs to get a grip.’

  ‘Archie!’ I chided. ‘Be nice.’

  He was right; Theo was being a bit pathetic and I couldn’t help but wonder what had gone so wrong for him and Kate to cause her to run away to the other side of the world and for him to have had all the life sucked out of him?

  ‘According to the availability calendar on the website,’ Theo announced, coming back in, ‘someone – the Birds, I presume – have booked to stay in the largest of the three cottages for six nights. Which could be worse, I suppose.’

  ‘So,’ I clapped my hands briskly, ‘we’ve got about two hours to make it a holiday haven for them. All hands on deck.’

  ‘Whoa.’ Archie jumped down from the footstool and held both palms up. ‘No can do. Sorry, mate.’ He turned to Theo. ‘I need to get back to Exeter.’

  ‘On a Sunday evening? Why?’ I said, folding my arms.

  ‘Work,’ he replied. ‘We’re under a lot of pressure at the moment and I’ve got spreadsheets to do for the accountant by tomorrow. But you could stay, Nina – you wanted a break from London.’

  Theo grabbed my arm, a look of panic in his eyes. ‘Nina, stay for the whole week. You can do all the talking. Please. Mr Bird already thinks you’re my wife. You’re an actress, you can fake it. I can pay you? Well, sort of.’

  A week in Devon … I looked at Archie for advice.

  ‘Could you pose as a ho
liday cottage owner?’ Archie said. ‘How are your domestic skills?’

  ‘I did once have a non-speaking part as a chambermaid on Downton Abbey,’ I said thoughtfully. ‘I was highly commended for making beds.’

  I’d had high hopes for that role, but the next episode had been about the family tightening their belts and I’d been ‘let go’. The cast were lovely on that show. I’d even been invited to the National TV awards with them that year, but it had clashed with the filming of a corpse scene on Silent Witness. One day, though, one day …

  ‘Please stay.’ Theo swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple doing that bobbing thing again.

  I chewed the inside of my cheek, mulling it over. I didn’t have to get back to London immediately and I did want to keep a low profile for a while. Maybe if I was here to gee Theo up a bit, give him a few pep talks about throwing himself back into life, he’d soon be back to his old self. Now that I thought about it, staying here had an awful lot going for it.

  And as for acting the role of Theo’s wife … I glanced at him, his dark brown eyes blinking hopefully at me. He looked so desperate and, as hard as I tried to deny it, adorable. I could think of worse jobs.

  Chapter 6

  ‘Okay,’ I relented. ‘I’ll stay. But—’

  Before I could finish, Theo scooped me up and held me so tightly that I could almost feel the bruises forming on my ribs.

  ‘Thank you, Nina.’ He pressed a forceful kiss to my forehead. ‘Thank you so much.’

  ‘But on one condition. I can’t do everything by myself, so you’ll have to get your backside into gear and help me.’

  ‘Of course,’ he said meekly. ‘Anything you say.’

  ‘Go and get the keys to whichever cottage we’re putting the Birds in.’

  He nodded and sloped off to the kitchen.

  ‘Archie, before you disappear, I need you to go and buy some food, restock the cupboards. A girl can’t live on stale biscuits alone and I think it might be nice to have a welcome hamper for the Birds too.’

  ‘That’s two conditions,’ said Archie with a grin.